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"We can still find someone else. You are definitely not the only one who is suitable in this world." I watched Zhuo Yang carry me to the bed and pulled his hand back. I said again, "I don't want to gamble. Gambling is too risky... I don't want you to take risks."
I owe Song Yu a life. Although I really want him to survive, his survival must be replaced by Zhuo Yang's death.
I can't accept it even more.
"Don't worry. My mom must have exaggerated the matter for you... I'm very healthy. If I wasn't okay, why would my doctor let me have surgery..." Zhuo Yang smiled calmly, but I was still full of doubts, "You are always like this. You are the one who takes care of everything... When can you rely on me? A lot of things happened some time ago. I'm sorry for how I was at that time. I was unreasonable and willful. I said I hated you, but in fact I hated myself more... I never got anything done properly."
"You really see yourself clearly..." Zhuo Yang laughed twice, but his attitude did not relax because of my objection.
"Don't worry, I really won't die. You know... I'm a businessman, everything is based on the greatest benefit, I do this out of selfish motives." Zhuo Yang came over and took my hand, put it on my lips and kissed it gently, "How can my own wife remember another man's love for her whole life... I am a selfish man, so I hope she can only remember me for the rest of her life... So don't persuade me anymore, I have made up my mind and I won't change it."
No matter what I said, Zhuo Yang just smiled faintly, but I knew that I couldn't shake his decision.
Moreover, no one knows what he said to Zhuo's mother. When Zhuo's mother came out, she was very angry and shouted, "You better die," "I will never care about you again!" and so on...
Then he announced that he would go back to the United States again and would never come back, so as to avoid seeing his unfilial son and feeling bored.
But no matter what, the operation has been done.
I consulted Zhuoyang's doctor, and he said the same thing as Zhuoyang, but there is always a but.
"But... Mr. Zhuo's knife wound a while ago still has an impact, so we can only wait and see how things develop in the future. We can't say for sure right now."
I clenched my sweaty palms and my voice was dry.
"What are the chances that he'll be... healthy?"
The doctor pushed up his glasses and looked at me with pity.
"A 50-50 chance."
Probably because he saw my unhappy face, the doctor reluctantly said a few words of comfort, "In fact, no one can predict the future of medicine, so Madam, don't worry. Mr. Zhuo is confident that there should be no problem."
What is a should? I want to ask.
However, when the words came to his lips, he could only squeeze out an ugly smile.
Li Si is right.
Why wasn't I the one who died at that time
I always think viciously, it would be better if Zhuoyang didn't exist.
But, think about it, what if I wasn't there...
Without me, would everything be different? An Ran and Zhuo Yang may not be together, but life is so long and there are so many predestined relationships in this world, they will definitely live a healthy life and find the right other half for themselves.
And Song Yu will live quietly in this world, and maybe one day he will meet a girl he likes and live happily ever after.
I always blame others but never look at myself.
Li Si is right.
I am truly the least deserving person in this world to be happy.
I have come to this point now, and I can only say that it is retribution.
Met Wen Li in the corridor.
If it were in the past, I would have turned around and left without giving him any thought.
But in the end, I just smiled at him and said, "Can we talk?"
Wen Li looked a little unhappy. I could understand the pain of someone who had been carrying guilt in his heart for more than a decade. In fact, in a sense, he and I were in the same boat.
I have Anran in my heart, and he has my mother in his heart.
We live in uneasiness filled with guilt towards our deceased loved ones, thinking that we have been redeemed, but in fact, time has not moved since the moment we started to go wrong.
"When did you know about me?"
"I knew it the first time I saw you at school." Wen Li touched the glass. His hands, which were holding the quilt, turned pale due to nervousness. "You were skinny at that time, but I recognized you at first sight... You look a lot like your mother..."
In other words, he has been watching me for more than ten years.
"I know you like Zhuo Yang... I thought if you were happy, I would feel less guilty." After Wen Li said this, he looked up at me.
I understand his thoughts. I tried my best to marry the man I like, but I am not happy. I live in my own world and feel sorry for myself. I always say I want to start over, but I never get out of the circle of self-pity.
"I was very scared when you got into a car accident... You were covered in blood, and I almost wanted to leave you behind... You may not know that at that time, the past and reality alternated, and I forgot... What is reality and what is the past..."
Wen Li withdrew his hand, was silent for a while, and then said, "I'm sorry, An Yue. For everything."
I still have some reservations.
But I believe in time.
