Mental or contempt, but benign understanding, then the client can rethink other possibilities of the relationship in order to break the cycle and reshape the relationship.
Therefore, whether it is aimed at white people or not, this process is actually still a long way from "hooking up". "
[eighth week]
After Bai Sheng entered, Ling Chennan found that he was in a bad state.
He looked tired and dazed, with thin cheeks and blue eyes, a bit like when they first met.
Originally, Ling Chennan had gotten used to his morbid temperament in the past few weeks, but now he felt that nervous feeling had returned.
When Ling Chennan greeted him and chatted with him, he was absent-minded. He asked him two questions but there was no response, so he had to raise his volume: "Bai Sheng, Bai Sheng?"
Bai Sheng opened his eyes wide and said in a daze, "Ah, ah, I'm sorry."
Ling Chennan: "You look very tired, didn't you sleep well?"
Bai Sheng shook his head slowly, as if he was about to float away in the next second, he said: "The doctor's place is so relaxing, I can't help falling asleep."
Ling Chennan asked: "Did something happen?"
Bai Sheng looked at the ceiling, blinked his eyes, and said ramblingly, "I want something sweet, I want something caramel-flavored."
Ling Chennan asked again: "Did something happen?"
Bai Sheng turned his eyeballs back mechanically, and looked at him: "Doctor, Shen Yinchuan called me."
Ling Chennan raised his eyebrows: "What? Isn't he in custody?"
Bai Sheng nodded invisiblely, and said, "He called several times, but he didn't connect directly. The voice message was a request from a certain prison. After I refused, he would try again after a while."
Ling Chennan guessed that there should be a fixed time period for calling from the prison every day, and every time he used the phone, he probably had to queue up, and asked, "How many times did he call?"
Bai Sheng said: "About three times a day, sometimes less, sometimes more."
Ling Chennan narrowed his eyes: "You mean he beat him for more than a day?"
Bai Sheng nodded: "Every day, since Tuesday, I don't know how he got my phone number, I changed it, but he can always... always investigate clearly, I feel as if he is still by my side, still Look at me in my room."
[Bai Sheng's Fourth Story·Shadow]
[Shortly after being with Shen Yinchuan, he confessed to me that he didn't really want to find a designer client, but just to get close to the cover I made up, but I later learned that it was only part of the truth.
The first time I noticed a weird sign was when my phone ran out of battery one day, I borrowed Shen Yinchuan’s phone to take a sketch and sent it to myself. When uploading a photo, I accidentally clicked the wrong button, flipped to the top of the photo album, and accidentally saw a photo of myself standing on the side of the street, not sure if I was waiting for a bus or someone.
I have never seen this photo, and I don't know when he took it, so I didn't pay attention at the time. But the moment I passed the good photo and handed the phone back to him, I suddenly felt my blood run cold all over my body, because I recognized the bag I was carrying in the photo, which was stolen at the beginning of the year I met Shen Yinchuan.
I didn't meet Shen Yinchuan for the first time until seven months later.
I thought about it for a full two hours, and finally I asked Shen Yinchuan. He looked normal and explained that this is a picture he found on the Internet - he saw this picture in the circle of friends of a mutual friend of ours, and saved it.
The friend mentioned by Shen Yinchuan is really a photographer who just carries a camera on his back and shoots here and there when he has nothing to do, and Shen Yinchuan's expression when he said all this is too calm, I have to put aside my suspicion for a while.
In fact, after a suspicion, it’s not that there are other signs. For example, he knows that I will go to the animal shelter on the last Tuesday of every month. For example, I never told him about my allergies, but he automatically put the food in the dishes. Instead of dairy, like he somehow always has some friends in common with me, even though there seems to be no reason for them to cross paths. But a person's energy is limited. You spend too much emotion in love at first, and then spend too much energy in getting along, so you will inevitably forget some details.
Stupid me, naive me.]
Ling Chennan asked: "So when you first came to consult, you said that he lied to you, and you didn't just mean that he concealed his manic personality and violent tendencies, but that he followed you?"
Bai Sheng nodded: "I actually think that he...he should really want to change his personality, he can't control those emotions, he worked very hard, but he can't control them, he didn't pretend to be gentle just to lie to me, He...actually he needs help too."
Ling Chennan said: "This is not something you should judge. Remember what I said, spend less effort speculating on his behavior patterns, and pay more attention to your own role in this relationship."
