In 1993, on the day I was born, the fat nurse carried me to the baby room, but my foot slipped and I fell on my stomach! And put me under the pressure! If it weren't for Lao Tzu's tenacious vitality, he would have been crushed to death by these 200-jin meat balls!
Dad is uneducated, so he was confused when it came time to choose a name. Just at this time, Bruce Lee's "Way of the Dragon" was playing on TV, so my father was inspired immediately, and he slapped the table and said, "It's called Bruce Lee!" What a coincidence, my father's surname is Li.
Submit the birth certificate to the relevant department and register me. In the end, I don’t know which grandson made it, but I wrote Bruce Lee as Zhang Xiaolong! So the biggest joke ever appeared on my household registration book! My biological father's name is Li Guofu, and my name is Zhang Xiaolong. I'm the one who fucks with you. Which 2B idiot gave me my household registration? Have you ever seen a son who doesn't have the same surname as his father? But the family is from the countryside, and the parents are uneducated, so this matter will be left alone.
When I was 5 years old, I was wearing open crotch pants and playing stone throwing with four children, and I smashed the glass of Uncle Li’s house next door! I swear! I definitely didn't throw the stone that hit the glass of Uncle Li's house! It was the other four kids who did it! As a result, Uncle Li came out and asked who did it, and the four grandsons pointed at me at the same time, which is called a tacit understanding! Silence is better than sound here! I'm in trouble, so you grandchildren, cheat on me, right? I will never play with you again! I thought viciously in my heart... In the end, my father paid for the glass and beat me up when I got home.
When I was 6 years old, I walked behind my mother's butt, but I forgot that my mother had the habit of closing the door casually. As a result, my head was caught by the door, and I cried loudly at that time. It took months for the swelling to subside.
When I was 7 years old, my teacher refused to let me go from kindergarten to first grade because I confused Chinese pinyin and English letters.
When I was 8 years old, showing off during class, I took out a bottle of Jianlibao drink and dangled it in front of other children. When I opened the tab, all the drink sprayed out, making Xiaohui's chest wet at the same table. Wipe her up! As a result, the class bell rang, and the teacher came in. He was a bald middle-aged man with a rather wretched appearance. Seeing me rubbing Xiaohui's chest, he shouted loudly: "Let go of that girl!"
Then he took me to the office and gave me ideological education. Said that I was precocious, blasphemed female classmates, and had a bad nature, and almost expelled me. Later, my father gave the grandson two big roosters, so he finally kept me. He also said that the death penalty is inevitable, but the living crime is inevitable, and let me continue to stay in the kindergarten for another year.
At the age of 9, I finally graduated from kindergarten! Tears welled up in the father's eyes, and he told whoever he saw: My son is promising!
At the age of 11, the factory where my father worked was facing bankruptcy. At the critical moment, my father made a move and ended up saving the entire factory! In order to thank Lao Die, the chairman promoted Lao Die to be a manager and let him study with pay, from Chinese Pinyin to financial management. To say that this person is really fate, who knew that Dad, who came out to work in the countryside, could also encounter such a good thing
In the same year, some children and I went to steal apples from someone’s garden, but the dog found it and chased us! We run like hell! I don't know what's going on, I'm clearly the one running ahead, but that dog just fell in love with me! Surpassed several other children, threw me to the ground, and bit me violently! Those grandchildren were not loyal enough, they all ran away without a trace! Later, I went to the hospital for a few stitches and a rabies vaccine. The school was afraid that I would infect my classmates, so they gave me a 6-month vacation, which was longer than my mother’s summer vacation.
At the same time, the chairman of Dad's factory bought a building for my family in the city so that Dad could go to work. So we moved, and I said goodbye to those grandsons who had cheated on me for more than ten years!
12 years old, my parents are not at home, I want to clean the glass and give them a surprise. In the end, he didn't stand still and fell straight down! I live on the second floor! Just live on the 2nd floor! But I broke a leg!
At the age of 13, I went to the toilet to learn to smoke with my elementary school classmates, and the dean suddenly came to the toilet to check! These grandchildren are very experienced, throwing cigarette butts directly into the toilet and flushing the water, and then quickly took out gum from their pockets and chewed hard! I'm the only one who is still foolishly smiling at the dean of students with a cigarette butt in his mouth...
14 years old, failed to confess to a girl! Decided to buy a bottle of pesticide suicide! I exchanged 130 yuan for pesticides from the owner of the pesticide store, but I drank a piece of my toenail. I vomited at that time. I vomited for a whole night and collapsed the next morning.
