After these words were spoken, there was a long silence.
Ye Nianwen opened his lips, but couldn't say anything.
He wanted to explain, but he knew clearly that Qin Nan was right.
It's not that he doesn't know what's going on at home, he just doesn't want to know.
He didn't want to get involved in the family struggle, and was afraid of losing his easy life, so he watched Ye Sibei suffer while he pretended to be deaf and dumb, and felt guilty afterwards.
"But I do," he trembled and tried to speak out loud, "I really hope that my sister is doing well."
"You may not believe it, but I really do," he paused, as if trying to control his tone, and after a long while, he finally said, "I hope she will always be the Ye Sibei that I admire the most."
After saying this, Ye Nianwen seemed to understand that such deep affection without any deeds was too hypocritical. He calmed down his emotions, bowed his head and said goodbye: "I'm leaving first. It's Dad's birthday tonight. If you don't come over, I'll go and tell him."
"I'll wait for her."
Qin Nan lowered his head and did not refuse.
Ye Nianwen walked out of the gate of the community, looking back at the door of Ye Sibei's room with an old "囍" character on it.
After Ye Nianwen left, Qin Nan returned to his car. He sat there in a daze for a long time, then lowered his head weakly and leaned lightly on the steering wheel.
Ye Sibei sat in the room, leaning against the bed, looking at the dazzling sunlight outside the only balcony in the room, her mind full of Qin Nan's words.
"You will rot little by little from the inside out, you will spend half your life trying to heal this wound, you will keep wondering why it happened to you, what you did wrong, why that evil person is still living well while you have to live like this"
"Now, no matter what you do, others will still sympathize with you and think that you are hurt. But in the future, when everyone forgets that you have been hurt and only sees that you can't even live your own life well, everyone will just think that Ye Sibei is a bad person."
She thought he was right.
This was the rest of her life. In fact, she already knew it without him saying anything.
She couldn't sleep properly or lead a normal life every day, and had to rely on alcohol and tobacco to numb herself;
She started to become violent, extreme, and increasingly annoying.
She had already realized that she was gradually becoming the kind of person she hated the most. She used to dislike people who smoked, drank, did things without considering the consequences, and assumed bad things about others.
But now she is this kind of person. The most painful time of day for her is in the morning, when she just wakes up. She looks at the mess on the floor and what she vomited in the middle of the night, and she feels sick.
She felt sick, but there was nothing she could do. When she was in pain at night, she had to continue doing this to relieve stress.
However, she had always wanted to digest these embarrassments and these rotten inner feelings silently, without letting anyone know—especially Qin Nan.
But the person who should not know now knows. He not only knows about his embarrassment and the fact that he has "lost his virginity", but also knows that she is unwilling to call the police.
What would he think of her
She didn't dare to think about it. She drank her wine sip by sip, watching the sun slowly set, her mind full of scenes of relief.
She rummaged through all the medicines in the medicine cabinet.
Reason told her to stop, but it also seemed to make her continue.
She didn't know what she was doing or what she wanted. She just felt pain everywhere. She wanted the pain to stop quickly and for this despair to have an end.
Too much drugs and alcohol made her stomach cramp violently, and she rushed to the bathroom and vomited violently on the edge of the toilet. After vomiting, she supported her dizzy body and continued.
She began to feel cold and shivered. She no longer had the strength to hold herself up and fell into the mess, breathing lightly. For no reason, she felt a sense of regret and panic.
But she didn't have the strength to do anything. She felt like she was standing in front of a countdown board, watching her life slip away bit by bit, like a train without brakes rushing towards a cliff. She could only watch, but could do nothing.
No one would save her, no one would find her.
She will meet her end quietly and miserably in this cold corner.
But when this moment really came, she finally realized that she wanted to live.
She didn't want to die, she just didn't know how to live.
But she wanted to live, she really wanted to live, how could she survive
It was as if there was a coffin in her heart. They used the coffin board to seal her, a living person, inside. She cried and banged on the coffin board day and night. Finally, when she saw the moment of life and death coming together, she felt the board was about to collapse.
She stretched out her hand with all her strength, trembling as she tried to grab the cell phone beside her.
But she had no strength. She lay on the ground, watching the phone lying not far away. She watched the screen light up and reveal a person's name.
The words "Qin Nan" jumped on the screen, and she stared at the flame dancing in the night.
The sun slowly set, hanging over the distant mountains in the west. The sunlight gently sprinkled on the ground, reflecting a gentle scene. After a long time, Qin Nan finally calmed down.
He should have been calmer.
he thinks.
He should be gentler and calmer and talk to Ye Sibei properly.
It was normal for her to be afraid. Who wouldn't be afraid? Even he would be afraid when he heard Fan Jiancheng slandering her.
He calmed down and called Ye Sibei.
He was thinking about what to say, but after waiting for a long time, Ye Sibei didn't answer.
He listened to the "beeping" sound inside, and gradually realized that something was wrong from his initial nervousness. Realizing what might happen, he suddenly opened the car door, jumped out of the car, and ran upstairs!
He spiraled up the corridor and rushed to the door of his house. He began to knock on the door: "Ye Sibei?"
"Ye Sibei?!"
When no one responded, he immediately took out the key and quickly opened the door.
As soon as the door opened, the whole room was filled with the smell of alcohol. Qin Nan walked through the messy house, glanced at the living room and kitchen, and rushed directly to the bedroom when he saw that there was no one there.
