As she gently pressed her fingers on my mouth, I could hear my own heartbeat, but my eyes were only filled with her, the one who had just cried. To be honest, the hardest thing in the world was that I resisted the urge to hug her.
But this incident still makes me regretful. I always can't help but think, if I had hugged her at that time, would we be different from now, or maybe... Forget it, I'd better not think about it, and continue talking about what happened at that time.
I subconsciously nodded at her, and she gently took her finger away from my mouth. When she took her finger away, I felt an empty feeling in my heart for some reason. When that finger was placed on my lips, I felt ice-cold, but it seemed to carry her body temperature and her breath, which seeped into my heart little by little from my lips. I will never forget that feeling, the feeling that she was the only one in her eyes. Perhaps that feeling is called heartbeat.
After she took her fingers away from my mouth, she smiled at me again. To be honest, she did this very rarely, so rarely that I could probably count them with my two hands and two feet. But because she did this so rarely, I can remember every time.
She turned around and leaned against the windowsill with her hands behind her back, looking at the colorfully decorated corridor, and I subconsciously followed her posture and leaned against the windowsill with my hands behind my back. The two of us seemed to be keeping watch for Ai Yi and the others, but we both knew in our hearts that we were thinking about our own things.
I didn't say anything, and she didn't say anything either, but I didn't think there was anything wrong with that. Instead, I hoped that this moment could last longer and longer. Silence doesn't mean that two people have nothing to say. It may also be that two people have already understood each other and no longer need those tedious words to convey each other's feelings. At that time, I just wanted to enjoy that moment.
Just when I thought that neither of them would speak and would stand there like this until dawn, Zhang Nuan quietly moved her hand to the Doraemon pocket on her chest, then reached in and took out two lollipops. Although her movements were very light, I still saw it, but I didn't say anything because I knew she was going to give me one.
Sure enough, she lowered her head and held two lollipops in her two little hands, but I couldn't help but frown slightly, because she didn't hand me one immediately, but held one in each hand and frowned slightly, as if she was having a hard time deciding which one to give me.
I just couldn't help wanting to laugh, but I tried hard to hold it back because if she knew that I laughed at her, she would definitely be unhappy, and I didn't want to make her unhappy again.
She thought for a while, then nodded gently towards the one on her right, and gave up this one with great difficulty, then poked my arm gently with the lollipop and said, "This is for you from Doraemon." I smiled and took the lollipop she handed over.
Then the two of them leaned there eating lollipops. I thought she was no longer angry and we were just chatting normally. Unexpectedly, after eating the lollipop in her mouth for a while, she asked me in a low voice, "Have you always been curious about why I am with someone like Red Dog?"
I looked at her with wide eyes. I didn't expect that she would bring up this question herself. Although I had always wanted to know the answer, I felt embarrassed to listen to her talk about it when I saw her depressed mood. So I shook my head but didn't say anything.
Zhang Nuan picked up the lollipop in her hand and took a bite of it gently, then took it out again, lowered her head and asked me again, "Do you think I'm particularly cheap for doing that kind of thing with my mouth?"
This time I shook my head vigorously, but my breathing subconsciously became rapid, because for some reason every time I thought about this, I would get unnaturally excited, especially now that she was telling me about it, I found it even more unbearable.
I really wanted her to shut up immediately and stop talking about this matter, because I always thought that as long as she didn't talk about it, I wouldn't remember it. But we all know that this matter is like a thorn buried in my heart forever. Even after I used that kiss with her to prove that I really didn't care about it, whenever I think of it, the thorn will cause a dull pain in my heart.
Zhang Nuan picked up the lollipop and bit it hard with her teeth. Then when she took the lollipop out again, there was an unnatural crack on it, making the originally round lollipop look so awkward, just like the thing between her and Hong Gou, awkward.
Zhang Nuan lowered her head and looked at the lollipop in her hand that she had bitten, then slowly turned her head to look at me and said something that I had never expected. She looked at me for a while and smiled at me gently, a helpless smile, and then she whispered to me, you know, I'm still a virgin.
I looked at her with my eyes wide open and my mouth subconsciously opened. I wasn't really surprised that she was a virgin, but I couldn't think of her telling me that. However, I immediately realized how exaggerated my expression was, so I quickly closed my big mouth, blinked twice and looked at her. Of course, I didn't say anything because I really didn't know what to say to avoid embarrassment at this time.
Zhang Nuan seemed to have expected this reaction from me. She lowered her head and took a bite of the lollipop in her hand that had a hole in it. Then she said to me, "Have you always thought that girls like me are no longer the same?"
I shook my head blankly, still immersed in the shock of what she had just said to me. It seemed that I had not yet recovered. After all, if a girl tells you such a problem directly to your face, anyone would be a little upset, let alone a little virgin like me in her eyes.
She didn't look up at me, but seemed to know that I had just shaken my head vigorously. She laughed as if at herself and said, in fact, not only you, but I also think so.
She raised her head and looked at me with her big eyes. There was no blame in her eyes, as if she knew why everyone thought of her this way. She looked at me, blinked, and then looked at me with clear eyes and said, "Actually, I don't have any other intention in telling you this today. I just want to find someone to talk to about these things, because they have been in my heart for too long. I have never told anyone else. They may know, but they only know part of it. No one has ever known why I do those things that they can't understand. Do you want to hear it?"
But I looked at her and shook my head gently, then smiled and said to her, it's not what I want to hear, but what you want to tell me
She also laughed, and her laugh was so innocent, as if what she was about to tell was just a simple and innocent thing like a child playing house, and not the thorn in my heart.
Zhang Nuan sighed softly and put the lollipop in her hand into her mouth, as if doing so would make her feel less depressed. I followed her example and put the lollipop in my mouth, but I couldn't feel the taste of the lollipop in my mouth at all, because I knew that what she was going to tell me next would only make my mouth feel bitter.
She sighed softly and whispered to me, “Once I went to the hospital to see Big Bear. At that time, he could no longer come to school. He could only lie in bed in the hospital every day. Sometimes he didn’t even have the energy to send me text messages…”
When she said this, she choked up a little unnaturally, but she didn't cry, just her eyes turned slightly red. She seemed to try hard to calm herself down, and then continued to tell me, "My heart broke when I saw him in the hospital that day. I told him that he would be fine and he would get better. He also promised to take me to eat a lot of delicious food, but I haven't gone yet. He will be fine."
But he grabbed my hand and shook his head and said that he knew he didn't have much time left, so he wanted to have a child with me.