Xia Mian returned to China after an absence of eight years, his cousin called almost every day, urging Xia Mian to meet him.
Xia Mian repeatedly rejected him with words such as "busy", "no time", "let's talk when I have time", etc. My cousin endured him for a month, but finally couldn't bear it anymore, and yelled at him on the phone: "Crows know how to feed back, you Don’t those who have no conscience know how to be grateful? How did I help you back then? I’m more like your dad than your dad. Why did you die without a conscience? I want to see you, do you want to wait until I die for the funeral?”
My cousin couldn’t go home to have New Year’s Eve dinner with his parents because of overtime work during Chinese New Year. His father called him and scolded him like this.
Unexpectedly, this set would also work on the hard-hearted Xia Mian. He let go to meet his cousin, and the cousin made an inch of it, saying that he would go to Xia Mian's new home to see.
Xia Mian agreed.
On the evening of the working day, my cousin changed shifts and went to the kindergarten to pick up his daughter Guoguo after a long absence, and brought her to Xia Mian's house together.
Xia Mian cooks for himself, and when his cousin rings the doorbell, he is looking up children's recipes online.
"Hi Uncle, I'm Guoguo."
As soon as the door is opened, there is a soft smiling face of the little girl. The so-called stretch out your hand and don't hit the smiling face, let alone the little smiling face. After eight years of seeing each other, my cousin was afraid that the atmosphere would be stiff, so he deliberately brought his daughter to ease the atmosphere.
"Guoguo is good." Xia Mian bowed to greet her, "Come in and sit."
Guoguo raised her head and smiled at her father, dragging him into the house.
"What does she like to eat?"
The two cousins put Guoguo in the living room to watch TV, and went into the kitchen to discuss what to make for her for dinner.
"Hmm..." my cousin tried hard to remember. The hospital is too busy, Guoguo's mother cooks all three meals, "It seems that she is not a picky eater, but she is allergic to peanuts."
Xia Mian let out a "huh" to show that he knew.
He cooks while his cousin looks around at his new house. On the way here, my cousin was surprised enough. This is a high-end residential area in the city center. There are two households on one floor. The living room and dining room are open, and the floor-to-ceiling windows face the south-facing scenery. Most people can't afford it.
"Did you rent and buy this house? Loan or full payment?"
Xia Mian ignored him.
The cousin instantly understood: "Did you earn so much abroad?"
Calculating the price of this suite, my cousin was a little dazed. He never imagined what Xia Mian would look like after "success". Even eight years ago, as a top student at a top university, Xia Mian was qualified for the National Elite Study Abroad Program. different.
He always remembered that when he was in his first year of high school, Xia Mian was hit on the head with a beer bottle by his father, and he hid in the bicycle shed downstairs of his house all night with his head broken and bleeding. He got up early to go to school to pick up the car. Seeing that half of the child's face was covered with coagulated blood, he was so frightened that he couldn't speak, so he hurriedly stopped a taxi to take him to the hospital.
The doctor treated Xia Mian's wound, but he didn't say a word, but stared ahead with gloomy eyes. My cousin thumped in his heart, thinking: It's over, this kid is going to have a mental problem.
Later, Xia Mian had a scar on the back of his head where he didn't grow long hair. He used other hair to cover it up, like a small hair twirl, and the injuries he had suffered could no longer be seen.
"You are promising." My cousin sighed, "We are a working-class family, and your father is even more indebted. I give you a thumbs-up if you have come to this point."
Xia Mian glanced at him and drove him out: "Go and look at your daughter, I heard the sound of her throwing the remote control."
After dinner, Guoguo fell asleep, her cousin took her to the room to rest, closed the door, and chatted with Xia Mian in the dining room.
He took out the white wine he brought and poured Xia Mian a glass, but Xia Mian refused to take it: "You have to drive back later, and bring your daughter with you."
"So you drink, I don't drink." My cousin said, "It's always going through the motions. The wine was bought by my dad. He said that he must have a drink with you if he has the opportunity. He will drink you down and let you drink. I know how powerful the elders are."
Xia Mian took the wine glass wordlessly and choked down the sip.
"Are you tired all these years?" My cousin asked.
"good."
"Aren't you tired of earning so much? Buying a house is like buying water, and you don't discuss it with your family."
"..."
"Forget it, whether you are tired or not, it's over. Don't work too hard when you return to China. No matter how bad it is, you will be supported by my brother and your uncle. You have relatives, you know?"
Xia Mian frowned slightly and said "I know" as Gao Gaobaijiu rushed forward.
The cousin smiled: "This wine can't stand it, the alcohol is too high, only my dad and your dad can stand it in our family."
Seeing that Xia Mian's face was not looking good, he waved his hands and said, "Don't worry, I didn't tell your father about your return to China. If you said it, you must have said it yourself, that old man..."
