No matter how difficult, no matter how terrible, no matter how bad, Matthew will never leave his place, he is always surrounded by Renly's most steadfast; Rooney, Andre, Eaton... And Edith.
Matthew, believe it.
"Renly, you know." Matthew's succinct tone, with unquestionable firmness, "Deep down, you know that this is Edith's decision, and neither you nor Edith expected it to be like this. As a result, no one was expecting such an outcome, an accident, which is always out of our control."
"If you really think it's your fault, then you're too arrogant, you're not God, you can't control Edith's life choices; if you really think it's all your own making, you don't Can't stay in Snim any longer, you'll go to the front to find Edith yourself."
"You chose to stay in Sneem, and it was the right and wisest choice; you chose to help Edith in your own way, and you were right. Understand? Deep down, you know this, You should also believe that, even if Edith is here, she will agree with you."
Matthew's voice was slow but firm, but Renly shook his head gently, "No, you're not Edith, you can't judge for her."
"The same goes for you. You can't assume Edith will blame you, it's not about you, it's about her. And the only thing you can do is to be strong." Matthew hit it straight without showing weakness. Going back, he raised his voice loudly, but then calmed down.
Matthew said word by word, "Renly, you have to have faith. You have to believe that Edith will come back, and then she will stand in front of you and tell you what she really thinks. You have to have faith that if Even if you don't believe it yourself..." Having said that, Matthew's voice stopped slightly, he was unable to continue speaking, and he seemed to be worried that when he said the follow-up words, it would become true:
If even Renly had lost faith, who else could have believed in Edith steadfastly
In Renly's "The Beast," sings the loneliness and sadness inside, "So we arrived, a lonely place where we can't go back, you are the face that made me go through fire and water, this is the child Cast the inherited name, cast beauty, cast crown; cast perfection, go far away."
Matthew finally understands Heather now, and finally understands why Heather waited until he grew up to truly understand the loneliness behind this melody.
Like Heather, they staggered along with Renly to a lonely place where they couldn't go back, and held on with a belief; The only companionship, if even Renly couldn't hold on, would they also be swallowed up by the beast in their hearts and never find themselves again.
"Renly," Matthew called softly.
"..." Renly said nothing.
"I'm still here," Matthew went on, as "The Beast" sings, "so when you're weak, when you get down on your knees, I'll do my best for the rest of the day to watch over you. The oath, fresh and true." Even if Renly couldn't hold on to it, he would still keep that oath.
"..." Renly, still did not speak.
The quiet silence is slowly spreading in the indoor space, the cold air outside the window is invading, and the indoor heating is retreating. The unbearable night made that sense of oppression more and more surging.
Sweat soaked the sheets and quilts, as if the whole person was soaked in a muddy swamp, and then the shallow puddles slowly frozen into ice, from the skin to the blood to the bones, inch by inch, and time seemed to pass. Being frozen in the emotional rut, he stopped moving forward.
The world is so cold that even the breath of the soul becomes weak.
But Matthew never gave up, just stared at Renly silently, even refusing to look away with a bit of paranoia, as if a wrestling was unfolding.
This wasn't the Renly he knew, and it wasn't supposed to be Renly; he knew, he knew Renly could be tired and sleepy and confused and hurt, and Renly was not invincible; but Renly would always be Will not surrender, and will not give up. That's why he still has hope for Edith - because Renly still hasn't given up.
"...I guess, Elf isn't the only one who doesn't look like her." Renly finally spoke, and the hoarse voice came out from the depths of his soul, with deep fatigue, but gently rising. The corner of his mouth revealed a touch of ridicule and banter again, and the familiar appearance came back again.
Renly knew that the appearance of self-pity and self-pity was not himself at all, and he couldn't even imagine the breeding of such negative emotions; but in the face of the predicament, they were gradually losing themselves. Those resentments and anger, those sadness and pain, gradually It evolved into a wound that could not be healed, and eventually became a monster demon that he could not recognize, his face twisted horribly, and all the negative energy burst out.
