055
I think I might have said the wrong thing.
After coming out of Zhengzhengri, I felt like I had taken the wrong medicine. When Zhuoyang tried to come over and hold my hand, I asked with a smile.
"Zhuo Yang, do you like me now?"
In fact, I am not confident at all. What I said is just a self-righteous explanation for Zhuoyang's unreasonable behavior during this period.
But…
After I said this, the man opposite me suddenly turned pale, and he looked as if he was facing a powerful enemy. He looked at me as if he had seen a ghost.
Fortunately, he didn't run away.
Otherwise I'll have to walk home tonight.
However, Zhuo Yang did not run away, nor did he act normally.
He bought a lot of wine and drank bottle after bottle in front of me.
Zhuoyang has a bad stomach, so I usually remind him to drink less and be careful about gastric perforation and gastric bleeding.
But this time…
Watching his self-mutilation movements, I actually held my chin and looked at him with interest, feeling a sense of pleasure of revenge.
I am indeed a pervert.
I don’t know how much Zhuoyang drank, but he looked at me while drinking.
Finally, he threw away the bottle and slowly half-knelt in front of me.
"An Yue...believe it or not...you are my only wife."
My calf felt numb, and Zhuo Yang had already started kissing that knee, slowly and gently. His face was flushed, but the expression on his face was almost pious.
I watched Zhuo Yang's actions coldly. This man kept saying the same thing over and over again, without telling the truth. Even now—
He knelt in front of me so humbly, but I didn't feel much.
perhaps-
It hurts so much—
It won’t hurt.
"What do you want to say?" I calmly retracted my foot, wiped the saliva marks on it, and said to the man nonchalantly: "Don't tell me... after the divorce, you really found that you can't live without me... This reason is simply a joke..."
“It’s a joke.” Zhuo Yang pursed his lips, but his smile was a little bleak, “I feel like a joke too... I thought you were just making a fuss... just like before... just making a fuss... But... this time seems different... No matter how hard I blame you... No matter what I do... you seem to be flying higher and higher..." He was about to lose control.
I'm sure Zhuoyang is drunk.
If he wasn't drunk, given his personality, he wouldn't have talked so much.
"You must be wondering what I'm doing..." Zhuo Yang stroked his head and seemed to smile again, "Believe me... I don't know what I'm doing... It's just that after you left, when you smiled at other men, I was unhappy... That's obviously... That's obviously all mine... You're mine too... A long time ago... You said... You belong to me... You will stay with me..."
Zhuo Yang stretched out his hand, as if wanting to touch my face.
I dodged instinctively, and his hand stopped in mid-air, as if he didn't grasp the illusion in front of him, and he slowly put his hand down.
"Did I do something wrong?"
Zhuo Yang held his head, looking distressed, "I just don't understand... why is it like this... why do I like her... even though she has hurt others... even took her sister's life... I am still willing... willing to keep her in my arms... I don't want anyone to bully her... I don't want her to leave... why... I don't know..."
That night, Zhuo Yang talked a lot.
He is really drunk, that's why he talks so much nonsense.
but-
I heard it a little more clearly too.
turn out to be-
This world is so ridiculous. It is the privilege of scumbags to not cherish what you have when you get it, and then regret it after you lose it.
It turns out that my efforts were not in vain.
turn out to be-
We've been that close before.
but-
So what
That night, Zhuo Yang kept talking here, seeming to apologize, seeming to confess. There was a lot of talk, but I didn't listen carefully.
I put on his coat and smoked his cigarettes, and when it was almost dawn, I jumped off the hood of the car.
Life is like a long river, it only moves forward and never backward.
so-
Even if Zhuo Yang comes back upstream, I never want to wade into this river again.
This year, I am alone.
In fact, it was almost the same as before, but this time, I didn’t feel lonely.
Ding Wei once invited me to celebrate the New Year with her, saying it would be more lively with more people around, but I refused.
Over the years, I have been trapped in old memories, and even in this deserted city. I think—
I should go out for a walk.
I am very afraid of water, including anything related to water.
nature-
I am also afraid of the sea, because it is a place where a lot of water merges together.
But at the end of the year, I went to this small city by the sea.
Although it is winter, it is not cold here. I rented a hotel by the sea for two weeks, and I just smiled as I watched people from far away swimming in the blue water.
I still can't take that step.
but-
I believe that everything is getting better.
