Huang Guifen was born in the north. She remembers that it was common for the snow to pile up to her knees in the winter in the north. She would build snowmen and have snowball fights with her friends in the snow, which were the few entertainments in her childhood.
She has a younger sister and a younger brother, and she has to go home every day to take care of them. Her parents work during the day, so she is the only one who can take care of her younger siblings.
Ever since she was a little taller than the kang, she was like an adult, holding her younger sister and holding her younger brother's hand. When the adults were not around, she had to bear the burden of survival for the two children.
It’s not that I haven’t complained before, but every household is like this. When I talk about it, my parents will say, “Who made you the eldest sister?”
Being an elder sister means responsibility, tolerance, and even unconditional sacrifice.
When she was old enough to go to school, because it was a turbulent time, her parents thought that the world was not peaceful and she had to take care of her younger siblings, so they let her stay at home and did not go out to school.
When she was ten years old, in order to support the Third Front Construction, she followed her parents and traveled thousands of miles from the north to the southern city.
At that time, the economic gap between Nancheng and her hometown was huge. When she first arrived, her younger brother and sister-in-law cried and made a fuss. In fact, she was extremely uncomfortable, but she still had to endure it, coaxing her sister and persuading her brother.
She lied to them: "It's okay, in a few years, our parents will take us there."
But as the year went by, the turbulent decade came to an end, China's reform and opening up, and the Third Front construction were announced to have come to an end, but they did not leave.
These guests who came from afar, together with the local residents, built some areas with harsh conditions. She and her sister followed their parents and joined the mining business. Together, the family supported her younger brother's schooling.
It's not that I haven't thought about studying on my own, but no matter how much a girl studies, she still has to get married in the end. After getting married, her parents' family will be of no help to her and her in-laws' family will look down on her.
She could only support her brother well and pray that he could go to college in the future, marry a prince, and become a minor official. Then when she got married, her in-laws would not dare to bully her.
At that time, she actually didn't have much expectations for the future. She just wanted to find a better family where she could live a decent life and where her in-laws wouldn't bully her and, most importantly, wouldn't hit her.
Her parents often fought, and every time she saw her mother being beaten to a pulp by her father, she would fear the future.
What if her husband is the same? What should she do
Sometimes she would wonder, if this kind of thing really happened, could she get a divorce
New China was founded, and the law said that women could divorce on their own. But she had a slight thought, and when she told her mother, her mother raised her hand and slapped her: "What are you thinking, a little girl? Don't you have shame? A divorced woman, you don't even have a husband's family, where will you be buried after you die? People will look down on you when you are alive, and you won't even have a place to go after you die."
"But what if he breaks down?"
"Then just bear with it," the mother turned back to wash clothes, thought for a moment, and comforted her, "So I asked you to learn to do more housework and be smarter. If you are lazy and ignorant, then you deserve to be beaten, right? You are a good person and someone beats you?"
"But Dad will beat you." She muttered in a low voice, and her mother's eyes widened instantly, and she grabbed the mallet and hit her, "Are you kidding me? What nonsense are you talking about?!"
Women should be smarter, more hardworking, virtuous, and clever. They should know how to protect themselves, abide by the rules, and not do anything out of line with men...
Her mother educated her since she was young, and from time to time she would tell her about the fate of girls who "broke the rules".
For example, some girls got pregnant before marriage, were pointed at and criticized, and then jumped into the river;
For example, a girl went out alone at night and was ruined by a hooligan. The girl called the police, and the hooligan was caught and shot, but her reputation was ruined. People talked about her wherever they went, and no one wanted to marry her. In the end, she was hanged on the beam by a rope.
For example, a girl was in love with a man, and later found out that the man had a fiancée. The fiancée brought people to her house, took her out, stripped her clothes, beat her, and then paraded her through the streets with a shoe hanging from her neck. Her parents felt so ashamed that they dared not intervene, and the girl jumped into a well after she woke up.
For example, there was a girl who was not liked by her husband’s family after marriage because she was lazy. She got divorced, but her parents would not let her go. She had no house or place to stay. She now lives in a cave under the river. It is said that she makes a living by selling sex...
The stories her mother told were deeply engraved in her memory and life.
In her early twenties, she reached the marriageable age and many people introduced her to potential matchmakers.
The girl was tall and pretty from the north, and many boys liked her. After much searching, she finally chose Ye Ling.
