What is falling in love
Yuan Yuan feels that he and Tan Ruikang have been in love since the first day they met. The so-called love is nothing more than that middle school students go to school together every day and buy bottled water from each other. The love of college students is to pick up each other to eat after class and buy from each other. Things, go to self-study at night together, go out to play with each other during holidays, coax each other to be happy when they are unhappy, and have fun together when they are happy.
About sex, Yuan Yuan didn't dare to think too much. The pictures I saw at Qi Huiyu's house that day were too shocking. After thinking about it too much, I felt a little vague sin. Wouldn't it hurt a lot when two men mess with each other
After another winter vacation, they don’t need to take a ride home anymore. Tan Ruikang has a car wherever they go. During the winter vacation, he passed all the subjects far away. He brought a notebook, checked the itinerary, and bought an expensive telecommunications wireless network card. , After collecting things, I went to Yunnan to play by car, took a lot of photos in Shangri-La and sent them to Zhao Guogang to see.
From winter to spring, the second semester of the sophomore year is very heavy. They have to go to the laboratory every day to do experiments. The summer vacation is far away and they have to prepare for the next semester's courses. I wanted to book a hotel, and asked Zhao Guogang to come over for a walk, but I couldn't get out there. The company was busy, and the child was just born, so it was really busy.
Yuan Yuan is with Tan Ruikang every day, neither of them have said anything about finding a girlfriend, and it is impossible to find a girlfriend at all. The girl couldn't insert the needle even if she wanted to. Many people in the class began to suspect that Tan Ruikang was Yuan Yuan's boyfriend, but Yuan Yuan explained that he was indeed his cousin, so no one doubted it.
After all, no matter how good the relationship is, no one can think of incest. He was with Tan Ruikang every day and felt very happy, but at night when he went to sleep in the empty dormitory, he felt a little lonely. Almost no one lives in the far-off dormitory. Except for You Zeyang, who occasionally comes down for a stroll, he is alone most of the time. He locks the door and can freely browse some gay websites, enter the chat room, and learn about their lives. Walking around the left bank of Tianya, Xici Hutong, reading the stories of comrades, and watching Nankang Baiqi's "Six Stories of a Floating Life", I felt a bit like his and Tan Ruikang's life, and secretly wished them happiness.
He didn't know what he was. He would be very nervous when he saw handsome boys. He was favored by boys, and he felt very happy in his heart. This should also be a type of homosexuality, but it is not too craving for sex, because the only object of sexual fantasy is Tan Ruikang, and he does not dare to think too much about details when he occasionally slaps himself.
In his heart, he still yearns to be able to turn into a normal sexual orientation, marry a wife, and have children, just like what he had agreed with Tan Ruikang, buy a big house, live in harmony with the family, and watch their children get together Play or fight... He hopes that one day a girl will rescue him and make him suddenly fall in love with her.
In the late spring night, a few girls lit candles downstairs to mourn the first anniversary of Leslie Cheung's death. Yuan Yuan still remembered last year that today he knew almost nothing. He saw that many web pages had turned black on the Internet. In the middle was Leslie Cheung's posthumous photo. It was an April Fool's joke, but it turned out to be a joke played by Leslie Cheung to the whole world. Later, he bought a women's newspaper, and on the cover was a photo of Leslie Cheung and the splendid roses, and he laughed so hard.
However, such a famous comrade jumped from the 24th floor on April Fool's Day and ended his life.
Yuan Yuan has always wondered why Leslie Cheung died. The media said that he was depressed. Is this related to his homosexual orientation
"Xiaoyuan, did you reject Gu Xiaoting?" Tan Ruikang asked, "You don't like her?"
"Well, I don't like it." Yuan Yuan said.
Tan Ruikang said, "What do you like? Several girls here want to meet you."
"Not sure, if I really meet someone I like." Yuan Yuan said with a guilty conscience: "I should do whatever it takes... to marry her. I haven't met her now because I don't like it."
