The exposure of this crush was in the old days.
That was before the revision of the "Chinese Mental Illness Classification Scheme and Diagnostic Criteria". Homosexuality was defined as sexual perversion, which was one of the mental illnesses.
And at that time, no country in the world passed the law of same-sex marriage.
There is simply no precedent to follow.
An unprecedented fear rose in Shen Wenqiu's heart, no, this is not allowed.
Lu Yong's feelings for him are not friendship, but liking him? What about him? What is he thinking in his heart? Shen Wenqiu didn't dare to think about it at all.
In an instant, he seemed to have seen his father looking at him with disappointed eyes, and saw the disgusting and pointing eyes of others.
Would he be sent to a mental hospital for treatment, would he be overwhelmed with pills and go insane? Shen Wenqiu was so frightened that he almost trembled.
Lu Yong asked: "... why are you here?"
Lu Yong just took a step forward, Shen Wenqiu backed away in surprise, hit the table, and the books on the table fell off.
"Patter."
When Lu Yong saw the notebook, his face changed drastically.
Shen Wenqiu was too flustered, he didn't say a word, subconsciously wanted to pick up the notebook he had dropped, but just as he got it, Lu Yong had already walked up to him.
Shen Wenqiu's reaction was as if he was afraid of being stained by some germs, he jumped aside, and he looked at Lu Yong in horror.
Lu Yong seemed to be heartbroken, and gave him a pitiful look: "Don't be afraid of me..."
Shen Wenqiu's lips trembled, only a weak voice, but unable to speak.
Lu Yong stretched out his hand to him, but as if he didn't dare to touch him, he shrank back, looked at him silently, and said hoarsely, "I'm sorry."
Shen Wenqiu was dripping with cold sweat, his face was pale.
Lu Yong walked half a step closer, as if he was going all out, but also as if he was helpless, his gentle voice was full of tenderness: "I like you. Shen Wenqiu."
"It's not the liking between friends, it's the liking of wanting to fall in love with you, wanting to zuo/ai with you."
When Shen Wenqiu heard this, he finally moved as if he had just woken up from a dream, and ran away as if fleeing. Although he didn't explicitly refuse, his attitude has already explained everything.
I was afraid that Lu Yong would catch up and run away.
After fleeing far away, Shen Wenqiu realized that he was still holding the notebook in his hand.
Shen Wenqiu looked at the heavy notebook in his hand, flipped through it casually, it was full of words, almost finished, he didn't even dare to look at it carefully, just seeing Lu Yong's handwriting, he felt heartbroken.
Shen Wenqiu couldn't laugh or cry to himself.
what is he doing
Shen Wenqiu didn't bring a bag, and he didn't have a pocket that could hold the book, so in the end, he could only hold the book in his hand without being in the way.
This book is full of Lu Yong's love for him that he can't tell directly.
Even though Shen Wenqiu knew that others couldn't see, just walking in the crowd frightened him. He was really afraid that he would be seen through at any time.
He felt that he had become another race, a monster that could not be accepted by humans.
He just put on the skin of a normal person and mixed in.
Passing by a large trash can.
Shen Wenqiu looked at the notebook in his hand, he felt that he should take it away, walked to the trash can in a daze, closed his eyes, gritted his teeth, and threw it in.
He heard the soft sound of "plop" falling.
It sounds heavy and light.
It hurts more than a stab in the heart. Shen Wenqiu breathed a sigh of relief, turned around and walked away, before taking two steps, he saw an old lady coming to look through the trash can out of the corner of his eye.
Anyway, throw it away, just throw it away. Shen Wenqiu said repeatedly in his heart.
The aunt murmured, "What a great book, why did you throw it away? Tsk, I wrote it, and it's not worth a lot of money to sell waste paper..."
Shen Wenqiu felt that his feet were firmly glued to the ground, he couldn't help it, turned around and hurried back, asking for the notebook back: "Grandma, this is mine, please return it to me."
She was still not willing to return it: "Is your name written on it? Is it yours? You don't want it anymore, give it to my dad."
Shen Wenqiu didn't want any decency anymore, blushed and had an embarrassing argument with her on the side of the road: "It's mine, it's mine! Please give it back to me!"
Shen Wenqiu snatched the book and ran away.
Shen Wenqiu came to the bus station unknowingly. In the past two years, he traveled between his home and Lu Yong's home. He could walk these roads with his eyes closed, so he came here subconsciously. There were no seats left on the bus waiting to go home, so he stood and waited.
