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Nath didn't know why he suddenly said these words. After snapping the receiver firmly back onto the hook, guilt bubbled up in his heart, but the heat and noise of the party surrounded him and diverted his attention. School, parents, and their lives pressed him too hard, and he had no choice but to escape. You can stop answering their calls, tear up their letters, pretend they never existed, and start a new life with a new self. It was ultimately a matter of physical distance, he thought, with the blind confidence of someone who had not yet truly freed herself from her family: Soon, Lydia would leave home for college, too; soon, too, she would Be free. He gulped down the rest of his beer and went to get another bottle.
At home, Lydia was alone on the landing. When she heard Nas hang up the phone, she stood there holding the receiver for a long time. The tears that once choked her voice had dried up, and the anger she felt towards Nas began to ignite in her. My heart slowly spread. His last words echoed in her ears. "I don't have time to listen to you." He became someone else, someone who didn't care if she needed him, someone who said things that hurt her. She felt like she had become someone else, someone who would slap her sister, someone who would retaliate against Nas as he had done to her. "Tell Jack your problem."
On Monday morning she put on her most beautiful dress, with a tie around the neck and printed with little red flowers, which her father had bought her last fall. "New semester, new atmosphere." He said. They were shopping for school supplies and James saw the dress on a mannequin in a store window. James likes to buy Lydia clothes that are shown on models because he thinks it means everyone loves to wear them. "The newest one, right? Every girl needs a dress for a special occasion." Lydia, however, was eyeing the less obvious pairings: a hooded sweater and corduroy pants, a simple shirt and bell-bottoms. . She knew this dress was meant to be worn on a date, but she didn't go on a date. She had kept the dress in the back of her closet for months, but today, she took it off the hanger. She combed her hair carefully, parting it in the middle of her forehead, and pinned one side of her hair in place with a red bobby pin. She held up the lipstick and traced her lip line with the tip.
"You're so beautiful," James said during breakfast, "like Susan Dey." Lydia smiled and said nothing. Marilyn said, "Lydia, don't go home too late after school. Nas will be back for dinner." She didn't say anything at this time. James poked her dimple - teasing her again - and said, "Now, all the boys will be around you." She remained silent. Across the table, Hannah studied her sister's dress and lipsticked smile. She couldn't help but stretch out a finger and touch the scar on her neck, feeling like a spider web around her neck. "No." Hannah wanted to say, but she didn't know what "don't do." She just knew something was going to happen, but no matter what she said or did, she couldn't stop it from happening. After Lydia left, she took the spoon and mashed the soggy cereal in the bowl.
Hannah is right. That afternoon, at Lydia's suggestion, Jack drove to Point, a commanding point overlooking the town, and they parked the car in the shade of the trees. On Friday nights, five or six cars often gather here, their windows slowly covered in fog until they are dispersed by a police car. But now - on a clear Monday day - there's no one else around.
"When will Ness come back?"
"Tonight, I think." In fact, Lydia knew that Nas' plane would land at Cleveland's Hopkins Airport at 5:19 p.m. He and their father will go home at half past six. She looked through the window at the clock tower of the First Federal Bank in the center of town: five minutes past four.
"You must feel uncomfortable without him at home."
Lydia smiled, it was a forced smile. "Four days isn't enough for him, I guess. He just wants to be gone."
"It's not like you'll never see him again, I mean, he'll come back, like at Christmas and summer vacation, right?" Jack raised an eyebrow.
"Maybe. Maybe he will never come back. Who cares." Lydia hardened her heart and steady her voice, "I have my own life." Through the rolled down car window, you can hear the maple trees The new leaves rustle. A dead leaf from last fall fell to the ground like a crashed helicopter. Lydia felt that every cell in her body was trembling, but when she looked down at her hands, she found them calmly and quietly placed on her knees.
She opened her locker and pulled out the box of condoms. There are two left inside, the same as two months ago.
Jack looked startled. "what are you doing?"
"It's okay, don't worry. I won't regret it." He was very close, and she could smell the salty smell on his skin. "You know, you are different from what others think." She said, putting one hand on On his lap, "Everyone thinks that you and so many girls... you don't care about anything. But that's not true, it's not really you, right?" Their eyes met, blue against blue , "I know you."