Tan Ruikang sat silently beside him, the two sat on the edge of the flowerbed downstairs in the dormitory, Tan Ruikang said: "Have you not forgotten about Dairy Girl? Hey, I didn't understand it at first, I should support you to be with her. Yes, the thing about love is gone in the past, and it will be difficult to meet the right one in the future, so my brother always felt that it was a mistake to ask you not to fall in love early."
Yuan Yuan quickly clarified: "Actually, I don't have any feelings for her, really."
The bedroom was about to close, and several couples were reluctant to part downstairs. Only they were two men sitting side by side chatting.
Tan Ruikang said, "Go up and sleep, see you tomorrow."
Yuan Yuan smiled and said, "See you tomorrow, brother."
One day he asked Tan Ruikang, "Brother, why do you hate gays so much? There is a gay couple across from our dormitory."
Tan Ruikang: "..."
Tan Ruikang's expression changed instantly, and he said, "Don't get together with them, have they come to harass you?"
Yuan Yuan said: "I'm a lover, how could they come to harass me?"
Deep in his heart, Yuan Yuan still envies that pair, although they often quarrel, and the whole floor knows about it.
Tan Ruikang said: "Can I get you a dormitory? Homosexuals will have AIDS!"
Far away was completely speechless.
"So you always think homosexuality is disgusting, is it because of AIDS?" Yuan Yuan began to seriously tell Tan Ruikang this, homosexuality will not directly lead to AIDS, only promiscuity will, and HIV is only transmitted through the lower body and sexual intercourse, mother-to-child transmission and many more…
Tan Ruikang said: "Last time I heard about an AIDS village, one person can get it, everyone can get it..."
Yuan Yuan is about to explode. Tan Ruikang also seems to be a science student.
"It's not because of homosexuality!" Yuan Yuan said, "It's because the whole village sells blood. The village chief draws out the blood of all the people of the same blood type, mixes it up, takes away the valuables in it and sells it, and then sells the remaining blood. The blood is given back to everyone…”
Tan Ruikang listened like a scripture. He knew very little about this, and he avoided talking about sex.
"Then don't provoke homosexuality. My dad also said it." Tan Ruikang said: "He hates homosexuality very much, and homosexuality in the army is disgusting."
Yuan Yuan roughly guessed something. Tan Ruikang's father must have said this when he was a child, and maybe Tan's father has experienced it himself. This incident has cast a shadow on his father for a lifetime, and also created a homophobic impression on him. .
"Xiaoyuan, you must not come into contact with those people." Tan Ruikang said seriously: "You know?! Brother is not joking with you, you must keep this in your heart. You have been good-looking since you were young, right? A man confesses to you? Don't get caught up in it. This is a sick behavior. This kind of thing is not allowed in the world, so AIDS is produced in nature to adjust. Female and It is normal for males to be together. Just like eating civet cats and eating SARS, it is nature's punishment for human beings!"
Yuan Yuan thought that he really underestimated you, and he knew the punishment of nature.
"If there is a man who does something to you, no matter how good the relationship is, you have to reject him, you know?" Tan Ruikang said: "If there is anything that can't be solved, just tell my brother and stay away from them! We don't care about these things, but we also Keep yourself clean, don't do drugs, and don't mess with those gay perverts."
"Understood." Yuan Yuan didn't say to him that homosexuality is also a kind of love, it's not necessary, he can't accept it. Moreover, Yuan Yuan couldn't convince him. It is estimated that in Tan Ruikang's impression, homosexuality is a pheasant wearing leopard-print underwear, black eye shadow, and a pile of feathers behind the back - just like the scene in the parade when foreign comrades fight for marriage and love rights.
And he finally figured out one thing, Tan Ruikang didn't like him, but he loved him very much.
Yuan Yuan hugged and hugged him. He only regarded these as a way to express family affection between brothers, just like when he was a child, he hugged Yuan Yuan and watched the rain under the eaves, and held him to sleep at night.
