Facing the reality of firewood, rice, oil, salt, soy sauce, vinegar tea, I don’t even have the courage to start, but I plan carefully for the future, what’s wrong
There was a popular saying on the Internet: Every girl will meet a scumbag when she grows up. I scoffed at this and thought it should be changed to: Every stupid girl will meet a scumbag when she grows up. A girl like me who has no illusions about love and is so rational that she is completely unlovable can never fall in love with a man she shouldn't love.
Unexpectedly, many years after my formative years ended, one day I would face such a predicament. Although Wu Julan is not a scumbag, but liking him, the final result is probably not much better than liking a scumbag.
Intellectually, I knew that my feelings for him should not be correct, and I wanted to pull out all the feelings that had grown up in my heart and burn them to death like pulling weeds and burning waste paper. However, the feelings that have already occurred are not the weeds in the flower pot, which can be pulled out if you say it; nor the pieces of paper in the wastebasket, which you can burn if you say it. The only thing I can do is to restrain and dilute it rationally until it disappears little by little with the passage of time.
I have always believed that there is no eternity in this world. If we must say eternity, the only eternity in the universe is that everything will disappear with time.
Whether it is a love or a vow; whether it is a mountain or a sea; even the earth we live on, the sun that shines on us, and the universe that holds everything, as long as there is enough time, they will eventually die and disappear.
Since even the seemingly eternal things like the sun and the universe can disappear with time, what is my trivial feeling
I am confident that it will go away if I give it time.
Although I wanted to get rid of the feelings that shouldn't be in my heart, I didn't intend to drive Wu Julan away, not only because I promised to help him through this unlucky time, but also because Wu Julan didn't make any mistakes at work. It was my own fault that I fell in love with him, and I cannot punish him for my own mistakes.
I decided to use a gentle method to alienate Wu Julan and downplay my feelings.
First, I started paying him a salary. Because Wu Julan holds multiple jobs, his salary must be higher than that of a waiter. He will be paid another 2,500 yuan a month for food and housing. In terms of money, I have made it clear that Wu Julan and I are in an employment relationship, and we pay money and money for everything.
Again, I don't speak so casually to him anymore. Use "please", "please" and "thank you" for everything, and be as polite as possible. I know how bloodless this method is, because my stepfather did it to me. My stepfather has studied in England for many years, and he transferred all the etiquette that British nobles treat their servants to me. Always polite, always polite and courteous, seems so gentlemanly and polite, but every move, every word and deed reminds me that he is the master, and I am an outsider living in his house, there is always a distance, and I am never in the same class.
In the end, I tried my best to avoid being alone in the same space with Wu Julan. If I have to tell him something, I will stand at the door and leave immediately after speaking in a polite and polite tone. Keeping a distance is always the best way to resolve ambiguous feelings.
I believe Wu Julan noticed my change immediately, but he didn't care at all, as if I had treated him like this from the very beginning, and I was still indifferent and indifferent.
I obviously made a decision to kill my feelings, so I shouldn't care about his reaction, and I should even be happy that he doesn't care. But seeing with my own eyes that he doesn't care and doesn't care, I feel very uncomfortable, and even feel disappointed and ashamed of being let down.
Is every woman so contradictory in love
I try my best to ignore the other party and want to draw a clear line, but when I find myself being ignored by the other party, I feel very sad and unwilling.
Amidst the entanglement of conflicts, my attitude towards Wu Julan became more and more strange. Not only Wu Julan, but also Zhou Buwen and Jiang Yisheng noticed it. Zhou Buwen just watched coldly and didn't ask any further questions, but Jiang Yisheng didn't hold back.
One night, the four of us had dinner together. When I said "Trouble you" to Wu Julan again, Jiang Yisheng frowned and said, "If you two had a fight, tell me if you have any unpleasantness, don't hold it in your heart. You are so awkward, even I don't know what to say." Feel bad."
I immediately denied it, "Shouldn't I be more polite without us?"
Jiang Yisheng stared at me with obvious disbelief.
