State of Mind

Chapter 138: 25. Mom

Views:

Juvenile articles:

Mom, this is the only letter I wrote to you. I don’t know if you have received it. The police aunt who came to visit me told me that you are fine in jail, but you don’t need to remember me. Because... because...

Mom, I actually have a lot to tell you, a lot, a lot, the police aunt told me that you may not come back for a long time, or even never come back, well, in that case, I decided to write you a letter , Tell you everything that happened.

You must be curious about your brother's affairs, right

I know, in fact, there is a question that you have always wanted to ask, but you can't tell it anyway-why did you kill your brother yourself

why

Actually... Uh, I don’t know, I really don’t know, I only know one thing, or, since I was born, I want to make sure one thing, mother, you... Do you love me or not

In the eyes of others, what a happy child I am, from kindergarten classmates to elementary school classmates, middle school classmates, will look at me with envious eyes, because I am the child of the big boss. I was born better than others, and I was good at studying, so everyone likes me, but they don’t know. I don’t care about it. The only thing I care about is my mother. Do you love me or not

I know that my father will not love me. Of course, I was confused when I was a child, because I rarely saw my father's face. Only during the Chinese New Year would I look at him in a daze. Every time he sat indifferently. There, aloft, sacred and inviolable, at that time, the nanny will come over, support me, let me toast him, at that time, I was the most nervous, because I know that this kind of time to behave well, but I always It was so cramped and overwhelmed, so I always performed badly. Later... I didn't like this guy anymore. I would rather hide in the corner so that the adults can't find me, and don't try to please a piece of ice.

But this is not the main thing, oh no, let me think about it, let me sort out my thinking.

how to say.

Since I was sensible, I felt that I was a superfluous person. I was muddled all day long. I didn’t know what to do, just eating, drinking, and sleeping. You were not by my side very much. Most of the time, it seemed that those two were boring. My babysitter, the cradle of my childhood, seems to have listened to those two babysitters chatting over, and then kindergarten, elementary school, all babysitters accompanied me, of course, I will see you every few days, you are so decent and beautiful, but always like that Busy, I was too busy to say a few words to me, and then sent me away in a hurry.

If it were not for that uncle, I would probably live a long, long, long time like this until I grow up, marry a wife and have children, and go through this life vaguely. Fortunately, I met him, Uncle Squirrel.

He is probably one of your lovers, it should be like this. In short, he is the only adult who is close to me. Apart from the babysitter, he is willing to care for me. He often takes me out to play and buy me delicious food. Gradually, we got acquainted, and I didn't think much at first. Then one day, my uncle suddenly asked me: "You can't live like this in your life."

I remember I was licking marshmallows. When I heard this, I was taken aback and asked: "What?"

"You can't just live like this in your life." Uncle loves to smoke. Whenever he wants to tell something, he always takes out a cigarette case, lights a cigarette, blows a breath, and looks at it with a smile. I.

"I don't know what you mean." I thought this was a little strange, so I put down the marshmallow.

"Now, your father has a lot of children, you need..." Uncle pointed to his head: "You need to compete with them and get the position of heir."

This sounded very far away and very close. After pondering for a long time, I slowly understood, and asked: "Uncle mean, is it the children of my age that I see during the holidays?"

"Yes, they are all your competitors. If you want to inherit your father's property, you have to compete with them and be better than them, okay?" Uncle tapped on the table with his fingers and smiled.

I blinked very slowly without saying a word.

"You are not your father's biological child." The uncle suddenly threw another bomb.

"Oh."

Upon hearing this, I have to say, I was shocked, but at the same time I was shocked, and I was somewhat calm as expected, because obviously, I rarely see my father. My father is the same as a stranger, but at home. Those who came and went were all young uncles. When I was young, I didn't know what to do. When I got older, I somehow understood the contemptuous eyes of my neighbors. However, I did not have the courage to face it.

Well, there are some things that I don't want to think about, but I didn't expect to be pierced by my uncle on such a calm day.

Thinking of this, I looked down at the marshmallows on the table. The marshmallows bitten in half, and half was left. Some of them melted and stuck to the table wet.

"Uncle, I..." After a long time, I raised my head, bit my lip, smiled at him, and asked: "Uncle, do you say my mother loves me?"

