The air in the evening is not good, the fog is mixed with car exhaust, approaching the evening rush hour, and some sections of the road are already showing signs of traffic jams.
Gu Yan felt that today was extraordinarily long, longer than his previous days moving bricks at the construction site.
At the traffic light, there were still seven or eight cars lined up ahead, Gu Yan leaned on the passenger seat, and took a few glances at Jane Jie.
As the night falls quickly in winter, the street lamps that have been sleeping for a day wake up, and there are colorful business signs all around. People of all kinds, walking and cycling, everyone is rushing to the end of the day.
Jian Jie remained silent, leaving Gu Yan with a sharp profile.
In Gu Yan's memory, Jian Jie has always been the representative of silence, she doesn't like to talk, doesn't like to express, with stubbornness in her brows and eyes, and neither humble nor overbearing in her bones.
"What's wrong?" Jian Jie seemed to feel Gu Yan's gaze, and suddenly turned around.
The gazes of the two collided in the air, and half a second later they each retracted their gazes.
Gu Yan turned his head back to look ahead, thinking of the phone call with Lin Xiaotian just now.
"Jane."
"Um?"
The car began to move forward slowly, and there were horns urging it one after another behind it.
"I've never forgotten you."
Jian Jie's hand holding the steering wheel paused, his pupils constricted, and he turned his head to look at Gu Yan.
"Drive." Gu Yan lifted his chin and pointed ahead.
"What's the meaning... ... "
"Xiaotian once asked me something." Gu Yan raised the corners of his mouth and said in a relaxed tone, "He asked me if I regretted it."
The atmosphere in the car was silent, filled with tension.
In an instant, Jane Jie had realized what Gu Yan was going to say, he held his breath, his nerves tensed.
"I said I don't regret it, but now that I think about it, it's all a lie." Gu Yan sighed: "I regret it, I regret that I wasted nearly seven years of youth, not because I spent these seven years in prison But I originally had seven years or more to accompany you, but I missed it."
Jane Jie drove through the intersection, turned a corner and found a curb where he could park, and parked the car slowly.
In just a few minutes, his heart was turbulent, he was questioning, thinking about the meaning of Gu Yan's words, and he couldn't react.
"I always thought that my life was ruined. My first job after I came out was to move bricks. In this cruel and realistic society, I couldn't find the way I want to go. Everyone has labels on them. Yes, bad, successful, failed, and I... was behind. After I came out, I still kept some habits in it for a while, waking up and falling asleep, sensitive to sound, Mobility constraints, unaccustomed to talking loudly, fear of door opening, taking a shower for no more than ten minutes, and having nightmares every day.”
All of Gu Yan's emotions were contained in a sigh. He saw Jane Jie lying on the steering wheel, and he could also see Jane Jie's trembling shoulders.
But some words must be made clear now.
"My mental illness is due to my self-denial. I never thought of looking for you. I knew in my heart that we are not the same. For a long time, I have been thinking about the relationship between me and you in high school. Which category do you belong to, good brother? Or is it the deeper level? I still remember the first dream I had after I was locked in. You were sitting in an empty classroom, dressed in clean and tidy clothes, with a shameless smile on your face. Harm, tell me 'you're so dirty'."
"It was also the first time that I realized that I really had no freedom. Since then, the sunshine and scenery belong to you outside the bars, and there is only silence and pairs of indifferent and mocking eyes around me."
"Stop talking." Jian Jie interrupted Gu Yan.
He didn't dare to turn his head, afraid of seeing Gu Yan's expression.
"Let me finish." Gu Yan stared at the front with complicated emotions: "I thought it would be better for me to avoid you and avoid the past, but it was not until I came out for about a year that I slowly adapted to the outside world. Life, I suddenly feel that this world is terrible, I have to wrap myself in a cocoon that cannot be rotted, I don’t like to touch strangers, I hate people looking at me, I can’t accept anyone approaching me except Xiaotian.”
Gu Yan didn't know why he suddenly wanted to keep talking, he wanted to tell Jane Jie about his past years.
"But I have to admit that in the past ten years, the more I don't want to admit it, the more painful it is. I want to forget you, but I can't bear to forget you."
He couldn't forget Jane Jie, that young boy who was different in school uniform.
That boy has his secrets, is very stubborn, and occasionally smiles like bathing in the spring breeze. Compared with his peers, he is more mature and stable, with impressive achievements and perfect appearance.
All of these are very attractive to him.
He would have two kinds of dreams, except for the nightmare that he couldn't get rid of, and the sweet dream about Jane that supported him through prison life.
Jian Jie would stand outside the door, reaching out to him, raising his eyebrows occasionally when speaking, and he memorized every subtle expression by heart.
"I tried to push you away, but I found that I couldn't bear it...so—" Gu Yan turned his head and looked at Jian Jie: "I will give you a chance to save me."
The two people were separated by half a meter, and their eyes met.
Jian Jie's eyes were red, her eyelashes were stained with tears, and she stared at Gu Yan intently.
"Will you save me?" Gu Yan asked.
Jane Jie unbuckled his seat belt and leaned towards the passenger seat. He saw that Gu Yan was motionless, breathing gradually closer to each other.
This kiss was different from yesterday's, it was soft and short.
Compared with the kiss, this is like a stamp.
"Don't run away." Jian Jie's lips moved away, her eyes were red, and she touched the tip of Gu Yan's nose with the tip of her nose: "There will be me in the future."
He didn't know what caused Gu Yan to change his mind, but Jian Jie knew that Gu Yan made up his mind to take this step.