"There is really no conflict. If there is a conflict, Wu Julan would have left long ago. My place is not a good place. I will stay here if I am unhappy. Is it Wu Julan?" I looked at Wu Julan asking for confirmation.
Wu Julan raised his eyes to look at me, his eyes were as usual, calm and deep, without waves. But I felt a chill in my heart, knowing that I was pushing myself, maybe, I was also pushing Wu Julan.
Wu Julan said lightly to Jiang Yisheng: "There is no contradiction." After speaking, he lowered his head and ate in silence.
My heart throbbed with pain, but I didn't look at Wu Julan, I deliberately chatted and laughed with Zhou Buwen, chatting about the embarrassing things when I was a child, and talking about how fun it was, looking very happy.
I once read a sentence in a book, "Women are born to be entertainers." I couldn't understand it before, but now I finally understand it. Every time I deliberately hurt Wu Julan, I actually feel more uncomfortable than him, but I always act like I don't care.
After dinner, when Jiang Yisheng was about to go home, I tugged him and whispered, "Do me a favor."
Jiang Yisheng followed me upstairs and walked into my bedroom, only to find that the curtain rod of one window was loose. It is not a technically difficult job, but two people must hold the pole together to maintain the level before it can be installed.
After installing the curtain rod, Jiang Yisheng jumped off the table, pushed the table back to its original position, and said, "You didn't have any conflicts with Cousin Wu? You didn't come to him for this matter, but you came to me instead."
I leaned against the window and said nothing.
Jiang Yisheng said earnestly: "You don't have many relatives. I think Cousin Wu treats you well. People should cherish their blessings and don't do too much."
I said sullenly: "He is not my cousin at all, and I have no blood relationship with him."
Jiang Yisheng was taken aback for a moment, and said: "No wonder I always feel that there is something strange, but because I have identified the two of you as brothers and sisters, I haven't thought about it. You, you..." He showed a suddenly realized expression, and asked in shock: "Are you Yes or no"
I knew what he was going to ask, looked out the window at night, and admitted frankly, "I like him."
Jiang Yisheng sighed, and said, "Cousin Wu is pretty good, but in my heart, I've always hoped that you would like Datou."
I said painfully: "I also hope that I can like the big head"
Jiang Yisheng asked puzzledly: "What's the matter with you? Cousin Angus is not a scourge. If you like it, you will like it. What is there to worry about?"
I hesitated and said, "The lie he lied was not only about his cousin's identity, but also about his occupation. He never went to college at all, and he couldn't even type on a computer at the beginning. How could he know how to program?"
"He turned out to be a liar!" Jiang Yi was furious, and rolled up his sleeves to beat someone up.
I hurriedly stopped him, "Wu Julan didn't lie to me. When I first met him, he was a penniless homeless man. I asked him about his education and job, and he told the truth. He had no diploma and no job. "
Jiang Yisheng looked at me in shock as if listening to the Arabian Nights, "You mean, you picked up a homeless man and brought it home"
I nod.
Jiang Yisheng touched my forehead and murmured: "Little Luo, you don't have a genetic history of mental illness, how could you do such a crazy thing?"
"I'm not crazy, I know exactly what I'm doing You haven't tasted homelessness, you will never understand us" I knocked his hand off, expressing that I didn't want to dwell on this issue, "Even if it happens again, I will still do it”
Jiang Yisheng asked: "Have you seen his ID card and know where he is from? I can find a way to check him for you."
I was a little guilty, and said hesitantly: "He said he didn't have an ID card. I don't know whether he lost his ID card, or he was a criminal, and he didn't have an ID card at all."
Jiang Yisheng tapped me on the head, and said angrily: "Maybe the wanted criminals fled to our place after killing people and stealing goods."
I pursed my mouth and looked at Jiang Yisheng, as if I was about to cry or not.
Jiang Yisheng's heart softened immediately, and he quickly comforted me and said, "Wu Julan, who I scared you, doesn't look like a bad guy. If he was a bad guy, he would have done all the bad things he should have done. But Xiaoluo, you know his situation, how could you still like him? Is he a suitable person for marriage?"
I turned my head and said in a low voice: "I just know that I shouldn't like him, so it hurts."
