Silent Confession

Chapter 28

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"I know you are under a lot of pressure this year, and your mother has very high demands on you." James said, "Remember, school is not everything in life. It is not as important as friendship or love." He has been able to learn from Lydia's A worried line could be seen between her eyebrows, and dark circles appeared under her eyes because she worked late into the night. He wanted to smooth the wrinkles with his thumb, wipe away the dark circles under his daughter's eyes like dust. "Whenever you see it, don't forget what's really important. Whenever you see it, I hope you smile. Okay?"

He fiddled awkwardly with the clasp of the necklace, trying to open it. "I originally wanted to buy gold, but reliable sources told me that everyone is wearing silver this year," he said. Lydia ran her fingers along the velvet lining of the box. Her father cared deeply about what "everyone" was doing. I'm glad you go dancing, my dear—everyone goes dancing. Your hair looks great that way, Liddy—everyone's been growing their hair out lately, right? When she smiles, you should smile more—everyone loves a girl who smiles. It seems that a piece of clothing, long hair, and a smile can hide the differences between her and "everyone". If her mother allowed her to go out like that with other girls, she thought, it wouldn't matter what she looked like—Jackie Harper had one blue eye and the other green, and last year she was voted "Most Popular" Welcome students”. Maybe if she looked the same as everyone else, she wouldn't have to study hard all the time, wouldn't have to finish her homework before going out even on weekends, and wouldn't be banned from going out with boys. These issues will no longer be an issue. As for clothes, books or necklaces, they don't play such a huge role at all.

"Okay," James said, finally opening the buckle. He put a necklace on his daughter, and the metal formed a cold line around her neck, like a ring of ice surrounding her throat. "What do you think? Do you like it?" Lydia understood that he wanted to remind her not to forget his expectations. It was no different than the silk thread wrapped around her finger, the only difference was that the necklace was hanging around her neck.

"Beautiful," she whispered, and James mistook her hoarseness for deep gratitude.

"Promise me," he said, "you will get along well with everyone and you will never have too many friends." Lydia closed her eyes and nodded.

The next day, to celebrate her birthday, she wore the necklace as her father suggested. "After school," James told her, "I'll take you to take your learner's license test, and then we'll have our first driving lesson before dinner." Her mother said, "After dinner, we'll have cake. I'll celebrate today." There's something special for the birthday girl." That meant books, Lydia thought. That night, Nath would pack. All day long she thinks: In six hours I will have my learner's license, and in two weeks I will be able to drive.

At three o'clock, her father came to the school gate. When Lydia picked up her schoolbag and walked towards the car, she was surprised to find that there was already someone in the passenger seat: a Chinese woman—a girl, I should say—with long black hair.

"I'm so happy to finally meet you." Lydia climbed into the back seat and the girl said to her, "I'm Louisa, your father's assistant."

James stopped his car and made way for a group of idle high school sophomore boys. "Louisa has to go see a doctor. Anyway, we are on the way and can take her there."

"I shouldn't have said yes," Louisa said. "I should have canceled. I hate dentists."

As a high school sophomore passed in front of the car, he grinned at them and pinched his eyes into two thin slits with his fingers. The other students burst into laughter, and Lydia cowered in the back seat. It occurred to her that the boys probably thought Louisa was her mother. She wondered if his father would be embarrassed too, but James and Louisa in the front seat weren't even paying attention.

"I bet ten dollars you don't have any cavities," James said.

"I bet five dollars," Louisa said, "I'm just a poor graduate student, not a rich professor." She patted him on the shoulder playfully, and the tender expression on her face shocked Lydia. That's how her mother viewed her father, too. Late at night, when Marilyn found James still reading, she would lean affectionately in the armchair and urge him to bed. Louisa's hand lingered on her father's arm, and Lydia stared at them. Her father and the girl sat close together, like a young couple, their reflection in the windshield like a wedding photo. . Lydia suddenly realized: This girl is sleeping with my father.