The bus has arrived.
Shen Wenqiu numbly followed the crowd into the car, and when he reached the door of the car, he stopped for two seconds and looked back in the direction of Lu Yong's house.
nobody. Lu Yong didn't come over.
The driver asked, "Why are you blocking the door? Are you going to get in the car or not?"
Shen Wenqiu lowered his head, got on the bus, took a seat in the last row, and put Lu Yong's notebook on his lap.
Because he just threw it into the trash can and it was all dirty, Shen Wenqiu took out his pocket, but without a tissue, he used his sleeve to wipe the stains on the cloth book jacket, but it couldn't be cleaned.
He also knew that it would not be clean, but he just wanted to.
There was no one else around, so he mustered up the courage to open it.
There was something in the thick book, Shen Wenqiu flipped to the end, it was a photo of the two of them.
A group photo was taken when we went to the amusement park together.
It was a sunny and sunny day. They took pictures with the dolls in the amusement park. Lu Yong couldn't be called handsome. He didn't know how to take pictures with the camera. His expressions and movements were very stiff. He still remembered that he coaxed Lu Yong repeatedly Yong, let him relax a little bit and smile, but Lu Yong pulled the corner of his mouth into a weird smile, which made him laugh out loud.
This moment is frozen.
Lu Yong wrote a poem on the other side of the photo:
[I once loved you: love, maybe
Not quite dead in my soul,
I hope it doesn't bother you anymore,
I don't want to make you sad anymore.
I loved you silently and hopelessly,
I suffer both shame and jealousy,
I once loved you so sincerely and so tenderly,
May God bless you,
Another person will love you as much as I do.]*
The payment date is a few days ago.
Shen Wenqiu's nose became sore.
The little bit of courage he had gathered up with great difficulty dissipated in an instant, Shen Wenqiu couldn't watch it any longer, he knew himself, if he watched it a few more times, he might cry, or he might do very irrational things.
No matter how you think about it, it's wrong.
this is not right. Shen Wenqiu sniffed, and silently said to himself, this is wrong.
No matter for him or for Lu Yong.
…
Tanabe.
Lu Yong and Shen Wenqiu walked back one by one, with one step deep and one step shallow.
The two opened the skylight to talk, facing the details of the year.
Shen Wenqiu just finished crying, didn't stop well, still crying a bit, hiccupped from time to time, and said slowly: "I'm just scared, I'm too cowardly, I was still young at that time...but I had already put away my travel abroad. The matter was pushed back, I just wanted to tell you that time."
Lu Yong: "Well, I was still wondering why you didn't go abroad. I don't know them well, so I couldn't ask. I thought it was because you didn't apply..."
Lu Yong's stinky mouth! Shen Wenqiu smiled through tears: "I got the application, I was still very good at that time, who do you look down on?"
Lu Yong flustered and apologized stupidly: "I didn't mean that, your grades are so good, you will definitely be able to apply, so I'm even more surprised."
Shen Wenqiu smiled: "I know..."
Lu Yong held back for a while, then asked again: "Then you threw away my... my love letter?"
Shen Wenqiu said: "I wanted to throw it away, but I was reluctant to throw it away, so I finally took it back."
But when Shen Wenqiu moved to his house, he didn't have any luggage, and he didn't have that book at all.
Shen Wenqiu sighed for a long time. He looked at the sky and said, "I didn't dare to leave him at home, for fear that my dad would find out, so I kept him with me all the time. Later, when my family went bankrupt, I packed my luggage and moved out. I packed that diary with some other books in a cardboard box, but it was lost after I sent it out, and I searched several places, but couldn’t find it.”
"sorry."
"It's okay." Lu Yong was not angry at all, he said very honestly, "I can still write to you."
Shen Wenqiu blushed slowly.
Lu Yong moved closer to him, wanting to hold his hand: "Can I fall in love with you?"
Shen Wenqiu looked at him quietly for a while, then shook his head.
Even though he has been disappointed countless times, Lu Yong still feels extremely frustrated: "Then, I will ask again tomorrow..."
Shen Wenqiu shook his head again: "That's not what I mean. I have something to ask first, Dayong, I sent you the invitation for the college entrance examination thank-you banquet back then, why didn't you come? Originally, maybe we would be able to Reconcile... ”