These things, Tan Ruikang never thought of love.
Yuan Yuan has a complicated mood. He has been in contact with a lot in the past two years, and he has also learned a lot about the comrades and the current situation. He wanted to try to make Tan Ruikang understand, but Tan Ruikang didn't want to understand, and felt that he didn't need to understand.
A few days later, Tan Ruikang and Yuan Yuan each went to metalworking for an internship, and Yuan Yuan sent him a text message: [Brother, do you remember what I said before, do we still live together after we each get married?]Tan Ruikang: [Of course you remember, buy a villa in Silver Lake.]
Yuan Yuan: [Then if you are married and I am not married, will I live like this?]
Tan Ruikang: [Isn't this nonsense?]
Yuan Yuan: [If I don’t get married for the rest of my life, will you let me live in your house too?]Tan Ruikang: [You have such good conditions, how can you not get married for a lifetime? Xiaoting said that the girls chasing you are almost queuing up to the gate of our school, don't be silly. ] Yuan Yuan: [I said, what if I don't get married in my whole life?]
Tan Ruikang: [No if, what happened to you today? The teacher is here, brother is intern in metalworking, and I will tell you later in the evening. ] Yuan Yuan: [If I am disfigured, or disabled, or have a disease that prevents me from getting married, it is also possible, like Hawking.]Tan Ruikang put the mobile phone in his pocket, thought about it, and took it out to send him a text message: [Of course, brother has raised you for a lifetime, don't think about it, it's alright.]Tan Ruikang put away his mobile phone and continued to work as his hammer. The automated metalworking and another class in the School of Mechanical Engineering mixed together. To manually file a piece of iron, he first helped Gu Xiaoting file, sweating profusely, after a rest, Then do it yourself.
A girl came over, sat opposite Tan Ruikang's machine tool, and said with a smile, "Hey, Tan Ruikang, I like you, shall we fall in love? You can help me do this by the way."
The girl's mechanical design friends in the next class cheered one after another, while the automated boys laughed together. Tan Ruikang's face immediately turned as red as a monkey's butt.
"You don't need to say that, I'll do it for you, bring it." Tan Ruikang said embarrassedly.
The girl rolled her hair and said with a smile, "I really like you. When I saw you and the boy Xiaoting liked walking on the road and calling back and forth, I thought you were cute."
Tan Ruikang said: "That's my brother Dairy, do you want to know him?"
The girl said, "Why don't you believe it?"
Tan Ruikang was helpless, rolled up his sleeves, lowered his head and used sandpaper to help the girl make her hammer handle, automatically dividing her into the group of girls who wanted to know far away through him.
The girl said again, "My name is Lin Xi."
Tan Ruikang sighed, gave it to her after finishing it, and said, "It's done."
Then he started flipping through the experiment manual again, facing the size and measuring the wool, Lin Xi smiled and said, "Thank you, can I treat you to a meal tonight?"
Tan Ruikang said: "My brother is also doing an internship in metalworking. He won't be with me these days. I'll ask him when the internship is over. There's no guarantee."
Lin Xi said, "I'm just looking for you to eat, not your brother."
Tan Ruikang: "..."
Lin Xi: "That's it, I'll wait for you after the internship."
After the internship that day, Tan Ruikang came out with a bag on his back and left by himself. Lin Xi said helplessly, "Hey! Ma Liu!"
Tan Ruikang didn't expect that she was really waiting, and was taken aback. Lin Xi said, "Let's go, let's have dinner together."
Tan Ruikang hurriedly said: "I, I, I... I'll ask, hey, I can't promise to really introduce him to you."
Lin Xi got angry and said, "I really like you! I don't want to meet your brother!"
Tan Ruikang's face immediately turned red, and he didn't dare to look at her. After a while, he said, "Go... Where to eat?"
Fourteen days later, both internships were over.
Tan Ruikang's car was waiting outside the workshop, and Yuan Yuan threw a hammer to him and said, "It's for you."
