2002 was a variety of unavoidable man-made disasters, and 2003 was full of natural disasters and wars. She thought that these pasts would really have passed, but 2004 was the year she least wanted to think of.
That year, she always remembered the foreign film she secretly watched because Ji Chengyang watched it twice.
What she remembered repeatedly was only the segment at the beginning of the film, the conversation between Matilda and Leon.
Matilda asked Leon: "Life is hard, or is it better to grow up?"
Leon answered her calmly: "It's always been the case."
When Ji Yi received a call from a classmate in the experimental class to arrange a classmate gathering during the winter vacation, his heart depressed because of Ji Chengyang's brief e-mail fell to the bottom. She couldn’t believe the content on the phone. The monitor Xu Qing was diagnosed with lung cancer and was in the advanced stage. The male classmate told her the time on the phone, saying that everyone was visiting together, and asked her by the way: "You contacted Ji Nuan. Is it warm?" Ji Yi told the other party that Ji Nuannuan was not convenient to come back from the UK. The old classmate sighed and disconnected.
This was the first time she faced the sudden bad news of a close friend.
Ji Yi thought for a long time, but didn't think about how to tell Ji Nuannuan. After all, it was her first love. Even if she didn't love it, she was still a good friend. The person who carried the most beautiful Ji Yi in her youth has entered the final stage of her life. She was afraid that Ji Nuannuan could not stand it, so she didn't say anything yet.
The agreed date was moved several times before and after, and it was finally arranged on February 14th, Valentine's Day, coincidentally. There was a strong Valentine’s Day atmosphere that day, but the more than 20 classmates who met were very silent. Some classmates saw that everyone was so depressed, so they bought a pack of candies, divided them to eat, and threw a piece of bonbon to Ji Yi. . The organizer took out one hundred yuan and put it on the table. Everyone consciously paid for the money and made up a pile, and then went to the squad leader’s house twice by bus.
This was the first time she came to the monitor's house. When he and Nuan Nuan fell in love, Nuan Nuan had never been there. Everyone knew it was in a village on the outskirts of Beijing. When they arrived, it was really a village.
In winter, the surroundings are bald and grayish in color.
The squad leader’s sister smiled when she greeted everyone in the room, because during the New Year, the family still had red dates and peanuts, and they all took them out and put them on the table. Ji Yi didn't dare to walk in first, and slowly walked into the big house when everyone was almost inside.
The houses in the countryside are all very big, with more than 20 people sitting standing and sitting, and the rooms seem empty.
The moment she walked in, the squad leader was standing up, still smiling brightly: "Really, why are you here, hey, how are you? You did not bad in the exam this year, right?" She was a serious person when she was a student. After being in the military academy for so long, he became more hard-hearted, and the male classmates still cooperated and chatted with him.
What are you talking about, especially those who have passed the exams from other provinces, can’t wait to keep talking, just pick out the interesting ones.
The squad leader listened with a smile, except that his face was not so good, there was nowhere to be seen as a person with terminal cancer.
In the end, many girls couldn't help but want to cry, so they opened the curtains and walked into the yard, unbearable, really unbearable.
A lot of memories rushed to my face.
The male student who organized everyone to come took out the money from his arms and wanted to hand it to the monitor. The monitor stood up and refused: “I can’t ask for it. I can repay it, I really don’t need your money." He refused, and his sister helped to refuse. In the end, the male student was anxious and put the money back into his hands: "If you give it to you, take it."
Ji Yi's eyes were sore, and she quietly turned sideways.
After a while, holding back the tears, everyone is saying goodbye, shaking hands with hands, and saying goodbye to those who say goodbye. She waited until everyone was almost out, and finally walked over, her hands in her pockets, a little nervous.
It's the kind of tension like the final farewell.
The chocolate she was holding in her palm was just before she came, was handed the chocolate to pass the time, somehow she fumbled it out and put it in Xu Qing's palm: "Today is Valentine's Day," she raised her head with tears in her eyes. His eyesight was blurred, "There happened to be a piece of chocolate, no one will give you, I will supply you." The monitor lowered his head, looked at the chocolate, and smiled: "Thank you, Xixi."
The dimples on his face were thin due to illness and were not so obvious, but they could still be seen vaguely.
Ji Yi felt that her voice was trembling, and she simply went over and hugged him: "Recover well and come to see you next time." She felt that he hugged herself back: "Okay."
