My heart throbbed again.
"Li Shen, when did you discover your mental illness?" Nie Zun asked suddenly.
My throbbing heart was covered with a layer of cold sweat... .
Brother, I'm not mentally ill... .
Well... .. it's actually a mental illness... that's true... ..
I secretly rolled my eyes: "High school, sophomore year, probably."
He smiled: "I've been called a freak since I was a child, oh no, or I've been called a freak since I was born. People around me are always dying one after another. Others say it's because of me."
My throat seemed to be blocked by something, and I couldn't speak a word.
"Li Shen, do you think you killed the man you love the most?"
"But I think I killed all the people I love the most, and the people who love me the most..." Nie Zun's voice was very soft, and I tremblingly looked into his eyes, which were full of love. That sticky, unresolvable loneliness.
I suddenly feel so heartache, so heartache, this feeling has never been felt before, and it is different from all the heartaches before.
"Do you think that world can't accommodate you? Do you think that you can't find salvation? I, I have never even expected the word salvation... I just hope that I don't want to kill others anymore. Well....never asked for forgiveness..."
"At least you still have conflicts between wanting to go back and feeling that you shouldn't go back, but I don't even know what I should do. Li Shen, you can blame her for all the crimes, you still have Another personality that can be resented. Me, who should I resent?"
Nie Zun looked at me with the most gentle eyes in the world, deep pain flowing from his eyes.
I can't use any words to describe my mood at the moment, I only know what I want to do, and what I must do.
So I reached out and hugged him from behind.
His back was still so cold, without any warmth, I turned my face sideways, close to his heart, and listened to his heartbeat.
"People's hearts, why is it always so hard to warm..." I murmured softly behind him.
"Promise me, at least remember what happened in the memory you lost, at least remember what kind of personality she is, and then decide what you want to do..." Nie Zun said.
My heart tightened, and I nodded slightly behind his back.
Feeling a burst of drowsiness, I finally fell into a deep sleep after not resting for many days.
///
I dreamed again.
When I entered the dream space, I sighed slightly.
This time it was a dream again.
How long has it been since I had a good night's sleep? Either I've been awake and busy every day, or I have to go to sleep occasionally to recall the past. But I know that the reason why I can fall into the dream in person is because part of my memory is missing, and whenever I enter the dream, it is time to find that part of memory.
He smiled wryly to himself, can he calmly analyze and think in his dream now? Should we be happy about this progress
I'd rather be a lazy, stupid girl who doesn't have to think about anything every day.
By the way, it suddenly occurred to me that Liqing once said that the only person who is the same as me is now confirmed to be Bian Ying, Talai's lover. Didn't Liqing once say that Bian Ying can also fall into the dream in person
Li Qing also said that in the end, Bian Ying can control everything in the dream by herself, but if for us, the scene we see in the dream is our lost memory, then how can she change the memory
Or is she subconsciously forcing herself to do something
While thinking wildly, I found myself on the roof of that building again.
I am very familiar with this place, I often wait for Gao Qi here, and accompany Gao Qi.
He always reads alone in the sky on the top of the building, or Goethe's "Faust", or Hugo's "Les Misérables". And I used the excuse of reading books with him, but most of the time I was just watching him secretly.
In fact, I have always known how much I liked him before.
This kind of love cannot be easily stranded and extricated. It's like the persistent pursuit of a star, or the long-term enthusiasm for something that I can't put it down. That's how I like him.
I still remember in the last dream, he finally asked me, Shen, how much do you like me, are you willing to die for me
Of course I know that I will not die for anyone, because life is precious.
This is why I have never been able to forgive myself for taking the lives of others.
I was also confused, why Gao Qi would say that to me.
"If, I am not what others see, if, I am not what you imagined, can you always be with me?"
"They all say you're a weirdo, but I know, you're the only one who understands me, don't you?"
"Ah Shen, how much do you like me?" "Are you willing to die for me?"
