Fu Jia moved his fingers and looked at the sticky semen on his hands, a little lost.
Lu Qi'an was different from seven years ago.
What has changed, Fu Jia can't tell. He only had a vague feeling that Lu Qi'an in the past was a stone that would heat up only when Fu Jia held it, because Lu Qi'an always suppressed his emotions and thoughts, and he had to take a sincere heart and slowly grind it so that he could relax and tense a little. 's strings. Now Lu Qi'an has released a lot. It's not that he doesn't suppress it anymore, but he has more control over his emotions.
He was not used to it, and he couldn't stand it.
Lu Qi'an took a tissue and simply wiped off the semen from Fu Jia's hand, and asked him, "Do you want to take a bath?"
It was a sweltering summer night, and the two of them were tired of tossing on the sofa for nearly an hour.
Fu Jia sat up with the back of the sofa, her arms were weak, and she trembled as soon as she exerted her strength: "You go first, I'll clean up the living room, and I'll give you a change of clothes later."
"It's my first time here, and I'm not familiar with your bathroom." Lu Qi'an disagreed with his proposal, bent down to pick him up, and said, "You have to teach me how to use it."
Afraid that Lu Qi'an would not be able to hold him, Fu Jia put his arms around his neck and said, "We can't go together. My bathroom is so small that two people can't squeeze together."
For a single apartment of 40 square meters, the area that can be allocated to the bathroom is already small. Fu Jia has done the separation of dry and wet, and the shower room is even smaller.
Lu Qi'an didn't care about this issue, and carried him into the bathroom.
The shower room is indeed pitifully small, and only one person can stand in it and can't wave his hands at will. Lu Qi'an hugged Fu Jia and squeezed in with him.
Both of them had their backs against the glass of the shower room, their chests were pressed together, and their limbs were intertwined, so they inevitably rubbed against each other. Lu Qi'an, who had only shot once, hardened first, and then Fu Jia also hardened.
The hot water sprayed from the shower fell on the two of them, making the small shower room full of steam. Lu Qi'an held Fu Jia's waist, breathing hot, and all the muscles in his body were tense.
Fu Jia stretched out his numb and sore arm and asked in a dizzy way, "Do you still want..."
Lu Qi'an kissed Fu Jia's collarbone, his low hoarse voice mixed with the rushing water, broken and ambiguous: "You don't need to move, just let me hold it."
He said he didn't need Fu Jia to move, so he really didn't let him move. He just kissed him, rubbed him repeatedly, and did something that Fu Jia couldn't bear more than inserting, so he made it out by himself.
After taking a shower, Lu Qi'an found two sets of pajamas in Fu Jia's bedroom, one to wear by himself, and one for Fu Jia to wear by himself.
The cotton material was soft, and Lu Qi'an's movements were light, but when the clothes rubbed against the nipples, Fu Jia still screamed in pain, and ducked back.
Lu Qi'an grabbed his wrist and unbuttoned his clothes: "I'll take a look."
Fu Jia blushed and raised his hand to cover: "Don't look..."
"I'll take a look." Lu Qi'an's tone was gentle, and he gently pulled his hand away.
He took off the pajamas that Fu Jia had just put on, and saw that the two fleshy lumps on his chest were extremely red and swollen, swollen a lot, showing a deep flesh-pink color, as if blood would ooze out with a slight pinch. .
Lu Qi'an looked away and helped him get dressed: "Sorry, I'll pay attention next time."
Will there be a next time
Fu Jia had mixed feelings in her heart, but she hummed, hooking her back, taking care not to let her clothes touch her chest.
"Are you going to stay for the night?" Fu Jia saw that Lu Qi'an was wearing his pajamas, which obviously didn't fit well, "I'm here... You see, there's only one room, if you want to stay, just sleep in it, I'll sleep in it. sofa."
Lu Qi'an frowned and asked, "Have you ever thought about sleeping with me?"
"No." Fu Jia was somewhat helpless, not for Lu Qi'an, but for his twisted self. "My bed is a single bed, it would be uncomfortable to sleep two people, you came to my house on the first day, I don't want you to…"
His apartment is too small, not fully furnished, and old. Although Lu Qi'an didn't say anything, he would be worried that Lu Qi'an would be uncomfortable and unhappy.
"It's very good here, Jiajia." Lu Qi'an said, "I feel very lucky to be able to stay where you have lived for the past seven years, do you understand?"
Fu Jia's heart was sour, she didn't speak, she just nodded.
Lu Qi'an turned off the lights and fell asleep hugging Fu Jia.
Fu Jia's mood was ups and downs this day, and he was tossed by Lu Qi'an for a long time. He was very tired mentally and physically. With Lu Qi'an, he quickly fell asleep.
Lu Qi'an was right beside him, and he really existed.
But sadly, Fu Jia couldn't experience the happiness that was lost and found, he only felt a sense of vanity.
He can't forget.
