I am a person without happiness because I don’t know what happiness is at all
Asagami Fujino believed this until she was twelve years old.
This seems very ridiculous to outsiders.
The Asagami family is a famous family in Nagano. It is a blessing to have this family name. Being born in such a family means that her.asxs. is naturally much taller than ordinary people. Isn't this just moaning without any reason
The reality is just the opposite.
Complaining without any reason is pretentious, while complaining when there is reason is just natural.
Fujino has a disease, "analgesia". He cannot feel pain and does not know what pain is. Without this contrast, he does not know the opposite happiness and pleasure.
She has become such an outlier since she accidentally cut her hand with a knife when she was a child but felt nothing.
She didn't know why the people around her were scared, when there was clearly nothing to be afraid of.
She didn't know why they were laughing, they were obviously not happy at all.
No crying, no laughing, no joy, no sadness.
Without these two most vivid and important feelings in life, other emotions will become weak.
Doll.
Cold beauty.
She had heard people say this to her more than once, but she didn't feel anything.
To be precise, she has never had any real sense of her own existence.
Sleeping is completing a task, waking up is completing a task, going to school is completing a task, doing homework is completing a task, and even living itself is a kind of completing a task, just like a walking corpse.
It won’t be strange if I die at any time. Maybe I can be free then.
Fujino thought so more than once.
If you have no sense of reality about life, you will naturally have no fear of death.
Even when her family, a prominent family, was on the verge of bankruptcy and was forced to divide the family property and demand that her mother remarry, she had no feelings about changing her own surname.
Isn't it just completing the mission? It's completing the mission in Nagano, it's also completing the mission in Guanbuzi City, what's the difference
Thinking back on it now, I still feel a lingering fear.
If I die like this, I will never meet that person in my life and will never understand what happiness is.
Yes, when her fate was about to reach a dead end leading to the abyss, and before her fragile sensibility was worn away by time, she met a man who changed her life and her fate—Shinji Matou, who was a child under ten years old at the time.
She met this miraculous child at a cocktail party. Although it was their first meeting, he saw through the truth that she had tried so hard to hide—the "painlessness" that her father did not allow her to reveal in front of outsiders.
Although we had never met before, it was the first time I understood what pain was.
It was he who helped me regain my sense of pain.
It was him who made me feel happy.
It was him who took back all the feelings for himself.
He was the second person to acknowledge that he was a human being, the first being his mother, and he was also the only person in the family who didn't call him a monster.
He said that since he had no feelings for that home, he might as well come with me.
He said, you are unique in this world.
He said, I want your strength.
He said, become my family.
This is the first time I feel needed.
This was the first time I understood the difference in importance between "family" and other people.
There is no need to hesitate, and there is no need to linger. Since he can give me pain/pleasure, and since he needs me, I should go to her.
A weird reason, but the purest idea.
A rash decision, but the most sincere hope.
Even if there was hell ahead, she would not hesitate at all - being able to feel hell was much better than not feeling it. Even if she wanted to regret it, it would be in the future.
With such emotions, she followed the man she had only met a few times, to a strange city and a strange house.
But she was wrong on two points, very wrong.
First of all, what awaits her is not hell, but heaven.
No one here calls her a monster, and everyone is very nice to her.
His father Tsuruya always asks if there is anything he is not used to, and his sister helps him with various chores.
And the one who cared the most, he thoroughly implemented his declaration, that is, "need", took himself running around, and found a teacher for himself to better learn to control his own power.
"Grow up quickly, and you will become our trump card." He said this to her on the day after they officially became his apprentice.
At that moment she cried, smiling and crying.
If this was a dream, she hoped she would never wake up.
If this is not a dream, then she will do everything she can to protect this "happiness".
Yes, this is the taste of "happiness", she tasted it for the first time in her life.
How empty she had felt in the past, how strong the reality was at this moment, so strong that it easily overwhelmed all her past life.
Sounds ridiculous
However, if you have never experienced a life where nothing feels real no matter what you do or how you do it, you will never understand the value of having healthy senses.
The girl's heart fell easily.
She kept in mind every word he said.
He hoped that she would do her best in everything he did.
He wanted her to grow up quickly, so she absorbed knowledge from her teacher frantically.
He had her transferred to Reien Girls' School, and she went to school there.
He said that girls should take better care of themselves, so she dressed herself up beautifully every day.
He said that your mother loves you and you should visit her more often, so she would go to accompany her mother every weekend.
He said that being healthy and happy doesn't require any effort.
Because I am always happy, even if I encounter pain, it is worth being happy.
Passive? No opinion
Fujino would not deny it, because she is just that kind of person. But there is nothing wrong with this. Who says it is bad to have no opinion? Isn't she living a good life
Of course, I still have some wishes. I made them on the day of the fall, and they have gradually increased as I grow older.
Twelve years old - listen to him and be his assistant.
Fifteen years old - always be by his side, no matter in what capacity.
Eighteen years old - If one day I lose all my memories, I will remember his name.
Twenty years old - give him a pair of lovely children. The daughter must be prettier than me, and the son must look like him.
Age 22 - If the Holy Grail can really grant wishes, please listen to my heart and make his wish come true.
She had never said these words to him and had always kept them to herself.
But she will do it with her actions, for five, ten, twenty years or even a lifetime.
Just like the life philosophy of the woman she admires most, Elsa Matou.
Companionship is the most lasting confession of love. Even if everyone in the world leaves you, I will still stay by your side.
Always by your side.
PS: I’m addicted to posting dog food, so I’ll keep posting.
PS2: A little off topic, the characters that appeared in Type-Moon were divided into three layers of a pyramid by Jian Shao, but now the fourth layer has appeared, the swimsuit activity XX, that is, the appearance of X Mao after growth, which is different from the ambiguous setting of X Mao BX. This one clearly pointed out the combat power - star-level, full output can blow up the planet. And at the end of the setting, it was clearly stated that if she came to the earth again, and the problem on the earth (the alien god whitewashed the earth) had not been solved, she would solve it herself - in other words, our Miss XX Altria did not take the alien god seriously at all, and the alien god's status was greatly weakened.