For many days later, Lu Qi'an could dream that when he clearly rejected Fu Jia, Fu Jia's face instantly paled.
Like a young child, he grabbed the clothes on his chest with his hands, and looked around like he couldn't believe it. He wanted to speak, but his lips were trembling, and he couldn't say a word for a long time.
Finally, he ran away.
The injury on his foot should not be fully healed, but when he came to see him, his shoes were well worn. When running away, it should be ignored, and it is obvious that one foot is uncomfortable.
He stood there and looked at Fu Jia's back, his blood seemed to be frozen. The feeling of this moment often appeared at the last moment of the dream, causing him to wake up in a cold sweat.
This night is the same.
Lu Qi'an glanced at the clock, it was only three in the morning.
But he couldn't sleep.
He sat up and opened the bedside cabinet, where Fu Jia's love letters that he had written for a week were kept here. The cabinet will be locked, and Aunt Miao cannot open it. Even if it is secretly opened, he can still see the traces.
He took out one and read it by the dim light of the bedside wall lamp. The light is not enough, but it doesn't matter, he has already memorized the content of the love letter by heart.
Each of Fu Jia's love letters is very similar. At the beginning, he greets Lu Qi'an, and the middle is full of sour and rotten love words that he did not know where he copied or rewritten. Lu Qi'an wrote down while disgusting it.
The words at the end were probably written by Fu Jia himself.
Miss you, miss you, miss you.
wish you happy.
Lu Qi'an put the love letter away as usual, turned off the light, and lay back on the bed, but his fingers were shaking.
He should endure the cold and numbness of his fingers overnight.
Since the death of his mother, Lu Qi'an has rarely been happy.
Losing a loved one is depressing, but that alone may not stop Lu Qi'an from getting out of his grief and facing life positively.
Because he didn't know his mother well. Not only was she unfamiliar, but Lu Qi'an also rejected her.
Qi Bing fell ill before Lu Qi'an became sensible, and lived alone on the third floor of the villa. Lu Qi'an had been told by his father and aunt not to disturb Qi Bing's rest, nor to go to her room to make noise. Coupled with the fact that servants and medical staff came and went with serious expressions, Lu Qi'an went up to the third floor less and less often.
Urged by his grandmother and grandfather, Lu Qi'an would go once a day. No one was watching, so he would go once a week.
But he never came close, just stood at the door and whispered, "Mom."
At this time, Qi Bing would laboriously raise his head from the hospital bed, staring at him with wide-open eyes. The eyes were too warm, as if he wanted to see every organ in his body thoroughly, causing Lu Qi'an's back to shiver and want to escape.
Over time, the third floor where Qi Bing was located became the most feared place in Lu Qi'an's childhood.
When his mother died, he followed his family to the funeral without a single tear.
The funeral was also the last time he saw his grandfather and grandmother, who was held by his grandfather, and his uncle supported her hands and feet. But even if two people restrained her, she still leaned forward desperately, cursing hysterically:
Your Lu family are cold-blooded, and my daughter was killed by you!
There are also many vague curses, which Lu Qi'an can't remember clearly.
Protected by his aunt, he hid behind his father, looked at his father's stiff back, and wondered why his father didn't deny it.
Until one night, the young Lu Qi'an hid in the room and peeked at an old photo of Qi Bing, turned to a photo of Qi Bing holding him in his arms, and looked at him lovingly.
Qi Bing's eyes were as soft as water.
In an instant, Lu Qi'an suddenly realized.
Whenever he went to see Qi Bing, Qi Bing looked at him not to eat him, nor to beat him, she didn't mean to hurt her son, she just wanted to tell Lu Qi'an with her eyes, come closer and go to her bed. accompany her.
Her husband doesn't love her, no matter how long she works hard; her sister-in-law doesn't like her either, no matter how long she works hard. She has only sons, and only one son.
She looked at her son and asked for nothing but to let him stay in her room for a while.
Facing such Qi Bing, Lu Zhiyuan worked all day and rarely visited her; Lu Qi'an avoided her like a snake because of his fear. The one who went the most was Lu Wanqing, but she stayed away from Qi Bing for ten years.
They are all murderers.
Among them, there is no doubt that he has Lu Qi'an's share.
Suddenly, the world was turned upside down and the world collapsed. Breaking the heart and cutting the liver is not enough to describe Lu Qi'an's pain.
He was too young to know how to deal with this pain, and he didn't dare to talk to anyone. Every night, he locked the door, took out the old photo of his mother hidden in the pillow, and struggled for a long time in his arms. Lightly asleep.