My cousin paused for a while, then lowered his voice, "About five or six years ago, when he was diagnosed with liver cirrhosis, he became honest all of a sudden. He didn't drink or smoke, and he didn't even watch TV. He sat in the community park sooner or later. In a daze. To be honest, it’s really ugly to live to his age and look like a tramp. There is no wife and children, no health, and the savings are still negative. If one day dies at home, no one may know.”
The restaurant was quiet, only the voice of my cousin talking about it while recalling. Xia Mian listened calmly, as if she was listening to other people's affairs.
"The only one who is willing to walk around with him is my dad. After all, he is his own brother, so it is impossible to leave it alone. He always tells my dad that he wants to see you before he dies, saying that he regrets it, and now he is punished. If he meets you face to face Sorry, maybe you won't go to hell after you die."
After the cousin finished speaking, he asked seriously: "Would you like to meet him?"
Xia Mian pursed her lips and remained silent.
He once made a poisonous oath that he would never have any contact with his father. He has done it all these years, and he doesn't think he has any reason to break the oath.
"You don't want to get involved with your father. I understand. In fact, I also think that Dad treats him like that. You don't want to. But Xia Mian, have you really come out? Are you afraid to see him or really don't care about the past? What's wrong?"
My cousin said, "I told you that he is sick. I don't want you to care about him. I want you to stand in front of him as you are now and let him know what a good son he has lost! I want you to go Facing problems, you must also face problems. He is a scumbag, but he is also your own father. If he dies one day, you have never even looked at him. I am afraid that you will leave a hole in your heart... "
Xia Mian frowned and interrupted his cousin: "I'm letting go."
He repeated, "I put it down. I pay a sum of money to his card every year. I have a clear conscience, and I don't spend energy to remember him."
"You gave him money, but I think you are running away." My cousin shook his head, "I remember you said that it wasn't that you were sorry for him, nor that you were ashamed to see him. Since you have a clear conscience and don't hold grudges, he is a Wouldn't it be good for people who don't care to meet each other early, and end up with one thing early?"
The cousin didn't drink, but he was better than Xia Mian who drank. Xia Mian didn't want to argue with him, so she said, "I will think about it."
The cousin sighed, and said the words he had held back for many years in one breath, leaving only joy in his heart. He wanted to drink a glass of wine to refresh himself, but thought of his daughter sleeping in the room, so he gave up.
He pointed to the room and changed the subject: "What do you think of your niece?"
"It's cute." Xia Mian said, "But he likes to make trouble."
My cousin is full of doting: "If a child makes a fuss, just make a fuss, as long as he doesn't make mistakes in matters of principle. Little girls should make more fuss, so as not to be bullied by boys."
Xia Mian does not comment on his cousin's educational philosophy. He has never raised a child, so he has no right to criticize his cousin.
The cousin asked again: "Have you talked about friends in these years?"
Xia Mian said, "We talked about it, but there was no result."
"Your conditions are not enough." The cousin raised his eyebrows, "Do you want a blind date? I am a matchmaker, and there are young girls from all walks of life. When you walk with my parents during the holidays, you take your wife to see them I'm so curious."
"Wife" is a wonderful word for a man. When you mention it, you can think of a vague figure, whether it is wind or rain, it will accompany you. Warm light, hot water, the body temperature of another person at night, the residual heat left by the pillow in the morning; the noise of the washing machine, the fast frequency of chopping boards in the kitchen, the small conversations after meals and before going to bed...all are extremely warm images.
Xia Mian was distracted for a moment, and what he remembered was Li Li who had been waiting for him in the hotel for more than four hours.
"Living alone is easy to break down. Although two people have friction, it feels really different to have someone to help you in trouble." Cousin persuaded, "You are thirty years old, you have to think about starting a family. Don't wait four years. If you marry a young and beautiful girl at the age of fifty, you will be scolded as an old cow eating young grass."
Xia Mian picked up the cup and asked his cousin to pour him another cup.
"I've thought about getting married, but I don't need a blind date."
The strong wine enters the throat, from the throat to the stomach, it is like a name that Xia Mian holds on the tip of the tongue, the taste is sweet and bitter, and the aftertaste is mellow.
He said: "I already have someone I like, whether I want to develop it further, I have to wait and see."
Li Li lives near the middle school where he works, and bought a second-hand house of a retired teacher in the school.
The community is a bit old, and the nearby roads are not wide enough. Xia Mian drove over during the rush hour on Saturday night, and was stuck in traffic for half an hour before entering the community.
Fearing that he would not be found, Li Li waited for him at the entrance of the community early. When he saw his car approaching, he smiled and waved, motioning him to go straight to the parking lot.
