Don't think you can show love the way, for love will show you the way when it finds you worthy.
After all, I am young, and my illness comes and goes quickly. After two days, all the uncomfortable symptoms disappeared, and my body recovered completely.
However, after thinking about it for two days, I still couldn't answer Wu Julan's question.
In the evening, after I took a shower and just dried my hair, I heard Wu Julan call me: "Xiaoluo, Jiang Yisheng is on night shift tonight, let's go to the hospital to see him."
Seeing Jiang Yisheng going to the hospital, my heart skipped a beat. After thinking about it, I said loudly, "Okay, I'll be down right away."
I quickly took off my pajamas, changed into out clothes, tied up my hair, and ran downstairs.
When we walked to the intersection of Mazu Street, we took a taxi and arrived at the hospital in more than 20 minutes.
This was the first time I came to see Jiang Yisheng when he was on night shift. After asking several nurses, I finally found Jiang Yisheng outside the ward of the inpatient department.
He asked in surprise: "Why are you here and who is not feeling well?"
I said, "I'm in good health. I just came to see you and chat with you."
Jiang Yisheng twitched the corners of his mouth with a fake smile, glanced at Wu Julan and me thoughtfully, and asked, "You've recovered from your cold?"
"alright"
Jiang Yisheng said: "It's so good, let's go and sit in my office for a while."
We walked down a long corridor with wards on either side.
Because it was still early, the patients had not rested yet, and the doors of most of the wards were wide open. When the eyes pass by inadvertently, you can always see the world in miniature: the husband helps the wife who is paralyzed on the bed and cannot turn over; the wife takes out the potty from under the bed and prepares to serve the husband who cannot walk; , with dead eyes, lying alone on the bed; some patients have gauze wrapped around their heads, and infusion tubes inserted in their arms, talking and laughing with their families; some brothers and sisters are arguing over medical expenses; apple, love
In such a small world, the eight sufferings of life are reflected in birth, old age, sickness and death, resentment, resentment, parting of love, desperation, and flaming of the five aggregates, making everyone who sees it feel inexplicably stressed. I consciously restrained my gaze, trying to only stare at the front and not into the ward.
I walked all the way to the end of the corridor, and I was relieved that there was no ward.
Jiang Yisheng said: "My office is upstairs, only two floors, let's walk up, it will take longer to wait for the elevator."
Wu Julan and I had no objection, followed Jiang Yisheng into the stairwell.
When we walked halfway, we saw a man in a light gray shirt and black trousers standing at the corner of the stairs, with his forehead against the wall, weeping silently.
It could be seen that he was trying to suppress the crying, his whole body was tense, and his drooping hands were tightly clenched into fists, but the pain and despair were too strong, causing him to let out a broken sob or two from time to time.
This is a hospital, and it is an intensive care unit area. Anyone can imagine why. We tried our best to walk lightly, hoping to walk over without disturbing him at all. But the stairs are so big, he obviously noticed that someone was coming, and immediately wiped away his tears with his hands.
When I passed by him, I couldn't help but take a closer look at him, only to realize that it was a familiar face. I stopped in my tracks all of a sudden, and called out, "Lin Han!"
He raised his head, saw me, and smiled hard, "Hello, Shen Luo."
I vaguely guessed why he was crying here, and my mood suddenly became very heavy. I said to Jiang Yisheng and Wu Julan: "You go up first, and I will chat with my friends."
After Jiang Yisheng and Wu Julan left, I tentatively asked Lin Han: "If you have time, let's sit here for a while."
Lin Han seemed exhausted, and sat down on the steps without saying a word. I sat next to him and sat beside him.
Lin Han is in his early thirties and works in the tax bureau. It is said that he is the youngest department-level cadre, very young and promising. He and I met in the hospital because we have a common identity as a family member of a cancer patient. It's just that it's my grandfather who got stomach cancer, and it's his wife who got stomach cancer.
His wife discovered it earlier than my grandfather, and she was young, less than 30 years old. She underwent surgery in time and had a great chance of recovery. When I met them, they were undergoing postoperative rehabilitation. I once asked him for advice on how to take care of gastric cancer patients. He gave me a lot of help and encouragement, and the two quickly became familiar from strangers.
The last time I saw him was six months ago, also in the hospital. I helped grandpa get the medicine and met him. He beamed and told me that after a follow-up examination with his wife, he confirmed that the operation was successful and that he should recover completely.
Unexpectedly, in just six months, he fell from the cloud of hope to the abyss of despair.
I hesitated to ask about the specific situation, but I really didn't know how to speak.
Lin Han took the initiative to ask, "Why are you in the hospital?"
I said, "The doctor just now is my friend, I'll come to see him."
Lin Han said: "It's better if you don't come to see a doctor. I heard that your grandfather passed away. I originally planned to visit you, but Xiaoyun was found to have spread cancer cells, so I don't have time to contact you."
I think he didn't avoid this topic, it should be too depressed and grieved, and he is willing to chat with someone who has a similar experience like me. I asked: "How is Miss Xiaoyun now?"
Lin Han said with difficulty: "The doctor said it will only be two or three days."
It took me a moment to understand what he meant. His wife may die within two or three days.