When he finally heard Ren Li's voice, Matthew's high-hanging mood was able to slowly fall. This was the Ren Li he was familiar with.
Suddenly, Matthew's nose was slightly sore. He couldn't imagine what Renly was carrying, nor how hard Renly was working.
Growing up, Renly had always been like this, carrying everything so maturely and prudently that they could only watch his back and follow him all the way. They saw his strength, his excellence, and his wisdom, but they never saw the fragility behind those strengths, just like when EGOT was achieved, his tiredness and alienation were like kite strings that must be freed from their palms at any time. In general, they never and couldn't understand, they just knew that he had really paid too much along the way.
Staring at Renly, whose life was so weak in front of him, Matthew refused to imagine what would have happened if Edith really had an accident.
"But obviously, she's not you, and you're not her." The strength of his knees and calves loosened, and Matthew simply turned around, leaned back against the edge of the bed, and sat down cross-legged. After the tense emotions were relaxed, he also felt After a while of losing strength, the fatigue surged up like a tide, and he needed to rest for a while, just a little while.
"Matthew."
"Um?"
Renly called out softly, but didn't connect. After a long silence, he continued, "Do you believe Edith can come back?"
Matthew paused for a moment and gave an unexpected answer, "I trust you."
This raised the corners of Renly's mouth, and let out a low chuckle, but because he was too tired, the voice quickly disappeared deep in his throat, "I wish I could know the answers to all the questions, I pretended to stand Leading the world from God's perspective, but in the end, I'm just a player in the game."
"Fortunately, you are in the middle of the game. Otherwise, our group of friends may suffer. You should know that God will not take action to save an independent individual, right?" Matthew joked seriously, The sense of absurdity made Renly chuckle again.
"But what can I do?" Renly's voice was a little low: Heather was like this, Paul was like this, and Edith was like this now. He never seemed to help. Even if he lived again, he would not After all, he is an ordinary person, and there are too many things that he can't save.
Matthew could taste the depth of Renly's words, and he said softly, "You should know that without you, our lives would not be what they are now."
Renly twitched the corners of his mouth, "I strongly doubt whether Edith can agree with her standing here, she should protest righteously, and will never listen to my advice again, her life I don't need to point fingers. Otherwise, next time, she might just break up with Chris Evans directly."
What
Why is Chris Evans in this conversation
Matthew was so surprised that he choked on his own saliva and coughed violently, which made Renly gleefully laugh.
yqxsw.org
After finally calming down, Matthew asked curiously, "Have you updated Chris?" This is the only reasonable explanation.
"…Yes, I texted," Renly said quietly.
Matthew nodded slightly and did not continue to ask, because he could expect Chris' reaction. Obviously, Renly's nightmare tonight should have something to do with Chris - he didn't think Chris could accept the truth calmly, Chris was bound to pass all the blame to Renly; Renly couldn't argue with that. In other words, even though Renly retorted, deep down, those wounds were there.
It was as if the Crosses had put all the blame on Renly when Heather died - the hurt of those words was more terrible than the pain itself. They need to pass the buck, they need to find a scapegoat, they need to find someone to vent their anger, but what about Renly
Who was Renly to blame
"Renly, he's not worth it," Matthew said softly.
But Renly didn't answer. He just lay quietly on the spot, staring at the dark ceiling above his head. It seemed that the afterimage fragments of the nightmare could still be seen, and the temperature of the hot blood could still be felt on his cheeks. The bloody smell always lingered under the nose.
"..." After a long time, Renly's voice finally came, "I know."
The whole room fell silent, and then you could hear Renly's hoarse voice humming softly. The vague lyrics were mixed into the melody, like a lullaby, showing the softness and pain deep in your heart. Come out, light and fragile, you can't help but hold your breath.
"...So we got up and chased our destiny in the dark, I saw you bruised late last night, I saw you dancing in the arms of the devil."