How much I love you, how much I hate you now.
You make me feel sick.
Lu Xiuwen stood there, these two words kept echoing in his ears, he looked at Ye Ming's indifferent expression, at this moment, it seemed that the scene when Ye Ming left him in the previous life was reappearing... That time Ye Ming Looked at him the same way, told him that he disgusted him.
Then turned away and never came back.
Lu Xiuwen couldn't figure this out all the time. He couldn't understand why Ye Ming could betray him so ruthlessly, and could say such words so ruthlessly.
Now he seems to finally understand.
But it was because Ye Ming loved him.
Maybe Ye Ming loved him silently in the last life, even if they didn't have that kind of relationship that time, but the child still cares about him... So after learning the so-called 'truth' in Song Qin's mouth, he simply couldn't bear it. Living with this result, I can't accept that the person I love the most has such thoughts towards him. Not only does he love his mother deeply, but he also treats him as a substitute for his mother.
So he hates him.
Lu Xiuwen slightly pulled the corners of his mouth, revealing a bleak smile, such a simple answer... He thought about it for two lifetimes, and only now did he understand it.
How could the feelings of those ten years be easily erased? If Ye Ming really didn't care about him at all, how could he be tricked so easily in this life? Falling in love with him so easily? A person's love for another person is not something that can be controlled by means.
Ye Ming loves him because he loves him originally, not because he used his own means to make him fall in love with him...
[Ding, Lu Xiuwen's blackening value is -20, the current blackening value is 10]
Lu Xiuwen closed his eyes. The depths of his black eyes were filled with endless pain. He thought he had done something wrong.
It was a mistake to use such means to obtain Ye Ming. If he did not use those despicable methods, but was more sincere, said what he liked about Gu Xueya, and frankly confessed his feelings to Ye Ming earlier, then when Song Song When Qin said those words again... Was Ye Ming more willing to trust him instead of being deceived again? Misunderstood him
Just because he made a wrong choice, this time he was reborn, and he went back and forth, and nothing could be recovered.
But he has no way to prove his intentions, this is an unsolvable proposition.
Lu Xiuwen looked at Ye Ming, the pain deep in his eyes was as dark as an abyss, but his expression was calm, his tone was soothing, and he just said, "I see."
I know how much you hate me, but I still can't let you go.
Lu Xiuwen walked over, touched Ye Ming's head lightly, and said in a low voice, "It's time to go down to eat."
Ye Ming neither resisted Lu Xiuwen nor refused, but just walked downstairs in a sullen manner, not giving Lu Xiuwen any chance to continue to force him, he seemed very obedient.
Since resistance is meaningless, what else is there to do? Just to show your indecision
No need, he has already said what he had to say.
Lu Xiuwen looked down at his hand. He had just touched the person he loved. Now he does have him, but it can be said that he has lost him, because this child will never treat him like he did before. With a bright smile, he will not look at him with the eyes of admiration like before.
In his eyes, he was nothing but a demon who forced him regardless of his wishes.
…
Ye Ming didn't try to escape from here again, he would eat and sleep obediently, neither making noise nor talking. Occasionally, Lu Xiuwen hugged him and kissed him without resisting, just closed his eyes and pretended to be asleep.
Seeing him like this, Lu Xiuwen didn't have the heart to force him. He didn't do anything excessive to him. He obeyed him, but he just didn't allow him to go out.
Lu Xiuwen felt very powerless towards such a Ye Ming. Ye Ming was weak, innocent, and a little naive. Logically speaking, he was not afraid at all, but this weak existence in his eyes was the only one in the world that he could never defeat. The presence.
He couldn't even get his mercy.
During this period of time, Lu Xiuwen had never laughed in the company. The whole company was trembling with fear. It could be seen that his boss was probably in a bad mood recently, but he didn't hear anything major? What happened to bother the boss so much
Lu Xiuwen didn't care what others thought of him, his thoughts were all on Ye Ming. He didn't stop there after the meeting that day. He rejected the invitations of several other vice presidents and went straight to the driveway: "Go home."
Uncle Li, the driver, couldn't help sighing and said, "Mr. Lu, if the young master really doesn't want to, let him go."
Lu Xiuwen's face was a little pale, and his eyes were full of tiredness. He opened his thin lips slightly, let out a low self-deprecating laugh, and said silently for a moment: "You also think that I should let go?"
Old Li has been with Lu Xiuwen for many years, and he knows very well how much Lu Xiuwen loves Ye Ming, but Ye Ming doesn't believe in Lu Xiuwen, and there will be no result if he continues like this.
"I just don't think you can do this," he said.
