[Rasa].
I looked for Calcutta on the map, New Delhi was on this side, it was on the other side, I measured it with my palm, it was just a half and a half, and the little black spot where the Ganges split into four major tributaries was Calcutta.
Shen Xu and I were the only people who flew to Calcutta to take a bath. When we arrived at the Ganges Baths, the weather was not good, and there were signs that the heavy rain was about to fall. We handed the money to the caretaker in the wooden shed, wrapped in bath towels ( It’s really a tourist’s style) I stepped on the sand along the river, and the river surface was yellow. I walked against the wind. At this time, I must not investigate the material composition under my feet. Once the retreat drum sounded, all previous efforts were forfeited.
Just now in the locker room, when I was debating whether to take off my panties, Shen Xu calmly took off everything one by one, that thing was dormant, not as polite and polite as his appearance, I hurriedly stopped, Shen Xu chuckled behind me. He did whatever he wanted, which made me stingy, so I followed his example and stripped naked, thinking that something was wrong, so I quickly grabbed a bath towel and wrapped it up.
The surface of the Ganges is warmed by the atmospheric temperature, but the deeper I go, the colder it gets. I pursed my lips tightly, trying not to let the river water flow into the mouth. Twisted on the side of his face, he looked at me from under his eyelids and said, "Xiaojin, relax."
"If you drink this one sip, you may drink more than a hundred Indians." I exhaled with difficulty, "I always feel strange."
"No matter how much you eat Indians, you can't become Indians."
"What if?" I raised my head, "Wake up tomorrow and find that I have become an Indian, an Indian who can only say 'Naduli'."
"Then what should I do?" Shen Xu followed my train of thought, "It doesn't match the passport photo, so I can't go back."
"Stay and get a job next to Shiva, cleaning things."
Shen Xu laughed twice: "Do you think cleaners are very popular in India?"
"I'm kidding you." Instead, I thought seriously, "Of course cleaners don't make money, but selling yoga classes seems to make a lot of money."
"Chinese people are really born business people." Shen Xu teased, "I also love money."
"Really? Mr. Shen was my guide, but he confiscated my money."
"You're different." Shen Xu straightened up in the water, opened a plastic package of shampoo, and put it in the palm of his hand to foam.
"Shen Xu..." I bowed my head obediently and let him rub his hair gently, "You know, your flaws are like a honeycomb ball."
There was silence behind him, and the huge water flow went hand in hand, but it only made a slight rustling sound. Shen Xu's hand moved slowly, moving from the scalp to the shoulder, and then something soft brushed the earlobe, and we hid on the surface of the water. If the lower body collided with each other, I was unable to simultaneously perceive the touch and maintain the naturalness, so I simply closed my eyes and let any part drift with the flowing water.
I remember that when Shen Xu first joined the school's research group as the leader, because he was young, many teachers refused to accept him, and he was in a weird way face to face or behind his back. He didn't tell me about this. In the past, I always thought that teachers, from school to school, the environment would be simpler, but it seems that this is not the case. Where there are differences, there are confrontations and wars. In Shen Xu's life experience, suppression and isolation are almost everywhere, so I often wonder, is this the fate of fate, or is it the normal state of society
One weekend last year, Shen Xu worked overtime. I took a rest and bought a large bag of snacks to console him. By the way, I went to the teacher's cafeteria to have lunch. Shen Xu took me to finish cooking and wanted to get me some after-meal fruits. I Get up one step ahead of him and say let me go.
Passing by the auntie, my footsteps were slowed down by the steam. The auntie held the rice spoon and quietly asked me if I was a friend of Teacher Shen. I covered the bag full of bananas and peaches and nodded and said yes.
"Hey, I just watched him eat alone!"
"Is there no other teacher with him?"
"Very few." Auntie shook her head, "That time I saw Teacher Shen sitting alone with a plate in his seat, and tears were falling!"
Shen Xu never cried, I was shocked, "When?"
"Just last month."
Remember, last month we seemed to be in a mess about his mom asking for money.
To be honest, Shen Xu's hard-earned money over the years has been taken as a matter of course, and she has taken an inch. I am complaining for him. His parents gave birth to him and raised him does not mean that he must become a tool of oppression. His eyes hurt in his heart, and he was often out of breath for him.
I didn't get the ideal material satisfaction, so that my aunt went directly to our 50-square-meter small home, chatted with me who played the role of "tenant", accused his son of how bad his heart was, how he calculated her, and Follow me all the way from the bathroom to the room, if there is a human-shaped loudspeaker, until I say Auntie is embarrassed and I have to rest, she still leans stubbornly outside after closing the door, talking to herself for nearly an hour.
Covering my ears, I found that I couldn't hold any resentment towards her, only sympathy.
I can only watch Shen Xu sink deeper and deeper in this unequal relationship, worn down by the so-called mother's love.
Back opposite Shen Xu, I saw that he forced a smile at me and said thank you for my snacks. Before I could ask him, he preemptively said that he wanted to open an after-school tutoring class, and many parents of students who were eager to make progress came to him. Say it.
I was stunned and said in a low voice, "…Is the Education Bureau accurate?"
Shen Xu's eyes flickered, then suddenly turned around
— "I thought someone called me," he said lightly.
No one called him, I was very sure, and suspected that Shen Xu often had hallucinations.
"How are you doing in the research group?" I asked.