A lot of things were buried in the hearts of the two of them, and it didn't matter whether they said it or not.
He hoped that he would be the last one who could stand by Gu Yan's side.
Lin Xiaotian's phone call was just right, which resolved the depressing silence between the two.
"Where is it?"
Gu Yan pinched his nose with his hand, and pushed Jian Jie away a little: "Traffic jam."
"Hurry up, I haven't eaten all day, it's a pity that I came first, and I have to be queued later." Lin Xiaotian said.
"Understood, soon."
After hanging up the old father's phone, Gu Yan suddenly realized that he was very hypocritical just now, and his face turned red with embarrassment after he finished speaking those words from the bottom of his heart.
But Jane didn't dislike it, and touched her lips with her hand: "Do you want to come to my house at night?"
I haven't seen this guy for a few years, why is he getting more and more flamboyant
"I'll go home." Gu Yan said, after thinking for a while, he added: "We'll talk about it on New Year's Day."
Jane Jie didn't insist either.
—
Lin Xiaotian took a seat first, but unexpectedly, the barbecue restaurant that Jane Jie mentioned was crowded at night, there was no parking space all the way, and after driving around for several laps, Jane managed to park the car without hesitation.
"You come here often?" Gu Yan followed behind Jian Jie.
"It's okay." Jian Jie said, "I just wanted to ask you out, so I booked this one."
Is Lin Xiaotian's relationship incidental
Of course, old Lin's father wouldn't care so much, seeing Jian Jie and Gu Yan coming, he yelled from a long distance away: "What's going on!"
Gu Yan sat down next to Lin Xiaotian.
There are already grilled meat skewers on the table, sizzling with aroma, and half a case of opened beer. Lin Xiaotian, with cumin on his mouth, beckoned the two of them to eat quickly.
Gu Yan was really hungry because he didn't eat much at noon.
Jian Jie carefully hung the clothes on the back of the empty chair, wiped her hands with a wet towel before eating.
"I didn't see you being so particular when I was in high school." Lin Xiaotian said.
"Live for a long time, afraid of death."
"Nonsense." Lin Xiaotian gave a bottle of beer all by himself: "Drink it, I'll call a valet later."
Jian Jie looked up at Gu Yan, glanced at the beer bottle, pondered for a moment, picked it up and took a few sips.
"By the way, Gu Yan, can you find your junior high school graduation certificate?" Lin Xiaotian put three skewers of chicken wings on the grill, and put some chili noodles in the saucer.
Gu Yan handed the baked steamed buns to Jian Jie, raised his eyebrows and asked, "I can't find anything from eight hundred years ago, what's wrong?"
"It's not a discussion with Jane Jie, I want to buy you a vocational high school diploma, and I'm enrolling in a self-study college. In fact, I can apply for an undergraduate degree now, it's just that it takes a long time and there are many courses."
"What do you mean?" Gu Yan put down the skewers in his hand.
Lin Xiaotian lowered his voice: "Education, if we get a college or undergraduate diploma, we can brag about it without going to work."
Gu Yan is really ignorant about this point. Based on his understanding of modern society, he basically has to follow the normal nine-year compulsory education and participate in the college entrance examination to get a university diploma. He never thought it would be like this now.
Seeing the light in Gu Yan's eyes, Jian Jie felt uncomfortable and drank a few more sips of wine sullenly.
"I'll find someone to try. It's only after graduating from high school that the file is set up now. If you spend money to buy a high school diploma, it will be much more convenient to apply for an adult college, but there is no rush."
The meal was neither fast nor slow, Lin Xiaotian blushed from drinking, called a surrogate driver and retreated first, Jian Jie held his chin with his hands, and seemed to be on the head.
Gu Yan gritted his teeth and paid the bill, and helped Jian Jie to the parking place.
He didn't take a sip, because he was afraid that Jane Jie drank too much.
The winter night was relatively cold, and when the wind blew, Jian Jie woke up a little bit, and walked slowly next to Gu Yan, unable to express any emotions in his heart.
"Where are the car keys?" Gu Yan helped Jian Jie to the side of the car.
Jane Jie pointed to her pocket: "Can you drive?"
"Then shall we go back?"
"Let's drive." Jian Jie reeked of alcohol and took out the car keys.
When the car drove halfway, Jian Jie fell asleep, and Gu Yan murmured in his heart, which house to drive to was a problem.
After thinking about it until the fork in the road, he bit the bullet and turned to the road to his home.
It was really tormenting, the car couldn't get in at the entrance of the alley, Gu Yan was panting, and carried Jane back home almost half-heartedly.
Originally, the room was dark, and Gu Yan's house was not big, so the shoe cabinet at the door took up a lot of space. As soon as the door opened, one of Gu Yan's feet didn't pay attention, and he fell to the ground with Jane.
Gu Yan's back and waist were hurting, and he grinned in pain, not to mention that there was a drunk Jane Jie on his body, who wanted to turn over but couldn't get up.
"Jane Jie...Jane Jie?" Gu Yan called out.
"Hmm." Jane replied.
"Get up first."
Jian Jie didn't answer, slowly rubbed Gu Yan's face with his lips in the dark, and pressed Gu Yan with both hands uncontrollably.
This situation made Gu Yan startled, he wanted to push Jian Jie away but heard Jian Jie's chuckle in his ear.
Grass, wouldn't it be...
"You fucking..."
Get drunk!
The author has something to say: I still haven't considered who will go first.
Thank you for waiting for the article, if you like it, please stamp it as a favorite.