Lu Xiuwen closed his eyes and sat on the back seat, with his hands folded on his abdomen, his expression condensed, and there was a hint of pain. Why doesn't he understand this, doesn't understand that there will be no results if this continues... Why doesn't he know that he should let go.
But letting go is easier said than done.
…
Ye Ming was lying at home and sleeping. He was the reincarnation of the god of sleep. Although he couldn't go out, he could sleep at home all day long. As a modern family of house gods, it was nothing if he didn't go out for a month.
[Ye Ming: This day is too leisurely, although I really want to live like this, but the blackening value has not moved, hey.]
[888: The words you said in your last life have been washed out, but the blackening value still has 10 points left.]
[Ye Ming: No way, uncle is really unwilling, I just don't believe he loves him, I must misunderstand him, it's normal to be a little black... ]
[888: Hehe...]
[Ye Ming: So, things have returned to the original point! How can I change my mind and believe in my uncle's love after cleaning up the past life~!]
[888:…]
[Ye Ming: I acted too hard before, now it's hard to find a step for myself QAQ]
[888: Hehehehehe] Such a spicy chicken is still alive in the world, it really is a scourge for thousands of years.
[Ye Ming: How should I create an opportunity for him to express his heart QAQ]
[888:…]
Ye Ming slept until noon and didn't get up until noon. He didn't eat breakfast. He walked downstairs in his pajamas and slippers. Because he had been in the house for a long time, his complexion was not very good recently. He looked like he was hollowed out by wine at a young age.
He sat in the living room for a while, and soon Lu Xiuwen came back.
Seeing Ye Ming, Lu Xiuwen paused for a moment, then walked over and sat beside him, asking in a warm voice, "What would you like to eat today?"
Ye Ming turned his head and glanced at Lu Xiuwen, his lips were pale, his black eyes were dull, and he did not speak.
Lu Xiuwen looked at his expression, and the pain in his heart couldn't be added. He forced the person he loved the most into this.
As usual, this meal was silent. Lu Xiuwen was worried that Ye Ming had been staying at home for too long and fell ill, so he was going to take him out for a walk around the neighborhood. The neighborhood was his private land, and there was no one there. Don't worry that Ye Ming could do it. escape.
But Ye Ming refused. He just looked at Lu Xiuwen coldly and said in a hoarse voice, "I'm tired and don't want to move."
After he finished speaking, he went upstairs.
Lu Xiuwen kept him in custody, like raising a kitten and a puppy, right? Lock him at home when he goes out, and take him out for a walk when he comes back. He doesn't need Lu Xiuwen's ridiculous thoughtfulness, he is alone.
Lu Xiuwen looked at Ye Ming's back and stood there, his eyes were tired and powerless. After a long silence, he finally followed up. Ye Ming had already gone to bed.
Lu Xiuwen changed his clothes, lay on the side and gently hugged Ye Ming in his arms, and said, "If you don't want to move, don't move."
Ye Ming closed his eyes and didn't seem to hear it. The man's embrace was as warm as ever, and his voice was as gentle as ever, as if he was the person he loved the most.
But no... He didn't love him at all.
I can't escape from here, I have to face this torture every day, trapped by this person's side, I can never forget how he treats me, reminding myself of my identity day after day.
He wanted to pretend he didn't care, but he really couldn't hold on anymore. What's the point of living like this.
Ye Ming suddenly opened his eyes, gently took away Lu Xiuwen's hand, and walked into the bathroom.
He closed the door and glanced at the bathroom indifferently. A few days ago, he secretly hid a fruit knife here while the nanny was not paying attention. No one noticed. At that time, he was holding the knife and had a strong urge to end his life and leave this hopeless world.
But he couldn't start.
But now this impulse came out suddenly, like wild grass, he found the knife he hid from the crevice under the washstand, stared at his thin wrist for a long time, and looked at the cyan above it. Blood vessels, despair appeared in his eyes.
Cut it off, kill yourself, and you'll get rid of it all.
Is there anything left in this world? No, you should go see your parents, they won't do this to you.
…
Lu Xiuwen woke up when Ye Ming got up. He didn't fall asleep at first, he just pretended to be asleep... Because he didn't want Ye Ming to see him unhappy, the child's silence made his heartache, he couldn't force him too tight.
He knew that Ye Ming had gone to the bathroom, so he waited outside. Usually, Ye Ming would wake up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom by himself, and would stay inside for a long time. Occasionally there was a low sobbing sound, and Lu Xiuwen didn't even dare to open the door. , for fear of disturbing him.
It's just that this time, the time has passed for a long time, and Ye Ming has not come out.
Lu Xiuwen was not an indecisive person originally, but this time he was hesitant to even open the door, for fear of disturbing Ye Ming and embarrassing him.