There was no one in the bedroom, only a pile of medicine shells and wine bottles scattered around the room. The bathroom door was wide open, and Qin Nan immediately saw Ye Sibei in the bathroom.
She fell next to the toilet, surrounded by vomit and scattered medicine.
"Ye Sibei!"
Qin Nan rushed to her and helped her up from the ground. She was very cold, her face was pale, and her lips were purple. Qin Nan confirmed that she was not choked by vomit, so he quickly carried her out of the room, grabbed the empty medicine shells on the ground and put them into a plastic bag beside her, then rushed out with his ID and his back to her.
Ye Sibei was dazed. She felt herself leaning on someone's back. The cool night breeze blew on her face. She called softly, "Qin Nan?"
"I'll take you to the hospital."
Qin Nan's voice rang out: "Don't be afraid, I'll take you there."
"I'm not afraid."
Her weak voice rang out. She lay on his back, not even having the strength to hold him, but still spoke: "Now that you are here, I am not afraid anymore."
"Stop talking," Qin Nan ran downstairs, "Save your energy."
"Now that you're here," she gasped, "I can live."
"What nonsense!"
"Actually, you're right. This is how my life will be."
Her voice was very soft, like a whisper.
"I couldn't let it go, but I didn't dare to pursue it. I was in pain, so I drank, smoked, and beat people up. But every time I sobered up, I felt even more miserable."
Qin Nan listened to her, put her in the passenger seat and fastened her seat belt, then returned to the driving seat and rushed to the hospital.
Ye Sibei lay there, dazed, speaking each word slowly: "I don't want to be that kind of person, Qin Nan, I don't want you to look down on me."
"I really want to fight for it, but every time I muster up the courage, someone comes to ask me to endure it, saying it's for my own good. I've never won, and I don't know what is good and what is bad. I can only endure it."
"But I," she panted, her voice very soft, "I am enduring so much pain, so much suffering, so uncomfortable."
Qin Nan didn't dare to speak, he was shaking all the time. After a while, he parked the car at the entrance of the hospital and rushed in with Ye Sibei on his back.
Ye Sibei was still talking nonsense.
"I want to die, but I'm afraid of pain. I originally wanted to go to the rooftop, but I was afraid I would fall and hit someone, causing trouble for them. Now that I might really die, I realize that I want to live. I really want to live well."
"Qin Nan," she pressed her face against his back, "I'm sorry."
I'm sorry for making you meet me in such a miserable state.
"Don't say sorry to me again, I don't need your apology!"
Qin Nan cursed her and rushed into the hall, shouting for a doctor. Soon someone came over and helped him put the patient on the mobile bed.
There was a lot of noise around. Ye Sibei was lying on the hospital bed, watching Qin Nan and the nurse push the mobile bed to bring her in. Someone put an oxygen machine on her and gave her an injection of medicine.
She was wheeled to the emergency room. Qin Nan stayed beside her. His muscles were tense and there was a hint of moisture in his eyes. She stared at him quietly, and a nameless hope was ignited in her heart.
Life may not always be hopeless. Look, this person always exceeds her expectations.
He should have been the one who hated her the most, but he didn't.
He should have been the one who left, but he didn't.
He should have just stayed with her and felt some guilt and regret if she died, but he didn't do that.
At that moment, she felt as if the coffin that had been weighing on her heart was suddenly opened by her bloody palm. The light suddenly fell, illuminating the self that had been sealed away for a long time.
She panted, stretched out her hand, and used all her strength to loosely hold one of his fingers.
She was speechless and looked at him with her eyes.
She wanted to wait for him to say something.
Her mother, her brother, and everyone around her except him had never said that to her.
Qin Nan noticed her movements and lowered his head. He looked into her eyes. At that moment, he saw such a strong and bright pleading bursting out from those eyes.
Those eyes overlapped with the eyes from twelve years ago, and he suddenly understood what she meant.
He looked at her and said hoarsely, "Let's call the police."
"When you're discharged from the hospital," he said seriously, "I'll take you to the police."
"You will get justice, you will win this time, and you will have a very good life in the future."
"If anyone dares to scold you, I will scold him. If anyone dares to bully you, I will beat him. You are not wrong. If anyone says you are wrong, it is his fault."
"Ye Sibei," he held her hand, his voice trembling, "You are not even afraid of death, why are you afraid of living?"
"I'm your husband. I'll be with you, Ye Sibei. You have a family. Did you know that?"
Hearing this, Ye Sibei seemed satisfied. She slightly curved her eyebrows, opened her mouth silently, and made a sound with her lips.
"I see."
Maybe she didn't know it before, but now, she knows it.
The bed was moved to the door of the emergency room, and the nurse pulled Qin Nan's hand away and pushed her into the emergency room.
She watched him standing at the door, watched his figure getting smaller and smaller, watched the door slowly close, watched the incandescent light shine right above her.
She slowly closed her eyes.
The moment she closed her eyes, she saw herself standing on the roof when she was young, watching the sun slowly rise and the sunlight shining across the entire city.
That was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen in the world.
This, she thought, was where her soul lay.
Her life has always been pursuing the bright sun, whether it is pursuing survival or death.
She didn't know what was good or bad. Maybe her choice was really stupid and hurtful, but she thought, if she could survive this time.
She wanted to be her own Ye Sibei.