"I shouldn't have sent him to the hospital. I forgot about it today. I forgot what he was about to come."
After a long time, Shen Shiyan said this. His words, mixed with a slight sigh, fell right at the end of the sound, and fell into Meng Xintang's heart.
He remembered the last time Shen Shiyan knocked on the shoulder because of the patient's family, but he told Xu Yanwu at Qinxing that he was too tired. At that time, Xu Yanwu's reaction appeared in front of him. He strung together various situations before and after, and was certain in his heart that something extremely painful must have happened before that made Xu Yanwu completely unable to control himself.
"What do you want to eat?" Shen Shiyan asked.
Meng Xintang didn't answer, he saw Shen Shiyan unbuttoned another shirt and exhaled softly. The car window was suddenly lowered to the bottom, and the night wind pouring in ruffled his hair.
Shen Shiyan squinted his eyes, and soon, he closed the car window until there was only a small gap left.
"It doesn't matter, you can drive as you want, I'm not cold." After speaking, Meng Xintang lowered the car window on his side.
After the last hospital chaos, Shen Shiyan also lowered the window in his car.
Turning his head, he found that Shen Shiyan was looking at him steadily.
"What's wrong?"
Shen Shiyan didn't say a word, only smiled, shook his head, and lowered his head to restart the car.
Meng Xintang stretched out his hand and held the hand he was shifting.
"Having a bad mood?"
The palm that was covered was warm and slightly dry, reminding Shen Shiyan of the warm wheat that was drying on the ground after the autumn harvest when he was a child. When his hand was inserted into a pile of wheat grains, he would immediately be wrapped in warmth. He stopped and turned his gaze back to Meng Xintang's face. After a while of silence, he replied honestly, "A little bit."
"Want to eat?" Meng Xintang looked at him intently and asked again.
Shen Shiyan slowly shook his head this time, showing an apologetic smile.
The light from the roadside headlights came in, and passed the two folded hands. Shen Shiyan caught a glimpse of the disappearing light and shadow, and was slightly stunned.
"I'm not hungry either," Meng Xintang said quickly. "Why don't you go to your house and eat what you want to eat on the way."
After he finished speaking, he withdrew his hand as if nothing had happened.
The lights outside were bright enough to see the clouds floating at night. It's amazing that in today's Beijing, there are still stars secretly showing up. Meng Xintang saw it, and it was in his heart.
"The weather is actually pretty good today. Would you like to take a walk?" he said with a smile, "I haven't seen the night view of Beijing for a long time."
Such a proposal has obviously already reserved the next time for the two of them. He knew that Shen Shiyan was in a bad mood, it was already nine o'clock, and he really wanted to accompany him this night.
Shen Shiyan didn't speak, and glanced at his injured arm with a very standard "doctor's eyes", and then glanced at the patient who should be resting.
"I think..." Meng Xintang raised his hand to make a statement and explained calmly, "Walking with my attending doctor will not be a problem, and it's a good opportunity to communicate about the condition."
Shen Shiyan didn't know that this person could talk like this, but he could fully understand his kindness. He sneered and asked, "Where are you going?"
Meng Xintang looked around: "On the bridge?" Then, he pointed to the sky through the front windshield: "I can see the stars today."
Shen Shiyan leaned forward leaning on the steering wheel, tilted his neck to look at the sky, there were really stars.
The moment the car was driving again, Shen Shiyan pressed the window on his side, and Meng Xintang turned on the player.
Shen Shiyan heard the familiar melody, the one Meng Xintang asked about at the wedding that day. "I found you". He glanced at the display, not the radio, but downloaded music.
Meng Xintang had completely lowered the co-pilot's window. The strong wind blew through the car at once, blowing away the stuffiness accumulated in Shen Shiyan's chest.
He clearly felt Meng Xintang's thoughtfulness and companionship, and it was measured and worthy of nostalgia. It was as if he suddenly encountered an inhumane rain on the way. He was as usual, too lazy to hold an umbrella, and he didn't want to avoid it. Suddenly there was a person beside him, who accompanied him without holding an umbrella, and accompanied him calmly. Walking side by side, that's probably what it feels like.
