The top business districts in Milan seem to be prepared for showing off and enjoyment, lacking the atmosphere of ordinary life.
When Li Wan'er was about to take Xu Tingsheng to continue walking down the street, Xu Tingsheng asked her if there were any neighborhoods for daily life here, and Li Wan'er said, of course there is, do you want to go and see
Xu Tingsheng said, "I want to see you get your life settled down. I'll see you settle down, and then I'll leave."
Li Wan'er was silent for a while, raised her head, sniffled her nose, and said, "Don't pretend to be nice to me. Then, let me hold your hand. I thought about it all night, and at least I don't think you look like an aunt."
While speaking, she put her arm through Xu Tingsheng's and held it tightly.
"How could you be like Auntie?" Xu Tingsheng said with a smile, "Auntie, you are too confident."
Li Wan'er angrily twisted the inside of Xu Tingsheng's arm, the position was prone to pain, Xu Tingsheng cried out in pain, and a group of old people looked outside, and then smiled kindly.
"It seems that they are more like couples, at least they think so," Xu Tingsheng said, "Then hold for a while, I have to help you carry things later. When women go shopping, men do this, right?"
Li Wan'er thought about it, and it seemed that everyone else was like this, but she hadn't, so she said, "Okay."
Li Wan'er had returned to China for a while, and she had just moved, so she actually had a lot of things to buy. They even bought a bag of rice and a few cans of Chinese sauce.
Xu Tingsheng's suit jacket was in Li Wan'er's hands, it was the only thing Li Wan'er was holding, and Xu Tingsheng's hands, arms, and shoulders were full of things.
He could tell that Li Wan'er along the way was very happy, with a feeling of bliss.
The two of them returned to Li Wan'er's new home around nine o'clock at night, or nearly ten o'clock at night.
When she arrived in front of her house, Li Wan'er felt cramped again.
After Xu Tingsheng entered the room and put down his things, he went straight to the bathroom.
Li Wan'er found a hanger to hang up his suit jacket, she carefully smoothed the suit, as if it would hang here for a long time.
She forgot that that person would actually not stay.
When tidying up her clothes, Li Wan'er's fingertips touched the ticket outside the built-in pocket of the suit. She hesitated for a moment, but took out the ticket to look at it.
November 15, 2004, tomorrow afternoon, Milan, Italy - Paris, France.
He is leaving.
Just at this moment, her heart seemed to be blocked, and Li Wan'er suddenly realized that the determination she made through gritting her teeth seemed to be no match for the small piece of paper in her hand.
She was afraid that she would just surrender and give up persistence, so instead she was eager to talk to Xu Tingsheng to express her determination not to give in.
When Li Wan'er saw Xu Tingsheng, he was standing on a stool, took out the old light bulb in the bathroom, and put it on the small window sill. Then he took off the small paper box he was biting into, opened it, and took out a new one. light bulb...
"What, um... did the light bulb go out? When did you get a new one?"
Li Wan'er suddenly forgot to say what she wanted to say, and asked a very ordinary question.
"I tried all the lights in your place this afternoon, and everything else is fine. This one can't be said to be broken, but it will flicker occasionally, and I'm afraid it won't last long. I just want to change it for you first, or I'll leave. You may not know it yourself. You said the lamp? I just bought it when I was following you."
Because the switch was not turned on, Xu Tingsheng carefully installed the new light bulb while talking normally.
The light came on, a soft warm light, he looked at it, clapped his hands, jumped off the stool, put the old light bulb in a box and put it away before throwing it in the trash. Wipe the foot stool and place it against the wall.
This is just the most ordinary life scene, but Li Wan'er has been watching intently, deeply immersed in it. Because like this, it seems to be life, what she hopes, is a life with him.
"So he tried all the lights here this afternoon..." Li Wan'er thought.
In fact, dependence and nostalgia have already been planted in the heart, and then like vines growing wildly, entangled people more and more tightly.
The man in front of her once showed his rogue and cute side. In him, Li Waner regained the missing feeling that she yearned for when she was young and girly, the passion of falling in love with someone, and the subtlety of beating her heart.
Then there is his maturity and strength, which made her feel dependent and protected again.
Just like that day, she just saw his name appearing in the corner of the elegiac couplet, and she felt at ease, knowing that she didn't have to hold on any longer, and it was him instead.
But now in this scene, the warmth in the simplest place actually makes her the most reluctant.
Li Wan'er is willing to be this man's vassal, even if she loses herself for it, to be a virtuous and quiet housewife, to serve her man, cook, wash clothes, hand him slippers when he comes home, and hang up his clothes …
She would tidy him up so nicely every day, he was so good-looking, she could sit at home and wait for him to come back and imagine herself being envied by everyone, and then start planning what he would wear tomorrow...
Apart from…
Third party, concubine, mistress... These words have broken through Li Waner's moral bottom line, she has never lived recklessly, how can she accept it
And he didn't give her any buffer space or time, the process happened naturally... so direct and aggressive... Li Wan'er was even a little annoyed by this.
When Xu Tingsheng came out and saw her in a daze, he stretched out his hand and shook it in front of her, and said, "Li Wan'er, what's wrong?"
Li Wan'er said with some embarrassment, "No, it's fine."