As Jack watched, Lydia took a deep breath—as if preparing to dive—and kissed him.
She had never kissed before, and it was - though she didn't know it - a sweet kiss, an innocent kiss, a little girl's kiss. She felt that his lips were warm, dry and calm. Under the smell of smoke, Jack had the refreshing taste of the woods, as fresh as green leaves and as soft as velvet. It made people want to grab it with their hands and put it on their face. At that moment, Lydia's brain was racing like a movie in fast forward, predicting everything that was going to happen: they rolled into each other in the back seat, caressing each other driven by desire, she untied the straps on her skirt, and they Taking off her clothes, Jack got on top of her. These were things she had never experienced or imagined. When Nath came home, she thought, she would be a completely different person. Tonight, when Nath told her about what he had seen at Harvard and described the new life he was about to start, she would have news to tell him.
Just then, Jack stepped aside gently.
"You're very nice," he said.
He stared at her, but Lydia knew instinctively that this was not the gaze of a lover. Although gentle, it is the look in an adult's eyes when they see a child fall and get injured. Her heart trembled. She stared down at her knees, letting her hair cover her heated face, a bitter taste blooming in her mouth.
"Don't tell me you've suddenly become a gentleman," she said harshly, "or am I not good enough for you?"
"Lydia," Jack sighed, his voice as soft as flannel, "it's not you."
"What's that for?"
There was a long pause, so long that she thought Jack had forgotten to answer. When he finally spoke, he turned to look out the car window as if his troubles were outside, but not the maples, not the lake, or anything beneath them. "It's Ness."
"Nas?" Lydia rolled her eyes, "Don't be afraid of him, he's not important."
"He's important," Jack said, still looking out the window. "He's important to me."
Lydia was stunned for a while before she understood what he meant. She looked at Jack with wide eyes, as if his face had suddenly changed shape and his hair had changed color. Jack rubbed his ring finger with his thumb, and Lydia knew that he was telling the truth, and that this fact had existed for a long, long time.
"But..." Lydia paused, Nas? "You've been... I mean, everyone knows..." She couldn't help but glance at the back seat, where a faded Navajo blanket was piled.
Jack smiled mockingly. "What did you just say? Everyone knows, there are so many girls - but it's not you." He glanced at her, a breeze coming through the open window, blowing his light brown curls, "No one Will be suspicious."
Lydia suddenly recalled various snippets of conversations between her and Jack. "Where's your brother? What would Nath say?" And "Are you going to tell your brother that we've always been together and that I'm not a bad person?" What did she say? "He may never believe me." The half-empty condom box looked at her with its mouth wide open, and she punched it flat. "I know you." She seemed to hear what she just said again, and felt embarrassed. How could I be so stupid, she thought. How could he be so misunderstood. I had it all wrong.
"I have to go." Lydia grabbed her schoolbag on the floor of the carriage.
"sorry."
"I'm sorry? For what? There's nothing to be sorry for." Lydia threw her schoolbag on her shoulder, "Actually, I feel sorry for you - you fell in love with someone who hates you."
She glared at Jack, gnashing her teeth, as if she would throw water in his eyes any second. Jack's expression became lazy again, tired and cunning, as if he was with someone else, just like when they first met. He grinned, a smile that looked more like a pained grimace.
"At least I don't have to be told what I want." He said, the contempt in his tone making her flinch. She hadn't heard such words for months. "At least I know who I am and what I want." ." He narrowed his eyes, "What about you, Miss Li? What do you want?"
Of course I know what I want, she thought, but when she opened her mouth, no words came out. Words flew up and down in her head like marbles—doctor, popular, happy—and then fell silent.
Jack sneered, "At least I don't have people telling me what to do all the time. At least I'm not afraid."
Lydia was speechless. His eyes seemed to cut through her flesh and pierce her heart. She wanted to hit Jack, but it wasn't enough to cause him pain. Then she realized what would hurt him the most.
"I guess Nath would like to know about it," she said. "I guess people at school would like to know too. What do you think?"
In front of her, Jack deflated like a popped balloon.