Because Ye Ling was educated, she thought he had a good temper and would not hit anyone.
After marrying Ye Ling, as she expected, Ye Ling had a good temper and never got angry with her. Occasionally, when they had a quarrel, she would call her brother over, but seeing that her brother-in-law was stubborn, Ye Ling did not dare to say anything.
She worked in a miner and Ye Ling was an elementary school teacher. The school raised funds to build a house, and the two of them pooled their money together and bought a small house.
Life went smoothly until Ye Sibei was born.
Ye Sibei was born in winter. Because it was the first child, Huang Guifen had a very difficult birth. Ye Ling's whole family rushed over and waited at the hospital entrance. When the doctor came out of the delivery room, Huang Guifen clearly heard someone outside asking, "Is it a boy or a girl?"
Then the doctor seemed a little regretful: "Girl, it's fine too."
That sentence is also very good, but it is said reluctantly.
After confirming that it was a girl, Ye Sibei was sent to Huang Guifen. The Ye family discussed it all night, and finally Ye Ling came to Huang Guifen. He lowered his head and seemed a little ashamed.
"Gui Fen," he said softly, "My mother said she would take the child back home to raise him."
It was not new. Huang Guifen immediately understood what Ye Ling meant.
Family planning has been strictly enforced in recent years, and people like them who work in state-owned units can only have one child. But not every family can accept having only one girl.
Therefore, some families, once a girl is born, will send her back to their hometown, raise her secretly, and then find a childless person to adopt.
Huang Guifen was holding the child. The baby was still ugly, but she was very well-behaved. She drank the milk and lay in Huang Guifen's arms, as if her mother was everything to her.
Huang Guifen's eyes were red, and Ye Ling was a little flustered. He quickly said, "Guifen, I am the only child in our family, and we can't let the incense die out..."
Huang Guifen understood what she heard, and she also understood. Besides, the child was a girl, without any brothers. If something happened to her in the future, who could help her
"Take it away."
She spoke in a hoarse voice, saying that she no longer wanted to hold the child, fearing that she would not be able to let go if she held the child for a while longer.
She handed the child to Ye Ling: "Tell your mother..."
She paused, and finally just whispered: "Forget it."
Being born may not necessarily be lucky, but dying accidentally may not necessarily be unfortunate.
She didn't say much. Ye Ling was holding the child, feeling a little sad. He thought about it and forced a smile: "Can you give the child a name?"
Huang Guifen turned her head and looked out the window. It was snowing heavily.
But the snow in the south city will never be as vast as that in the north, covering an entire endless wilderness.
She looked at the snowflakes outside and thought of her youth. At that time, she knew nothing and did not feel the difficulties of life.
"Sibei."
She said hoarsely, "Call me Sibei."
That was the only thing she had ever done for the child.
Then the child was taken away. Also that year, there was a wave of layoffs and she was forced to resign. She had no choice but to set up a stall selling breakfast in front of the school.
From then on, having a son became the obsession of her and Ye Ling.
She had already sacrificed a child and had to give birth to a son.
Having gained experience this time, she asked around, looking for medicine to give birth to a son.
She heard that the gender of the baby could be determined through a machine, so she and Ye Ling spent a lot of money and used their connections to see whether the baby was a boy or a girl.
Fortunately, this time, it was a boy.
It was a boy. When the news spread back home, Ye Ling's mother drove to the county overnight to take care of her.
She had never experienced such treatment before. Her mother-in-law was very kind to her, and Ye Ling obeyed her orders. Even when they went out, Ye Ling was reluctant to let her carry the bag.
Having a son brought a sudden increase in her salary.
She was very grateful for the child. When she was pregnant, she had already decided that she wanted him to go to a good school like her own brother.
Her life and her luck are all due to the support of a good brother, and now, she also has a good son.
Unfortunately, the good times did not last long. Not long after the child was born, Ye Ling was reported and lost his job.
After losing his job, Ye Sibei lived in the countryside and couldn't find anyone to adopt his child, so he simply gave his child here.
Ye Ling lost his job, and the family was already in financial difficulty. If Ye Sibei came back, there would be one more mouth to feed. Huang Guifen could hardly restrain her disgust for Ye Sibei. Compared with Ye Sibei, Ye Nianwen brought her nothing but good luck, and she had to believe in fate.
