Xia Mian's eyes stayed on Li Li's neck for a long time, not to mention Li Li himself, even the students around felt that the atmosphere was not right.
Li Li seemed calm and composed. He smiled and stood up, gave the folding chair and easel to Xia Mian, and invited: "Mr. Xia, the weather is good today, and the light and shadow are beautiful. Would you like to come and paint a few strokes?"
He didn't cover up, evade, let alone explain.
Xia Mian clenched his palms tightly, and his nails dug into his palms, causing slight pain.
"No," he said, "I don't know if you're free now, let's go upstairs and have a cup of coffee."
As soon as he arrived in the courtyard, he invited Li Li upstairs for coffee before he even spoke a word to everyone, as if he had come here specifically to find Li Li.
Li Li was slightly stunned, not surprised, but a sense of confusion that could not distinguish between hallucinations and reality.
He nodded and said "free", took off his apron, and took his mobile phone and cigarette case from the storage box next to the easel.
The two entered the room through the glass door and climbed the stairs one after the other. For the first time in eight years, they were alone without other people present.
It seems like a tacit understanding, but also like an inexplicable competition. Before entering Xia Mian's room, none of them spoke.
"Click."
After entering the door, Li Li, who was behind, locked the door.
"Ah..." He was stunned for a moment, "Sorry, I locked it subconsciously. Do you want to lock it? I'd better open it."
With that said, he put his hand on the doorknob, trying to open the lock.
Memory is inertial. During those three summers, the "click" of the lock was like a sex switch for Xia Mian and Li Li. They both know what they'll do when they lock the door, even if they forget each other, the body still remembers the switch.
"No need." Xia Mian said.
Li Li was embarrassed, put down his hands, and changed the subject a little bluntly: "It's good to lock it, so that no one will disturb you. Do you have anything to talk to me about?"
"Yes." Xia Mian said bluntly, "I want to know why you are here."
"Well..." Li Li lowered his eyes and asked him back, "You and I met by chance, do you believe it?"
"I don't think so."
Xia Mian categorically denied it.
Li Li smiled, raised the cigarette case in his hand, glanced at it, and lowered his hand again: "You don't have to be so direct. I have some things to spend with you for a while, catch up on the past, talk about the current situation, and then tell you would be better."
Xia Mian's temples hurt, and an unbearable sense of irritability rose up.
He took out the cigarette case that Li Li had given him before, pushed it away with one finger, and asked, "You put a business card in the cigarette case, deliberately letting me know where your part-time job is, isn't that direct enough?"
He breathed slowly, trying to keep his tone as calm as possible, "We haven't been in touch for eight years, but you know my return to China, the company's address, and how much of my privacy have you checked behind your back? With all due respect, your actions disgust me. "
The word "disgust" fixed Li Li in place. He smiled dryly, and his complexion turned pale little by little.
"Can I smoke?" He raised the cigarette case apologetically and asked, "While smoking, I will tell you, is that okay?"
Xia Mian recalled the taste of that cigarette, the root of his tongue was slightly numb, as if there was still that bitter but sweet taste.
"Please," he said.
Li Li thanked him, took a cigarette from the cigarette box and lit it, it was the same hand-rolled cigarette as the one given to Xia Mian.
"It was a coincidence that I ran into your cousin through a student's parent. He hasn't changed much, so I recognized him. We had a few meals, because we met through you, so we talked mostly about Your business. Only then did I know where you went abroad and where you worked after graduation. He said he would tell you about meeting me, but I didn’t let him tell. After all, you had no plans to return to China at that time. If you won't come back, why mention me to you?"
As Li Li said, he took a deep breath of the cigarette, and his movements were sophisticated, even more skilled than many old smokers Xia Mian knew.
Since we will not meet each other, there is no need to mention it.
Before deciding to return to China, Xia Mian never thought about contacting Li Li. He made a lot of efforts to make Li Li a piece of his body that was dug out of thin air, with bones and flesh, so it was clean without leaving any traces.