In the blink of an eye, tears fell.
He was the most upright and motivated person in his school days. Ji Yi still remembers that when he was in high school, his first impression of him was that he was meticulous in his military training, and he was innocent when he fell in love with Nuannuan. The morning after his first kiss , I also bought gifts for Nuannuan as a souvenir. She still remembered that Nuan Nuan was not only his first love, but also the only girlfriend he had ever had...
She still remembered that at the last party, the monitor discouraged others from smoking.
But it happened that he had lung cancer. Why was it suddenly at an advanced stage
Ji Yi hurriedly lowered his head, held his tears hard, and said with a smile, "Let's go."
After speaking, he dared not look up again, turned and hurried away.
When I went back that day, Ji Yi cried for a long time in the dormitory. She always thought that good people are rewarded, but it happened that she was the kindest and most willing to help people most believe in the good life around her. There was such an ending. She cried with red eyes, lying on the table, and writing a very long letter to Ji Chengyang, throwing out her own doubts:
Today I visited an old classmate. He is the most decent boy I have ever seen except you. Last year’s class gathering was organized by him. At last year’s gathering, he also advised many people not to smoke, which is not good for their health, but he was soon found out that he was in the advanced stage of lung cancer. What about lung cancer
He had very good grades at the beginning. In order to save money for his family, he went to the military school. I still remember that I signed his classmates. I also wished him the opportunity to graduate from Peking University after graduation. I don’t know what I’m trying to say, but I’m sad. Why is such a good person coming to the end of life? Why can't God be fairer and let those bad people live short and good people live long
You know, when I watched him, he was still very optimistic, as if he would soon be healed...
Where are you now? Why tell everyone that they are safe, but not give me a reply
Are you not loving me anymore? Still don’t think I’m doing a good job? Do you annoy you with too many emails? Please give me a reply anyway.
love you,
Sisi
When she faced the empty mailbox with only a series of automatic responses, she suddenly felt that Ji Chengyang was also far away from herself.
Far away is almost out of contact.
There was a long-lasting fear in my heart, fearing that he really had some horrible speculation that something unexpected happened. Even after she gave the warm call, she still felt uneasy and took the initiative to harass his friend for the first time. . All Ji Chengyang’s friends didn’t know their relationship, except for the female anchor, so when Ji Yi found Wang Haoran, he also used a tone that didn’t seem to care. First, Wang Haoran talked a lot of gossip, and finally threw a sentence: What is Uncle Xiao Ji up to lately
Wang Haoran's answer is: Ji Chengyang? As for Iraq, I sent me an email a few days ago, saying that he did not plan to return to China again, and asked me to help take care of you and his niece. When I go back to see you for dinner, I'll talk to you in detail.
She read Wang Haoran's text messages three times and confirmed that she had read it correctly.
Isn't he going to return home
Why did you suddenly have this idea? Why have you never told yourself? What about after that? What to do from now on
Ji Yi felt that the sky was about to collapse for a moment. The first time I had this thought was when I was in the hospital watching Ji Chengyang with gauze over his eyes. The feeling was particularly terrifying, as if he was suddenly swept into the deep sea by a huge wave coming on his face. , Suffocated completely, couldn't move, and the body lost weight.
She couldn't believe it, and asked: He said he didn't return to China anymore
Wang Haoran: That's what I said.
Ji Yi didn't ask any more, she didn't believe it.
Although she would also ask when she wrote an email to Ji Chengyang, whether he felt that he had been too young to send him emails and annoyed him, but she didn't believe that Ji Chengyang would be someone who didn't confess. He is her ideal since she was a child, the goal she has been striving for, the kind of person she wants to be.
In the next semester of her sophomore year, her life became simpler and simpler. She was studying, writing letters to Ji Chengyang, and then kept warm and warm on the phone to confirm that Ji Chengyang was still safe. She has a growing panic and fearful guess, whether something major has happened to Ji Chengyang, those so-called safe emails are just a long and soothing automatic reply setting.
Nuan Nuan laughed at her when she said that, "I said, my uncle was like this before he didn't talk to you. There is no news for half a year and a year. If there is news, I just send a short email to my dad, just four words. Be safe, don’t hang. Our family is used to it... Besides, didn’t you also say that Wang Haoran also said that it’s okay? Xixi, don’t panic, it’s okay, maybe he will show up in front of you tomorrow and kneel down to propose marriage NS."