Jiang Yisheng patted me on the shoulder, sighed, and really didn't know what to say.
I lowered my head and said sadly: "Falling in love with such a person is simply more tragic than falling in love with a scumbag."
Jiang Yisheng said with relief: "Okay, okay, it's just that I like it. Look at my girlfriends. At first, they rushed over regardless, chasing me and saying love, love, but when they arrived at my house, they saw my dad. Just like my grandma gave up, which proves that it is not difficult for a woman to give up a relationship. Since you know it’s not suitable, just give up.”
I couldn't laugh or cry and gave Jiang Yisheng a punch, "Are you comforting me, or are you scolding me?"
Jiang Yisheng said with a smile: "No matter what it is, as long as you are happy."
I said: "I'm fine, you go home quickly"
The two of them couldn't be more familiar, I just sent Jiang Yisheng to the stairs, "Remember to lock the courtyard door for me."
Jiang Yisheng said: "Don't feel bad, there is someone waiting for you." After finishing speaking, he pointed to the room at the other end of the corridor.
I raised my foot, making a gesture to kick Jiang Yisheng, "Get out"
Jiang Yisheng quickly took off the flip-flops on my feet, threw them hard, and smashed them against the door of Zhou Buwen's room. I cursed and hopped over to pick up my shoes.
Zhou Buwen opened the door and asked with a smile, "What's wrong with you?"
Jiang Yisheng laughed loudly and rushed downstairs, "I'm leaving, you guys have a good chat"
Zhou Buwen and I stood at the door and chatted for a while, then went back to our room. After taking a shower, applying a facial mask, and watching TV for a while, I lie down on the bed and get ready for sleep.
Jiang Yisheng said that it is not difficult to give up a relationship, and I once believed so firmly, but now I am not sure. Because I found that the more suppressed my feelings for Wu Julan seemed to be, the more vigorous they became.
I understand all the truths; I understand all the evil consequences, but I just can't control them.
Indeed, the only constant in the entire universe is that everything perishes. This is true for the earth, it is true for the sun, it will be true for the entire universe, but it will take long enough. Thousands of years, the stars disappear; Thousands of years, the sea dries up; Hundreds of years, species are extinct; Can anyone tell me how long it takes for a relationship to disappear
If not months, not years, but decades
Of course, the final result must follow the law that everything will disappear, because our body will disappear, and the emotions attached to the body will naturally disappear.
The more I thought about it, the more disturbed I became, and I simply got up.
Open the curtains, sit by the window, and look at the moon in the sky. It was the night of the full fifteenth moon, and there were no stars in the sky, only a bright full moon piercing in and out of the clouds.
I plucked a dragon spit bead flower from the vine that climbed by the window, and played it around in my hand.
In the dead of night and the silence of everything, I actually thought of many things about Jiang Yisheng.
Since childhood, Jiang Yisheng has been a prodigy with both good character and learning and many talents. He was originally in the same class as me, but later he skipped three grades in a row and went to be a classmate with Datou. He still took the first place in every exam. After the college entrance examination, he entered a prestigious medical school without any accidents, and completed seven years of combined undergraduate and master's studies in four years.
People say that there is always a thin line between a genius and a lunatic. In a sense, Jiang Yisheng is the real embodiment of this saying. Jiang Yisheng's family has a history of genetic mental illness, not everyone will suffer from it, his grandfather and cousin are normal. But his father fell ill when he was eleven years old. During that time, we got close by chance and became good friends. When he was sixteen, his grandmother was paralyzed in bed due to a stroke. In a family of four, two of them are patients. It is impossible for Jiang Yisheng to leave his aging mother to face everything alone. Originally, with his excellent grades, he could have stayed in the big city to work, but in order to take care of his relatives, he returned to the island.
Jiang Yisheng is tall and has long legs. He is born with peach blossom eyes. He has a suave and suave appearance. He is smart, cheerful and talented. He is very attractive to girls. Ever since he was in college, there have been many girls chasing him, but as long as Jiang Yisheng led the girl to the house once in every relationship, it would end without a problem.