Tan Ruikang also threw his own practice work, the hammer, to Yuanyuan, and said with a smile, "It's for you."
The two exchanged hammers, and Yuan Yuan took the hammer everywhere and went to eat. Tan Ruikang replied a few text messages. Yuan Yuan did not have the habit of checking his mobile phone, nor did he find anything unusual. During dinner, Tan Ruikang watched SMS Music, and found it far away. He frowned and asked, "Who are you texting?"
Tan Ruikang rubbed his nose and said, "A woman."
Looking at Tan Ruikang's face in the distance, he said, "Have you been in love yet?"
Tan Ruikang said: "No, it's just negotiable."
Yuan Yuan narrowed his eyes and said, "Someone likes you, right?"
Tan Ruikang: "Well, that's what she said, but I can't say I like her."
Yuan Yuan said, "It's okay, I'm not jealous if you like her."
Tan Ruikang glanced at Yuanyuan and said with a smile, "I really don't like her, I just chat occasionally, and it's okay to talk."
Yuan Yuan nodded and said, "You are so ugly, but some people like you. Let me see what you guys are talking about..."
Tan Ruikang said with a smile: "Yes, there is only one, you are too unkind, you are so ugly and I say you are handsome, I am so handsome, and you keep saying I am ugly. Xiaoyuan? Xiaoyuan, what's wrong with you?"
Yuan Yuan said, "What?"
Tan Ruikang: "You... your eyes are so red, Xiaoyuan?"
Yuan Yuan said, "My eyes hurt a bit. I did electric welding in the afternoon to weld a circuit board."
Tan Ruikang: "It's okay, by the way, I bought a bottle of eye drops for you when I came here. Yesterday, Lin Xi said that you need more electric welding, which will hurt your eyes. Let me buy the eye drops first..."
Yuan Yuan said, "It's this girl."
Tan Ruikang hummed and said, "I'll help you."
Yuan Yuan raised his head to let him drip, took out a tissue and wiped his nose nonchalantly, and said, "A pretty girl, what does she look like? Let's take it out for dinner next time."
Tan Ruikang said with a smile: "After a meal, people will fall in love with you. She wants to say that we are going to eat together. When are you free?"
Yuan Yuan said: "Whatever, I'm free."
So things settled down.
Yuan Yuan returned to the dormitory and thought about it for a long, long time, except for the momentary shock at dinner today, and now I don't feel too sad anymore.
Just like his father's remarriage, in fact, he was already ready, and the only thing missing was a word.
No amount of family affection can compare to love. Tan Ruikang's feelings for him are just family affection.
Tan Ruikang is always going to get married, just like Zhao Guogang, he can't treat his girlfriend like Shu Yan. After all, no one else has done anything, and he is also sincere to Tan Ruikang.
Back two years ago, Yuan Yuan might have signed those agreements calmly, then packed up and went to college on his own. If there is anyone in the world who wants to listen to distant opinions to marry a wife, then there is only one person, Zhao Guogang, even Zhao Guogang said that if you get married, you will get married. What else in the world can defeat love
And Tan Ruikang, whether intellectually or emotionally, has absolutely no need not to get married and spend a lifetime with him Zhao Yuanyuan.
To sum up, Yuan Yuan has no room to speak, it's not like marrying a stepmother. As long as Tan Ruikang likes someone, that's who he is. Asking his opinion is because they grew up with each other and have a good relationship, so it's a matter of course not to ask.
Tan Ruikang didn't say anything about Lin Xi. She went home from the summer vacation. She just texted him from time to time. Yuan Yuan never looked at his mobile phone. The day before school started, Yuan Yuan didn't wait for Tan Ruikang to pick him up, but went to Tan Ruikang. Go outside the school and wait in the back of the parking lot.
Tan Ruikang and a girl came over chatting and laughing, watching from the far away, the girl left, Tan Ruikang came to drive and saw the far away.
"That's Lin Xi?" Yuan Yuan asked.