Bai Sheng bit his lower lip, thought for a while, and then said: "But, when I found out that he spent a whole few months following me and investigating me, everything changed, which shows the relationship between us, everything between us , at least everything I thought was based on a huge lie, a deformed hobby."
Ling Chennan asked: "When did you know?"
Bai Sheng shook his head: "It's too late, I know too late."
Ling Chennan looked at him and motioned him to continue.
Bai Sheng said: "That's actually the thing that scares me the most. What scares me the most is not being locked in the basement, nor him roaring out of control, nor his violent confrontation, but... When Shen Yinchuan locked me up, he went back to me again." No hiding, he told me everything, over and over, how he saw me, liked me, stalked me, took pictures of me, checked my background, approached my friends, and how he didn't want me How can I regret that he hurt me when I left him... Every time he told me one more thing, I became more convinced that he had made up his mind not to let me go."
Bai Sheng was silent for a while, his chest rose and fell slowly, Ling Chennan knew that he was calming down his emotions and did not disturb him.
Sure enough, after more than ten seconds, he continued: "I don't think I will forget this feeling in my life. I am watched and spied on all the time. I have no privacy. It seems that I am exposed naked in the square. To be able to look at you without hindrance, judge you, laugh at you."
Ling Chennan: "That's why you refuse to go out and refuse to contact outsiders."
Bai Sheng said in a low voice: "I just want to be alone, just me, even if I'm lonely, but it's safe."
Ling Chennan added: "It wasn't until two months ago, two months ago, that you came to find me."
Bai Sheng raised his eyes, as if seeing him for the first time, his eyebrows formed a sad posture, and his eyes were full of broken stars: "I'm too tired, I can't take it anymore, it's too hard for me alone, no one can Say... say all this, I can't sleep, even if I lock all the doors, even cover all the lights... The more I can't sleep, the more sleepy I am, the more I can't tell whether I am awake or dreaming every day, or alive Still dead."
Ling Chennan said: "But it got better in the past two weeks, didn't it?"
Bai Sheng fell silent again.
Ling Chennan asked: "Did you answer the phone?"
Bai Sheng shook his head, then nodded again: "I dare not, but he keeps calling, and I get nervous every time the phone is moved, but I try to convince myself, maybe all this is just a dream?"
Ling Chennan asked: "Then you picked it up." The other party nodded silently.
"I didn't speak after I picked up the phone, and neither did Shen Yinchuan. At that moment, I suddenly had some lucky thoughts. Maybe it was a prank, maybe it was a wrong call, but the next moment, he spoke, and he called My name, he said..." Bai Sheng swallowed hard: "He said I knew you were listening, he said I missed you very much, he said he was sorry."
Ling Chennan asked: "Do you trust him?"
Bai Cheng raised his head in surprise: "No, these words, these words are no different from what he said when he locked me up."
He suddenly stood up from the reclining chair and paced the room anxiously: "He is always like this, Bai Sheng, I love you, I just don't want to be separated from you, I want to look at you every day, we will be together forever, no one else , just the two of us…”
Ling Chennan put the pen and paper aside calmly, put away his legs, and said, "Bai Sheng, sit down and talk."
But Bai Cheng turned a deaf ear to it, he walked from one end of the room to the other with his back bent and his hips bowed, whispering to himself: "You can't leave me, only I will love you so much, I will never leave you, We'll be together until we die..."
Ling Chennan also stood up and approached him slowly: "Bai Sheng, look at me, you are not Shen Yinchuan, he has been locked up, he is a criminal, a torturer, a liar, forget what he said, don't let He will affect you again."
Bai Sheng leaned his back against the corner of the wall, raised his neck like a fish that has come to the surface due to lack of oxygen, his mouth was still moving, but no sound came out.
Ling Chennan walked a step away from him, and slightly opened his arms.
But the bamboo baskets laid by the hunters are not effective every time. A small animal that has been pinched once by a trapper will not be courageous even if the bleeding will stop.
Bai Sheng didn't look at him, nor took the initiative to approach him, but closed his eyes and squatted against the corner of the wall, curling up tightly.
[Eighth Week Night]
Bai Sheng curled up in the corner, buried his face in his arms as if resisting communication, Ling Chennan looked down for a while, then walked to the carpet beside him and sat down.
Ling Chennan hugged his knees like him, tilted his head to stare at his black hair, and leaned close to his ear to see the expression on his face—but unfortunately he couldn't see anything, the little animal hid back in its shell. he leans in