Mr. Jiang Cheng:
That evil force has become stronger and stronger, especially recently, and its growth rate has gradually exceeded my approval.
I'm not sure whether the next letters will be received by you. Maybe there is no point in recording these bizarre experiences. Even if you can receive it and see what follows... My language has become confusing. Even if you can see it, you may not be able to understand what I write. These words may only deepen your suspicion that I am a madman, and I cannot prove that I am still sane.
In fact, I am not sure now whether I still maintain my sanity and whether what I am doing is just an illusion.
Perhaps, I have already fallen into that boundless and terrifying nightmare. In fact, the place I am now is no different from hell. Maybe the act of writing a letter is just part of my nightmare.
Yes, maybe that's it!
I have already been swallowed up by nightmares, and writing letters is just a projection of my subconscious self-salvation, even though such behavior is meaningless because I am still reincarnating endlessly in fear. My body and spirit have been tortured for a long time, and no one can save me. Here, I am even looking forward to death, but even such expectations are just extravagant hopes.
I am even afraid that when I finish writing this letter, it will be the moment when I will be completely swallowed up by the nightmare.
If you see these words and feel a little sympathy in your heart, please don't come to save me. I've made this mistake once and don't want to make it a second time.
Perhaps, all this is the punishment I deserve.
I can't complain anymore, whether my current behavior is real or imaginary, I have to tell it all.
I just mentioned... punishment
Yes, I deserve it!
I... ；*;*... ；￥#... %*
No no no! My damn brain! #@￥#%；% is not human words!
… … … …
After leaving Binlin Mountain…
I should start here.
After leaving Binlin Mountain, I did live a peaceful life for a while.
After experiencing those thrilling and strange twists and turns, I now understand how precious an ordinary life is.
But as time gradually passed, my heart became restless again.
I began to feel that everything around me was too boring.
I feel like I have no interest in anything, including entertainment, games, and even some exciting things that violate the law. There seems to be something missing in my life, but I don't know what it is. Ordinary life makes me feel like a walking zombie, only alive but without a soul.
Until one night, I dreamed about these past experiences.
Any dream related to past experiences is unlikely to be a good dream. But when I woke up from the nightmare, I felt my heartbeat and the long-lost nervousness. I was delighted to find that I seemed to be alive again! Become a person with flesh and blood and a soul!
I finally found my crux, but what should I do next
Could it be that... I should go through those things again
I was sane at the time and I was pretty sure I wasn't going crazy. Because when this thought came to me, I felt extreme fear in my heart.
Even if I die, I don't want to experience something like that again!
My mind resisted the idea.
But I have to admit that although this idea scares me, it also makes me extremely excited.
So, I thought about my career and found an alternative.
I wrote about those experiences in the form of a novel.
Yes, those are the manuscripts submitted to your journal.
Of course, the stories in the novel are fictitious, I just added some plots that I have personally experienced. In fact, in retrospect, it was more than just that.
During the period when I was controlled by Du Chunsheng's consciousness, or from the moment I came into contact with Du Chunsheng, I was already affected. I can vaguely recall the unimaginable and frightening taboo knowledge, the weird insights that are not human, and the terrifying thoughts that go against common sense and morality. All this was not forgotten by me, but was hidden deep in my consciousness until that nightmare awakened it all again!
I have experienced the baptism of the Holy Grail and can no longer be controlled by Du Chunsheng, but his relics are still in my mind!
I don’t remember whether I wrote these things out. I just remember that I was extremely enthusiastic during the creative process, and my concentration was incredible. I often lose consciousness suddenly while writing a novel. Later I find out that it is because I have been extremely weak because of the long writing time. After I wake up, I often don’t remember what I wrote. Sometimes when I check the manuscript, I find that it has already been sent.
It was also at that time that I found myself starting to dream about Du Chunsheng.
That terrible man, I never even dared myself to recall anything related to him, but I couldn't stop myself from seeing him in my dreams. In the dream he seemed to be saying something to me, but I couldn't hear it clearly. Or maybe, I deliberately don’t let myself think about it.
I was also confused when I woke up.
Cui Benshan told me with great certainty that as long as I was baptized by the Holy Grail, I would not have to worry about being converted into a Guixu believer, so I should be safe.
But why do I still dream about Du Chunsheng
I initially attributed this to psychological effects and even saw a psychiatrist. However, the situation did not get better, and even got worse!
After that, I often had auditory hallucinations, as if Du Chunsheng was calling me. Sometimes, I feel that it is not Du Chunsheng, but a group of people! A group of evil people, I have seen them, they are Guixu believers!
Could it be that they are using some kind of evil spell on me
why me
Du Chunsheng's consciousness has disappeared. I have no use value to them. Why are they still looking for me
I became more and more sure of my reasoning and wanted to seek help. However, Cui Benshan has disappeared, and no one can help me anymore!
In order to escape all this, I can only continue to work harder on the manuscript so that my attention can be diverted to the task at hand. However, the stories I write are also related to these experiences! It was these manuscripts that gave me these terrible hallucinations and nightmares. I wanted to give up but couldn't stop. Work is like a drug to me, I am addicted to that feeling!
I originally thought that I would sink into such an endless cycle and eventually die silently.
If this is the case, it is actually a good ending. ,
However, I never expected that my absurd stories would actually attract a person.
Liu Jingzhe!
He and I had been in contact online more than a year ago.
During the conversation, he almost unabashedly expressed his admiration for my work and his admiration for my unbridled imagination.
I deserve these praises, because these works are not my own original creations, but secondary creations based on past experiences. But this is a secret that cannot be told to outsiders, so I can only accept praise that is higher than my own talent.
To be honest, these accolades make me feel uneasy inside. So I ended the conversation hastily, citing my creation as an excuse.
Next, Liu Jingzhe contacted me several times, but I usually interrupted the conversation with a few perfunctory words. I had a feeling in my heart that this person seemed to have discovered something in the story.
Sure enough, one day I suddenly learned that my editor had become Liu Jingzhe.
As a result, my communication with him became more frequent.
And during a certain exchange, he finally raised a question that I had been worried about for a long time.
"The descriptions in your story are so vivid. Could it be that these things really happened?"
Liu Jingzhe said this.
The moment I saw that line of text, I was so frightened that I logged off without saying a word, as if running away.
Eventually, I realized that continuing to write these stories would attract others to explore all of this. So, I forced myself to stop writing.
This process is very difficult, like overcoming a drug addiction.
Later, Liu Jingzhe contacted me through various methods in the name of urging the manuscript, but I did not respond.
I was in a very bad situation at that time. Not only did I have to suppress the desire to write these stories, I also had to resist the auditory hallucinations and the calls from evil forces.
No one can know the pain I was going through. I feel like my consciousness has become a battlefield, where various forces are fighting fiercely, and the weakest among them is my own reason.
This confrontation exhausted me physically and mentally, and finally I fell ill because I was so weak both physically and mentally.
I live alone, with no neighbors or relatives nearby. So when I fell ill, there was no one to take care of me, which worsened my condition.
When my consciousness became more and more blurred and I thought I was about to die, Liu Jingzhe suddenly appeared at my door!
After his careful care, I gradually recovered.
I was grateful for his kindness, but I didn't think it was the right thing to do.
This feels very contradictory, but I have to say this.
And looking back on what happened next, I only become more and more convinced of this view.
He shouldn't have saved me!
Doing this not only harmed me, but also harmed himself!