On rainy nights, the Chen family's old house was burning silently.
Those flames that were constantly doused by raindrops and then revived are like a virus that is exposed to the air but hard to get rid of. They infect this old house full of memories and silently destroy those who are interested in them. Say everything worthless.
Although Chen Xian had shed his mortal body and his entire body had mutated to the point of a "superman", it was undeniable that the high temperature flames could still burn his hair.
Maybe it was the awareness that those flames might hurt the host.
The black light parasites hidden in Chen Xian's body rushed out one after another, and the water-like barrier continuously blocked Chen Xian from the oncoming flames.
The Chen family's old house is an old house that has existed for an unknown number of years. It has never suffered any large-scale damage since the day it was built. In these years, the old house in Chen Xian's memory has been troubled, perhaps It's the rain leaking here, maybe the wall skin there is aging and falling off, and it has been repaired and repaired all the time.
When grandpa was still alive, grandpa went to cultivate, and when grandpa left, he went to cultivate by himself.
It seems to others that he is repairing the house, but in his own opinion...every time he desperately repairs is his own memory.
Perhaps no one will realize how important this old house is to him except those few people.
Here are the memories of Chen Xian's childhood.
Here lies the memory of that dearest relative.
Although he has gradually gotten used to living with everyone in the branch office, it is undeniable that the only safe haven in his heart will always be this old house, just like when he was a child...
Chen Xian stood in the yard shrouded in flames with dull eyes, looking at the old locust tree that was almost burnt to black charcoal, and the scene under this tree many years ago suddenly appeared in his mind.
It was during the winter vacation of the fifth grade of Chen Xian Elementary School. The school gave him thirteen certificates, such as three good students, outstanding young pioneers, top ten outstanding youth student cadres... He took all of them. It is not too easy to carry out the simplest learning work of human beings with the IQ of human beings, so it has become a habit to get awards at that time, and it is like this every semester.
Because of this, even though Chen Xian was very young, he still developed a mentality of not being happy with things or sad with himself.
Of course, this is only limited to outsiders.
At that time, every time he came home with a certificate of merit at the end of the semester, he would always feel excited in his heart, not because he won the certificate... He just simply liked grandpa to praise himself.
As soon as he entered the yard, Chen Xian saw his grandfather sitting under the locust tree and reading the newspaper.
Perhaps because of his age, Chen Ba had to wear a pair of gold-rimmed presbyopic glasses every time he read books and newspapers, and he had to hold a pipe that changed every day.
Chen Ba has many hobbies, and collecting all kinds of expensive pipes is one of them.
Maybe he is using a 19th-century meerschaum pipe bought from Great Britain today, or tomorrow he will be using a silver-encrusted, jade-encrusted heather pipe bought at a high price from a friend... These are difficult in Chen Ba’s eyes. The love that was parted, but in the eyes of little Chen Xian at that time, these were a pile of wooden roots that would only emit foul-smelling smoke.
Seeing Chen Xian coming back, grandpa naturally greeted him with a smile on his face, helped little Chen Xian with his schoolbag, and asked his warmth for a while, for fear that this good grandson would be wronged and starved outside.
When Chen Xian took out the pile of certificates, grandpa Chen Ba laughed even happier.
"You did well in the exam this time, Xiao Xianxian!"
Chen Ba is an extremely serious person in the eyes of outsiders, because he looks like that, and even if he doesn't speak, he will inexplicably reveal an aura of calmness and prestige, but in front of Chen Xian, there is no seriousness at all, and he is simply a pet. From grandson to super nasty old kid.
"It's okay." Chen Xian was as calm as an adult, still saying very little.
"It looks like we have to find a room to post awards for you. We can get a dozen of them in one semester. You are worthy of being my grandson, Chen Ba!" Grandpa Chen Ba laughed, ignoring Chen Xian's disgusted face, Reluctantly leaning forward, he kissed Chen Xian's pink and tender face with his mouth full of smoke.
"Nicky." Chen Xian commented on this.
