He still had a hand on his forehead, looking very distressed.
Yan Shuo was silent for a while, and touched his hair. Although he understood the general situation in his heart, he still had to hide it with a guilty conscience.
"What's the matter, I just got a call from you."
He touched the opponent's palm, trying to get a touch of warmth and strength from above, but his voice was obscure, as if it was forced out.
"I..." He paused, "I didn't protect the softness, she's gone."
He was almost dejected, Shen Zhirou had only been missing for a long time, and Yan Shuo almost felt that he had lost half of his energy.
"It was my fault."
He couldn't help but stretch out his hand to wrap the other in his arms.
"No, don't think like that, calm down."
"Thank you, I..." He couldn't help but use honorifics when he was nervous, but now he was overwhelmed with all his brains, "I... I'm really scared."
It's not a very pleasant thing for a man to admit his vulnerability, which shows that he is too distracted now, too much to analyze himself in exchange for a little calm.
Yan Shuo patted him on the back to comfort him.
At this time, what Shen Zhifan seems to need more is to talk, he just needs to accept his hug here without a word, and then give him a solid shoulder.
"I've lost my memory, I... I don't remember a lot of things," he grabbed his fingers on his collar, Yan Shuo could even see his pale knuckles, and his slightly pale lips, "I know I have a lot of Things... a lot of things are not very good, I must have done something wrong, but I can't trace it, even because those memories are so terrible, I just... I don't want to trace it at all."
He remembered the time he was in Mech Land before, the other party was sweating like rain, his back was shaking so badly, his whole body seemed to be wet with cold water.
—The broken image passed through his mind thousands of times in that second, as if ten thousand thorns pierced his heart, and ten thousand sounds passed through his eardrums.
- He obviously didn't remember anything, but his body still had that shivering feeling, that kind of... indescribable pain, as if he could cut the inside of his body meticulously and decisively, the pain of blurred flesh, the pain of being broken into pieces .
It made his body stiff and start to tremble.
The pain that time made him deeply understand the strangeness of himself.
His past experiences, past nightmares, were so painful that a sixteen-year-old boy could not touch them.
Sixteen-year-old Shen Zhifan is innocent and kind. He lives on a remote wasteland planet. Every day before going to bed, he faces the stars in the distance and prays, praying that he will have a stable and beautiful future. Love can be called Yan Shuo of longing and yearning.
Instead of waking up, Shen Zhifan, who seemed to have everything but lost everything.
He couldn't tell what he had lost, but his intuition told him it was better not to know.
He still remembered the person mentioned at the end of that diary.
His tone was full of hostility, not towards someone, but towards the world.
In this way, he looks unreasonably dangerous. What kind of things did Shen Zhifan do back then, and what kind of people was he in contact with... Could the disappearance of Shen Zhirou have something to do with those people
It now appears that this reason is even greater.
He couldn't help but think of that midnight phone call, that strange man, speaking cold words.
Now that I think about it, it might be a wake-up call.
Because he didn't remember, the other party easily noticed the difference in him and threatened him with Shen Zhirou.
This sounded so logical that Shen Zhifan had to believe it.
"I thought... I thought that if I didn't think about it, those things would disappear," his fingers still clenched tightly around the corner of Yan Shuo's clothes, his eyes seemed bewildered, "but no, I There are many holes and flaws around me, as long as Shen Zhirou is alone enough to break me down... I have done a lot of things, so I will definitely get retribution... Even if I don't know what exactly I did right now."
"...I say that, it sounds scary."
He suddenly paused, his tone suddenly cold, and even a little desperate.
"My lord, I once said in my diary that I was desperate for this country. I... Have I done anything that I shouldn't do?"
Yan Shuo's breath was suffocated, he held the other party firmly, but at this time he didn't know what to say.
"You... actually know it," Shen Zhifan raised his head, his eyes gloomy, "I never said it, I greedily enjoy your kindness to me... I can feel your specialness to me, I... I indulge in this. It's a joy, so I've been reluctant to face reality."
"Have I done something very bad?"
Shen Zhifan is like a thin jade, and now this thin jade is covered with a touch of dust, which makes Yan Shuo's heart also dusty.
"No." He knew that if he really said something at this time, it would definitely shake him.
This boy—let's call it a boy, at least in a sense.
He bit his lip tightly, as if he wanted to die if he said anything.
Yan Shuo directly lifted his chin and kissed him hard.
Because of the excessive force, he felt that he probably bit the other person's lip, but Shen Zhifan didn't care, his arms were wrapped around his neck.
He looked like he was about to drown, Yan Shuo thought, he did nothing wrong, he was used from start to finish.
He was such a good boy, carefree, with the most beautiful eyes in the world, he wanted to cherish him so much... but he didn't have time.
So the boy who was originally treasured in his heart has suffered hardships, been twisted, oppressed, used, and has been honed into a sharp and ruthless cold knife.
He is powerful, has fame and fortune, but he is not happy at all.
He lived as if walking on thin ice, clearly resting on silk, gold and silver, but the seeds of hatred buried in his heart made him exhausted.
So he was about to drown.
Yan Shuo kissed him forcefully, wrapping his lips and tongue, sucking his body fluids every time, nothing was more distracting than a suffocating kiss.
The other party's pain and helplessness gradually transformed into heavy breathing, as if echoing in the empty room, bringing indescribable ambiguity.
He saw that his eyes were tightly closed, those very beautiful eyes were closed, he was either innocent or melancholy, but this did not affect his good looks, his eyelashes fluttered like butterflies, flickering on the thin jade superior.
This is the best boy in the world, the person he likes the most.
There was nothing in his mind, he just thought blankly.
But he almost drowned, because those guys for his own selfish desires, he worked so hard to survive, so tired, the pressure on both sides was like a mountain, so that he would even prefer to escape as a sixteen-year-old boy.
How could he be willing
He could only kiss him like this, to divert his wounds and lick his scars.
But the kiss finally came to an end, and when it was over, Shen Zhifan seemed to have calmed down a bit, and was no longer as dismal as before.
... Of course, it could also be because he kissed so hard that his entire face turned red.
Yan Shuo didn't want to end it, and pulled him back and kissed him on the forehead.
Kissed inch by inch, and finally to the lips.
"...General, my lord."
"Don't call me that."
Yan Shuo aligned the tip of his nose with his own, and the two were so close that they could hear each other's breath.
"… me… "
He lowered his head hesitantly, but Yan Shuo dragged his chin.
"You're not wrong," he reassured, "don't know that for now, I'll tell you something else."
Shen Zhifan turned his eyes to look at him.
"Seven years ago, at N-192, you rescued me," Yan Shuo said slowly, his face a little red, "I wasn't by your side because of the military, but I never told you, actually we..."
Shen Zhifan opened his eyes.
"So," he paused, then kissed him lightly, "I'm here to take responsibility for you now."
"Don't be afraid."