That day I went to school with Bai Lu as usual. In fact, at that time, few first-grade children would pay attention to other children's clothes, but under the instigation of adults, there would always be some outliers who would pay attention to these things.
The person sitting in front of me was such a person. It seemed that his chair took up the space on my desk, or my desk took up the space on his chair. Anyway, because of this kind of thing, we started to fight after class. It was unlikely that such a fight between young children would determine the winner, especially since both of us were thin. After we got tired of fighting, we just stood there and started to verbally attack each other. Everyone knows that children's words are innocent.
But I didn't know that children's language could be very vicious. I also forgot what I said to him specifically at that time, anyway I was attacking his short stature (in fact, everyone was not tall at that time, after all, they hadn't started to grow yet). But I will always remember the words he used to scold me. He was so angry that his face turned red. He pointed at my new clothes and said, "Huh, who is like you? You still wear home-made clothes. There is no one like you in the class, you bumpkin!"
I had never realized these things before, but it seemed that day I suddenly discovered that I was the one who was the odd one out in the class. I also seemed to finally begin to understand the strange look the teacher sometimes gave me; it turned out to be a look of contempt.
That day, I stood there with my face flushed after being scolded by him, but I couldn't say a word in rebuttal, because his words were like a bolt from the blue, which instantly threw me, a child who knew nothing, into a world dominated by the adult worldview, and the name of this world is reality.
I opened my eyes wide and looked at the classmates around me. After hearing his words, everyone kept looking at my new clothes. I don’t remember if I cried at that time. Anyway, I will always remember that I sat there silently looking at my new clothes and the glaring rabbit that I asked my grandma to sew for me on the clothes.
That night when I went home with Bai Lu, I didn't have the excitement I had when I put on the new clothes in the morning. Instead, I became silent and pulled the rabbit on the clothes with my hands from time to time. Bai Lu, who was following behind me, just gently pulled my sleeves, and then looked at me with a little grievance with her big eyes and asked me carefully, "Who made this dress for me?" I snorted fiercely, and the little me gave up the idea of pulling off the glaring rabbit on the clothes, and then answered her unhappily, "My grandma!"
But Bai Lu still whispered behind me, "That little rabbit is pretty. Why do you always pull it? Don't you like it?" I turned my head sharply, widened my eyes and shouted at her, "I don't like it! I don't like it at all!"
After I finished shouting, I gasped for breath and stared at her with my slightly red eyes, as if I had vented all the unhappiness of the day on her. I don’t know why, after I shouted at her like that, I still stared at her with my eyes wide open, as if I had to watch her cry, because I saw her biting her lips tightly, looking at me with her big watery eyes like pear blossoms in the rain, as if if I had just a little more strength I would make her cry, and the tears flashing in her eyes would fall down, but she just closed her eyes tightly and then ran away from me, leaving me standing there in a daze, but the little me had not yet realized what I had done. I just stared at the little rabbit on my chest viciously, blaming it for everything.
I shook my head gently, not knowing why I was so angry at my best friend. Was it because of the beautiful clothes she was wearing, or because of the eye-catching little rabbit on my clothes? Or maybe it was because the young me also realized the difference between her and me, the difference between the beautiful clothes bought and the rough clothes made at home.
I walked home alone in a depressed mood, feeling a little unhappy. Although I felt that I shouldn't have been angry with her just now, I didn't want to apologize to her at all, because when I thought that they were all wearing bought clothes, and I was the only one wearing home-made clothes, I felt extremely annoyed. It seemed that she was standing behind the table in front of me and laughing at me, but at this moment I suddenly found a person standing at the intersection in front of me. She, who had just been pissed off by me, was standing there holding two marshmallows in her two white little hands, and looking at me with her still slightly red eyes.
I looked at her standing there, curled my lips a little unnaturally, scratched my head hard and walked towards her, but when I walked in front of her, I couldn't say the word "sorry" that I wanted to say to her. I stood there like a mute, lowered my head and looked at her a little embarrassedly, but she blinked and said nothing, just handed me the delicious-looking marshmallow. I hesitated for a moment, but when I saw her big eyes full of sincerity, I took the marshmallow from her hand, and then the two of us ate marshmallows together and walked back home on the golden road paved with the afterglow of the setting sun as usual.
That night I went home and had a big fight with my family because of the clothes, but the result was that my mother was very angry and said that I was ignorant, and my grandmother had an embarrassed expression. Although I sat there crying, I knew from the looks on my mother and grandmother's faces that they would not buy me new clothes. I still had to wear this outfit to school tomorrow. I looked at my ugly pair of sneakers at the door, and I understood why other people had travel shoes to wear, but I always wore the sneakers my mother bought for me from the wholesale market. Children are very smart at certain times, very smart.
Since that day, the student sitting in front of me became even more arrogant, but I mostly just kept silent, because his words that day made me understand a lot of things, and also taught me a word, inferiority complex.
But such days did not last for a few days, because one morning when I was waiting for Bailu to go to school together, I saw Bailu wearing a new dress. What surprised me most was not how beautiful her new dress was, but the traces of handwork on the dress and the cute little rabbit sewn on the dress. Although it was much more delicate than my little rabbit, I could still tell at a glance that it was made by the adults at home.
Not only I was surprised that day, but also my classmates. The most surprised was the person sitting in front of me, because it was obvious that Bai Lu was also wearing clothes made at home, but she looked so beautiful in that skirt. Even the first graders would blink their eyes and open their mouths slightly to look at her new skirt. From then on, no one laughed at the clothes I made at home, because they all knew that clothes made at home looked the most beautiful. But only I knew that it was not that the clothes made at home were beautiful, but because the girl wearing the skirt made at home was the most beautiful person.
Finally, a taxi stopped in front of me, and I finally woke up from the memory of the skirt. I opened the door with all my strength and told the driver that I was going to the train station. Then I took out my cell phone and called Bai Lu, but the call was always busy. However, I pressed the redial button over and over again, because I finally realized what I was missing. It was the most vulnerable part of my heart, which was repaired by her kindness in the most gentle way. But now she is leaving, and she is going to forget me forever!
The knife of memory opened up all the places in her heart that had been repaired by her, and only the dark guilt flowed out from those deep red wounds.