In fact, Shinji is not the first person to have the habit of writing a diary. The real first person is actually Mujo Kirie, who looks careless and often loses things.
The reason I started keeping a diary is simple: I don’t want to forget.
I don’t want to forget the scenery I saw, I don’t want to forget what happened in front of me, I don’t want to forget my mood at the moment, and I don’t want to forget the people who are important to me.
She has been bedridden since she was young and has difficulty moving. The only scenery she can see is the ward she lives in and the scenery outside the window she sees through the only window in the ward.
She wants to see the outside world.
She wanted to bask in the sun and feel the wind on her face.
She walked in the rain, letting the raindrops hit her body.
She wanted to see the Kinkaku-ji Temple that her parents had mentioned to her before she became ill.
She wanted to visit Paris, the romantic city coveted by countless people, and she wanted to visit the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau, the legendary pure land closest to heaven.
She wanted to see—
She wants to go—
She wanted to—
This wish and this persistence continued to grow, and finally activated a certain bloodline in her body, allowing her to have a second body.
She could finally break free from the constraints of her frail body and the confines of the ward, go out into the world, and see the wider sky.
This made her feel extremely excited, even fanatical.
But the good times didn't last long. Although this second body fulfilled her dream of leaving home, it had several limitations.
First of all, don’t be too far away from the main body.
It was nothing. Although there were limitations, the outside world was thousands of times bigger than the small ward, enough to make her feel excited.
Secondly, there is no sense of reality.
The new body was like a ghost in a story, able to pass through walls and rise and fall freely, but it also lost the ability to touch real objects. Whether it was wind or rain, or trees and flowers, she could only look at them but not touch them.
It was nothing. Lying on the hospital bed, she could only look at the world outside the window.
What is most disturbing is actually loneliness.
Ghosts cannot contact others, and cannot even be seen by ordinary people. No matter how she called or how hard she tried, she never got a response, just like her situation in the hospital.
She was suffering from a terminal disease that could not be cured by modern medicine, and her parents and relatives were long gone. Although she did not have to worry about the cost of hospitalization thanks to the financial support of her father's old friend, it was only enough to keep her alive. Except for a meeting a long time ago, he had never appeared in front of her again.
No one cares about her, and no one comes to visit her. Nurses and doctors only enter the ward during routine rounds. When they are in a good mood, they may say a few words to show that her condition is stable. But when they are in a bad mood, they won't say a word at all. They are no different from real ghosts.
The root of the obsession to go out and leave this place may be to get rid of this loneliness.
However, whether in the ward or outside the ward, she was alone, no one paid attention to her, as if she was forgotten by the whole world.
Until one night, when she went to the rooftop of the apartment building that her father had built as usual and was overlooking the scenery, a strange boy came up to her and talked to her.
Maybe it was because I had been lonely for too long, so long that I didn't know how to get along with strangers. When I finally met someone who discovered me, my first reaction was not excitement, but fear. I was so scared that I turned around and ran away.
But she failed to escape. Not only was she caught, but he also found her true body and walked directly into her life which was supposed to be fading away.
From then on, her life changed.
She has a friend, a kid named Shinji Matou.
The day after they met, he brought a bouquet of flowers, adding a different color to the cold and deserted white ward.
On the third day of our meeting, he brought fresh fruit and said that he had consulted a doctor and it was okay to eat.
On the fourth day of their reunion, he brought more new friends, making the ward more lively than ever before.
For the first time, the first time since being admitted to the hospital, she forgot the scenery outside the window.
On the fifth day, the sixth day, the seventh day... almost every day the boy brought something new to her.
Sometimes it was food, sometimes it was toys, and sometimes it was books and picture books. One new experience after another made her feel that even if she never went out, it would not be a bad thing to live here for the rest of her life.
But the reality once again exceeded her expectations. After meeting the boy, there were new surprises every day.
He took her out of the hospital, truly away, ending more than ten years of hospitalization.
Am I going to die? If I end up like this, it won't be a bad thing.
The answer is of course no.
Not only did she not die, she also cured the disease that had plagued her for years, got a new home, and started a new life.
The changes were so rapid that she could not believe it was real.
Therefore, she began to keep a diary to record these dreamlike days. Only in this way could she be sure that all this was not false.
...
April 1998, first picnic.
Everything Sakura and Fujino cook is delicious, but I just can’t cook, so I feel useless.
...
In September 1998, I went to Tokyo.
There were so many people, I had never seen so many people before, it made me a little breathless.
I suddenly missed him so much. If he were here, I wouldn't feel so bad.
...
February 1999, I didn’t go anywhere.
He hasn't called me for ten days. It would be a shame if he called me. He wouldn't have forgotten me.
Bad guy, liar, you promised to call me every day? If you don't call me, I will, I will... ten days, no, twenty days... Well, actually I can't help it, you are such a hurtful guy.
...
April 1999, I didn’t go anywhere.
He is back, finally back.
He lost his hair, was injured, and I heard he almost died.
So worried, so worried.
If he dies, I, I - what's the point of me living
Huh? Why would I say something like that
Am I... falling in love with him
...
In May 1999, I didn’t go anywhere.
I'm sure I fell in love with him, the kind of love that I like very much.
If you think about it carefully, there's nothing wrong with liking him.
She is good-looking, interesting, and nice to me, but she is a little young.
But this is not a problem. At worst, I can learn from Sister Chengzi, who is much older than me but looks so young. I can also stay young forever.
Even if they don't seem to be a good match now, they will definitely be a good match in a few years.
...
June 1999, didn’t go anywhere.
Oh no, oh no, it seems I’m not the only one who likes him.
Fujino, Sakura, and the woman who came to my house before, what should I do? Can I win over them
Don’t be afraid, Wu Tiao Wuhui, believe in yourself, you are the strongest, and you will definitely win in the end.
PS: I may have to go on a business trip recently, so I may not have time to write. I guess I will have to do some research. That’s all.