Shiva

Chapter 6: ignorance

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[Avidya].

I lay on the bed weakly for a day, and Shen Xu also stayed with me for a day. Occasionally, my head was sober. Those things that I thought I had forgotten were suddenly excavated from a corner, and it was clear to every action and every look. All in perfect detail.

With the curtains drawn most of the way, Shen Xu put up the pillow and leaned against me, "...So, your boyfriend became cold after he started working."

I nodded confusedly and then shook my head, or maybe it was because of my nerves that I failed to detect any clues from the omen of the grass snake gray line in the early years.

"Xiaojin, I want to confess something to you." Shen Xu's expression suddenly became apologetic, "You fell asleep with your phone in your hands yesterday, it was my fault, I caught a few glimpses of your conversation... . It looks like he's neglecting your feelings."

"He's not like that." I argued, but looked a little pale in front of those chat records, "It wasn't before."

Yes, I'm speaking for my boyfriend, but I can't forgive him. Because once a person has tasted the taste of honey, they will never taste the bitter medicine again, not to mention that the person who gave the honey and the bitter medicine is the same person, which is really frustrating.

In fact, when I was in high school, I should have realized that he also liked me. When other students asked him questions, he explained it in two concise sentences. Whether he understood it or not was up to him, but as long as I asked, he would transfer Turning around, I put the book on my desk to explain, speaking slowly, and the numbers written by backhand are very beautiful.

When the classmates in the class use the touch-screen mobile phone, he is still using the keys. I think it is very troublesome to type, especially some relatively long formulas, but he will be impatient to write very detailed every time, and will not miss the Drop even a single punctuation. I said Didai, do you want to study whether this mobile phone can send pictures, otherwise it will be a waste of your time to play such a long formula.

[fine. ] He says.

[Then I will save up the questions I don't know, and let's ask you on Monday morning. ]

He didn't reply. At eleven o'clock on Saturday night, when I finished my homework and finished painting materials and washed up, the screen of my mobile phone was also dark. I turned off the lights and lay on the bed with the mobile phone lying flat on my chest. , and simply got up and flipped through the textbook.

I really don’t pretend to be my eagerness to learn. Every time we take the monthly exam, the seats are ranked according to the ranking. I couldn't keep up with it when I came back, so I asked me questions for a month before I got promoted again.

"Didai, let me tell you, our exam room is a mess." After the bell rang, I walked out of the classroom with my pencil case and book in my arms, and found Didai's figure, "The guy in front looked back directly at my answer."

"A lot of people cheat?"

"I think it's quite a lot, and the movement is not small." I touched my nose with a lingering fear, "I wonder if the teacher will be convicted of cheating if he sees him copying my answer."

"No...you are so timid, have you ever cheated?" Didai asked me.

"No." I answered honestly.

"there has never been?"

I nodded, "Really not, yes, yes, no, no, what you copied is meaningless, and you have to worry about being caught, it's not worth it."

"Quite conscious." Jidai walked upstairs with me. He was empty-handed, and he put a black pen in his pocket after the test.

"Everyone actually understands this truth, but maybe they keep cheating because they don't do well in the test and go home and get beat up by their parents."

"Well, yes." When turning the corner, Jidai suddenly asked seriously, "Xiaojin, do you think you are a very secure person?"

"Yes." I admit it boldly, so last time I got a fraction of the 150 in the math test, I was just ashamed for a while, my family style is enlightened, my parents told me that it's okay to be bad in the test, don't be unmotivated It’s okay to think about it, and it’s always right to work hard a little bit, you have to be practical.

"Wait, didn't you take the test in class, Didai? Why did you get downstairs?" I reacted.

"Go to the bathroom." Jiyo said casually, "There are too many people upstairs."

"Oh." I also felt that I was really stupid. I had to ask stupidly about something so easy to guess, and I thought vaguely, even if Jidai really likes boys, it's definitely not my type. Yes, chatting all day is exhausting.

His patience towards me is more like the compassion of the gods of learning to the common people, and he rarely talks about topics that are not related to learning and some that are not.

But there was a National Day holiday, when I was sitting on the train heading for the studio, I received a voice from him, beginning with the sound of wind and car humming.

"Xiaojin, I changed my phone, uh, I'm walking now..."

He didn't seem to know what to say. After the noise, a voice was interrupted at the tenth second. I almost kicked the front seat in excitement and listened to it back and forth with my phone in my hands many times. When I like someone, I will involuntarily put countless layers of filters on him, and I will feel how can his voice be so good, how can the timing of the pause be so right, why even sharing such trivial things as walking can easily affect the heartstrings

I cleared my throat, "Does it work? Has your family finally let go?"

"My mother doesn't know about the phone I'm using now." He chuckled, "It will be confiscated."

"She's so strict with you," I said.

