When the elementary school near the park is over, the children will go to the park in pairs to play for a while with their schoolbags on their backs, and then go home together.
Recently, after get off work in the evening, Li Li would sit in the park until dark. He took the medicine to relieve the early pregnancy reaction, and watched the children swing and build a sandpit, and he was able to eat something smoothly.
A little fat man piled up a bulging ball in the sandpit. Two little boys chasing each other ran over and crushed his ball. The little fat man chased up and beat the man with his fists. The two little boys screamed strangely and ran for their lives in a panic.
Li Li looked at them and couldn't help smiling.
After dark, the children in the park all went home. Li Li also got up and left. He thought that he should go to bed early today, to improve his spirit, maybe he can eat more tomorrow, so that he can generate more strength, so he muster up the courage to call Xia Mian again.
The park was not far from Li Li's house. He wandered slowly back to the community. When passing by the parking lot, he caught a glimpse of a black car. He stopped and stared at the car in a daze.
Most of the parking lots in the old-fashioned residential quarters were planned on the ground. Later, when there were not enough parking spaces, the greenery was reduced everywhere, and a few places were added piecemeal.
There is a new row of parking spaces downstairs from Li Li's house. He asked someone to buy an extra parking space, so that every time Xia Mian came over, he didn't have to look for a place to park, just park in his exclusive parking space.
It has been vacant for a long time since the beginning of the year, but now there is a black car parked there. Li Li silently read the license plate number and confirmed that it was the one that Xia Mian often drove.
Li Li thought that he had only given Xia Mian the spare key at home.
He trotted at first, then strided up the stairs with all his might. The muscles of his whole body were sore and weak, and he was about to fall several times, but he held on to the handrail to stand firm and continued to run up. He has only one thought, and that is to get home quickly, open the door quickly, and see if God is kidding him—
Will there be Xia Mian inside the door
Li Li took the key to open the door. In the dark night, his home was lit.
"Xia Mian?"
Li Li supported the wall and took two steps inside. The rapid breathing rate prevented his lungs from grabbing oxygen, and his vision was shaken, and he could only see the outline of the person in front of him clearly.
He has never completely painted Xia Mian's whole body with a pen. But he has already described Xia Mian thousands of times in his heart. He engraved Xia Mian's figure in his mind, and he could silently draw every detail by picking up a pen.
He can be sure that Xia Mian is standing in front of his eyes right now.
"Why didn't you answer the phone?" Xia Mian asked, "It's getting dark, where have you been?"
Li Li reached out to touch the cell phone in his jacket pocket, took it out, and saw that the silent mode he had switched to when he went to the hospital for an examination in the morning hadn't been changed back. Xia Mian's more than ten missed calls made his heart tremble, and he said: "I'm sorry, I didn't expect you to be willing to come to see me..."
Li Li's throat and lungs were burning, he blinked his eyes, trying to see Xia Mian more clearly.
"If I don't come, will you call me again?"
Xia Mian asked him, every syllable was deep and hoarse, with hidden pain in his mouth.
"I'll call." Li Li immediately said, "I want to explain everything to you face to face, especially one thing, I think it would be a pity if I can't tell you face to face and see how you look when you know it."
Li Li thought that from now on, he would have the courage to add two people together.
"I'm pregnant. It's okay to tell you on the phone, but I'm always hesitant and not confident... I'm sorry."
He overcame the lack of oxygen after running, and saw Xia Mian with red eyes in his gradually clear vision.
This was something Li Li had never seen before, Xia Mian no longer had an expression of being at ease with anything.
"I want this child." Xia Mian stared at Li Li and said word by word, "I want you too, Li Li. We will go on together, so don't hide anything from me, I want to listen to you Tell me every detail of the past."
Li Li looked at him, and his eyes turned red for a moment.
The flood broke the embankment, washing away the rotten sores that had been hidden for many years. After the turbulence, the heavy rain finally ends sometimes.
If we want to say "eight years ago", where should we start
When dreaming back in the middle of the night, Li Li had typed countless drafts.
"Have I told you about the situation in my family? My aunt is the only one in my family. She adopted me against all odds. I have always regarded her as my mother. I graduated from university in June of that year. I first returned to my hometown and wanted to take care of my aunt. Take it out."