"Hey, how about we buy the house next door? At that time, all those houses will be bulldozed! Build a certificate museum for my precious grandson, and I will keep all the certificates you have since childhood!" Chen Ba said a little Without changing his true nature as an old local tyrant, building a certificate museum for Chen Xian would be trivial.
As long as the good grandson Chen Xian is willing, he can afford even a hundred of them.
"No." Chen Xian flatly refused.
"Oh, don't you be so indifferent to your grandpa! Come on! Smile!" Chen Ba seemed to have long been accustomed to Chen Xian's icy expression, squatting down and hugging Chen Xian in his arms, gently pulling Chen Xian's waist with his hands. On both sides of the mouth, he laughed and let him show a "I'm really happy" smile.
Chen Xian's temperament seems to have always been so cold, especially after being isolated in school because of his personality, he was less and less willing to talk, and the only person who could make him say a few more words was Chen Ba.
If it was another person living with Chen Xian, maybe it would have collapsed long ago
He is like a mentally ill patient with a serious disorder. No matter how hot outsiders are to him, he will subconsciously block himself in his own small world, for fear that outsiders will cause him a little harm...
Silence, indifference.
It seems that emotion is also missing.
Chen Xian has been like this since he was a child, until he became an adult and went to university.
In the eyes of outsiders.
Chen Xian is an aloof academic bully.
He has an extremely outstanding skin.
Has a very high IQ.
The future seemed bright.
As if none of the toughest practical problems in the world could frustrate him.
But only Chen Xian knows that he has been dancing on the tip of the knife all these years, and his heart is a little numb due to lack of emotion, which makes it difficult for him to have feelings for outsiders. A steady stream of emotional input, perhaps Chen Xian has long since turned into a real monster...
Without emotion there is no empathy.
Without empathy, the ability to empathize is lost.
Without the ability to empathize, you cannot understand why others are happy, nor can you feel sympathy or compassion for others.
Chen Xian like that is really no different from a monster.
Chen Xian is like an iceberg that never melts.
Grandpa Chen Ba is a persevering ice-cutter.
It has been like this for ten or twenty years.
If he hadn't tirelessly wanted to warm Chen Xian's heart, no one would have imagined what Chen Xian would be like in the end.
Chen Xian once heard Ge Lao liar say that Chen Ba is a person who loves traveling very much. His greatest hobby in his life is to visit famous mountains and rivers... In the vague memory of his childhood, Chen Xian can barely remember that he was taken there by his grandfather. Some places with beautiful mountains and rivers, but Chen Xian is a person who doesn't like to step out of the house.
For him, the world is full of dangers, he is like a stranger from a foreign land, surrounded by thousands of aliens, the only thing that makes him feel safe is this old house, so how can he They were unwilling to go out, and Chen Ba seemed to understand him.
It was when Chen Xian was in primary school, one time Chen Ba offered to take him on a trip to a certain place, but in the end Chen Xian explicitly refused... It was also from that time on that time, Chen Ba never offered to take Chen Xian out. At home, even Chen Ba seldom goes out, even when he goes out to buy vegetables and take a walk, he deliberately chooses when Chen Xian is not at home.
As long as Chen Xian is at home, Chen Ba will definitely stay with him at home.
Or accompany him in a quiet daze in the yard, or let him watch those boring TV sets with him.
Two people.
One old and one young.
It's been so inseparable for many years.
Until Chen Xian got bigger and bigger, and Chen Ba's physical condition became worse and worse... One day when people get old, they will leave one day. Leaving himself alone in this "dangerous" world, he was mentally prepared early on.
No one would believe this, but Chen Xian did indeed do this. Since he was ten years old, he has been mentally preparing himself until he is an adult.
It was a sunny morning.
For the first time in more than ten years, Chen Ba made a request to Chen Xian, asking him if he would like to accompany him to the beach, or it would be good to go to Zhongnan Mountain to enjoy the flowers.