So Lu Xiuwen waited for a while, but there was still no movement in the bathroom. In the end, the worry prevailed. Lu Xiuwen stood up and knocked on the door lightly. There was no response, and it was as quiet as no one.
Lu Xiuwen had an ominous premonition in his heart for some reason, and finally pushed open the door, and the next moment his face changed suddenly.
Ye Ming was lying in the bathtub, blood flowing down his wrist, staining the ground all red.
This scene made Lu Xiuwen in a trance. He almost failed to stand still. The whole world seemed to be collapsing little by little. down.
He was holding the fragile person in his arms who seemed to disappear at any time. Even if he was still holding him, he really felt at this moment that this person was about to disappear from his world.
Why was he hesitant, why didn't he go in earlier and have a look
Lu Xiuwen had never hated himself so much.
Ye Ming was sent to the hospital for emergency treatment. The doctor said that if he was a little later, he would not be able to save him.
Lu Xiuwen stood outside the ward and lit a cigarette. He usually doesn't smoke, but this time his hand was shaking slightly, Ye Ming almost died... If he had to watch him die, he might as well Let him live somewhere in this world.
He knew this in his heart, but it seemed like a piercing pain.
Lu Xiuwen took a deep breath, threw the cigarette butt into the trash can, turned and walked into the ward.
Ye Ming slept there, frowning slightly, and he seemed unhappy. Lu Xiuwen grabbed his hand gently. The young man's fingers were white and slender, and his nails were round and beautiful. These hands that had never done anything were just like him. The same, beautiful, delicate, tender and flawless, and he took good care of him.
He wanted to love this person and take care of this person all his life, but a misunderstanding destroyed everything.
Mistrust is the biggest obstacle between them.
Lu Xiuwen lowered his head, his lips lightly pressed against Ye Ming's fingers, Ye Ming's fingers were a little cold, and had no temperature, just like when he was holding him just now... Lu Xiuwen's eyes were filled with grief.
At this moment, Ye Ming made a very soft voice: "Uncle..."
Lu Xiuwen's movements froze, a trace of embarrassment and panic flashed across his eyes, but when he looked up, he realized that Ye Ming hadn't actually woken up, his eyes were still tightly closed, he should be talking in his sleep.
Realizing this, Lu Xiuwen had a feeling of the rest of his life, he didn't know how to face Ye Ming at the moment.
Fortunately, Ye Ming didn't wake up.
Lu Xiuwen replied in a hoarse voice, "I'm here."
Ye Ming's lips moved slightly, and the expression on his face seemed to be a little sad and uneasy, "Uncle..."
"Uncle, I love you so much..."
"Why don't you love me..."
Hearing this sentence, Lu Xiuwen's eyes seemed to warm, and he said seriously: "I love you, it has always been you."
I think it's time for me to let it go, I should be content to know that you still love me.
[Ding, Lu Xiuwen's blackening value is -5, the current blackening value is 5]
…
Ye Ming woke up the next day, turned his head slightly, and saw Lu Xiuwen sitting on the sofa in the ward with his eyes closed as if he was resting.
Ye Ming looked down at his gauze-wrapped wrist, and sat up with his body propped up. He remembered that he had committed suicide, but it seemed that he was not successful, too... Lu Xiuwen wouldn't allow him to die, would he? He even controls his own life.
Lu Xiuwen slept very lightly. He heard the movement and opened his eyes. There seemed to be an indescribable look of helplessness in his deep black eyes. After a long time, he stood up and said, "You are awake."
Ye Ming's expression didn't change, he just looked at him coldly.
This look stings Lu Xiuwen, he thought he was used to it, but in fact it wasn't, he would never be able to get used to it.
Lu Xiuwen raised his hand and looked at his watch. It was not too late. He paused and said, "You have a good rest."
After saying that, he turned around and walked out.
When Ye Ming fell asleep, he was reluctant to leave for a second. He just wanted to see this person more at the end. He didn't know why he fell asleep sitting there last night. He was probably too tired, but Ye Ming Ming woke up... but he couldn't stay any longer.
In fact, he should have understood long ago that such insistence is meaningless, but even though he made up his mind, that sentence has not been uttered for a long time.
Until the last moment, it is ultimately reluctant.
Ye Ming stayed in the hospital for a few days, and was looked after by nurses during the day, because it was just a lot of blood loss, and it was fine after a few days, which was not a big deal.
Lu Xiuwen would only come over at night when Ye Ming was resting, and would not show up during the day.
After a few more days, the doctor finally told Lu Xiuwen that Ye Ming could be discharged from the hospital. When Lu Xiuwen got the news, he thought that all this should be over. This was the hardest decision he had ever made in his life, but he could no longer hesitated.
He came to the hospital again during the day and said to Ye Ming, "You can be discharged now."