Li Li and Xia Mian sat at the two ends of the sofa, in front of them was a hanging painting of purple grapes that symbolized summer memories. He peeled off his body, and told Xia Mian the rotten insides bit by bit.
When Li Li called Xia Mian at the graduation ceremony, he did not expect to lose Xia Mian for so many years in the future. With the innocence and simplicity of a fresh graduate, he thought that the biggest difficulty in falling in love with others is just to make the one he loves fall in love with him.
Li Li's aunt single-handedly gave Li Li the care of a complete family. Li Li returned to his hometown with his undergraduate diploma and the money he saved during college, thinking that as long as he asked, he would be able to pick up his aunt smoothly.
"When I returned to my hometown, I found out that my aunt had been entangled by a bad debt collector. Someone tricked her into taking out a usury loan, and the principal plus interest rolled over to more than 70,000. We couldn't pay it back, and the debt collector threw red on the corridor of my house. Qi, making harassing calls 24 hours a day. This is the reason I changed my phone number in the first place.”
Referring to this experience, Li Li's words are general and concise, and he does not want to go into details. He looked up at Xia Mian with a frustrated expression, as if he was asking, "It's only 70,000. I'm useless, right?"
In the face of family debts, he is just a helpless poor student. He can stand up in front of his aunt when the debt collectors come to the house to make trouble, and take the kitchen knife for courage; he can also use clean water and a rag to scrub the corridor afterwards red paint, bowed down to apologize to neighbors one by one.
But if you ask him if he has money, can he solve the problem
He is powerless.
Li Li changed his phone number and secretly moved with his aunt. It didn’t take long for the new address to receive a lawyer’s letter, as well as the “Case Filing Warning” and “Final Warning” written in forged police documents, which clearly stated the identity information of the aunt and her contact Li Li, the amount owed, and warned them not to Repayment will be "criminalized".
Only then did Li Li truly feel afraid of the naked reality. Whether the lawyer's letter and the warning are the means of the debt collectors to scare them, or they really want to sue them through legal proceedings, Li Li understands one fact: repaying debts is a matter of course. If they continue to fail to pay back the money, they will one day face punishment in a legal manner.
"...I found a job in my hometown. While paying back the money, I asked a lawyer if there was a better solution. I regret that I haven't contacted you during this period. On the one hand, I feel that I am too incompetent and have no face to talk to you. Mention this matter; the second is that the lawyer said that I don't need to pay too much attention to the threats and harassment of debt collectors. I think I can pay off the 70,000 yuan as soon as possible by working a few more jobs and get rid of the debt trouble. I can do it without disturbing you , on the premise of not letting you know how embarrassed I am, I still abide by the agreement with you, but I will be late for two or three months."
How difficult is 70,000
Work steadily, catch up interest bit by bit, and there will always be a day when it will be paid off. For his aunt, Li Li worked hard from morning to night and never said it was hard.
If he was just "one person", he might be able to pay off his debts within two or three months, and go to City B for Xia Mian's appointment.
But he's a confused Omega. He didn't know he was pregnant.
"I do several jobs at the same time, which may be quite hard. During that time, I didn't have time to think about other things. I went to sleep after work, woke up and continued to work, and it went on and on. It was very hot in my hometown in August, and there were many mosquitoes. I There was a place on my neck that was always itchy. I thought it was a mosquito bite, so I scratched it with my hands. I scratched it with my hands throughout August... "
When Li Li said this, his voice gradually became weeping. He bent down and curled up, supported his head with his hands, and beat it regretfully. He seemed to be pulled into a black nightmare room. He beat himself, but he couldn't wake up.
The Omega glands are on the back of the neck, and Li Li was so busy day and night that he didn't have the time to look in the mirror, so he never looked at the place he scratched. He just wonders why there are always bloodstains under his nails when he washes his hands, but he always washes off the bloodstains indifferently, and he is used to it.
"Do you remember that in May of that year, I came to look for you in City B and stayed with you for three days. At that time, the school was very busy, so I just found time to come here. I was so busy that I forgot to take the inhibitor."
Li Li buried his face in his palms, hot tears trickled down from between his fingers, converging into a slender river that meanders for eight years.