Chen Xian is no longer the man he was when he was a child, so his first reaction was to agree, even if he didn't want to go out, he should go for a walk with the old man, but... Chen Ba was keenly aware of the subtle changes in Chen Xian's eyes, Although it can't be called reluctance, Chen Ba also knew that Chen Xian still didn't want to go out, so in the end Chen Ba changed the subject with a smile.
At that time, Chen Xian didn't think much about it. He thought it was the old man who suddenly wanted to go out for a walk. Since he changed the topic now and didn't seem to want to go, then let's not go. I will have more time to accompany him in the future...
Chen Xian would never think of it.
This rejection turned out to be the last rejection to my grandfather in this life.
Just half a month later, late at night, on a seemingly ordinary night... Chen Ba passed away suddenly.
Chen Xian didn't know all this.
He didn't realize that something was wrong until he got up the next day and found that the TV in the living room was not turned on, and he didn't see the old man who usually lay there watching the morning news on the sofa... until then.
When I entered the room, the old man was already out of breath.
That emaciated body was already so cold that it made him feel strange.
Funeral, cremation, burial...
Chen Xian was in a dull state from the beginning to the end. From the moment he found out that the old man had passed away until he stood on the cemetery and looked at the lonely soil bag, Chen Xian never shed a single tear.
Shouldn't we cry when a loved one dies
He often asks himself this way, often sitting alone in the yard in a daze.
Perhaps crying, which is a human expression of sadness, does not belong to me at all... so I have never cried since I was a child... Yeah.
I'm a monster and I'm not human, how can I cry
Chen Xian thinks that he has thought through everything and understood everything, so he often acts extremely relieved, and also feels that he has long looked down on life and death. After all, life will die one day... Isn't it like this
until now.
In the rainy night, watching the fire burning down the hall of memory in his heart, he realized that he had been thinking wrong all along. Those so-called reliefs were just escapes... From the day the old man was buried, he dared not go again Thinking about or recalling anything about the elderly, even if I recall it occasionally, I will hurriedly divert my thoughts, for fear of thinking of the old face that always smiles at me.
He has always felt guilty, but he never dared to face it, he hated himself very much...
Why didn't you spend more time with the elderly
Why not go with him to do something he wants to do
Why do you always have to respond coldly to the enthusiasm of the old man for yourself
Why can't I act like a real good grandson... Why didn't I take the initiative to hug that skinny old man for so many years? !
Why didn't you take a look at him before he left? !
Why let him leave this world alone in that dark room? !
"sorry Sorry… "
Chen Xian always likes to say sorry to people, but he has never thought about how this instinct of always wanting to apologize comes from, because he has a guilt that can never be made up in his heart...
In the rainy night.
The flames burst into the sky.
Chen Xian seemed to have suddenly lost his strength, and knelt down in the yard with a plop.
Almost his entire face was stuck to the rain-stained ground, and his thin body trembled violently, as if his heart was crushed in an instant, and the memories in his mind were constantly being torn apart, becoming pieces that could not be spliced together pieces of...
Tears of pain mixed with the muddy water on his face, and silently seeped into the cracks of the blue bricks. It seemed that even the parasites felt his indescribable sadness. They separated from Chen Xian's body one after another, like swelling Like black water, it rushed in all directions, extinguishing the soaring fire in an instant.
"I will cry too... It turns out that crying is this kind of feeling..."
Chen Xian tightly clutched his twitching and throbbing heart, and pressed his forehead against the muddy ground, as if he was silently remembering an old man who had long passed away...
"Grandpa... sorry..."
Life is a constant parting and reunion.
Chen Xian thought that he could see everything away, and that everything could be covered up by the passage of time, but he never thought that some things will not disappear with time, just like a wound... It will never disappear Shut up, Poor Ji will never heal in a lifetime, it is an eternal pain, it will always bleed when it is touched, and it will always stay in the heart dripping with blood.
"I'm sorry... I'm sorry... Grandpa..."
"I miss you all the time... really miss you..."