Ye Ming nodded expressionlessly, he was about to change his clothes when he got out of bed, Lu Xiuwen suddenly stepped forward and said, "I'll help you."
He took Ye Ming's clothes, helped him put them on gently, and buttoned him up one by one. He suddenly remembered that when Ye Ming was very young, he took care of him like this himself. At that time, he was just a Child, Lu Xiuwen didn't know that he would fall in love with this child in the years that followed, and he couldn't help himself.
He had struggled and blamed himself for this, full of unease and guilt, afraid that Gu Xueya would blame him...
I don't think it should be.
After all, there was no good result.
Lu Xiuwen let go, lowered his eyes and said, "Let's go."
He and Ye Ming walked to the door of the hospital together, with one hand in his pocket, there was a bank card he prepared for Ye Ming, but Lu Xiuwen knew that Ye Ming would not accept it, which made him feel embarrassed, let this How could he be at ease when Ye Ming left in such a state of being alone
But not letting him leave, he was even more unbearable.
Probably because of hesitation, Lu Xiuwen's expression looked a little serious, and the curvature of his jaw was cold and hard.
It was the first time in a long time that Ye Ming had left the cold and empty Lu house and stood on the crowded street, with people coming and going and the traffic surging in front of him.
It was like returning from a lonely and desperate prison to a world full of anger, which made him miss him.
But he knew that all of this was about to end soon. Lu Xiuwen would take him back to that house and lock him up again, so that he could only live in that small place without seeing the light of day, waiting for his reception every day. Can only stay by his side.
He didn't want to go back to those days when life was worse than death.
He doesn't want to go back.
The traffic in front of him moved again, and quickly passed in front of Ye Ming, Ye Ming suddenly did not know where the courage came from, and suddenly rushed out towards the road!
Lu Xiuwen clenched his fingers tightly on the bank card, he knew that he should make a decision, no matter what, let Ye Ming leave first, but before he could speak, he saw Ye Ming rushing towards the road!
At this moment, Lu Xiuwen's heart instantly lifted. He didn't think about anything in his mind, and his body's reaction was even faster than his thoughts! Rush over and grab Ye Ming's wrist and pull it back hard!
The next moment, I felt the familiar feeling of being hit. I seemed to be flying out, a little weightless, but the pain came a little slowly, and I didn't feel like I was smashed until I fell to the ground.
Just like in the last life, it doesn't feel so foreign.
Ye Ming sat on the ground, Lu Xiuwen grabbed him and threw him to the side of the road, and then he was hit by a car. All of this seemed to happen in an instant, making him unable to react.
How is this going…
After the vehicle hit Lu Xiuwen, it slammed into the guardrail in the middle of the road because of a sharp turn of the steering wheel. The traffic jammed up all of a sudden. People nearby rushed over, and the police and ambulance came quickly.
Ye Ming looked at Lu Xiuwen lying in a pool of blood, and finally got up from the ground and staggered over. He reached out and touched the blood on Lu Xiuwen's body. He was suddenly very scared. Will his uncle die
Tears fell uncontrollably when he thought of this.
Why is this, he doesn't want this...
Lu Xiuwen hadn't completely lost consciousness yet. He saw Ye Ming crying, and instinctively wanted to reach out to help him wipe away his tears, but he couldn't raise his hand and had no strength. Finally, his lips moved and his voice was hoarse, "Don't cry, fine… "
Ye Ming listened to Lu Xiuwen's gentle voice. Even so, he was still worried about him, and the tears flowed even more fiercely.
Lu Xiuwen seemed very helpless to take Ye Ming like this, the more he coaxed the more he cried, but he couldn't do it if he left him alone. But in the future, if he is not by his side, he will not feel so embarrassed and sad, and no one will make him cry.
If you are destined to not have this person, let it go.
It took him so long to understand this simple truth. He is too selfish and conceited. When he loves someone, he can't find the means, and he is trapped by his side... But some people really don't want you to stay, you can left.
Just as there is no way for him to leave Ye Ming.
In two lives, he can only lose him...
This is fate.
Lu Xiuwen smiled and said, "Go away, I won't lock you up again... Cough..." He felt the smell of blood in his throat, but he still wanted to say this.
"Actually, just now, I just wanted to... tell you, you child...why be in such a hurry."
So reckless, impulsive, naive... How can I trust you, living alone in this world.
Lu Xiuwen felt very sad. He had a lot of instructions, but he was not qualified to say it. He couldn't even go back to the past and just take care of him as his elder.
Lu Xiuwen's vision gradually became blurred, he saw Ye Ming crying, and he felt very sorry in his heart, and his voice became softer and softer.
"I'm sorry... but you were never... no one's... stand-in..."