The bridge was newly built, and because it spanned the water and had lights and scenery, people often came for a walk at night. As soon as Shen Shiyan and Meng Xintang walked up, there was a gust of wind that ruffled their hair, Shen Shiyan choked and turned his back.
"When I was young, I took a walk with my parents. If the wind picked up, my mother and I would walk backwards, and my father would help us see the way."
Under the dim light, Meng Xintang looked at Shen Shiyan who was a step away, and said, "You walk backwards, I'll help you see."
Meng Xintang's voice was very deep, the kind of tone that Shen Shiyan liked to listen to. With his standard accent and slow intonation, it was remarkably and particularly moving, just like a conversation around the fireplace in winter.
Shen Shiyan blinked and smiled lazily.
The two walked in unison, and neither of them spoke again.
Perhaps because of the windy weather today, there are not many people on the bridge, but there will be a couple of lovers snuggling together at a distance, or old classmates who meet again after a long absence and talk eloquently. Meng Xintang found that when Shen Shiyan passed by them, he always looked at their backs with an appreciative attitude.
They stood in an open place, Shen Shiyan took out his hand from his trouser pocket, and put his arm on the railing. Meng Xintang stood aside and watched, the more he looked, the more he couldn't look away.
"Why are you looking at me?" Shen Shiyan asked with a smile, still staring ahead.
Meng Xintang coughed, turned his head, and imitated Shen Shiyan, putting his arms on the railing. After picking it up, it felt strange and uncomfortable, so he pulled his arm down and put it in his pocket.
"I seem to be at a disadvantage today." Shen Shiyan said suddenly.
Meng Xintang didn't know why, and asked why.
Shen Shiyan turned his head with a smile and replied, "There was wine that day, but not today."
It was their first heart-to-heart conversation. Meng Xintang was talking that day, and Shen Shiyan was the listener.
Meng Xintang laughed: "You can buy it now."
Shen Shiyan shook his head and asked again, "Do you have a cigarette?"
Meng Xintang was surprised for less than a second, and took out a pack of cigarettes from his pocket. He lifted the lid of the box and shook it. Shen Shiyan took out the one that was sticking out, put it between his fingers, and handed it to Meng Xintang.
The wind was strong, and the smoke was not good. The heads of the two were together, and there was a small square corner, and there was a small bright flame inside, illuminating the two faces that were snuggling together. Meng Xintang covered the flame of the lighter with his hand and lit a cigarette for Shen Shiyan.
The wind was so blowing that the smoke ring could not even be formed. As soon as he opened his mouth, a cloud of fog dissipated immediately. This is the second time Meng Xintang has seen Shen Shiyan smoking.
"Yanwu's performance is tomorrow night, when will we go there together?"
"Well," Meng Xintang responded, and after two seconds, he asked again, "Why... why does he resist the hospital so much?"
Such an environment was too suitable for chatting, and Meng Xintang couldn't hold back and did some snooping.
Shen Shiyan lowered his eyes, took two more puffs, and watched the star on the cigarette butt slowly dim.
"He doesn't want me to be a doctor," Shen Shiyan said after the silence. "For some reasons, his relationship with his parents is not good. In his opinion, my parents should be more like his parents."
Shen Shiyan paused and asked, "I didn't tell you about my father, did I?"
"You said that every day your father came home, he would buy a flower for your mother."
"Well, that's right, they've always been romantic. My father is also a doctor, a department of respiratory medicine." It's because Shen Shiyan's whole person softened a bit when he mentioned his parents, "He's a great doctor."
"I remember very clearly, SARS, he has been on the front line since the beginning when he didn't know about it. It may be because he is a doctor in breathing, he has done better protective measures, and he was lucky not to be infected. Now, many TV stations and newspapers have reported on him, saying he is a hero."