I still clearly remember that when I was about to graduate from university, once Jiang Yisheng was drunk, took my hand, and murmured: "I understand them completely, they all cried and said sorry, but I don't need to be sorry, I just want, want to be alone." Jiang Yisheng covered his wet eyes with my hand, even though he was drunk, he still didn't dare to express the extravagant hope in his heart.
Because I know too well the hurt that Jiang Yisheng received without caring, I really hate those girls who love but dare not love deeply. Once they encounter reality, they will immediately shrink back.
But tonight, I suddenly discovered that I am no different from those girls I used to hate. Facing the reality of rice, oil, salt, soy sauce, vinegar tea, I don’t even have the courage to start. But I plan carefully for the future, what’s wrong
I lay powerlessly by the window, feeling oppressed and unspeakable, for both Jiang Yisheng and myself.
I thought about it, struggled for a while, and stood up.
Gently opened the door, and tiptoed downstairs, knowing that Wu Julan must be sleeping at this point, I didn't really understand my thoughts. But I just can't contain my urge to get close to him, even if it's just by his door.
When I walked outside the study, I found that the door of the study was not closed.
I hesitated for a moment and walked in.
The shutters of the study room were not lowered, and the bright moonlight outside the window poured into the room like mercury, making the surroundings not dark at all. Across the shelf, I vaguely saw that the bed was empty, as if there was no one sleeping.
"Wu Julan"
I called tentatively, but no one answered.
I immediately rushed to the bed, the bed was clean, the quilt was not even opened, obviously Wu Julan never slept here tonight.
I panicked, and immediately turned on all the lights, from the study to the living room, from the kitchen to the yard, and searched all the downstairs, but I didn't see Wu Julan.
I hurried upstairs and opened the doors of the two guest rooms, but Wu Julan was still nowhere to be seen.
I couldn't help shouting: "Wu Julan, Wu Julan, where are you?"
Zhou Buwen opened the door and asked in confusion, "What's wrong?"
I panicked and said, "Wu Julan is gone, do you know where he went?"
"Don't worry, a big living person will not be lost."
Zhou Buwen accompanied me from the second floor to the first floor, searched all the rooms again, and confirmed that Wu Julan was indeed missing.
I was like an ant on a hot pot, wandering around in the yard, unable to figure out where Wu Julan had gone.
Zhou Buwen recalled, "The last time I saw Wu Julan was around eight o'clock. Jiang Yisheng was dragged upstairs by you, and I was going to go upstairs to rest. Before going upstairs, I saw Wu Julan cleaning the yard and clearing the tables and chairs."
My heart moved, I stopped, and looked towards the place where the rattan chair was stored.
Under the bright moonlight, Jiulixiang flowers are fragrant, green vines are dancing, white dragon spit bead flowers are swaying, rattan tables and rattan chairs are neatly placed under the flower stands. My gaze followed the climbing vines up, first to the wall, then to my bedroom window.
I covered my mouth all of a sudden.
he heard
He heard the words that made him useless, I even said that liking him is better than liking a scumbag
I opened the courtyard door and rushed out, Zhou Buwen asked anxiously, "Where are you going?"
"I'm going to the pier. I can't let Wu Julan just leave. Even if he wants to leave, I have to make it clear."
I went crazy and kept running.
Zhou Buwen called out: "The car is gone now, how do you go to the pier?" Zhou Buwen chased for a while, and found that I was completely deaf, so he could only run to knock on the door of Jiang Yisheng's house.
Jiang Yisheng drove Zhou Buwen and me to the pier.
At one o'clock in the morning, there was no one at the pier. Amidst the sound of the surging waves, there are only dots of lights, illuminating the cool night like water.
I ran back and forth along the pier, but I didn't find Wu Julan, so I couldn't help shouting: "Wu Julan, Wu Julan!"
In the sound of waves after waves, my voice was swallowed up as soon as it came out.
Standing by the railing, looking at the dark, vast and boundless sea, I suddenly realized that Wu Julan could appear in front of me without any warning, and naturally he could disappear without any warning.
If he just goes away and never sees him again, I, I