The gap is really too small, there is only a trace, but he can feel that little bit of coolness, as if the air is flowing. Although it is impossible to confirm whether it is real or his hallucination, the weak possibility makes the adrenaline completely burst. Out, he began to tap the slit with his fingertips, trying to lift the lid a little.
But... not moving at all.
He remembered the nails he had driven down just now, and he nailed every part of the coffin densely and tightly without leaving any gaps. He tried his best to put his fingertips into the gap, but there was no possibility at all. He could even detect the sticky and warm blood on his fingertips, and he still did not shake at all, as if there was a big giant sitting on the lid of the coffin. Elephant-like, the faint feeling of insignificance dragged him into the bottomless abyss, and after the thrill of free fall, there was only endless despair.
No, he won't give up, he refuses to give up.
Taking a deep breath, the boiling air entered his lungs and began to sting, and the tumbling stomach began to retching again. He gritted his teeth and swallowed the feeling abruptly. Then he picked up the shoelace and tucked the shoelace into the gap little by little.
In the darkness, he couldn't see his own achievements, and could only use his instinct/energy to keep squeezing, but the shoelaces began to accumulate at his fingertips, and he couldn't get them out at all. All the shoelaces were stuck in the gaps and remained motionless. , no matter how hard he tried, all his actions were in vain, like the tangled shoelaces stagnated in place, without any progress.
He grabbed the shoelace and pulled it back ruthlessly. He didn't expect the shoelace to be pulled out easily. With too much force on his right hand, he smashed it directly onto the wooden board above his head. There was severe pain in the back of his hand and wrist. The suppressed irritability erupted, but he couldn't express it. Like a wounded beast, he frantically grabbed the gap, fiddled with it with his fingertips, and finally started to get angry at himself.
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He clenched his fists, opened his mouth wide, and roared silently, all the strength in his body burst out from the tense muscles, "Ah!" But there was no sound coming out of his throat, he just opened his mouth wide, then The anger, depression, struggle, and pain that were vented heartily, but there was no trace of it, only a moment of sadness. The gray despair climbed up like vines, wrapped around the ankles, spread rapidly, and devoured the whole person bit by bit. Not even a single residue remains.
Despair slowly settled down, and the gray emotion like cow hair penetrated every inch of the blood, wrapped around the heart, swallowed the bright vitality and vigorous vitality, and then the chest cavity slowly sank, It was as if the last bit of strength was taken away, and even the spine was taken away, leaving only a pair of skins left, which fell down softly, splashing a piece of dust.
The last trace in his eyes also scattered, the pupils began to collapse, and the whole soul was shattered.
Humans are always so stupid, aren't they? Just before the explosion, he had a big quarrel with Linda. They had been in a cold war for two weeks before, and they hadn't communicated a word, but Linda called him about Sean. The individual is still discussing the matter of the child, but it ended in a quarrel.
He thinks Linda doesn't understand his hard work, he's covered in sand here in Iraq, he can't even take a shower, let alone the terrible diet and the ubiquitous explosion, the reason why he does it , is to make a last effort for the family, but can not understand.
Linda thinks that he doesn't understand her burden, she can't find time because of the busy work, but she has to take care of Sean, otherwise she will miss the child's childhood and never have it again, she just hopes to let her mother or His mother came over to accompany Sean for a while to relieve her stress, but he disagreed.
The argument ended with Linda hanging up on him. Linda said she let her mother come and stay for a while, whether he wanted to or not. He was outraged because he knew that his mother-in-law never liked him, even when life was stable and everything was moving in a positive direction. If his mother-in-law lives in his house, then his last piece of pure land will also disappear, maybe Linda and Sean will be persuaded to move further and further away from him.
He really thought that their marriage had come to an end, and there seemed to be no room for redemption. But now, here he is, in a coffin, buried alive in the middle of the desert, how ironic, he doesn't want to end their marriage, he still wants to go home, he doesn't want to keep arguing with Linda, he still He loves her deeply, but he still has no chance.
What's even more ironic is that his company gave up on him, all the promised benefits were gone, because they fired him, when he was still dead in the coffin, it was cruel and cold to make people shudder, and all this Just to clear the relationship, everything is worth the exchange of interests; his government has also abandoned him, the so-called "saving every citizen" is just a joke in the face of national interests, they will not come to save him , even the Iraqi soldiers were abandoned and the government/government only cares about oil.
