I don’t know, I don’t know, mother, I’ve grown up, I’m your son, you know... Oh, how do you say, I’m afraid, I’m afraid when I go to you, I see you and those young When my uncle is together, I can’t help but beat them. I’m afraid, so I don’t dare. In addition, my uncle said, mother you love me. When you gave birth to me, you once chose to give up yourself for me. This, I have been working hard, so... I don’t want to ask you the answer, I already know the answer, don’t I
In this way, the days seem to be smooth. I have become a model in the family because of my good studies. Whenever the family banquet, it is my highlight moment, but I am used to it, and it seems to be boring. You are still so busy. I was so busy that I had no time to take care of me, my uncle was still so patient with me, the babysitters still gossiping all day long, the teachers and classmates of the school still touched me, everything... everything is the same.
However, some things are destined, and some answers cannot escape.
One day, my uncle suddenly told me that my mother was pregnant.
"Huh?" I couldn't react, and asked suspiciously: "I'm pregnant? What do you mean?"
"That is, you may have a younger brother or younger sister." When the uncle said this, he patted me on the shoulder with a friendly smile on his face: "You are going to be an older brother, are you happy?"
"Oh... I didn't think about it."
I really didn’t think about it. I was a little excited to think that I would become a brother, but I was a little unhappy when I thought of someone coming to share my mother’s love, but... Maybe I was worried, after all, when my mother gave birth to me. , You can sacrifice your life for me, what about having a younger brother? It doesn't matter.
Just like that, the days passed. One day, when I came home from school, the baby's cry suddenly sounded in the room. Mother, you hugged the baby and walked out, and smiled and said to me: "Xiao Gang, come and see. Brother, this is your brother."
I was taken aback, put down my schoolbag, and stared at you blankly. Because of having a baby, you have gained a lot and your face is round, not as beautiful as usual, but you look better at this time. Because... Don't scare me anymore.
"Brother." I muttered softly.
"Come on." You beckoned, I had to step forward and saw the group of monkeys, crumpled, and I couldn't see why it came, but I still smiled and nodded and said: "Uh, it's very beautiful. younger brother."
I remember you suddenly laughed, laughing so heartily, as if you heard a terrible joke, and then you patted me on the shoulder and said, "Brother will have to deal with younger brother more in the future."
"Yes."
Hearing this, I straightened up and nodded solemnly, "I will."
To be honest, I was really serious at the time. I really wanted to take care of my brother, and even take care of my brother for life. So every day I go home after school, I will move my homework to the nursery and supervise the babysitters to take care of my brother. While doing homework, it seemed that as long as this was the case, I could fulfill my brother's responsibility, but after a while, my uncle suddenly told me a word.
"Your brother may rob you of the heir's status."
These words hit me like five thunders.
"What?" I asked dumbfounded: "My younger brother will grab... grab..."
"Yes, you have to work harder." The uncle said with a serious face: "If he grows up to be better than you, maybe your father will give him the heir's position instead of you."
I blinked, chewed on these words, opened my mouth, and wanted to ask, oh, or what I have always wanted to ask is, if this is the case, would you not love me, mother
can you
I really want to ask.
However, I didn’t speak, I could only be silent, staring at the growing younger brother, thinking about my mother’s love. He is now very small and weak, and it is impossible to be my opponent at all. I can solve math problems. He writes and speaks English. He can only cry and cry, so I am not afraid of excellent things at all, I just...
I'm just…
I did discover a terrible fact-my mother loved him even more.
"This is very simple." Uncle smiled and explained the phenomenon: "Under normal circumstances, fathers love the eldest son more, and mothers love the younger ones. It's normal. Don't worry."
rest assured? How can I rest assured
Looking at my mother's affection for my younger brother, my heart felt like a cat scratched.
then…
then…
I can't remember, I just remember that the babysitter gave my younger brother some medicine, and during a nap, the younger brother's quilt was uncovered, and then, then, my younger brother got asthma.
My uncle said that I did this thing, I... really not that kind of person, mother, I am not, really not, I swear, I didn't deliberately uncover the quilt for my brother and let him fuck, I swear.
Then, my brother who had asthma, I thought I would be sent to the hospital, so that I would stop before my eyes. As a result, he was not sent to the hospital, but you, who has been busy dealing with other men, and you who don’t care about us. , Actually moved to the baby room, taking care of him every day and night!
Do you know how I feel inside
You don’t know, I know you don’t know, you want to ignore this son. I have always been your air. Only at the end of the year banquet, when I take out the first exam paper in the class, can I be in yours You can see my reflection in your pupils, so at that time, you didn’t even take a look at me. Instead, you had a plain face, staring at panda eyes, wearing a yellow pajamas, and talking with a few babysitters and family doctors. With.
And I was quarantined because I couldn't help and was afraid of infection.
"Don't worry, mother is with your brother." Uncle accompanied me as usual, comforting me in a low voice.
In fact, he might as well be uncomfortable. This incident gave me a major blow, just like the answer I had been avoiding. He suddenly jumped out, jumping, yelling, and demonstrating in front of my eyes.
How to do
Whenever it is late at night, I will open the bedroom door barefoot, walk down the stairs step by step, walk quietly to the baby room, open the door, and see you sitting in front of the baby's cradle, with your head down and asleep Your face, you are thin, for your younger brother, you are gaunt, for your younger brother, you abandon those lovers, for your younger brother, but you have thought about the eldest son who gave everything for you to show his face, what do you think in your heart
I was barefoot, standing there, watching the night light shining on your face, so quiet and beautiful, just like the mother I think about. It's a pity that this kind of beauty is not for me, but for the younger brother. , That wrinkled monkey.
Ha ha.
Ha ha ha, I understand, or rather, I heard, the answer that I have avoided for a long time, and would rather keep avoiding than dare to face—
Mother, do you love me
do you love
I don't love it.
Thinking of this, I was suddenly heartbroken, turned and walked slowly towards the bedroom, in the dark, barefoot, stepping on the wooden stairs step by step, stepping forward, walking to the bedroom and opening the door. All thoughts threw on the ****, crying silently.
But I haven't completely given up on it. After all, this thought has deceived me for many years.