He couldn't forget the first time he saw Lu Qi'an at the Lin family villa. Since Lu Qi'an was just a little boy, he was special in Fu Jia's eyes. He couldn't forget the first thing Lu Qi'an gave him. It was a Band-Aid, and he was severely beaten by Sister Chen. He also couldn't forget that he hid in the gloomy servant's room, looked at Lu Qi'an and Lin Fengxun in the sun, and sinisterly fantasized that the person standing beside Lu Qi'an was him.
What he couldn't forget was every detail of his relationship with Lu Qi'an after he got Lu Qi'an. He couldn't forget every time Lu Qi'an cared and cared for him, couldn't forget their first kiss, the first night when their mind and body blended together. He couldn't forget every look Lu Qi'an looked at him, and he couldn't forget every love words Lu Qi'an said, or those words that were not really love words at all, but moved his heart.
Lu Qi'an admitted that he likes Fu Jia.
He also admitted that he belonged to Fu Jia.
How could Fu Jia forget? He remembered it every second, clearly and to the bone.
He can't forget these, so he can't forget every midnight in the past seven years. He closed his eyes to see the false memories, and opened his eyes to see the reality of nothing.
It was hard to be beaten and fired, and it was also hard to be looked down upon because of education and birth.
The hardships of the world can be overcome with perseverance, but how can the unforgettable memories be resisted
He was not reconciled.
Everyone has bad habits, and his bad habit is that every night for seven years, he will be tortured to death by this unwillingness. He often cried in his dreams, and in severe cases he might wake up crying, so hoarse that he knelt beside the bed and retched. Sometimes it's better, just whimper a few times unconsciously, without affecting the normal life the next day.
He didn't see a psychiatrist because he didn't want to tell anyone his unhappiness. He wants to die every night because of his unwillingness. He knows that he will be tortured for a lifetime, and he accepts his fate.
Fu Jia curled up in Lu Qi'an's arms, trembling and crying. A smudge of water was expertly dipped on the pillow, and for seven years they had always been the same.
Lu Qi'an woke up.
There was a small gap in the curtain, and in the faint moonlight, Lu Qi'an could vaguely see the tears on Fu Jia's face.
shocking.
"Jiajia?" Lu Qi'an almost lost his voice, "Jiajia?"
Fu Jia was lying in his arms. They started anew after seven years, and he had full confidence to protect Fu Jia. They will never be separated again in the future, and he will fulfill the promises that he failed to fulfill before.
Why is Fu Jia crying
Hearing Lu Qi'an's voice dimly, Fu Jia opened his eyes, the darkness in front of him suffocated him.
Lu Qi'an couldn't take his hand to turn on the light, so he hugged Fu Jia tightly and asked him, "What's the matter with you?"
Even if Fu Jia woke up, she couldn't stop crying. All the internal organs were twisted together in pain, he struggled, and wanted Lu Qi'an to let him go.
Lu Qi'an didn't dare to force him, so he could only let go.
Fu Jia changed his kneeling position, clutching his abdomen tightly, sweat and tears streaming down his face.
Is this his dream again
Did he close his eyes, open them again, and Lu Qi'an in front of him disappeared.
Fu Jia buried his face in his hands and let out a hoarse cry from the depths of his throat.
This cry sentenced Lu Qi'an to prison.
"I'm afraid you're fake..." Fu Jia wiped his face, screaming every word, "I'm afraid you're fake, I'm afraid you're gone again, how many times have you disappeared in my dreams? Do you know? Have you counted?"
In fact, Fu Jia didn't count them either. He didn't want to count them, but he remembered them every time.
Lu Qi'an seemed to have his heart crushed alive, his face turned pale: "I won't leave, I won't leave you again."
A firm promise didn't bring much comfort to Fu Jia. He cried for a long time, his breathing was hard, his throat was dry, and he couldn't help retching.
Of course Fu Jia was happy that Lu Qi'an was back. While he was happy, he couldn't help but feel inferior, afraid that Lu Qi'an would leave him again. He would rather that the idea of not seeing Lu Qi'an in his life was not temporary. If Lu Qi'an were to leave him again one day, he would rather they not start over.
The unwillingness to be separated from Lu Qi'an has tortured him for seven years, what will happen again? He's afraid he's dying to imagine.
Seeing him retching, Lu Qi'an was in extreme pain, but regained her calm. He turned on the light, held Fu Jia to make him straight up, and gave him a pat on the back.
"Stop crying, touch me to see if I'm fake?" Lu Qi'an also reddened his eyes, "How could I be fake, when I come back, I'll never leave again, Jiajia, be good, Touch it, I'm not fake."
Fu Jia leaned on his shoulder, and tears soon wet his shoulder.
Lu Qi'an held Fu Jia's hand, kissed the back of his hand, and said, "Look, you can touch me, no matter how many times you close your eyes, open them and I'll be there."
"Lu Qi'an..." Fu Jia called to him, "Lu Qi'an..."
As long as he calls, someone will answer him:
"I am, I am."