Before dawn, he would wake up again, carefully hide the photo back in his pillow, and wait with his eyes open for the aunt who was taking care of him to wake him up.
He doesn't feel sorry for himself, and he has no intention of improving this bad state. He thinks his sin is unforgivable, and it may be better to torture himself like this.
What changed all this was his encounter with Fu Jia.
He was amused by the crying boy hiding in the grass when he first met, but it was even more amusing to stare at him just because of a Band-Aid he gave.
One becomes interested in another, and that is often the beginning of everything between people.
After that day, Fu Jia began to peek at him from the window. The child didn't know how to cover up, and almost his entire body stuck out of the window. How could this be considered a peek? Fortunately, Lu Qi'an covered Lin Fengxun's sight with his body and coaxed Lin Fengxun to sleep.
What he didn't expect was that Fu Jia would come to him and ask him questions about what he said casually to coax Lin Feng into taking medicine.
He didn't want to pay attention to him, but Fu Jia's eyes touched him very much.
Pathetic, determined, and full of desire.
desire for him.
In this way, Lu Qi'an was dragged off the cliff by Fu Jia.
From that day on, he used the excuse of accompany Lin Feng to play, and went in and out of the Lin family villa more and more frequently, making noises in the courtyard, attracting Fu Jia to watch.
Fu Jia didn't know that Lu Qi'an could notice him, but Lu Qi'an knew that this was a two-way exchange. He was enjoying Fu Jia's dependence on him and his needs, and he happened to be standing here, responding to Fu Jia.
As if atonement.
Also from this day on, Lu Qi'an no longer needed his mother's photo to fall asleep, and he no longer tossed and turned every night with nightmares.
A few years later, Lu Qi'an had a quarrel with Lu Zhiyuan on the anniversary of his mother's death. Lu Zhiyuan smashed the flower basket on his head, and he was bleeding profusely, even in his eyes.
The aunt was frightened and cried. She knelt in front of the tomb and cried to Qi Bing. After a while, she broke down and asked her why she wanted to die, and made their house what it is now.
Lu Qi'an was numb, not knowing who to hate, so he simply moved out of the Lu family and lived alone in the apartment. In the early days of the move, he regained his previous poor sleep, and this time even a picture of his mother didn't help. Later, he tried to imagine that Fu Jia was by his side before going to bed, looking at him with dependent eyes, and he slept deeply and peacefully.
In the same year, Lu Qi'an made up his mind to bring Fu Jia out of the abyss.
He has missed the opportunity to save his mother, and he must not watch Fu Jia sink, collapse, and finally die by his side.
He believed he could do it, and he did it well. When he became an adult, Fu Jia listened to his words and left the Lin family villa. He also listened to his words and studied hard. He transferred to No. 6 High School and never slack off.
if…
If Fu Jia hadn't liked him, everything would have gone perfectly.
He will watch Fu Jia get admitted to an excellent university from a distance, and get further and further away from the Lin Lu family. He has close friends, lovers, and a successful career.
If he didn't like Fu Jia, everything would still be perfect.
He would not be soft-hearted at every turn, help him, care about him, and would ruthlessly reject Fu Jia, making him break his mind. Going back further, he wouldn't always try to show his strengths in the courtyard, like a courting male peacock.
No matter how restrained and calm he was, he couldn't make it a reality.
It's ridiculous that he is so cowardly in the face of feelings. Whether studying, sports, or socializing, he has absolute self-confidence, but he does not have the self-confidence to take good care of his lover.
He is Lu Zhiyuan's son. Like him, he only has the advantages of family background and appearance, but has no character. They are neither gentle nor cheerful, and they are as gloomy as old men.
He wants to bring Fu Jia out of the quagmire. If he chooses to love Fu Jia, instead of saving him, he will push Fu Jia into a deeper abyss just like Lu Zhiyuan did with Qi Bing, then what should he do
He can't do it.
To hold back.
Lu Qi'an opened his eyes and stayed up from three in the morning until the sunrise.
He washed normally, put on his watch, and walked out of the room.
It was too early, and Aunt Miao hadn't left yet. She looked at Lu Qi'an in surprise and said, "Why do you get up so early today?"
Lu Qi'an raised his hand to look at his watch, only to realize that he had read the wrong time. He said, "It's alright, you continue." Then he went back to the room.
He was sitting in a chair with pain all over his body.
He can't.
But still-
Miss you, miss you, miss you.