"Knock knock."
"Knock knock."
A light knock on the door sounded in the quiet early morning hours. There seemed to be some problem with a lamp at the end of the corridor. Empty and lengthy, these historic old buildings can always smell a little old and dilapidated, and the air vents coming out of nowhere make the air cool.
"Snapped."
The light at the end of the corridor still failed to last until the end, so it went out. The brightly lit corridor dimmed a little, and although the other lamps were still bright, it inevitably gave rise to a feeling that the light was gradually dissipating, and the surroundings became more and more quiet.
Matthew couldn't help but raised his head and looked at the extinguished lamp. He could vaguely see a moth lying dead in the lampshade without any movement. , the two sides perished in this way. This made Matthew's eyelids start to twitch inexplicably.
"Knock knock."
Matthew retracted his gaze and knocked on the door again, but got no response. He looked down at the gap under the door, and the light leaked out, which was quiet and peaceful, but did not go out.
Without further hesitation, Matthew tried the door handle, but found that the door was not locked, so he pushed open the door directly, "Renly?" with the script and pages, and an empty coffee mug next to it.
Matthew's heart began to sink.
Push open the bathroom, no one; push open the balcony, no one. The whole room was just that big, and there was no way to hide anyone, so Matthew could be sure that Renly wasn't there.
After looking around for a week, Matthew noticed something abnormal: in the ashtray on the coffee table, there was an unlit cigarette that had been thrown away; there were no cigarette cases and lighters beside it.
Matthew made some guesses, and quickly left the room, not forgetting to bring the door of the room, and then walked quickly towards the roof of the top floor.
Pushing open the rooftop door, the pitch-black night sky unfolds in front of you, and the vaguely rolling hills appear on the horizon like smudged ink, but with just a few strokes, a touch of grandeur and majesty is outlined, even if There are no stars in the sky, and my heart suddenly opens up.
In the boundless night, a figure was sitting on the edge of the balcony, and the strong wind blew the hem of his shirt, as if he might go away at any time.
Matthew let out a long sigh of relief, and then felt a little relieved.
Whenever Renly needed to quiet down and think, he would always find a noisy and quiet corner to sit down - used to always choose the supermarket, and if he couldn't find Renly, he would always find it in the corner of the supermarket; but As Renly's popularity and awareness gradually rose, supermarkets became less "safe", which meant Renly had to look elsewhere.
They are now trapped in the small town of Snim. Compared with the forest, the rooftop is a more convenient choice, and it should be the only reasonable choice. So, Matthew walked quickly to the rooftop, and sure enough he saw the familiar figure - an illusion occurred in his mind in an instant, time and space were dislocated, and it seemed that when he returned to Eton College again, he saw Renly on the rooftop. the other side of.
That kind of loneliness, that kind of loneliness, that kind of fragility... Usually it always settles between the shallow smiles on the brows, almost no one can detect it, but it always exists objectively, and it always lingers, as if one did not make a sound. But the drowning man who is calling for help, the silent roar hides the gradually suffocating ashes, slowly and slowly devours the faint and bright rays of light around the soul.
After last year's "Crackling Drummer" was finished, the gloom that followed him seemed to be finally gone, completely gone, not even when Paul Walker got into a car accident, it was as if Renly had finally gotten rid of the nightmare, but now, Shadows began to quietly emerge again.
Matthew stepped forward quickly, but when he was about to approach, he couldn't help slowing down: he was a little flustered, lest his footsteps would disturb Renly, but he didn't expect that Renly's joking voice came from the wind. "Don't worry, I don't have the courage to jump, I just need to be calm and calm."
The joke at this time made Matthew unable to laugh. But the footsteps landed firmly on the ground again, and then sat down beside Renly.
"Many people say that it is the weak who commit suicide, because they are too fearful and too cowardly, so they choose one hundred; but I have a different idea, in fact, they are all brave, because they have the courage to make a decisive farewell— A goodbye with a complete turn. The courage they have is far beyond imagination."
Renly's voice was erratic in the wind, which made Matthew's heart skip a beat. His eyelids twitched more and more.
"She has the courage I'll never have," Renly whispered.