Shen Xu shook his head and did not speak.
"Ma Shan is being ridden by others, and Ren Shan is bullied by others. Be tough."
"They... will think that I am careful and unmeasured."
"Is perfection so important to you?" I sighed, "If you're bullied, you have to hold it up and pretend you don't care? Shen Xu, don't lose yourself because of other people's opinions."
Shen Xu immersed himself in eating, his movements were a little mechanical and stubborn, as if he had completed a task, I peeled a banana for him, he bit off half of it, and let me go back inarticulately.
I'm really used to being bullied. His mother doesn't feel bad for him, but I feel bad for him.
Thinking about it, after I went back, I contacted a very experienced psychiatrist. The price was high. The price was 800 for 50 minutes. The doctor and I agreed to claim 111 hours.
By the time the doctor spared time, Shen Laomo's cram school had already completed most of it. Before the start of the treatment, the doctor told me to arrange for him to do more small things to make him feel valuable, loved and needed.
So that night, I started to lift the mattress.
When Shen Xu came back, I said with a sad face that the mattress was broken, he checked it around, hugged me gently, and said it was okay, just buy another one, I gave him the phone, and it was what I had prepared a long time ago. Of the three styles, Shen Xu hesitated for a long time and chose the most expensive one.
"A better mattress is comfortable to sleep in." Shen Xu said, "Xiaojin, you draw drawings with your head down every day, and you can rest well when you get home."
I swallowed what I was going to say and watched his hair twirling, a little unbearable.
The mattress I bought online arrived the next day, and I asked him to go downstairs to move it together. One head per person. I was in the front and he was in the back. When I went up the stairs, it was weird. My phone was playing pop songs, although my head was full. Sweaty but happy.
The corridor was filled with the smell of paint. When I moved to the third floor, the power behind me suddenly disappeared. Shen Xu stopped me, his voice was too soft.
He said, "Xiaojin, I can't seem to hold it anymore."
"I can't hold it anymore... If I can't hold it anymore, let it go!" I stood at the corner of the stairs and smiled brightly at him, "Let it go!"
Shen Xu nodded and leaned against the wall.
"I'm so tired."
Shen Xu said that he was very tired. I remembered what the psychiatrist said-
"Appeals need to be handled with care."
"If you're tired, we don't have to go to the wedding of our high school classmates in the evening."
He shook his head, "As promised, let's go."
I slowly put down the mattress and leaned against the white wall with him. My vision began to blur. My boyfriend is a man who never breaks his promises.
The Ganges water flows forever, I sink slowly, wash away two lines of tears, and when I open my eyes again, the world disappears and the foam rises and falls with the ripples, I lean back, knowing that there must be a chest there waiting.
"I knew you would come...with me."
Shen Xu snorted, and used her wrist to lift the hair in front of her forehead. Water droplets fell from her chin, splashing a small flower.
"we have agreed upon it."
God, why is he still the same
I felt sour and turbulent, so I turned around, raised my head and kissed Shen Xu.
It was a short, tentative kiss, we both kept our eyes open, and when the lips were about to separate, Shen Xu closed his eyes, pressed the back of my head, and reattached it heavily.
This time, the kiss was deeper and more touching than before.
The Ganges washed us very cleanly, leaving only the carefree beauty and each other.
"Xiaojin, you didn't recognize me early, so you can hold grudges."
"Who was the one who played me around? Who was the one who didn't reply to the news?" I insisted, "Is it Shen Xu?"
He nodded guiltily, in a trance with the vivid face of the past.
In the evening, we came out of the baths and walked on the market in Calcutta.
I don't know what day it is today, the residents on the street are going out in costumes, the bright red is stirred into the brass bell, making people dizzy, the shutter sounded, I playfully dodged Shen Xu's camera, turned into an alley, and then turned left. , It was so lively everywhere. There were colorful snakes in the parade, with big open chests and strange shapes. I pointed them to Shen Xu, and he held me with one hand to prevent me from wandering, and adjusted the focus with the other. The rickshaw stopped in a circle, turned an inexplicable corner, and stopped abruptly.
Here is another scene, like coming to another world, the stone-built open-air sanctuary, the oppressive force, the huge statue of the reclining lion suddenly appeared there, it bowed its head, staring at the gloomy figure in front of it. steps.
The music faintly rang in my ears, but now it was devastated, spanning a sense of separation between heaven and hell.
It's bleak, damp, and I wouldn't be surprised if stalactites grow here.
As night fell, the dark gray fog barrier was like a heavy drum covered with dust, each and every time, it was deafening, and at the same time, it raised the powder that can make everything fade, the stone carvings slid through the black tears, the plants rotted rapidly in the sultry summer night, and the thorns. The spice of the nose swoons together.
I stared blankly.
Shen Xu is right, this land has energy, this energy makes people irritable, maddening, want to cry, want to fall on the stone steps, tear each other's clothes like beasts, and then tightly Hugs, tumbling all the way to the last level, in heat with sweat and blood.
The seeds buried deep in the pelvic cavity sprouted and sprouted a cluster of blood-red virus strains. He held my hand, which was wet and hot, as if he was holding my xqi. The body wanted something to fill up. When there was only one empty shell left, the frontal lobe failed, and the restlessness in the crotch was let go.
"Xiaojin." Shen Xu knew what I knew, felt what I felt, and her voice was hoarse because of restraint, "Follow me."