Xu Tingsheng and Apple left before the reception ended.
He left the car to Huang Yaming and Tan Yao, who did not become starlets in the end. Of course, they will not give up. Huang Yaming's fatalism of "God told me to go wandering" has already been fully accepted by Tan Yao without hesitation.
As a result, both of them felt that they had a direction in life and a comrade-in-arms.
In fact, from their point of view, Xu Tingsheng should also be a comrade-in-arms, but he has been unwilling to admit it and has been stubbornly resisting.
Xu Tingsheng and Apple were walking in the middle of the night in Shenghai City, in the windy summer night.
Apple laughed and shed tears all the way.
Xu Tingsheng walked not far behind her at a leisurely pace.
Apple stood on a big bridge, leaning on the bridge railing and opening his arms, letting the wind make his clothes rattle, letting his long hair flutter in a mess, including hitting her face.
Then she started singing at the top of her voice, "We Are All Good Boys."
She said, "I should be like this, Xu Tingsheng."
Xu Tingsheng said, "This is very good."
Apple said: "Then what should you look like? Xu Tingsheng. You are twenty years old, is it tiring to play yourself as Superman? Actually, what should you look like?"
Xu Tingsheng thought for a while, rolled up the sleeves of his high-end suit, let it wrinkle up, then pulled his tie crookedly, unbuttoned the top button of his shirt, and picked up a cigarette...
Like a very bad boy.
"Hello, let me meet you. My name is Xu Tingsheng. I am twenty years old."
After finishing speaking, Xu Tingsheng said, "I think so."
So Apple laughed out loud and said, "Who could have imagined that?! But you are so handsome."
Everyone has a time when they were unruly teenagers, at least imagined, and later, life changed the appearance of most people. Xu Tingsheng didn't say the second part of the sentence: "This time, I was born with a changed appearance."
In fact, men are roughly in common in remembering their youth.
Rich people, high-ranking officials, celebrities, ordinary people, in short, most people, when one day they are in their thirties and forties, with a big belly or rough palms, they happen to walk through the hillside or park or alley where they first dated in life, in fact, they are basically the same Feelings and emotion.
Occasionally, the men would even miss the one-on-one match between me and someone who was thin at that time, and after winning or losing, I was blocked by a group of people at the school gate.
Even the tension and fear at that time, when recalled years later, I actually find it interesting.
Therefore, it is the society that portrays the teenagers in a different way, not the so-called growth.
The changes that teenagers are forced to make in society are called growth. This is the biggest lie in this society and the most "dirty" slander of life.
It's like someone slashing across a beautiful painting and saying, "Look, age has cracked it." It's as shameless as it gets.
Apple kissed Xu Tingsheng's lips lightly, and it stopped as soon as he touched it, but he was so serious. Do you remember the first time that girl kissed you on the lips
Then, she took his hand and continued walking.
So, people go from dim street lights to bright neon lights.
Finally, he got into a deep alley again.
The two walked through an alley and found a small shop at the end of another deep alley. Outside the store door, the old light bulbs glowed dimly under the eaves, and the boss and his wife sitting at the door were not young.
Apple said: "Boss, boss lady, do you remember me?"
The two looked at it, thought about it, and finally shook their heads.
Apple was not disappointed either, and brought Xu Tingsheng into the store, ordered a few side dishes, and ordered wine.
First glass of wine, Apple says:
"When I first came to Shenghai, my mother worked in this shop. We lived behind here, in the small attic of an old house. I remember that every night when it rained heavily, we had to get up , Take out all the pots and pans, and then the rainwater leaking from the corner of the bed.
Then they hugged each other and leaned against the head of the bed, listening to the strong wind and rain, and the sound of rumbling thunder, and dared not sleep all night. Dad used to love Mom very much. I remember he said that the two of us are like he has two daughters. "
Then, Xu Tingsheng heard Apple talk about her past so seriously for the first time. Although fragmented.
In 1993, Apple's father suddenly decided to divorce, and then left Libei in a hurry. So 10-year-old Apple came to Shenghai with his mother, just because his mother heard that he was in Shenghai.
They did not find him, but chose to stay.
The pampered mom learns to be tough on her own while taking care of Apple.
"I started going to school here with a very strong anxiety and fear," Apple said. "At that time, I was actually very quiet and well-behaved at the beginning. Don't laugh."
"Actually, I've always thought that if Dad had been around, maybe I might end up being a different girl, maybe like someone you should have met. She was one of the girls I met at Libei Middle School. , no, among all the girls I have ever met, the one I admire and yearn for the most, her name is Ye Yingjing.
I envy her more than Zhixin.