Matthew knew who this "she" was. "You know that statement is wrong."
Renly didn't affirm or deny, just looked up at the starry sky, "Don't worry, really, I'm just a little tired from reading the script and need a cigarette time to wake up. I'm just... ugh, I'm just tired. Renly had the pack of cigarettes and lighter in his left hand, a cigarette tucked in his right, but not lit, his tired voice full of self-deprecation.
"Irish nights are really beautiful. I can't help but imagine that I am running barefoot above the treetops in the forest, as if my soul can fly." Renly took a deep breath. The air filled his chest, and the whole person seemed to be much lighter, "Hoo, if time stops forever, how wonderful it would be."
"… Renly, you need to rest." Matthew said in a deep voice.
Renly paused for a moment, then laughed cheerfully, "Ha, I know, I have a rest every day, but, the work is really too busy, so I can only work overtime, otherwise, the filming progress of the crew will be lost. It's about to stop, believe me, Ogus will never have a good face."
"Renly, I'm serious." Matthew didn't buy it at all. "The crew doesn't have that much work at all, as you know I know. You're lying to yourself!"
Renly's smile stopped at the corner of his mouth, his expression slightly stiff.
Matthew couldn't bear it, and his tone slowed down a little, "Renly, you need to rest, you are in a bad state, very bad, you will collapse at any time. You... You need to sleep well, you need to let yourself Cheer up... You haven't closed your eyes for three days, and that's not normal. You're... very, very tired right now, and a little accident could be... Listen, you need to rest, you just need to rest."
"I know!" Renly interrupted Matthew roughly. "I will, I will rest. I will go back and finish the script, and I will rest."
Those perfunctory words made Matthew tough again, "Renly, I'm serious, you're in a terrible state! You should be sensible and smart enough to know the consequences of this..."
Baimeng Book
"Yes, I know, I know!" Renly turned his head and stared at Matthew, his voice hard and cold, bursting out with a powerful voice, "I know it all, but I know The consequences, but still persuaded her to go to the front line, I knew what might happen, but I still didn't stop her. It's me, you understand? It's me! I always do, pretending to be smart, pretending to know everything wisely, Pretending to be God and directing other people's lives, but in reality, I don't know anything. I really don't know anything."
Matthew opened his mouth slightly, "Renly, it's not your fault..."
"So whose fault is it? Tell me, I'm to blame! Charles, I'm to blame? If it's not me, then who is it? You tell me, if I can't blame one person, I'll probably go crazy, Do you understand? I have to do this, I have to distract myself." Renly's bloodshot eyes were full of anger and despair, staring at Matthew in the dark, question after question.
Matthew couldn't answer.
"You know what? I can't, I can't close my eyes, I can't stop thinking, just a little bit of time and I'll start imagining what's going on there! She's suffering right now What! What's she facing now! Even if she's still alive, she's not in a good situation, is she? How could she be okay? As long as I close my eyes, I'll see her covered in blood , I can't, Charles, I really can't."
Renly's words were falling apart, the kind of wound deep into the bone, dripping with blood showing his vulnerability and pain. After tearing off the mask, it was exposed like this.
"I know, I'm a coward, I just hide in the set, pretending that the world is peaceful, pretending that nothing is crazy, using work to numb my nerves! And she's fighting for her life! How absurd! How absurd! Ridiculous! But the saddest thing is that I can't help anything, you know? I can't... I can't... I can't miss her, but I can't miss her... I don't know what to do."
"I have to get busy, keep my brain spinning, not take a break; I have to blame someone and let my anger go out, or I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I…I Can't stop, understand? There's no way I can stop. It's like... I don't know, it's like stop and everything will fall apart, everything I hold on to and what I've worked for will fall apart!"
"Heather is an illness, Paul is an accident, so what about Edith? Edith is me, I'm the one who caused it all, I can see blood on my hands, you understand? I hate my sanity , I also hate myself for being smart, in fact, I'm just a big fool."
"Charles, what should I do?"
Renly stared at Matthew with those desperate eyes that broke Matthew's heart—he, couldn't help, he couldn't help at all.