"That's good. After living independently for so long, it shouldn't be a problem to take care of yourself, right? You have to take care of yourself in the future," Xu Tingsheng said, "Let's see what else I can do. You will still have to spend money to find workers later on."
Li Wan'er said, "No more. Xu Tingsheng..."
Xu Tingsheng said, "What's wrong?"
Li Wan'er said: "I want to say, I don't know why, sometimes I don't think you are twenty years old, I think you are as old as me."
"... You're right. I'm actually a little older than you." Xu Tingsheng said with a smile.
Li Wan'er thought Xu Tingsheng was laughing at her, she had heard words like old woman, aunt, and old cow from him, it was really bad.
She glared at Xu Tingsheng, went into the bathroom, twisted a towel and handed it to him, then looked at her watch, said nervously, "It's ten o'clock, still, there's still time... Shall I cook you some porridge? Are you hungry?"
After walking for a whole night and carrying so many things, Xu Tingsheng felt that he was really hungry. In addition, he hadn't eaten rice in the past two days, and it seems that he won't be able to eat in the next few days...
Plus, it's not that easy to leave someone behind. "Damn... still so beautiful, and so stupidly easy to bully."
"Okay." Xu Tingsheng said.
Li Wan'er went into the kitchen, and Xu Tingsheng sat on the sofa in the small living room.
The small kitchen is not completely enclosed, Xu Tingsheng can see inside from sitting in the living room, and seeing Li Waner's busy figure, it feels like a fairy descending to earth to wash your hands and make soup for you, which will actually give you a sense of accomplishment.
Xu Tingsheng saw her tossing her long hair to the side, put her hands together, curled them up, and inserted the wooden hairpin.
Then she washed her hands, lifted the lid of the pot with one hand, and drove away the mist with the other to check whether the porridge in the pot was cooked.
It seems that this is the life that 31-year-old Li Wan'er should have. This kind of scene and the smell from the pot, including her demeanor and behavior, lead to a calm, simple, but warm life.
When the two sat and drank porridge, Li Wan'er never looked at Xu Tingsheng, and even when talking, she only answered when Xu Tingsheng asked.
Li Wan'er was actually very angry, "Why can he pretend to be so indifferent, so normal?"
To Li Wan'er, Xu Tingsheng's normal state is like silently pressing her every step of the way, using the warmest way to do the most domineering things, asking her to yield.
Li Wan'er ate very slowly, but she would finish eating eventually, then she cleared the table and Xu Tingsheng washed the dishes...
Then she made tea again, and then... finally there was nothing to do, Li Wan'er had to go back to Xu Tingsheng to face that problem.
Taking a deep breath, Li Wan'er said, "Xu Tingsheng..."
Xu Tingsheng said, "Huh?"
Li Wan'er said: "I, I won't be any lover. You, you can't either."
After finishing speaking, she looked at him with big eyes, perhaps expressing her determination, perhaps, expecting some unexpected reactions.
Xu Tingsheng was stunned, but it is understandable that recently, Li Wan'er may indeed have been subjected to too many such temptations and coercions, and he... has done so many things that should be done and shouldn't be done, and the impulsiveness in that aspect is not lacking. She has been out before, so it is normal for her to have such thoughts and worries.
"That's good." With embarrassment, Xu Tingsheng couldn't stay any longer, got up and said:
"Then I'll go back to the hotel first, and I'll leave Milan tomorrow afternoon. If you have anything else you need me to do, call me before noon tomorrow. Also, take good care of yourself in the future, if you meet Don't be alone anymore."
After finishing speaking, Xu Tingsheng got up a little lonely, took off the suit jacket hanging on the side of the door, opened the door and left.
Li Wan'er saw Xu Tingsheng take away the suit jacket that she hung up carefully not long ago, it was as if... He emptied the whole room, yes, everything, including her heart.
Li Wan'er stood up and walked towards the door.
Xu Tingsheng opened the door and came back, looked at her and said, "Li Wan'er, I won't care about you from now on, you must take care of yourself. Don't be so useless and stupid from now on."
After finishing speaking, he paused for a moment, and finally had nothing to say, closed the door and left.
"Obviously, I clearly agreed that I'll make you breakfast tomorrow morning. Are you angry when you're rejected? Aren't you overbearing? You won't... press against the wall, why this time..."
Li Wan'er whispered to the closed door.
…
The late night in this old neighborhood is like the calmest sea in the night.
The wind was a bit cold, Xu Tingsheng walked on the street, put on his coat, tightened it tightly, and hugged his hands...
"I'll go, such a beautiful girl... I just lost it like this. Student Xiang Ning, give uncle some encouragement, why don't you at least learn how to cook porridge when you grow up?"
…
Li Wan'er was sitting in the empty room. In fact, the small room was full of things, but she still felt empty.
This is the third time she has felt this way.
For the first time, he said "two clears" at the intersection.
The second time, after she made that phone call, she got a heartless answer.
For the third time, he took off his clothes and left, probably never to appear again.
"Are you cleared? How? I owe you so much, and I miss you... so much."
Li Wan'er only knows now that there is only one thing left, which is for her to have nothing to do with this man from now on... No, absolutely not. All other thoughts are suppressed by this question, only this... Absolutely not.
"Who told you to provoke me..."