The uncle was startled, as if he felt that this question was irrelevant, frowned and said; "Love? Of course love, how can there be a mother who doesn't love her son."

"Not the same." I shook my head, love, or not love, different answers, really different.

"It should be love." Seeing me being so solemn, my uncle turned his head and said, "I don't know about other things. I only know that when your mother gave birth to you, your father didn't come. I drove you. The hospital your mother went to. At that time, your mother had already opened the uterine mouth and was so painful that she suddenly grabbed my hand before going to the delivery room and asked me, anyway, please keep you."

Hearing this, my tears flowed down, thinking for a long while, biting my lip and saying: "Uncle, don't worry, I will work hard in the future to get the favor of my father and become a qualified heir."

When my uncle heard this, he suddenly laughed, and the look of the wicked eyebrows turned out to be beautiful and brilliant.

From now on, I will really work hard, everything is as hard as adults ask for, study hard, work hard, no matter words, deeds or grades, try to be a role model. The happiest time is when you get the grades and give it to your mother. ,do you know? Every time I see you happy, it is my happiest moment.

Of course, this is not the most important thing. Uncle said that when I have the highest glory, when I meet at the end of each year, I give my one-year test scores to my father. Of course, it was not like this at the beginning. At the banquet, it was just a few questions from my grandparents, but during the first year of the exam, my uncle gave me an idea and asked me to hand over the report card to my father.

"Will mother be happy?" I asked.

The uncle laughed and nodded: "Of course."

I sighed, nodded and clenched fists: "Then I will try."

So that day, taking advantage of the banquet, I got up from my seat, grabbed the test paper in my hand and went straight to my father. Do you remember my mother? Oh, maybe you don’t remember. After all, there were so many people at that time, and no one would pay attention to a child. So I quickly came to my father. I remember that my father was taken aback, looking down at me, and a trace of disgust passed across his face Expressions.

That's right, do you think the child can't winks? You are all wrong. Children are the most sensitive. I know that at that time, I was sure that my father hated me.

My father hates me, hehe, I didn't understand until I was eight or nine years old.

But it’s okay. I looked back at the people at the banquet, searching for your figure. Only you are still there. You are still watching me. I am not afraid. Later, I found you. You might have been drinking too much. Shang Feifei's wine red, was looking down to talk to people, and did not look at me. I bit my lip and suddenly shouted loudly: "Dad, this is my exam paper for this year."

My father was startled and looked down at the examination paper in my hand. The others also calmed down and stared at me.

I was a little scared, shrinking my head, my body trembling, but... it doesn't matter, I know mother you are behind, so I don't need to be afraid of anything.

"Father, this is the result of my final exam this year."

I gritted my teeth, put the test paper in front of my father, spread it out, and said "95 points" on it.

"The first place in the class."

I whispered, with pride in my tone.

"Oh, ha ha ha."

The father finally understood, opened a rare smiling face, took the test paper, glanced at it, and raised his voice to everyone: "Look at it, this result, my son took the first place in the test. "

"Wow—"

Everyone slapped their hands in a sudden.

"Awesome."

"Yes, I didn't expect Xiaogang to be so promising."

"Yes, yes, he is a good boy."

In the midst of these praises, I turned my head and looked at you in the vast sea of people.

Mother, do you know? The only thing I want is your joy, and as expected, you also saw my wonderful moments, so the excitement and joy dyed your beautiful cheeks, suddenly stood up, and waved to me: "Son, come on, Come to my mother's side and sit down."

The crowd applauded and cheered more and more, and I... I don’t know. At that moment, I was just grateful. I was grateful that I followed my uncle’s advice for allowing me to get such happiness. It was the first time that my mother expressed her love so publicly. Is my only one.

Because of this kind of happiness, my life seems to have the motivation and goal to work hard. I study harder and harder to be a model student, trying to become what everyone likes, but you, my mother, let me down a bit-good Well, I thought that since that day, you may be a little different to me. You won’t stay out of sight and be with those young uncles all day, but look at me more. It turns out that you let me down, you are still so busy. , And I... still mingled alone with the nanny and uncle.

You may ask, if I miss you so much, why didn't I tell you, why didn't I go to you