Meng Xintang had heard the general content of these words from Meng Xinchu's mouth, but he was still in awe when he heard Shen Shiyan say it again. He had never been fortunate enough to meet Shen Shiyan's father, but when he recalled the person in the painting that day laughing with a water basin, regardless of the person who stayed on the front line, it should be worth looking up to if he could educate such a Shen Shiyan person. of.
"He died because of medical trouble. The group actually went for a young doctor. My father blocked him and was stabbed several times. He couldn't even rescue him."
The cigarette in his hand was lit up by the wind, as if it was rustling, shouting for something. But when it was bright, it was dark again, and only a little bit of gray smoke remained.
Meng Xintang lowered his arms unconsciously.
By this time, Shen Shiyan was still calm, he put the cigarette to his mouth, took a deep breath, and then tugged at the corners of his mouth tauntingly: "I didn't lose to SARS, but lost to people's hearts."
The night wind seems to be suddenly cold, and it also brings cold people in the night.
Meng Xintang leaned towards Shen Shiyan unconsciously, looked at his trembling lips and asked, "Are you okay?"
Shen Shiyan nodded and raised his eyebrows: "It's okay."
"Actually, I'm fine. After so long, I've accepted everything that should be accepted. Don't you think I'm a doctor? It's just Yan Wu. He happened to be there at the time and witnessed the whole process. When I arrived at the hospital, his face was full of expressions. Blood lay crying beside my father... Also, probably less than a year after my father passed away, my mother also passed away, and I became sick of lovesickness."
The tragic past was beyond Meng Xintang's imagination. Just a few words seemed to weigh thousands of pounds. He was a little breathless, and took a deep breath while pressing himself.
A man-made accident can destroy a few people.
Shen Shiyan remembered Xu Yanwu's collapse today, today's pain, and suddenly felt like he had experienced another nightmare that day with him. The people who fell in a pool of blood, even their white coats turned red.
Sore throat and sore eyes. This was the first time he had told others about this past, and he couldn't finish it in one go.
A hand was put on his shoulder, it was Meng Xintang.
Shen Shiyan turned his head to look at him, his eyes were silent, and no pain appeared at all. He smiled at Meng Xintang and told him that he was okay.
"So Yan Wu didn't go to the hospital for so many years, and was very disgusted with me being a doctor."
"It's also reasonable," Meng Xintang said. In an accident, Xu Yanwu lost two close relatives, and he also witnessed the death of Shen Shiyan's father, probably no one could accept it.
After he finished speaking, he thought again, Xu Yanwu is still like this, so what about Shen Shiyan, those are his biological parents, and even today, he is facing a similar situation to his father.
"Is it reasonable? So what if I continue to be a doctor? Is it reasonable too?"
Shen Shiyan was smiling when he said this, but the smile didn't reach the bottom of his eyes, and it disappeared as soon as he fainted to his lips.
"Reasonable."
Meng Xintang's answer was quick. He didn't know why Shen Shiyan wanted to be a doctor, maybe because of his father, maybe because of his beliefs and responsibilities, but he knew that it was extremely difficult to decide to be a good doctor after going through all this, because it was just from the pain in his heart And fear is enough to overwhelm a person.
Shen Shiyan was speechless when he heard these two words. Too many people didn't understand why he still wanted to be a doctor, and too many people persuaded him to give up. Later, he was even tired of explaining, but stubbornly continued to do what he thought was right. But Meng Xintang didn't. He told him without knowing much, which was reasonable.
"But many people have asked me if I can stop being a doctor." Shen Shiyan raised his head and looked up at the sky, "You know, the SARS year was really tragic, and many of the uncles and aunts I know did not. I can go home again. At the time of SARS, we didn’t know if we could see my father tomorrow, but my mother didn’t say a word to tell my father to stop being in the hospital and come home. Later, I applied for the college entrance examination as a volunteer. I enrolled in medical school, and my mother said, "It's good, it's good to be a doctor. But after my father died, my mother asked me if I could stop being a doctor. She said she was never afraid of me becoming a hero, even if At that time, my father really sacrificed in SARS, and she would not let me change my career. But she said that heroes should not end like this, should not be let down, and should not leave like this."