She couldn't help but complain about Ye Sibei frequently. Although Ye Sibei was young, he was very smart. Every time she complained, the child would talk back. Sometimes, when she couldn't win the argument against the child, she would simply beat her in anger.
She was busy during the day and watched the chaos at home. After Ye Ling resigned, he rushed to her for dinner, which made her even more annoyed.
But the only person she could blame was Ye Sibei.
She asked Ye Sibei why he didn't take good care of Ye Nianwen, and Ye Sibei asked her back, why didn't you take good care of him
Huang Guifen couldn't understand, isn't it natural for an older sister to take good care of her younger brother, give in to him, and sacrifice for him
This is how she got here. Why is Ye Sibei so selfish
But she had beaten him and scolded him before, and she told Ye Sibei all the same things her mother said, but Ye Sibei didn't believe her and didn't accept them.
The country implemented nine-year compulsory education, and Ye Sibei had to go to school. She was smart and had good grades. Every time she came home happily with her test paper, she didn't know why, but she didn't like to see Ye Sibei showing off.
She couldn't help but say a few words to her, but when it was night and Ye Sibei fell asleep, she sat on the edge of the bed and looked at the award certificate for being a "three good student" on the table next to the child. She couldn't help but look at it again and again.
I think the child is very promising and much better than her mother.
Since the reform and opening up, the country has developed rapidly and life has changed dramatically.
Especially in 2001, when China joined the WTO, people around us started using calling machines and mobile phones. Every household also had a TV, DVD, and water pipes. Some families even had toilets and bathrooms...
Along with the economy, people's concepts have also undergone tremendous changes.
More and more families are breaking up and getting divorced. In the beginning, divorced women were despised, but slowly, people started to get used to it.
The sacrifices made by families with only one daughter for their daughter have allowed many girls to see a girl's uneven life. The times have made more people realize the unfairness of life.
Ye Sibei was sixteen years old when he was admitted to high school.
According to Huang Guifen's previous thinking, she would have let Ye Sibei go to work long ago. After all, no matter how much education a girl has, she still has to get married in the end and take good care of the family and raise children.
But when she saw Ye Sibei's happy look, she didn't know why, but she couldn't say some words.
At night, she asked Ye Ling tentatively: "Sibei has grown up. It's useless to continue studying. It's a waste of money. What do you think?"
Ye Ling leaned against the head of the bed and read the newspaper in the dim light: "Read as much as you can now, and it's good to read more books."
Hearing this, Huang Guifen let go of the inexplicable sense of guilt in her heart. It was Ye Ling who made Ye Sibei study, not her. Girls should not study, just like her, they should come out early and contribute to the family. It was Ye Ling who indulged Ye Sibei, she was right.
Ye Sibei went to high school, and she was happy every day. But in order to pay for her extra living expenses every month, Huang Guifen lived frugally, and when the child was not around, she and Ye Ling never ate meat.
They save water and don't buy new clothes for several years. When she saw a scarf she liked, she looked at it again and again but didn't buy it in the end.
This kind of life made Huang Guifen very anxious and irritable, so when she saw Ye Sibei's carefree look, she couldn't help but want to say a few words to her.
When Ye Sibei was in his third year of high school, Ye Nianwen failed the entrance exam to high school.
Ye Ling discussed with her for a whole night and decided to get Ye Nianwen into a good high school no matter what. So he borrowed money from everyone and raised 50,000 yuan to pay him the so-called "campus construction sponsorship fee" and sent him to the best high school in South City.
They were afraid of putting pressure on Ye Nianwen and did not dare to say much, but money was ultimately a huge pressure.
After much discussion, the couple finally told Ye Sibei on the eve of school starting: "Why don't you go work part-time?"
High school and college are both expensive things. When Ye Sibei went to work, there was one more person in the family to help pay the debts.
Ye Sibei was stunned when she heard this. She was a little confused: "You are already in the third year of high school, why do you still want to work?"
Later, she cried and begged them, saying that she had good grades and would definitely be able to get into university.
Her crying finally made Huang Guifen explode.
Who can't have a bright future? Why can she sacrifice herself when she is the eldest sister, but Ye Sibei can't
Everyone has gone through this, and everyone has such a painful life. Why is she so ignorant that she can argue
That night, there was a lot of noise at home, so Ye Nianwen hid in his room. He plugged his ears with headphones and played music loudly, listening to the cheerful melody on his MP3 player: "Shout out loud to the sky, I love you. Say to the most beautiful stars, I miss you..."
