, This is the personal trainer I hired, specially for you. "
The colleague also laughed: "If I didn't know it was you, I would have worried that you were too involved in counter-transference."
Ling Chennan paused for half a second, and joked, "What if it wasn't for me? I'm not a beautiful girl, so I can't be liked by customers? Haven't you heard that someone who is too beautiful is not suitable to be a psychiatrist?"
The fellow doctor looked at him: "If I didn't know that you have always been good at restraint." Then he made a wretched expression, raised his eyebrows and said, "And it's no longer popular to ration beautiful girls to handsome guys."
Ling Chennan had no choice but to smile wryly, looked down at the boiling water swirling in the cup, and said, "This person's situation is a bit special, it will take a little more time, and it's only been over a month, so where has he been?"
The first step in psychological counseling is the establishment of a relationship. The counselor creates a safe, comfortable, and confidential environment for the other party through excessive attention and reasonable concessions to the visitor, so that the other party can express himself reasonably, so as to facilitate the consultation with the visitor. The person establishes a benign intimate relationship. Once this relationship is established, the visitor can gradually confide in more deep-seated voices, thus entering the second step of psychological counseling—empathizing with the counselor.
Has Bai Sheng completely trusted himself and is willing to actively reveal his true self? Ling Chennan didn't think so.
Ten minutes have passed since the appointed time, and Bai Sheng still hasn't shown up. He has never been late in the past six weeks. Ling Chennan was a little puzzled and a little uneasy, he walked out of the office and walked around the front desk.
The lady at the front desk was leaning on the table to watch the TV in the corner while eating yogurt, and said vaguely: "Look, doctor, this car accident is so close to our clinic."
Ling Chennan also raised his head—the local TV station was broadcasting a news break. When a pedestrian was crossing the road, he was hit by a truck that was going downhill and had no time to brake. The incident happened two hundred meters downstairs.
The front desk lady bit the spoon: "The ground is too slippery, who still walks in this cold weather?"
Ling Chennan ran away.
He jabbed the elevator button a few times, but the light came and went without haste, Ling Chennan ignored it and rushed down from the stairwell.
After running out of the building, he was shivered by the cold wind blowing on his face, and realized that he was not wearing a coat. He saw several circles of people on the right hand side, a truck in the middle of the road, and traffic police at the front and back. As he walked briskly, he stretched his neck and looked towards the center of the crowd.
As he got closer to the scene of the incident, he saw some dark red marks on the ground, which seemed to be just the soil of the flower bed. He saw a battery car parked next to it—no, the battery car was a passerby watching, and he frowned and swiped vigorously in the crowd.
Suddenly, a person grabbed his arm, Ling Chennan suddenly turned around and found that it was Bai Sheng.
The other party was intact, there was no imaginary bloodstain on the light gray coat, and he was clean and white. Half of his face was hidden in the big red and blue scarf, revealing two surprised eyes.
Ling Chennan froze for a long time before opening his mouth: "Why are you here so late?"
Bai Cheng raised his face, pouted his mouth and stuffed the scarf around his neck with his chin, and said, "There was a car accident over there. There were a lot of people. I couldn't make it through for a long time." He rolled his eyes up and down, and asked, "Doctor, what are you doing?" Why did you come out with so little clothes on?"
Ling Chennan looked away, retracted his arms, and said, "I rushed out to join in the fun."
Bai Sheng gave a nod and followed him back in a somewhat bewildered way.
While walking back, Ling Chennan felt a little annoyed, he was too restless, he was praised for his restraint just now - this is the best evaluation that can be given to a psychiatrist.
Bai Sheng followed him obediently, and they got on the elevator together to reach the clinic floor. The lady at the front desk didn't seem to notice, and greeted him with a smile, "Mr. Bai is here."
After entering the office, Ling Chennan closed the door, watched Bai Sheng take off his coat and scarf and hang it up, put his beater and his own beat against the wall side by side, and when he looked back, he found that he hadn't sat down and stared at him, and he was standing where he didn't know what to do.
Ling Chennan asked: "Which side do you want to sit today?"
Bai Sheng looked back and forth, pointing to the reclining chair.
Ling Chennan nodded, walked over, and asked, "Did your hands hurt when you went back last week?"
Bai Sheng shook his head in a daze, Ling Chennan returned to his familiar routine, finally regained his professional smile, and said, "Damn it, I'm still in pain until Monday, so it's not like I'm so lacking in exercise."
Bai Cheng pursed his lips—he seemed to make this expression whenever he wanted to laugh: "I don't usually use these muscles much, just get used to it, my legs are very sore."