"Why didn't you say it?" Tan Ruikang turned around to call, and Yuan Yuan hurriedly said, "It's okay, I just finished playing, so I came over by the way."
Tan Ruikang hummed and said, "Xiaoyuan, do you hate her?"
Yuan Yuan said: "I haven't spoken yet. What do you like or dislike? Do you like her?"
Tan Ruikang didn't speak, he smiled and said, "She's the Tweed of the Department of Mechanical Engineering."
Yuan Yuan said blankly, "They only have one woman?"
Tan Ruikang: "..."
Yuan Yuan smiled and said nothing.
"To be honest, I don't think she deserves you." Yuan Yuan said, "Not pretty."
Tan Ruikang: "This is not beautiful, what is beautiful, your vision is too high."
Tan Ruikang opened the car door, sat far away, and Tan Ruikang said, "They all said that a flower was inserted into cow dung, I am cow dung..."
Yuan Yuan said angrily, "Who said that! It's the other way around!"
Tan Ruikang laughed and said, "They all say I'm not dark..."
He turned the steering wheel, didn't say anything about it, and drove the far away to dinner.
In September, the third year of school starts, and Tan Ruikang's birthday is coming.
"Brother." Tan Ruikang said, "do you want to see Lin Xi?"
Yuan Yuan said: "Okay, can you invite her on your birthday?"
Tan Ruikang smiled embarrassedly, and Yuan Yuan quietly watched him silently.
"Can you?" Tan Ruikang said, "If you don't like her..."
The text message on the phone rang, and he glanced at him from afar. Tan Ruikang grabbed it, pressed a few times, and did not reply to her, saying: "Actually, she has always wanted to see you, or this is the case, you can help my brother as an adviser. If you hate her... Keep your distance from her, brother, I'm afraid you don't like her... It doesn't really matter, a girlfriend doesn't have to... I have to get it now... "
Distant: "… "
Tan Ruikang said: "Xiaoyuan, let me show you my heart, if you don't like that girl, then forget it. I don't want us to have a conflict because of her. You are always the first in my heart. Bit. Brother can't speak, you understand what it means. "
Yuan Yuan's eyes were red, he smiled at him, and reached out to touch his head.
Tan Ruikang: "?"
Yuan Yuan said: "I said yes, don't think too much, I'm not a hedgehog!"
Tan Ruikang carefully observed Yuanyuan and said, "I'm not angry, I'm really not angry!"
Tan Ruikang nodded and said, "Then I'll go get some meals and talk about it in a few days."
Tan Ruikang left, Yuan Yuan picked up his mobile phone, and looked at the text messages he and Lin Xi sent to each other. Tan Ruikang's mobile phone had been used for more than five years, and it was still the Panasonic GD.
Xiaoxi: [No problem, how many people are there in your family? Come on, I've been an only child since I was a child, but I always wanted a younger brother. Knowing that you guys are in a good relationship, my heart can accommodate it. If I love your family together, I will treat your brother as my own brother, don't worry.]Yuan Yuan was quiet for a while, turned the text message mailbox forward, and saw a few short messages sent by Tan Ruikang.
Tan Ruikang: [Xiao Xi, what I want to talk about is about my brother. I'm afraid you don't like him. His personality is a bit sensitive. We have been dependent on each other since we were young. I also promised to be with him after marriage. Life... ] [... If you don't like him a little bit, even just a little bit, I don't think we can. If you are really willing to accept him, I dare to introduce you to him. He is my only relative in this world, and he is very important to me.]Tan Ruikang: [I will accept your parents and your mother, and I will treat them as my parents and my mother, and I hope you will also treat my brother as your brother.]Yuan Yuan put down the phone and froze for a long time, he was doomed to lose, no matter who the girl was, he could only accept it, and this was the only way to go.
Knowing that you can only accept what you can't change is often a sign that a person is starting to grow up.
Although Yuan Yuan does not want to grow up, at least not now, he has to learn to accept that he will be alone one day.