I murmured in disbelief, "How could this be?"
Lin Han lowered his head, choked up and said, "I've been thinking about why this happened. The doctor told her family members to be mentally prepared. I don't know how to tell her parents. I don't know why. She still behaves like this." At the young wedding, she said that the happiness she desires the most is to grow old with me, and she also said that she must have two children, but she didn’t even have time to have children.”
I don't know how to comfort Lin Han. In the face of death, all words are powerless, so I can only accompany him silently.
Lin Han is by no means a weak man. It can even be said that he is stronger than most men I know, otherwise it would be impossible for him to accompany his wife to fight against illness for more than two years. But at this moment, all his strength was gone, and he wept bitterly like a child in despair.
After I finished talking with Lin Han and watched him leave, instead of going upstairs to find Jiang Yisheng and Wu Julan, I walked down the stairs slowly.
At this moment, I don't have the courage to face Wu Julan, I just want to be alone for a while.
Tonight, from the moment he asked me to go out, I knew that Wu Julan had another purpose, not just to see Jiang Yisheng. Although I don't know exactly what he wants to do, I am ready to face anything.
When I walked through the ward, I vaguely understood Wu Julan's intentions, but even Wu Julan certainly didn't expect that his trip to the hospital would be so effective, and I actually ran into Lin Han.
Could it be that even God thinks his choice is correct
After leaving the hospital, I didn't take a car, but walked slowly along the sidewalk in a trance.
The image of Lin Han crying silently in the stairwell alone has been lingering in my mind.
From a certain point of view, my lifespan of just a few decades is like a terminally ill patient to Wu Julan, isn't my being with him just like Lin Han's wife and Lin Han? After the joy, comes the trifling torment, the long pain of parting.
For Lin Han's wife, misfortune has already happened. Of course, she hopes that someone can accompany and take care of her. But for Lin Han, if there is no beginning of yesterday, wouldn't there be no pain today
That night, I heard Wu Julan question me, "Your love is knowing that the end result will be pain, but you still start selfishly?" I just felt that I neglected to consider the problem from his standpoint.
Now, I really realize that this is not just a matter of position, but, before time, I am a terminally ill patient to him.
If I want him to love me, I want him to bear the pain after loving me. The more love I want, the more pain he will bear one day.
Is this really the love I want
No it's definitely not the love I imagined
I walked for an hour and walked back to Mazu Street, but I still haven't figured out what to do.
I bought a dozen beers at the small shop at the corner of the street, and took the beer to the reef beach.
I sat on the reef, drinking beer, while looking at the dark sea.
In TV dramas, there is a very vulgar plot: the hero and heroine finally get together after hardships, but suddenly the hero or heroine finds that he has a terminal illness. At this time, no matter whether it is the hero or the heroine, they will silently conceal their illness, trying to drive the other party away, hoping that the other party will stop loving themselves.
Every time I see such a plot, I always yawn and say: "Can you be a little new?" Now I finally understand why this plot is so vulgar, because it is an inevitable choice in the depths of love, No matter how much a screenwriter wants to innovate, he can't go against human nature.
While drinking heavily, I wiped away the tears from the corners of my eyes with my fingers. Do I have to give up my love like the heroine in a TV series
However, Wu Julan is not the leading actor in a TV series, he doesn't know how I can't drive him away.
From the very beginning, he was very clear that he didn't want to accept me at all.
If it wasn't for my stalking, he wouldn't talk to me
He will never give me a chance to die, I must think clearly.
With the sound of the waves crashing against the rocks, I opened the sixth can of beer.
Intellectually, I know it's wrong to continue drinking like this, this is definitely not a place for getting drunk alone, but now I just want to drink. Forget it, call Jiang Yisheng later and ask him to carry me home.
I was drinking and thinking wildly when my phone rang suddenly.
I took out my mobile phone and saw that it was Wu Julan's call. I didn't want to answer it at first, but I stuffed it back into my pocket, but after a second thought, I couldn't bear to make him worry, so I still answered the phone.
"Hello"
Wu Julan asked: "Where are you?"
I pretended to be cheerful, "I was drinking and chatting with my friends outside. Sorry, I forgot to tell you and Jiang Yisheng."
"What friend"
"I met an old classmate by chance in the hospital. I just planned to chat for a while, but the classmate called classmate, and several classmates came. You go home first, don't wait for me, I have to go back later. "
"how late"
I grabbed my hair and said, "Everyone is having a great chat, and it won't be over for a while. I brought the key. Don't worry about me. Go to bed first."
Wu Julan was silent.
I felt that I couldn't pretend anymore, and was on the verge of collapse, so I hurriedly said, "They are calling me, if you're okay, I'll hang up." After speaking, without waiting for his response, I hung up the phone immediately.
I raised my head and drank the remaining half can of beer in one breath, and opened another can of beer.
After drinking two cans of beer in a row, I suddenly called out inexplicably: "Wu Julan, I love you"
"Shen Luo loves Wu Julan very much"
"Wu Julan, there is a very good girl who loves you very much. If you don't cherish it, you will regret it sooner or later."
Facing the dark sea, I yelled like venting.
Wu Julan, if you are like me, or I am like you, I will definitely tell you how much I love you