"At the beginning of September, I almost paid off my debts, and I wanted to buy a bus ticket to find you right away. But I was careless, I was really careless, the more itchy my neck, the harder I scratched. One day, I scratched my neck Broken, bloody hand, someone took me to the hospital, the doctor said I was pregnant with a fifteen week old baby, because I picked out the gland, he died in my stomach... "
Under the flood, Li Li's strictly guarded small room was finally opened. It was a heart-piercing knife and a bone-piercing awl, which smashed the scars on his body again.
"He's my baby and yours, he's fifteen weeks old, and I didn't realize it at all..."
Speaking of this, he suddenly burst into tears, his eyes were bloodshot, but his face was as pale as paper, covered with mottled tears.
"The fifteen-week-old baby had to be induced. When he fell out of my body, he was already a small human being... My heart is broken, Xia Mian. I am his father and his mother. I I like him so much, but I killed him in my body, I regret it too much, it hurts too much, I would rather die than live!"
Li Li's tone was unprecedentedly intense, and the majestic emotions poured out of his heart-piercing words, which were far more shocking than mountain torrents and tsunamis.
He has such a meek and weak character, but at this moment he was about to faint from crying, beating his head like crazy. Xia Mian hugged him into his arms, and squeezed his arms tightly, letting his beating fall on her body.
When Li Li scratched the gland thoroughly, he saw bright red blood gushing out continuously. He didn't know that the itching of the gland was because he was pregnant. The fetus needs the alpha pheromone from the father, and he fails to give it to him.
He woke up in the hospital and heard the doctor said he had a dead baby in his stomach. His aunt was crying beside his bed, and he reacted for a long time before he realized that he and Xia Mian had a child. He screamed, don't induce labor, don't induce labor, the nurse and aunt joined forces to hold his hands and feet, and gave him a sedative.
"I stayed in the hospital for a long time, and I dreamed of my baby every day. I named him 'Yang Yang''..."
Li Li leaned against Xia Mian's arms, smelling Xia Mian's pheromones, letting love and pain intertwine in his chest.
He developed inflammation after the induced labor operation, and doctors said he would have to remove his entire genitals to live. The aunt refused to give up, and took him to and fro between three hospitals, and began a year and a half of treatment.
During those one and a half years, he lived in a disfigured manner. He told his aunt that he wanted to give the dead baby a name, but the aunt begged him not to do it, so he cried and said that the baby would come to him in his dreams every night, and asked him why the baby had no body, no name, and no parents. hold him.
Li Li named the baby "Yangyang" because he and Xia Mian met in a sunny summer.
"After a year and a half, my health improved, and your original mobile phone number can no longer be reached. I can't stand and walk for a long time, so my aunt accompanied me to look for you in City B. You are not at school... Others say that you have gone abroad, and you got it. The most powerful study abroad qualification. I really want to find you, but I am not doing well, how can I find you, how can I drag you back from abroad to suffer with me?"
Li Li grabbed the clothes behind Xia Mian, and his nails penetrated into Xia Mian's flesh through the clothes. He was finally willing to exert great strength on Xia Mian, he stopped respecting him, bowed down to him, he wanted to drag Xia Mian from the sky to rot in the mud with him.
"Do you think I don't want to tell you everything? Do you think I don't want to say it? I really want to tell you the bitterness, let you hug me, love me, and stop talking coldly to me. But I think you even If you have a little affection, if you have a little liking for the baby, you will suffer great torture like me... "
Li Li cried, and he cried hysterically, "I love you so much, how could I be willing to make you sad, how could I be willing to let you fall into the shadow of yang and yang like me! Tell me, put yourself in your shoes, if You have loved you and loved you for eight years like me, how could you possibly do that?"
Li Li cried sharply, it was the most wanton cry in his life. He exposed his heart-piercing knife and bone-piercing awl, Xia Mian embraced him, and they were stabbed through each other.
In the past, Li Li didn't even dare to hug Xia Mian forcefully. He didn't know that Xia Mian never dared to hug him lightly or heavy. Xia Mian was too afraid of losing, so he wanted to hug him tightly, but he cherished his love too much, so he restrained his strength.
Xia Mian wants a complete and devoted love, and this love will not be allowed to fade over more than ten years. He wants to be able to drown him in the unbearable love, and he wants to experience the feeling of being suffocated by love.
Now he got his wish. It turned out that when he was addicted to love, he was willing to die.