After a few seconds, [speaking] becomes [typing]

[Well, she has a bad temper. ]

I glanced at the text and didn't take it seriously. My mother was not in a good temper either. I felt that every parent in the world had a bad temper, so I changed the subject and said that I was on a moving train passing by a field.

"Okay, you can ask me any questions you don't understand over there," he said. "I'll write them down and take pictures for you."

After a few seconds, he typed again, [A paddy field? ]

[It's a wheat field. ]

We talked from 3:00 p.m. to midnight that day. When I got to the studio, I unlocked my phone every time I painted a few strokes. The teacher stared at me dissatisfied, and then I was baffled by the joy on my face.

"—Did you not think he liked you at the time?" Shen Xu put her head on one hand and listened to me.

"I didn't dare to think about it at the time." I told the truth, "I felt a little bit later."

"It seems a little bit." Shen Xu repeated me half-smiling, "but it's hard for people to notice this way, there is such a person who has never been loved and doesn't know how to love people better. That's why they make some very clumsy actions, hoping that the other party can realize their intentions."

"As expected of a teacher, so insightful." I was half-lying and looked at him, Shen Xu was not very close to me, he only had his upper body leaning on the bed to accompany me. It's this polite distancing again, as if as long as I show a little discomfort, he will immediately evacuate to a social distance that everyone is satisfied with. It's too cautious to go too far.

I don't mind this. It makes me feel very comfortable to get along with people with a sense of proportion, but Shen Xu seems to be too good to me. I am sick in bed, which has delayed him a lot of time, but he is still Accompany me without complaint. The water in the cup will never get cold. At noon, he also brought a bowl of rice and bean porridge. He said that it was made by the hotel kitchen. It was the lightest and cleanest dish. Shen Xu said nonchalantly that today will reach the highest temperature of the month, and it's better to rest in the hotel for a day without going out.

He kept his eyes on me as he spoke, couldn't tell what emotion he was in, and always looked away before I tried to meet his eyes.

In the afternoon, Shen Xu went back to his bed to take a nap. After taking care of me for so long, he must be very tired. The way he hugs the quilt has a sense of vulnerability and silence that is usually not noticeable. He fell asleep, but my spirit improved a little. I dug out a blank book from under the suitcase, went back to the bed and laid it flat on my knees, relying on my memory to rebuild yesterday's palm hut.

The length, width and height, the depth of the stage, the number of seats, I was immersed in the softness of the semi-arc formed by the pillows and mattresses, and I did not exert any strength on my waist and shoulders, so I drew one after another, deep and shallow. The shallow baseline is like a black and white forest, and a pair of green eyes always flashes in the mind uncontrollably.

"Shen Xu, Shen Xu." Those eyes told me.

So I put down the pen and pressed the eye socket with the base of my palm, "Shen Xu..."

Feeling tired, I thought of the rotten little mouse, which must have grown up watching the Mahabharata when it was still alive, and ate lentils and curry when it was hungry. Fleeing between. So does it understand, about greed and beauty, about "time confiscates all beings..."

Looking up from the palm of my hand, a vivid little mouse appeared on the paper. I stared at the image for a while, and then drew Shen Xu’s eyes next to it. The whole process was smooth and smooth, as if it had been engraved in my mind. I got out of the mobile phone album and planned to compare it with one of my pictures, but unexpectedly, the moment the album popped up, it was blank. I froze and exited, opened and exited, and got lost in the snow again.

"Shen Xu." I narrowed my eyes in confusion and looked at his sleeping face, "Have we known each other for a long time?"

It was getting dark, I thought about things, and the more I thought about it, the more confused I became. I simply got into the quilt and slept for a while. When I woke up, it was past six in the evening. Shen Xu woke up earlier than me and was sitting on the edge of the bed, half-lifted Looking at me with eyelids, "Are you hungry?"

"I'm hungry." I heard my stomach growl.

"Rice bean porridge?"

"No no no." I was reluctant to give up on the heavy taste of Indian food, "Can we go out to eat?"

Shen Xu asked worriedly, "Does your stomach feel better?"

"It's much better. You should be fine if you don't eat that kind of roadside stall." I got up and changed my shirt. "And you can take medicine first."

"It's a medicine with three points of poison." Shen Xu threw me a box of things, "Chew the stomach-strengthening and digestion tablets, it's all right."

I put the medicine in my pocket, and by the way, I mentioned to Shen Xu the strange thing that happened on my mobile phone, saying that the photo album and address book were suddenly formatted, and even the newly taken photos would disappear, which is really strange. Shen Xu thought for a while, took out a digital Leica from her backpack, loosened the strap and hung it around her neck, "I'll shoot for you."

"It's just that you took pictures for me, I'm so sorry." I looked at my phone worriedly.

"I like taking pictures of others, but I don't like being photographed." Shen Xu lowered his head to adjust the parameters, "It will be a little uncomfortable."

I'm silent. It's very similar to someone. When the high school graduation photo was released, he was the only one who didn't look at the camera - he was looking at me.