"Isn't there a word for that?"
"Rarely messed up."
"But I don't want to be so foolish that I risked my own life. I've been in a mess all my life, and it just ended in an unclear manner."
"That's really sad."
She said that she was clearly smiling, but it was more like crying.
Xue Xia is a girl born in summer.
The fishing village by the sea has less than 100 households. To go to school, you have to take the earliest bus to the town, which takes about 20 minutes by car.
Xue Xia didn't know who her father was. She was brought up by her grandparents.
Grandpa has been catching fish all his life, and his biggest asset is an old fishing boat that has been in operation for more than 40 years. Grandma usually stays at home and supplements her family by doing handicrafts.
When I was a child, my genius was shining brightly. My grandfather had already woken up and was about to go to sea. With the bento made by my grandmother, Xue Xia would get up quickly after hearing the movement, rubbing her eyes and running downstairs, rushing downstairs to say a word to him before the other party left. "Be careful on the road".
Then, my grandmother would pass her the white porridge in a beautiful bowl, sprinkle with chopped green onion, shredded egg, and a few pieces of meat that had been marinated until it became hard.
Then, grandma would turn on the radio and start to sew while Xue Xia was having breakfast.
That's how the day started.
Day after day, until the year of Xue Xia Xiaowu.
Grandpa and grandma said they were moving.
"Moving?" Xue Xia blinked. "Where are you going to move?"
"The town, we're going to move to the town." Grandma put her arms around Xue Xia and said to her, "Our land is about to be expropriated, and it is said that we are going to build an ecological park, sigh... Anyway, we Xiao Xia will not need it in the future. I got up at five o'clock, so I can sleep well."
This is undoubtedly a great event for children.
However, Xue Xia did not show excitement or excitement, because she could feel that her grandmother was sad.
At that time, in the small brick house of the Xue family, there was an inescapable sadness.
Xue Xia vaguely knew the reason, but did not know how to comfort the two old people.
She can only study harder, get back good grades, and try to make them happy, instead of just forcing a smile in front of herself.
That was so distressing.
Xue Xia thought.
In the year when Xue Xia graduated from elementary school, things finally settled.
In less than two years, there were originally a hundred or so households in the fishing village. Seventy or eighty percent of the residents had relocated. The few dozen households were reluctant to leave, but Xue Xia knew that it was only a matter of time.
After putting all the furniture and luggage on the truck, her grandfather and grandmother took her for a walk to the beach.
At the height of the summer heat, there were no clouds in the sky, the sun was high, and my grandfather rode a tricycle to take them down the asphalt road. When they finally got to the port, Xue Xia was already sweating profusely.
But she didn't shout that she was tired, she just followed the two old men in silence. After passing through the shoal, she came to the boat where the grandfather was ready to scrap it.
At that time, Xue Xia remembered clearly the expression on Grandpa's face for the rest of his life.
It is a kind of sadness, and it is also a kind of confession.
The three had lunch on the boat.
It was a rice ball made by my grandmother, and it was stuffed with meat floss and basil leaves.
After eating, Xue Xia walked to the deck.
She saw her grandfather, who was as strong as a superman, leaning on her shoulders, with two lines of tears on her wrinkled and sunburned face, like diamonds hitting the sea under the scorching hot sun.
Very bright and dazzling.
Something can never be found again.
When Xue Xia realized this, it was the first time she had fear of parting.
Wanghai Town cannot see the sea.
In summer, even if the windows are opened, the sea breeze will not blow, and the salty air will not be tasted.
This made Xue Xia very uncomfortable.
She had insomnia for most of the summer to get used to it.
Later, Xue Xia learned that in fact, my grandfather and grandmother had a house in the town.
It's just that in that room, after their mother Xue Lin lost her whereabouts, the two of them didn't set foot a step further.
My grandfather and grandmother never mentioned her mother. Xue Xia could only piece together a vague mother's face from the gossip of the neighbors and the gossip of the neighbors after dinner.
Pretty, smart, and likable growing up...these are positives.
Unfilial piety, willfulness, indiscretion, hooking up... These are negative.
Xue Xia sometimes wondered, as if her mother when she was a child and her mother when she grew up were two completely different people.
Her parents worked hard to raise Xue Lin, and they never disliked her because she was a girl. Even the couple were afraid that their daughter would be wronged and insisted not to have another child. In a small village with conservative folk customs and relatively old-fashioned ideas, there was no son to inherit the lineage. To explain, it is easy to attract gossip.
However, Xue Xia's grandmother and grandfather carried all these down, and Xue Lin did not disappoint them either. Her grades were always very good, and even the university received full scholarships.
At that time, except for a few stubborn relatives, most of the neighbors praised them for being lucky and raising their daughters so well, and the good days were still to come.
Who would have thought that Xue Lin, who was sent to university by the whole village scenery, would suddenly run home one day with a big belly, locked in the house and refused to see anyone, and after the child was born, she would say nothing again. He ran away, completely ignoring his parents and his daughter who was waiting to be fed, and disappeared.