She had never thought before that her father was also a man with desires. Like all teenagers, she preferred—despite her own counterexample—to imagine her parents as pure and loyal men and women. Therefore, Lydia was shocked to see her father and Louisa acting ambiguously and casually, and even she felt embarrassed. They are lovers. She was sure. Louisa's hand remained on her father's arm, and he did not move, as if the caress was a common thing. In fact, James didn't notice at all. Marilyn often put her hands on him like this. He was so accustomed to it that he couldn't alert him. For Lydia, however, seeing her father studying the road intently confirmed her judgment.

"I heard that today is your birthday." Louisa turned her head from the front row again, "Sixteen years old. I'm sure this year is very special for you." Lydia didn't answer, and Louisa tried again, "Do you like your necklace? I helped pick it out. Your dad asked me what you might like."

Lydia hooked two fingers around the necklace, resisting the urge to pull it off right then and there. "How do you know what I like? You don't know me."

Louisa blinked. "I know something about you. I mean, your dad talks to me about you all the time."

Lydia looked her straight in the eyes. "Really," she said, "Dad never mentioned you."

"Come on, Lydie," James said, "you heard me talk about Louisa—how smart she was, and she never let those undergrads get away with it." He smiled at Louisa, and Lydia's eyes blurred. .

"Dad, where did you drive after you got your driver's license?" she asked suddenly.

In the rearview mirror, James' eyes widened in surprise. "Go to school, practice swimming and compete in competitions," he said. "Sometimes do some errands."

"No date?"

"No," James said, his voice cracking a little like a teenage boy, "No, not dating."

Lydia felt a vile malice welling up within her. "Because you never date, right?" Silence. "Why not? Isn't there anyone who wants to go out with you?"

James kept staring at the road ahead, his hands stiffly gripping the steering wheel, his elbows motionless.

"Oh," said Louisa, "I don't believe it at all." She put her hand on James' arm again, and this time she kept it there until they reached the dentist's office. James stopped the car and said something to Louisa that made Lydia furious: "See you tomorrow."

Even though his daughter was glaring at him from the back row, James didn't realize anything was wrong. At the DMV, he kissed her cheek and pulled over a chair. "You'll pass," he said, "I'll be right here waiting for you." Fantasizing about how happy Lydia was when she got her learner's license, he forgot everything that happened in the car. Lydia, still disturbed by the secret she had just discovered, turned away without a word.

In the exam room, a woman handed her a test paper and a pencil and asked her to sit down in an empty seat. Lydia walked towards the corner of the back row and stepped over the schoolbag, wallet and legs of a boy sitting in the second to last row. Everything her father said to her seemed to change: You can never have too many friends. She thought of her mother, sitting at home, doing the laundry, doing the crossword puzzle, and her father—she was angry at her father, angry at her mother for making this happen, angry at everyone.

At this moment, Lidya noticed that the whole room had become quiet, and everyone was lying on the table answering questions. She looked at her watch but got no information. There is no written time on the table when the exam will start or end, only the current time: three forty-one. The second hand ticked and made a circle, moving from the number 11 to 12 on the dial, and the long minute hand immediately jumped one space: three forty-two. She opened the test paper. What color are stop signs? She circled option B: red. What should you do if you see or hear an emergency vehicle approaching? She answered the questions in a hurry, not caring whether the circles she drew were standard. A few rows ahead there was a girl with a ponytail, and the woman in front of her gestured her to go to the next room. After a while, the boy sitting next to her also passed by. Lidia looked at her test paper again. There were twenty questions in total, and there were still eighteen questions that were left unanswered.

If your car skids, you should... All options seem reasonable. She then looked down. When is the road the slipperiest? In good road conditions, how far should you stay from the car in front of you? To her right, a bearded man closed his test paper and put down his pencil. C, Lydia guessed. A. d. She found that there was a long list of sentences to fill in on the next page, and she had no idea what to fill in. In the fast lane, if there is a large truck in front of you, you should... To drive through the curve safely, you should... When reversing, you should... She recited each question silently, repeating the last few words like a broken record. Words: you should, you should, you should. Later, someone touched her shoulder gently - the woman proctoring the exam said to her, "Sorry, honey, it's time."

Lydia kept looking down at the table, as if what she said wouldn't be true as long as she didn't look at the woman's face. A black dot appeared in the center of the test paper, and it took her a moment to realize that it was a tear, hers. She wiped the roll clean with her hands and wiped her face. The examination room was completely empty.