Of course, my academic performance may not be as good as hers, but it is not so bad. do you know? There was a time when I really wanted to be friends with her, but it was impossible, right? "
After Apple finished speaking, he smiled with tears in his eyes. Then go on to say:
"But no one cares about it. They just say I'm a rustic countryman, a classmate, and even a teacher. They say I have a country accent, dress dirty, and have a dirty name. And people will pinch my clothes. Laugh at me being poor. At that time, my family was really poor, and my clothes were always very old, even though they were clean."
"Later we started to have English classes, and I realized that most of my classmates had already learned it. They took turns to walk up to the podium, introduce themselves in English, and tell everyone their English names. Some of them are called Dave, Aaron , some called Rose, Jessica... "
"When it was my turn, I was nervous. The teacher saved my self-introduction and asked me what my English name was. I said, Apple." , that's all I know, so I say it."
"The students were laughing, but the teacher said it was a cute name," Apple said. "Since then, I have told Dave and Rose that my name is Apple."
Apple has a cute English name, but in the end she still didn't get the recognition from those "excellent" classmates. Finally, she had to realize that only with those bad classmates who started to secretly dye their yellow hair, could she become the same kind .
"I learned to talk like them, to walk, to play with them. I had friends. Then I found that although more and more people hated me, they were afraid to speak out and afraid of me.
Including those classmates who didn't even want to be at the same table with me before, they sat aside obediently and didn't dare to say anything. They hate me anyway, don't they? So why do I care.
Later, when I grew up, I became more and more beautiful, and many boys began to like me, all kinds of boys liked me. Then I learned how to deal with them and use them. I'm great. "
Apple has found her protective colors.
"Afterwards, I became what you saw me at first. I didn't know until the third year of high school that I still had to go back to Libei to take the college entrance examination. I didn't pass the college entrance examination for the first time. My mother insisted that I go to Libei I was transferred to the high school, so I came to your class.
In the small county town of Libei, in Libei Middle School, I found that I have become the most special outlier. When I describe myself to others, I will even exaggerate this difference, and then enjoy their incredible eyes. Even the attitude of flattering and following.
Do you remember that time? "
Xu Tingsheng shook his head and said, "I forgot, I don't remember much about that time."
Apple said: "Yeah, at that time, you didn't seem to care about anything, you just played football, and fooled around with Huang Yaming, Fu Cheng and the others. You even chased Yao Jing like a game that happened on a whim. It made me think Laughing. But, at that time, you actually hated me, right? You didn’t even look at me or talk to me.
In fact, I was quite curious about you back then, but one time I took the initiative to say hello to you, you see I didn't speak. You look at me like those disdainful classmates I used to have. So I thought you were awesome, and started to make myself hate you. "
Xu Tingsheng said: "At that time, there were probably not many people who liked me. I was a different kind of strange person."
Apple laughed, and then said: "Later, until 3 months before the college entrance examination, you suddenly left and came back, and then began to look like a god, and began to glow all over. Oh, where have I seen such an amazing person, so I was fascinated immediately .But when I think about it later, the real reason, do you know what it is?"
Xu Tingsheng said, "What is it?"
Apple said: "Because you did what I imagined, and became what I imagined to be. In a word, don't laugh. In fact, it wasn't until then that I realized that I actually wanted to be an excellent person so much. , You don’t have to try every means to find approval, and you will be recognized by everyone.”
Down a glass of wine, Apple continued:
"I started to think of ways to get close to you, and we had contact. Then, I found another you, and found the possibility of warmth and stability in you, and I began to like you. Then I tried my best, hoping to be liked by you.
For a long time, I have always hoped to show you a special me, to be a me that you can identify with, and I will not hesitate to force and wrong myself. "
Apple's life, from the day she came to Shenghai, has actually been doing the same thing, losing herself, disguising herself, changing herself, looking for identity and a sense of belonging.
Then, she even lost herself.
The root of depression is self-denial. She went through the darkest period of her life, and even though she finally came to Xu Tingsheng's side, she only found that she was just a subordinate who had no sense of existence and no independent existence.
A lonely little sika deer was looking for the eaves and got stuck in the swamp and darkness on the way. After escaping with difficulty, she looked back at the way she came, and also stopped to look at the eaves. Finally, she turned and walked into the forest on the other side, where she was the sika deer.
On the penultimate cup, Apple said: "Xu Tingsheng, thank you. You let me see who I want to be."
One last drink, Apple says:
"You and me, let's say goodbye to Apple. I'm Cen Xiyu. Cen Xiyu will still like Xu Tingsheng, but it won't be like before. I hope you like me the way I am."