"Later, I lost contact with your cousin. I really wanted to know how you were doing, so I asked a friend who had connections abroad to ask about your situation in the company. I didn't expect you to be transferred back to work in China. This matter is not a secret, I found out after asking someone. As for the date of your return to China, and whether you will come to Teacher Xu's house, I don't know, I just try my luck."
What he said was sincere, but so far it seemed like the kind words that ordinary acquaintances would say.
Xia Mian looked at the smoke in his hand, stared at the slowly burning fire, and asked indifferently, "So?"
Li Li sighed softly, the cigarette was between his fingers and he didn't touch it again, just let it burn in vain: "I don't know what you want to hear. If you want to ask me why I did this..."
He changed the subject, "Does there have to be a 'why'? I thought... I can keep in touch with you, even if we can't be friends, it's good to leave a contact information for each other, and send each other messages during the holidays. Yes. If you want, you can make an appointment every now and then to meet..."
The further Li Li spoke, the softer his voice finally stopped at the word "Meet". It seemed that he felt that it was too impractical to meet from time to time, so there was no need to continue talking.
He lowered his head and touched the scar on the back of his neck naturally, just like many people have the little habit of shuffling their hair, it's completely subconscious.
For no reason, this action caused Xia Mian's heart to prick like a needle.
There are scars there, linked to Li Li's disappearing pheromone, there must be something wrong with his glands.
Why is there a problem, what happened to him all these years
Is he okay, and if not, why
Scars are such intimate glands, who would touch them but lovers
Did he have someone else
Xia Mian didn't speak, and looked at him almost coldly.
The cigarette Li Li held between his fingers was about to burn out, his hands trembled, and the ash fell down, staining the off-white carpet.
"Sorry..." Li Li said immediately, "I'll go to the bathroom to put out the cigarette, please wait a moment."
"Answer me well, Li Li." Xia Mian said without thinking, even before his thoughts came to him, "If it's just for reminiscing about the past, I'm sorry, I don't need this kind of meaningless social interaction."
Holding the cigarette, Li Li's face became paler. He looked up at Xia Mian, with the familiar innocence and helplessness in Xia Mian's eyes.
Is he about to cry
Li Li's eyes were not red, but Xia Mian had this illusion.
Li Li took a deep breath and said slowly: "Actually, when I met your cousin, my first reaction was to contact you again. Knowing that I was settling abroad, I felt hopeless for a while, and then I knew that you were going back to China. I'm so happy that I'm crazy, and I just want to meet you, so I'm not so clear-headed."
He pressed the scar on the back of his neck anxiously, repeatedly, each time getting heavier. "I know I'm delusional, and I don't know if you have a date now, and what you think of me. But... I found you because I wanted to go back to the past and restore the previous relationship with you. "
He said: Go back to the past.
These four words are tantamount to depth charges.
For a moment, Xia Mian felt huge absurdity. He even wondered if he was hallucinating, because Li Li standing in front of him was over 30 years old, holding high-end hand-rolled cigarettes and wearing decent clothes, but just like the poor students eight years ago, he was obedient and begging Looking at the love leaking from his fingers.
Is he joking
"We were too young before, and there's nothing to go back to that kind of unclear relationship."
After a brief silence, Xia Mian responded, "If you want a regular sexual partner, you can find a younger Alpha. I am not young, and I am likely to get married in the next few years. There is no need to cause trouble at this time .”
"Too young", "unclear", "troublesome".
Li Li lowered his head silently, and was silent for a long time before slowly nodding his head.
At first, Xia Mian thought he didn't care, that's why he reacted so coldly. But upon closer inspection, he could clearly see that his whole body was shaking.
"Actually... it doesn't matter for a short period of time. Even a month, half a month..." Li Li buried his head and said, "If you don't mind, we can develop a relationship that you can stop at any time. As you can see, the My glands are damaged, so pheromone secretion and fertility are problematic. My estrus doesn't affect you, or rather, I don't have estrus. Even if you… cum inside again and again, I won't get pregnant .You can use me as a tool, if you don’t need it anymore, I promise, I won’t leave you any ties.”