Therefore, he has nothing, he lost his wife, his son, his support, his home, his life, and even his faith. So, what does he have left? When he died, was there only a skin without a soul left
He began to lose consciousness gradually. He couldn't feel his feet or his hands. The narrow space was compressed to the extreme. Even the air was obediently sticking to the skin. All the sensations seemed to be magnified. The extreme, but it seems to be imprisoned to the extreme, the suffocation is so clear, so clear that it makes people desperate. In a trance, he returned to the hospital bed, he was still Chu Jiashu, still the paralyzed Chu Jiashu.
He struggled for a while, but found that he couldn't move at all. The nightmare that had plagued him for ten years returned to his body again. His soul was imprisoned in the body again. The warmth piled up, no matter how he struggled, his body was numb, cold, and only a piece of ice remained.
Everything went back to its original point. His dream was just a joke, and his efforts were all in vain. His perseverance, hard work, and efforts were all just a dying struggle. What's even more ridiculous is that, He thought that he had finally won the opportunity to spread his wings again, and embraced freedom like a moth to a flame, but he ended up falling into the abyss and shattering his bones.
He is not reconciled, but what can he do if he is not reconciled? Regret can't help him, anger can't help, even if you try your best, it won't help, the kind of suffocation that firmly grasps the throat, heartbreaking but silent, watching his soul be bit by bit, bit by bit. engulfed by grey despair.
Vivid and cruel, real and cold.
The dimensional wall between reality and illusion was completely broken at this moment, and he could no longer distinguish whether he was Renly or Paul, or Chu Jiashu, or he was a wandering soul without identity, and everything in the past was just A dream, even the thirty-two years of the last life is a dream. When the dream woke up, he couldn't accept the reality and fell into madness and fell apart. All the clues of the story were cluttered together, Paul's, Renly's, and Chu Jiashu's, as if the three memory puzzles had been knocked over together, all the fragments were mixed together, and the reflections were in the kaleidoscope, dazzling, But it's hard to tell if it's true or not.
He tried to clench his fists, but found that his brain had lost control of his hands; he tried to take a deep breath, but found that his throat had been completely locked; Even the warm tears in the eye sockets gradually lost their temperature, became icy cold, and then evaporated into air and disappeared without a trace.
At this moment, time has completely lost its meaning. I don't know if a second or an hour has passed. The air becomes thinner and thinner, and the boiling oxygen burns in the lungs, like thousands of embroidery needles are moving. The pain of tearing passed weakly, and it seemed that the unconscious body could finally feel a little movement.
But the slightest movement was the death knell of death.
The hands of the god of death firmly grasped the neck, and the sharp fingernails pierced the throat. With force and force, the traces of blue and purple were pinched out. The torture of suffocation caused the darkness to pour into the body, and the whole person began to sink, as if It sank into the vast and barren sea, surrounded by icy sea water, and the biting despair slowly frozen the blood into ice. It will never reach the end, and can only be imprisoned in the endless nothingness.
The soul is withering.
The body can't move, but his mind is still active; the dream is stillborn, but he still has the qualification to dream; the progress is hindered, but he can still try again after the failure; life is trapped in reality, but he can still have it little happiness. However, the wings of freedom are broken, the soul is slowly withering and dissipating, and "he" no longer exists, whether it is Chu Jiashu, Ren Li, or Paul, he will dissipate, and the last thought goes out, At the moment when he completely disappeared from this world, he was completely obliterated.
It's over, it's over.
Light, a ray of light penetrated, but the faint light was so sharp that it pierced the eyes, and he let out a long breath, "Huh..." Is this the light of rebirth? Or the light of the end? He wasted the chance to be reborn, so it's all over, right? How ridiculous, how absurd, how vain, but it's really coming to an end.
"Renly? Renly! Jesus Christ! Renly! Wake up, please, wake up!"
From far to near, the sound slammed into the soul like a bell, and the pain surged like a mountain, and every cell in the body began to roar and shout. In an instant, it emerged from the deep sea!