Xia Mian didn't drive away, he stopped beside Li Li and asked him to sit in the co-pilot.
Li Li wanted to refuse, but Xia Mian blocked the car behind him and kept honking the horn to urge people, so he had to quickly open the door and get in.
"Sorry..." Li Li said, "I'm sweating and I might dirty your car. Do you have toilet paper in the car? I only took my keys and my phone with me when I went out."
"You have it with you, black box."
"Thank you." Li Li took out a tissue from the paper box and wiped the sweat on his forehead. He was hunched forward, not leaning against the back of the seat, not wanting his sweaty clothes to touch the car seat.
The summer evening was sweltering like a steamer, and Li Li broke out in a thin sweat as soon as he went out. While waiting for Xia Mian, he paced back and forth anxiously, sweating profusely, and his shirt was slowly soaked.
"Have you had dinner?" Li Li asked.
"Eat." Xia Mian drove into the parking lot, held the steering wheel with one hand, shifted into reverse gear and put it into the garage, "Did you cook for me?"
"I..." Li Li was a little embarrassed, "I did cook your meal...but I have to cook for myself anyway. It doesn't matter if you eat it beforehand, what I cook may not be to your taste."
He put down his sweaty hand, maybe because the air conditioner in the car was fully turned on, he didn't feel the stuffiness at all.
Xia Mian parked the car, turned off the engine, but didn't get off in a hurry.
"If you want to cook for me, you can tell me in advance and ask me what I want to eat." He said, "It's not that you don't have my contact information."
Li Li raised his head in surprise, Xia Mian also looked at him sideways, their eyes intertwined, Li Li was stunned.
He set Xia Mian's phone as a shortcut key, long press "1" and it will dial. He also added "A" to Xia Mian's WeChat note, so that Xia Mian will always be the first contact person.
But he didn't dare to make a phone call, nor did he dare to send too many messages. This was a relationship he lost and regained with great difficulty. It was in danger and he was walking on thin ice. He would rather suffer a little in exchange for a longer life.
"Next time... If there is a next time, I will call you."
Li Li lives on the third floor, with two bedrooms and two living rooms, with good lighting and ventilation. The neighbors are all middle-aged and elderly people who raise dogs and grow flowers. They are quiet and not noisy, and they are very kind to him.
Xia Mian was changing shoes at the entrance, and saw that the interior was redecorated in a modern and minimalist style. There are not many sundries in the visible place, and all the things that can be stored are put away in the integrated cabinet. The furniture and electrical appliances in the living room are few and simple, and the only decoration is the paintings hanging on the wall—
The colors are rich and bright, and the painting is a grape rack full of purple-red fruits.
"Would you like coffee or tea?" Li Li poked his head out of the kitchen and asked.
Xia Mian stared at the painting in the living room: "Plain water, ice is the best."
Li Li poured white water for him, took out an ice tray from the refrigerator and put ice cubes in it, and handed it to him while asking, "How's the temperature of the air conditioner, should it be higher or lower?"
Xia Mian drank half a glass of ice water, chewed two ice cubes and put them in his mouth. His temples were so cold that they ached, and the raging heat wave in his chest could be calmed down for a while.
"Are you painting the grapes of the villa?" he asked.
Li Li looked at his painting. He framed the painting in a wooden frame and placed it in the most prominent position in the living room, making it the most colorful color in his plain space.
"Yes...the grapes of the villa. Sometimes, I miss you so much that I almost can't live. But I dare not draw you, so I will draw grapes." Li Li said, and touched his back unconsciously. neck scar.
"I have two rooms here, one is a bedroom, and the other houses my paintings, almost all of which are about grapes."
He missed Xia Mian, so he painted grapes, and painted all kinds of grapes he saw in three summers: green when they were not ripe, purple and black when ripe, mouth-watering in the sun, rainstorm dilapidated;
Draw what he saw from a distance with his luggage, what he saw while sketching in the courtyard, what he saw when he was blowing wind on the balcony, what he saw while chatting through the glass door;
The painting was seen in Xia Mian's room, in Xia Mian's arms, when Xia Mian kissed him, and when he had intercourse with Xia Mian...
His longing for Xia Mian is endless, so he has painted thousands of pictures, but they are not enough.
He said wistfully: "Do you remember this angle? It looks like this from your room."
Xia Mian clenched his jaw and stared at the painting. The ice in his mouth turned into water and flowed into the hot sea in his chest.
Li Li didn't dare to paint him, so why would he dare to dream of Li Li subconsciously.
He had seen many grapes in his dream. In the dream, he always stood in the pitch black and crushed the berries, weeping hoarsely, while frantically licking the juice flowing between his fingers.
Grape juice is not sweet, it is as bitter as bile, so bitter that Xia Mian's soul shrivels and shrinks back into a crying baby.