[Atman].
"Shen Xu!"
I sat up startled, gasping for breath, red soft clothes everywhere, we have returned to the hotel room.
"how come... ... "
A minute ago, I was still in the National Museum of New Delhi, staring at the empty-eyed cat statue in a trance. The docent's voice was erratic, saying that its posture actually represented a kind of mysticism. Medieval craftsmen shaped the struggling stiff. joints to beg the soul for liberation.
My heart was pounding, and it was about to pop out of my throat. I seemed to see those two holes again. My boyfriend's mother finally failed to remove the door lock with a screwdriver. Lock, staring straight at us. To my surprise, she achieved the purpose of "must come in", but she was not interested in what was going on inside, so she turned around and walked away like a puppet puppet led by a string.
She is in pain. I think she is also good at doubling her pain and passing it on to others, weaving a trap with paranoia.
After Auntie left, my boyfriend filled that hole with a few books and looked at me guiltily.
"Don't apologize." I knew what he was going to say.
"Have I become a cold-blooded person in your eyes?" he said, "Watching my own mother bang her head against the door."
I glanced at the few rays of light that slipped in through the gap and said that was not the case.
"Then do you still love me?"
"Why not love? You are you, she is her."
"Aren't you afraid... I'll be like her too?"
"I know you won't."
"Will you leave me?"
"Won't."
"real?"
For the first and only time, he showed me the bruises beneath the perfect skin, and the memory of him shrinking, his skin darker and his eyes rounder, chasing after me, clattering barefoot in the mud-riddled streets of Old Delhi and axles On the road, he persevered in begging for five rupees. I gave it to him, but he still had to close his eyes and hold the money in the sun to check whether it was true or not.
"Really." I told him tirelessly, over and over again, no matter how inappropriate the time and place were.
But at the beginning, he would still complain and ask for my comfort, but he couldn't hear it later, but I could read it in his forbearing eyes, and he seemed to be even more depressed.
"Xiaojin, did 'Doruo' drop again?"
His eyes gradually focused, Shen Xu looked at me worriedly, and reached out to wipe off the physiological tears on my face.
I blinked my eyes and wiped away the tears that I did not know when. Where did I shed "Dora", only when the Bodhisattva weeps will the stars in the sky fall. Those are the tears of mercy, the mercy of saving the world, I myself I think that a vulgar person who is too vulgar, who loves money and desires more, is easily entangled and defeated by love words, and what sheds is only H2O and some inorganic substances containing NaCl.
"Shen Xu, have you ever despaired?" I asked.
He was silent and said yes.
"What does that feel like?"
"It's like... ... a deep hole has been dug in my heart, and the sun will never see the light of day."
I sighed, yes, even though I took out everything I could, I still couldn't fill the deep hole in his heart, and he was still visibly silent day by day. I rubbed my temples and asked Shen Xu what date it was today. He reported a date. My hand pressing the acupoints stopped in place, and the time was compressed here. The National Museum is already yesterday.
"How did we get back?"
"By car." Shen Xu said succinctly, "Don't you remember?"
I shook my head, not remembering at all, "What about after watching Little Shiva yesterday?"
Shen Xu handed me his camera, I had a splitting headache, and I simply lay on my side on the bed and turned one by one, miniature paintings, nude figures, group photo of me and naked figures, Shiva, the king of dance, chiseled in natural volcanic rock The relief of the niche that came out was only absent of the treacherous and stiff quadricorn. I then turned down, oh, we left the National Museum and walked to the edge of a tributary of the Ganges.
The brown-skinned old man was squatting by the river, drawing water from a brass pot. Behind him was the Golden Temple of Shiva, with a towering spire. I stared at his back fascinatedly, and felt quite fond of losing this memory. Unfortunately, with a trembling of my hand, I don't know where I pressed it, and a dialog box pops up on the electronic screen:
[Recovery? ]
[whether]
Slam, Shen Xu's hand was on the camera's shoulder strap, and his eyes were fixed on the words, "You can just press 'No'."
I moved in my heart and pressed "Yes".
"...This photo is very good, why did you delete it?" I looked at the photo, "Have we entered the Golden Temple? What's the little sign on it? The Blessing Tree? What did I write?"
"Things like health and safety." Shen Xu didn't think about it.
I was a little bit unconvinced, and said that we should go to the Golden Temple again. It’s a pity that I can’t remember. Shen Xu immediately showed a disapproval look.
Shen Xu was quiet for a while, then defeated and took me back to the Golden Temple in the photo.
When I entered the temple, I accidentally collided with an old Indian man. He was holding a brass pot in his arms, and the water suddenly spilled a large pool. Bending my back and making a pleasing gesture, I stepped on the water stain and came under the blessing tree.
The massive wooden signs were about to bend the banyan tree. I looked up and searched, and I really found my name and handwriting. Ordinary pass, the sign hanging next to me is Shen Xu's sign, and the light is signed in the lower right corner, and the marriage card with a flower engraved.
Shen Xu coughed lightly, the collar fluttered in the wind, I turned my head and smiled at him, and I was stunned when I smiled.
At the end of the line of sight, there is another sign with Shen Xu written on it, which is inconspicuous, but I saw it at a glance, I walked over, and found my own next to Shen Xu's sign.
One, another, I stepped back, and in the jungle of red lines and wooden plaques, spinning around like a headless fly, another, raised my hand and touched it lightly, and the wooden plaque swung a circle in its place.
"It turns out that we have made so many wishes..." I said, "I am startled by so many."
[permanent]
[does not think]
[cherish things in time]
…
[return]
return? what's back? What am I missing? Who is coming back
There is no beginning or end, and I can't remember exactly why, there are a few brands that are obviously very old, the relationship between production batches, I was dazzled to find, the light solidified in the air, until my back collided On Shen Xu's chest, he held two brand new wooden signs and smiled: "Do you want another one?"
"Shiva will think we're annoying." I said, taking the carved wooden plaque, and fluently wrote a [I hope it lasts for a long time].
"Don't you have a wish?" I asked the motionless Shen Xu.
Shen Xu looked at me deeply, "No, just write your name on this one of mine, and whoever Shiva writes will bless you."
"You write my name, and I'll write yours." I said, and went to buy another one.
As a result, "Shang Jin" and "Shen Xu" lived side by side, living under the shade of the largest tree, where the wind and rain would not invade.
After hanging up the wooden sign, we stepped out of the Golden Temple. The old Indian was drawing water again. Beside him, a young man in a pair of underwear jumped down, his head appeared in the yellow Ganges River, and wiped the water from his face. , let out a low growl.
They do anything with Ganges water. In India, sanctity and turbidity have nothing to do with it. It's as wonderful as their bathing grounds and crematoriums share the same word. I actually looked at the young people bathing in the river with some envy.
"Soaked in the Ganges, is it clean? Or is it pickled and dirty?" I thought.
"What matters is what you believe in." Shen Xusong said, not in the tone of a question, but I still answered him, "Be clean."
"Do you want to be clean?"
I closed my mouth tightly, looked at the river water that can stir up sand and filth anytime and anywhere, and said indifferently, "Can I change the place?"
Shen Xu squatted down by the river bank and asked the old man where the best Ganges bathing place in India was.
"Go to Calcutta! Go there!" The old man straightened up and answered loudly, holding the copper pot. The sun's rays gathered on the concave metal surface, making the corners of his eyes hot.