Ling Chennan asked: "What else? How is the quality of sleep?"
Bai Sheng nodded and said, "It's much better, especially on Friday. I wanted to go for a run on Monday, but it's too cold outside."
Ling Chennan looked at him and smiled: "You look more energetic."
The other party seemed a little embarrassed, Ling Chennan asked again: "Have you tried to contact your family and friends?"
Bai Cheng shook his head, thought for a while, and then said: "But the previous landlord called. He said that I had a package sent to him. It seems to be a birthday present from my mother. She didn't know that I moved. gone."
Ling Chennan frowned inwardly—it has been a year since Bai Sheng was forced to move out of his original address. On the surface, his tone was still relaxed: "Oh? When is your birthday? What did she give you?"
Bai Sheng lowered his eyes: "It's the same old style, new electronic products, I guess the company assistant bought them, it's been almost a month since my birthday."
Ling Chennan tilted his head and thought for a while: "It's been a month, ah! Then I missed it too?"
Bai Sheng quickly shook his head: "No, there's no need..."
Ling Chennan looked into his eyes and said seriously, "Happy birthday, Bai Sheng."
Bai Sheng opened his mouth halfway: "Ah... thank you, thank you."
"I said last time that during your relationship with Shen Yinchuan, you gradually lost touch with the circle of friends in your past life," Ling Chennan brought back the topic: "I hope you can realize that the biggest goal of our consultation is not how to Get rid of forgetting Shen Yinchuan, but help you rebuild all kinds of healthy social relationships, do you understand?"
Bai Sheng looked at him and blinked, and he added: "I understand that it's difficult, but sometimes we need to keep challenging ourselves even if there is only a small step outside our comfort zone, only in this way can we make progress and finally make progress. A balance."
After thinking for a while, Bai Sheng asked, "Doctor, do you think I can go back to how I used to be?"
Ling Chennan replied: "No. I don't want you to go back to the past, what I want to see is your future, a new look, better than before."
Bai Sheng looked at him and was a little speechless, but his tone was steady and reassuring. He said: "There are only bad experiences, there are no bad experiences, the pain you have endured and the hurt you have suffered will not disappear, Like scars, they shouldn't go away, it's part of your growth, and we're here to talk about these experiences, to face it, to embrace it, to move past it."
[Bai Sheng's third story·Wound]
[We only had sex for the first time about two months after we formally dated Shen Yinchuan, which should be considered a long time in the field of gay men. It's not deliberate, but after all, it's the first time I've done this kind of thing, so it's inevitable that I have some doubts in my heart, but after all, there's nothing to tweak about this kind of thing, so I just did it.
The first experience was not very good, it didn't feel too comfortable, and it was painful. Rather than having sex, it was more like completing a task. But Shen Yinchuan seemed very happy. Seeing his happy appearance, even though he felt uncomfortable, he resisted taking a bath and let him hug him.
Generally speaking, we do not do it frequently. On the one hand, I have not developed any enthusiasm for this matter from the beginning to the end. On the other hand, it is really troublesome to clean up before and after each event. Later, I tried Shen Yinchuan once. , it feels a little better, and he seems to like it better, and then I mostly do 1 way.
This kind of low-frequency sex lasted for more than half a year, and then we quarreled almost every day, and we didn't do it for several months. Even at the beginning, we would end unhappy under Shen Yinchuan's neurotic questioning, until he imprisoned me.
Only then did I realize that Shen Yinchuan has suppressed many emotions and preferences all along. For example, he actually likes more painful and rough sex. This kind of pain is aimed at both parties. In the past, he was probably afraid that I would look at him and be afraid if I found out, so he kept hiding it. But after he was confident that he completely controlled my freedom, he began to show it unscrupulously. He began to express all the darkest and most explicit thoughts in his heart. Tell me how he stalked me, how he lied to me, how he wanted to have me all, what he wanted to do to me, he repeated over and over again. Sometimes, he will suddenly come to the basement with a smile on his face, say a lot of sweet love words, pretending that everything is normal, as if we are in a normal relationship, he will climb on my bed to serve me, but I am always Controlled by drugs, he can’t even speak up, let alone get an erection. At this time, he will be furious if he doesn’t get a response, questioning whether I have never liked him from the beginning to the end, and questioning whether I have sex with others So I don't feel for him, as if I'm not trapped in these square prisons every day.
In the end, there were fewer and fewer things in that room, and there were only a bed and a table left, not even a stool.
Generally speaking, after the hysteria, Shen Yinchuan would break down for a short period of time. He hugged me or knelt by the bed and kept crying and apologizing.