At the age of 15, looking back, I found that my life was full of tragedies, and committed suicide by buying pesticide for the second time! But this time I got smarter and changed to a pesticide store. After I bought it back, I unscrewed the cap and found that I had been hit by one and had another bottle! Tears welled up in my eyes, and I said to myself that Nima has been there for fifteen years! Fifteen years! I finally won a drink and have another bottle! At that time, I didn't care about committing suicide. I took the bottle cap and ran to the pesticide store. I asked the boss to change another bottle. Then I returned home with a smirk. I saw my parents sitting on the sofa without the cap. They put the pesticide bottle on the coffee table, and they looked at me sternly, and I was beaten up again. From then on, I swore that I would never drink pesticide again!
At the age of 16, he stood and peed under the electric pole, who knew that the electric pole leaked electricity! The paralysis almost electrocuted me! I was crying right then, damn, I provoked someone, I fucking wanted to pee, almost killed myself!
At the age of 17, he was admitted to a nearby ordinary high school at his own expense. My report card can be described in a poem: there are a sea of people in front, and I am the only one behind. So if you can be admitted to a high school at your own expense, you should be very proud. Although the grades are poor, the bottom one or something, but after all, I was admitted to high school! Dad decided to put on a school banquet!
In the same year, my mother bought me a 'Basket 1258' for me to ride to school every day. I have no complaints, the school is not far from home, and I can ride home in about 15 minutes.
Riding a bicycle, I am becoming more and more proficient in bicycle technology. Now I can completely loosen the handlebars and ride, just like acrobatics. But something unexpected happened! When I let go of the handlebar, I didn't notice a small stone in front of me. As a result, the front tire rolled on it, and I fell directly. The chin hook fell off, and my left arm was broken. My parents rushed me to the hospital Hospitalization.
He spent seven days in the hospital with a plaster cast on his arm and the hook on his jaw was put back on again.
My girlfriend who had been in the hospital for three months came to visit me in the hospital, left me saying that you are a good person, and left. I thought to myself that you actually want to call me an idiot, and that’s right, who can endure my boyfriend’s head being caught by the door when he was young, squatting in the kindergarten for two years, falling from the second floor and breaking his leg, and drinking pesticide for the second time Failed suicide, almost got electrocuted when he pissed, a hunk who can still drop his chin hook while riding a bicycle
On the day I was discharged from the hospital, the doctor told me that after the chin hook fell off once, it would be easy to fall off again in the future, so he taught me how to connect the chin hook by myself, and asked me to pay attention not to chew too fast when eating, and to talk The speed can't be too fast, you can't open your mouth and shout, sing...
Despite my best efforts to pay attention to this problem, accidents still happen from time to time. One time when I was eating in the cafeteria at noon, my jaw dropped and my mouth was drooling, but the three old women on the opposite side called me a stinky pervert, a stinky hooligan, and I was dying. No matter how bad my eyesight is, I can’t see Are you three dinosaurs drooling? I'm fucking speechless...
Soon, my name spread throughout high school.
In Qingtian City No. 2 Middle School, you don't have to know the No. 1 beauty, but you absolutely must not know the No. 1 joker, Mr. Zhang Xiaolong.
Anyway, man I'm kind of a celebrity, turn heads ninety percent of the time in school, everyone whispers behind my back, no one in my class wants to be friends with me, it doesn't matter, they have eyes If you don't know Taishan, you haven't discovered my macho side at all.
It is already mid-October, and when school is over in the evening, the sky has completely darkened. On the way home by bicycle, I found a group of people in front of me watching something.
Had a car accident
I am a person who prefers to watch the excitement. I pushed my favorite basket 1258 forward to make do with it. I managed to squeeze in front. Before I could see the situation clearly, I heard an old voice tremblingly shouting: "Grandson, grandson, Quickly save Grandpa!"
I saw a sloppy old man lying on the side of the road, pointing his index finger at me.
I pointed to my nose and asked, "Me?"
I don't know this old man at all, but I'm sure, he must be referring to me! Dude, I keep pointing my back, watching the excitement and picking up a cheap grandpa, this kind of thing is not uncommon, I have been numb after being tortured.
"It's you! Grandson!" The old man shouted so kindly!
Although my buddy has been reciting, it doesn't mean that I have a low IQ. I nodded and asked, "Do you know my name?"
"Zhang Xiaolong." The old man replied quickly and concisely.
"How do you know?!" I asked in surprise.
At this time, a passer-by next to him said, "Boy, are you a student of the No. 2 Middle School? You pretended not to know your own grandfather. This is such a bad character. I'm going to your school to talk to your principal."
The old man also said: "Grand grandson, come and help me, grandpa raised you from a young age, you must be filial to grandpa."
Be filial to your grandma!
Today is definitely the worst moment I've ever had. If I don't help the old man now, I'm likely to be expelled from school. If I help him up, the old man is probably a good guy, and he will depend on me in the future.
Due to so many people watching, I could only come to the old man and help him up. The old man said in a low voice: "Hey, I'm wondering why I know your name? The school badge on your chest reveals your identity."
I fell into a trough at the time, and almost threw him back to the ground without letting go...