Ji Yi looked at the application form of the exchange student, unsure.
"But it doesn't seem to work tomorrow, you are not yet the legal marriage age." Nuannuan continued to laugh.
When she packed all her luggage and was about to go to the University of Hong Kong to exchange for a year of study, it was already midsummer. It has been 14 or 5 months since Ji Chengyang left China. When she went home to bid farewell, she happened to meet her little sister for her birthday and was handed a piece of cake. The third aunt asked her if she wanted to stay for one night. Milky asked the third aunt: "Does this sister want to live in our house?" The third aunt was slightly embarrassed, and lowered her head and said, "This is your sister, and this is also her home."
The little sister doesn’t see her very often, but she often sees her cousins, sisters and brothers: "Sister Wenwen is my sister."
Ji Yi also felt embarrassed and hurriedly finished the cake.
When he opened the door to the study and said goodbye to his grandfather, the old man hummed and didn't look at her again.
When she walked out, her heart was dull and painful, and she remembered a lot of things that she didn’t want to remember. When she first applied for the college entrance examination, she only signed up for one major in one school. Even the teacher was shocked and asked her if she did. She didn't discuss it with her family, she had always been vague, and never asked her about this kind of college entrance examination application from the beginning to the end.
After getting the admission letter from the university, no one in the family knew where she applied for the exam.
She walked out of the corridor and watched the midsummer sun burning the gray concrete road, not knowing where to go for a while. A few steps behind someone jumped off the steps and patted her on the shoulder: "Sixi."
She looked back and saw Zhao Xiaoying, who hadn't seen her for two years, and she couldn't help her.
"It's rare to come back from Nanjing. How come I ran into you by such a coincidence," Zhao Xiaoying was very happy, holding her arm, "Go to my house, my mother will not be at home all day today, and I will come back tomorrow. I will do it for you. delicious."
She also had nowhere to go, so she followed Zhao Xiaoying's home.
It is still the way it was in childhood memory. The award certificates and hand-painted drawings on the wall, as well as the hand-made drawings are all pasted in the old place, because the edges and corners of the paper that have been pasted for too long are a little yellowish. Zhao Xiaoying took the basin, and worked hard to make the noodles while adding water, and repeatedly worked like this: "My mother wants to eat me and bread dumplings. I have never worked so hard. Let me tell you that my noodle making skills are very good. The more you stay together, the more delicious you will eat—"
Ji Yi moved a small wooden bench and sat in front of Zhao Xiaoying, watching her constantly kneading the big moist dough, and suddenly felt that when she was a child, she was a very good-looking and very simple-minded little girl. . At that time, I loved my grandpa, my grandma, my father and my mother. There was Ji Nuannuan and Zhao Xiaoying. Behind the building where I lived was the elementary school. Ten steps to the left of the elementary school was the kindergarten, and the junior high school was on the other side of the elementary school.
She didn't know anything about the world outside the walls of the compound.
I only know that there is a Children's Palace, and there is a Zheng Yuanjie specialty store near the Children's Palace.
…
That night, she ate a plate full of fennel dumplings that Zhao Xiaoying self-supplied, went back to school, and received a call from Wang Haoran. Wang Haoran told her that she was about to end the tour and returned to China, and asked Ji Yi where she would like to eat? Since Ji Chengyang entrusted him with taking care of Ji Yi, he began to perform this kind of duty. He always contacted Ji Yi from time to time and asked her about her study and life... Ji Yi didn't care much about these things, saying that it would be good to go anywhere.
Ji Yi opened the mailbox and continued to write to Ji Chengyang as a routine.
When the email was halfway through, a new email came in suddenly.
She stopped abruptly, looked at the inbox, and suddenly wanted to cry, but she still suppressed it forcibly. This is something that should be particularly happy. Ji Yi don't cry, don't cry, he finally wrote back to himself. But what if it’s spam or advertising...
She went to open the inbox with a sense of anxiety.
It's his letter.
Sisi,
A lot of things have happened during this period. I don't know where to start, so there is no need to elaborate.
I began to re-examine this relationship between us. Although it is difficult to say it, I think we should give each of us some space and time to start adapting to life without each other.
I plan to stay here for a long time and never return to my country. I hope your life can continue.
Ji Chengyang