On the first day, I stepped on the white sand and vomited all over the ground.
The next day, I was able to stand on it steadily.
Although I still can’t touch the water, I can look at it from a distance… Is this also a kind of getting closer
I left and only told Ding Wei that I wanted to have a good rest. I turned off my phone. I have no relatives and few friends. On this happiest day of the year, when the family is reunited, I thought... no one would think of me.
I enjoy my vacation alone. My heart is no longer filled with loneliness and emptiness. Lying on the soft beach, I seem to have more expectations for life.
That night, I had a dream.
I dreamed of the person I least wanted to be with.
safely.
"I'm going to confess my love to him." She said to me, with a proud look on her face, "I'm the daughter of the An family... He's the son of the Zhuo family... We're a perfect match..."
They were indeed a perfect match, especially since the two families had the idea of marriage from the beginning.
I stroked my chest and slowly backed away.
But An Ran held me back and stared at me with cold eyes.
"My dear sister...won't you congratulate me? You will soon have a brother-in-law..."
Congratulations? I couldn't say it... I shook off An Ran's hand, "I wish you happiness..."
I am a bad woman... I will not tolerate the man I like running away with other women and then offering him my saintly blessing... I didn't bless him and he ejaculated in seconds, which was already very considerate of me.
"I know you like him, too."
An Ran's hand was shaken off, but her face was shining brightly.
"I also know that my father likes you very much. But..." The proud princess raised her head and stepped on me wantonly.
"I won't let you get everything... whether it's my father... or Zhuo Yang..."
call-
I woke up from a nightmare.
There was a dense layer of sweat on my forehead, so I went to the bathroom and washed off all the sweat.
Looking up, I saw a familiar yet unfamiliar face in the mirror.
I touched that face and chuckled.
"An Ran... you won... you have always been a winner... but..." You didn't win either... You paid with your life, just hoping that I would not live a good life. Is this kind of life really meaningful
I dried my face and went to the bar to pour myself a glass of red wine.
"Cheers to you... Seeing you appear in my dreams so frequently... I guess you're not having a good time down there... You're right... I can't get Zhuo Yang... I can't get everything... But it doesn't matter... I don't want him now..."
Raise your glass, I drink it in one gulp.
Outside the window, the moonlight is even better.
There were many children on the beach, playing stories about the king and the princess.
As I was lazily looking at the sea, a little kid came over holding his inflatable dolphin.
"Auntie... why don't you go swimming?" Especially when she saw me wearing a swimsuit and surrounded by countless life buoys.
"You little brat! Call me sister." I cracked my lips and revealed a relatively gentle smile.
"Auntie...are you afraid of swimming?"
"Pah... Is my sister a swimming champion?"
"Then why doesn't Auntie go swimming?"
"… "
Why don't you go swimming? How should I tell him
When my hands and feet touched the water, my whole body felt paralyzed. I couldn't move and I forgot everything.
How can I go into the water when I am like this
Seeing that I was unhappy and silent, the active child quickly lost interest and quickly returned to his team of kings and princesses while holding his inflatable dolphin.
I was enjoying my leisure time, and while looking at the blue sea not far away, I thought I could get a little closer to it tomorrow.
Perhaps... this half month will allow me to gradually get closer to the water, until... I can finally get into the water.
The sun was shining brightly and there were sounds of unknown seabirds chirping around.
I leaned lazily on the beach chair, squinted my eyes, and slowly fell asleep.
What woke me up was the earth-shaking crying of a group of children. I never knew that the crying of a few children could be as loud as a tsunami, almost to cause human genocide.
I looked at the sea and the sun was setting.
These kids... weren't they the ones who played the king and princess before? Why are they all crying like cats now
"What's wrong?"
"Ajing... Ajing is missing..." When I approached, several limp children were already clinging to my thighs and crying loudly.
"Ah Jing... Ah Jing said she was going to pick up Tun Tun... Tun Tun is gone... Ah Jing is also gone..."
From the mouths of those little devils... I vaguely understood one thing...
The child named Ajing—
Sweeped away by the waves.
I seem to see that brat.
Wave to me in the rough sea.
"Auntie...save me...save me..."
I said... call me sister...
I threw off the blanket and rushed straight to the blue sea.
I'm not afraid... I'm not afraid at all...
That’s what I told myself.
If your mind is empty, you will have nothing to fear.
safely-
Your leverage is gone.
You can't take me away.