I think that the future is so long, one day I will forget everything, and only remember that this man saved me when I was in the most dangerous time, and only remember that he helped me when I was most helpless...
Life is so long. If I always remember his bad points, I think my life will be very miserable.
I took a sip of water and said, "I'm not your mother, so I can't say forgiveness to you on her behalf, but..." I closed my eyes, sorted out my emotions, and then slowly opened them again, "Thank you for saving me, thank you for giving me life."
"An Yue..." Wen Li seemed a little excited.
"I know I can't wait for her forgiveness, but... I am also grateful for your understanding. Thank you... Thank you..." After saying this, Wen Li seemed to be relieved, as if the haze in his heart all these years had finally dissipated a little.
I finished drinking the water in the cup and felt better.
I finally took this step.
Mother, did I do the right thing this time
"By the way, I heard Zhuo Yang wants to give Song Yu a kidney?"
I nodded.
When I think of this world, I feel even more anxious. "Zhuoyang is not in good health. I am afraid..."
Wen Li comforted me, "Don't worry, Zhuo Yang has always been sensible in what he does. If he says nothing will happen, then nothing will happen."
Wen Li also said so, so I should be relieved, but sorry, the uneasy feeling in my heart has never stopped.
Wen Li looked very relaxed when he sent me back.
"Goodbye, Anyue. I hope we can still be friends in the future."
I smiled and waved at him, but didn't give him any definite answer.
I just added a sentence silently in my heart -
Goodbye, Wenli.
After Wen Li left, I suddenly felt unprecedentedly relaxed, as if the clouds had cleared and the moon was shining.
I called Zhuoyang and he was eating an apple. The surgery was postponed for a few days and he has now returned home.
Zhuo Yang doesn't like to eat fruits and vegetables. He is a very picky eater and only likes to eat meat. I was a little surprised that he ate the fruit obediently this time.
"The moon is so round tonight."
"It's foggy and I can't see anything." Zhuo Yang seemed to have walked out and made a cold voice over there.
I laughed out loud, "Maybe the rooftop here is closer to the sky..."
"Really? Is there such a saying?" He bit the apple and suddenly said quietly, "How about I come over and look at the round moon too?"
I thought about it, took off the sparkling diamond ring from the ring finger of my right hand, carefully put it in my pocket, nodded, and said, "Okay... I'll wait for you."
When Zhuoyang came over, he brought me some cakes that I liked. He also bought himself a lot of fried chicken.
"Aren't you eating fruit? I told you to eat less meat... I'll make you a vegetable salad."
Zhuo Yang's face was as green as the vegetables.
"I just finished eating an apple, do I still need to eat vegetables?"
"What do you think?"
I turned around with a smile and went into the kitchen and started to mix the salad seriously.
Of course, junk food like chicken legs and wings...bye.
Zhuoyang is going to have surgery and can't drink alcohol. We drink juice instead.
I also squeezed some fresh orange juice, but Zhuoyang would rather drink plain water.
He said he now feels like vomiting when he sees fruits and vegetables.
But having said that, when I fed him a mouthful of salad, his face turned blue, as if he had been tortured, but he still ate it.
"Your mother must be blaming me now? I haven't been very nice to you over the years..."
"That's right." Zhuo Yang chewed a few mouthfuls of vegetables, swallowed them hard, and said without blinking: "You are not good to me. You feed me vegetables and fruits every day. I am not a rabbit."
I knew he was changing the subject.
Yes, the memories of the past are too sad, so it is better for us to stay in this moment.
"I'm sorry."
"Because vegetable salad tastes terrible?" Zhuo Yang took a sip of water. "I wonder who invented this... People actually have to eat vegetables?"
I smiled, took his cup and refilled it for him, "I want to ask you a question. What did you do at the Song family that night?"
Zhuo Yang rested his head comfortably on my knees, looking a little lazy.
"What... Of course I want to do it to you..." Zhuo Yang said, as if he thought of something interesting, and smiled, "You are also stupid. You saw that Mrs. Song was just a delaying tactic, and she would give you a heavy blow when the time comes, and you still believed it..."
"I am a little stupid." I nodded in admission, and slowly placed my hand on Zhuo Yang's soft head.
"But, if it weren't for my stupidity, how could it highlight your intelligence..."
I said, laughing happily.
Zhuo Yang lowered his head and looked at me intently.
I felt so soft at his gaze that I couldn't help but ask, "What's wrong?"
Before he finished speaking, Zhuo Yang quickly pulled my head down.