The memory of the last time I fell into the dream in person is still in my mind. If that is really a memory that I have forgotten, then maybe this time the dream is not a coincidence. The last dream stopped abruptly when Gao Qi asked me those questions, maybe I can find the answer this time
Last time in the dream, Gao Qi actually confessed to me, and did I agree
Had I been with him before I was alive? is it possible? My dream ever came true? And I actually forgot
Thinking this way, I felt that it doesn't matter even if I'm a little tired, let's enter the dream a few more times, and quickly find the lost memory that I didn't dare to recall. I always thought that in the memory I lost, it was all the cruel pain brought by the second personality, but I didn't expect that such an important fragment would be forgotten by me.
Maybe what Nie Zun said is right, I should give my second personality a chance, a chance to return my truth at that time.
No matter what kind of you live inside me, now that I have opened my eyes to see it, come on, tell me what happened in the first place.
"Ashin, you're here."
Suddenly came your high praying voice behind me, I stabilized my mind, and then turned around with a smile on my face.
As in memory, it was still that gentle face with a gentle smile and a book in his hand.
"I changed a book today, would you like to take a look at it?" He walked up to me and handed me a heavy looking book in his hand.
Because I didn't know how the dream developed, I chose to take the book in silence.
The book was heavier than I imagined, so that when he let go of it completely, my hand dropped a bit.
When it was all in my hands, I looked at the title in surprise.
"The Thousand and Three Fragmented Corpses"
This is... what book
The cover of the book is a kind of old khaki, and the body of the book does not seem to be very thick, but it is heavy in the hand.
"This is...?" I looked up at Gao Qi.
Gao Qi smiled slightly: "This is a book about anatomy methods."
My hairs stood on end, why did I never know that Gao Qi likes to read this kind of book? Why do I have no impression at all? I know that he has unique taste, but like me, he is willing to read some western literature, at most, some short stories about dark human nature, but why I don't know, he also likes to study the method of anatomy
"What's the matter? You seem to be surprised, Shen, have you forgotten that I am from the Department of Forensic Medicine?" Gao Qi's voice was very sweet, with a deceptive taste.
Department of Forensic Medicine...
Gao Qi studied forensic medicine? !
That's right, he studied forensic medicine...why hasn't this concept been in his mind
It's as if I'll never know if no one reminds me, but once I mention it, I remember it instantly.
That's right, Gao Qi studied forensic medicine.
"Also, even if I don't study forensic medicine, you think I'm weird when I read this kind of books, right?"
"Are you like them, think I'm a weirdo?" Gao Qi's eyes flowed with clear sadness, but his voice didn't blame at all.
Painful in my heart, I reached out to stroke his brow.
He covered mine with his hand, and the coldness from his five fingers reminded me of Nie Zun immediately.
Nie Zun's body is always so cold.
"Ah Shen, since we are all together, please don't leave me." Gao Qi stretched out his arms, holding the book, and encircled me into his chest.
My body leaning against his shoulder trembled slightly.
In...together
Could it be that they have really been together since that part of the last dream? in the way of lovers
"How long have we been together?" I asked tentatively.
Gao Qi's voice was gentle and sweet: "Idiot, it's been a month, and I don't remember."
I gently pushed him away, looked into his eyes, and couldn't say a word.
This obsessive face that has made me unable to extricate myself from the moths to the flame from before to now is now close at hand, and tells me that he and I are lovers and have been together for a month.
However, I couldn't be happy at all, because I didn't know about this memory that seemed to belong to the past for granted, and I couldn't remember it at all.
What ever, what happened
Did she really have her reasons
No, how can I make excuses for her, how can I forgive her, she invaded my body and hurt my lover.
But... looked up at the face in front of him.
How many memories have I forgotten... .
"Ah Shen, let me take you to the laboratory, okay?" Gao Qi held my hand, his eyes were intoxicated and gentle.
As if possessed by a demon, I nodded subconsciously.
Gao Qi pulled me and walked down the roof slowly.
When passing through the campus, I received the eyes of several acquaintances.
That cold, jealous, incomprehensible look.
I smiled wryly in my heart, we have been together for a month, are we still being prejudiced like this
"Gao Qi, why are you with me." I opened my mouth and asked as I walked.
Gao Qi didn't look back: "Because I like you, don't you know?"
When he finished speaking, he turned his head, with a playful smile on his lips, and a fleeting evil flashed across his eyes.
I was slightly startled, this, this look, why does it look so much like Gao Qin Jiuye
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