Ye Sibei was crying outside, Huang Guifen was crying, and Ye Nianwen was crying.
Some cry for the past, some cry for the future.
Finally, Ye Sibei was forced to decide to drop out of school. However, just before dropping out, a teacher from their school came to mobilize them, saying that Ye Sibei had good grades and someone was willing to donate to her, so she could continue her studies.
Ye Sibei cried with joy, and she immediately followed her teacher to school.
After Ye Sibei left, Ye Nianwen sat in the room. He heard his mother sobbing softly in the living room.
Perhaps only when the difficulties are resolved will parents be willing to face their own mistakes and incompetence.
From then on, there seemed to be a gap between Ye Sibei and his family.
She tried desperately to escape from this home and this city, and as she grew older, Huang Guifen became more and more afraid of her daughter's escape.
She was afraid that Ye Sibei would leave. She didn't know why. Maybe it was out of worry, or maybe it was out of resistance to her daughter's dislike for her. Or maybe it was the selfishness deep in her heart.
Raising a son is a way to provide for one’s old age. When she gets old, she starts to worry about what she will do when she gets old.
In the end, it was she and her sister who sent her mother away. Although her brother was making money outside, he didn't know how to take care of others. She couldn't imagine how Ye Nianwen would take care of them if there was no Ye Sibei.
Ye Nianwen has become accustomed to his parents' sacrifices, and he has never even thought about repaying them.
So she and Ye Sibei fought desperately, and her temper became more and more violent. Ye Nianwen said that she was annoying and didn't know how to adapt to the times; Ye Ling said that she was stingy and stupid; Ye Sibei said that he never cared about her and didn't love her.
Everyone hates her and despises her.
But she truly dedicated her life to all of them.
It’s just that more was given to Ye Nianwen and Ye Ling, and less was given to Ye Sibei.
Later, when Ye Sibei got into trouble, the moment she received the call, her mind flashed back to everything she had seen and heard in her youth.
The girl who called the police and jumped into the river, and those girls who were pointed at.
Sex is nothing. As long as no one knows about it, how different is it from being beaten up by someone or bitten by a dog
In her life, she has seen all kinds of human warmth and coldness, the ten-year catastrophe, and the turmoil brought about by the wave of layoffs in the 1990s. Sex itself, in this long period of life, in the face of life and death, poverty, and difficulties, is nothing.
The scary thing is, you're an outlier.
Ye Sibei's generation, born in the 1990s, is hailed as the new generation across the century. As far as they can remember, Hong Kong returned to China, China joined the WTO, the country's national strength was booming, and the economy, society and culture flourished.
A generation that pursues individuality and independence and takes pride in being eccentric will never understand how terrible it is to be an outlier.
The completely different worldviews of the two generations, polished by time, finally erupted sharply in this disaster.
She protected her daughter in her own way, but in the end, her daughter told her that her protection was the biggest suppression against her.
When her daughter told her "you are old", she was actually a little confused.
That night, she opened the Internet and saw so many people scolding Ye Sibei, but among those who scolded her, there were so many people who supported her.
That night, she seemed to be back in her hometown in her dream. In the heavy snow, the young girl trudged in the wind and snow. She made snowballs, had snowball fights, and built snowmen. At that time, she never knew what the difference was between herself and men.
Her daughter has no way out, she has to stand up. If she doesn't support Ye Sibei, what will Ye Sibei do
She accompanied Ye Sibei to fight the lawsuit and went to the end together. For a moment, she felt that the person she was accompanying was not Ye Sibei.
When Ye Sibei decided to leave Nancheng, she saw Ye Sibei sitting in the car, far away from his hometown.
She saw the light falling on Ye Sibei's car, and she vaguely saw her younger self.
She didn't know whether to be sad or happy. She was still worried about her future, but at that moment, she finally felt that she was always a mother.
Ye Sibei, please go away.
Maybe in this lifetime, I won't be able to learn to love you purely, but mom hopes that you can live better than me, and you can learn to love yourself openly and love your children purely.
Mother, you must live up to the times, live up to yourself, and live up to every small step forward that comes from generation to generation.