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"Have you ever regretted it?" Licking the wet corners of my lips, I sighed with satisfaction, "If it weren't for me, you would have lived a good life."
Zhuo Yang lazily rested his head on my knees, closed his eyes, and seemed to be fast asleep. Perhaps to avoid it, he did not answer my question.
"Hey... are you asleep?" I asked.
"No." He held my hand, and the warmth came over me, and I suddenly felt an illusion. No matter how many problems I had, they were no longer a problem.
"Just like you said, without you, maybe my life would be different. But, there is nothing I can do... I met you. Isn't it the same for you? If it weren't for me in this life, you would have lived a good life..."
We are each other's calamity.
This is a fact that can never be denied.
"Song Yu..." I suddenly didn't know how to start. After all, I was still a bad woman.
"I know." Zhuo Yang seemed very tired as he tightened his grip on my hand. He muttered softly, "When he gets better, I'll go talk to him."
I sighed. Song Yu is as paranoid as I am. What I am afraid of is...
I can never explain it clearly.
I'm afraid the scars were already destined.
"Can I sleep here tonight?" Zhuo Yang narrowed his eyes, glanced at me, paused, and then made a promise, "I won't do anything, just sleep."
I smiled and pulled a blanket from the side and covered him with it.
"Go to sleep. I just realized today that you... talk so much nonsense."
When I woke up the next day, I was in bed, but Zhuoyang was gone.
I was shocked and got up in a hurry. I looked around but couldn't find him. Where did he go
The surgery wasn't scheduled for today? Where did he go
Just when I was looking for the phone everywhere, the phone rang.
On the other end was Li Chen, whom I hadn’t seen for a while.
I was so worried about Zhuo Yang that I wanted to hang up the phone immediately.
"Li Shitou, I'm a little busy. There's nothing important to say. I'll hang up first..."
Li Chen seemed to be stunned for a moment, then he laughed out loud, "Then, An Yue, if possible, come and see me for the last time."
Li Chen is a foodie.
I think it's because he is the son of a food tycoon. Whenever a new food comes out, he is the first to eat it. That's why he has a picky mouth and a sharp tongue, and he always speaks a lot of shit.
I have been angry countless times and cursed this man countless times, telling him to keep eating and eat, and one day I will eat him to death.
However, when this moment really happened, I was not as open-minded as I imagined. It was also at that moment that I suddenly understood the sadness of vampires. They have beautiful appearances and immortality, but they have to watch their friends around them leave their world one by one and never see them again. How miserable it is.
When I went to see Li Chen, he was lying on a big white bed, leaning against it with his legs crossed. If I hadn't met his attending physician when I entered the room, I would have thought that Li Chen's stomach cancer was just an illusion.
Yes, I slept too late last night and had no energy, so I had hallucinations.
Li Chen was wearing a pretty silly hat because chemotherapy had caused all his hair to fall out.
Seeing me coming over, Li Chen's eyes were still focused on the ugly hat. He touched the brim of the hat and asked, "Is it ugly?"
I wanted to smile, but found that the smile was so forced.
"No... you look great. A hundred times better than before."
"Really?" Li Chen smiled happily, but he still pressed down the brim of his hat and said, "I also think I look good this way... I can't help it, I have a good foundation, even... even without hair, I am still handsome enough to be loved by everyone and flowers bloom wherever I go."
I wanted to smile, and the corners of my mouth turned up slightly. I didn't need a mirror to know that my smile was so forced.
"An Yue..." Seeing my expression, Li Chen came over and patted my shoulder, "What are you doing? You look like you don't know whether to laugh or cry. Haven't you always been looking forward to this day?"
Seeing me glaring at him, Li Chen stopped smiling and said, "Alright, alright... I know I was wrong, I won't say those nonsense anymore. But... maybe it really is retribution... All the evil deeds done by the previous generation are being punished on the next generation."
"Li Chen..."
"Don't worry, don't cry. I'm most afraid of women crying, especially you... It's annoying to look at you, you know." However, when Li Chen said this, his eyes slowly turned away.
"I've been wondering how many additives are put into our country's food, and how many of them are edible... When I was young, I went to my father's factory and always asked if eating these would kill people. My father always beat me, saying that it wasn't me who died, so what did it have to do with him. My father has been a playboy all his life, and he is also ruthless in doing things. He has always taught me that here, you can't make money if you are not ruthless... It's just... Hahaha..." Li Chen said, and suddenly laughed, turned his head, glanced at me, and then said: "An Yue, do you think this is retribution? Our food contains so many additives, so many lethal things... The country's legal system can't do anything to me, but God sees what people do... My father always says that his things are all mine, so what he does is retribution on me... I have wanted to die countless times, life is so boring, so boring... But, Anyue, do you know? When this moment really came, I was actually scared... Anyue, I don't want to die..."
No one wants to die.
I understand.
I clapped his hands, that's all I can do now.
Although I have always thought that Li Chen was a playboy who always spent the family's money and did nothing all day, I never expected that he had been living in a state of self-indulgence where he was powerless to change the status quo.
"It's okay... You will get better slowly..."
"An Yue, your comfort is really powerless. Forget it... Now that things have come to this, I have figured it out. Death is not scary. What is scary is that the process of death is so painful. Now when I see those delicious foods, I dare not even swallow my saliva... It hurts... That feeling is so uncomfortable..." Li Chen closed his eyes, as if he was repeating the pain. My heart ached slightly, and I couldn't make any sound in my throat.
"Li Chen, you... don't..." I trembled. I hadn't seen Li Chen for a while and he had lost a lot of weight. Actually, I lied to him. He looked good, but anyone who lost dozens of pounds and had only skin on his face would not look much better no matter how good-looking he was.
But I couldn't say anything. I could only stroke his hand and tell him over and over again that it didn't matter and that there were countless opportunities in the world.
I know myself that this statement is so powerless.
"Oh... How embarrassing." Li Chen let go of my hand and touched my nose. "I have accomplished nothing in my life. I wanted to do a good deed before I die, but I'm not a match. The only thing I have now is my kidney, but Song Yu lost... He and I are not a match... Oh... Forget it, it seems that I was not born to do good deeds."
Li Chen yawned and seemed very tired.
"An Yue, I'm tired and want to rest."
"Then I'll leave first and come see you tomorrow."
“No need.” Li Chen waved his hand and closed his eyes. “I just came here to fulfill a wish. Originally, I wanted to show off in front of the girl I like before I died, but I didn’t expect... Hehe...”
Li Chen smiled again, but did not open his eyes, "Let's go, An Yue, live a good life with Zhuo Yang. Don't come to see me again..."
"Li Chen..."
"Let's go. I'm really tired." Li Chen slowly closed his eyes, pulling up the brim of his hat with his hand, completely hiding his grief.
I want to say something more, something. I never knew I was so short of words. At this point I can't utter a word.
Li Chen's breathing gradually became even and he seemed to have really fallen asleep.
I stood at the door for a long time, looking at the man on the bed. It seemed that some of these things were nightmares I had. When I closed my eyes, he would still stand in front of me normally and healthy after I woke up, being mean and venomous to me.
However, when I opened my eyes, I found that it was not a dream, but just my subconscious hopeless desire.
Goodbye Li Chen.
But how much I don't want to say goodbye.
When I left the hospital, Zhuo Yang was already waiting at the door.
"How...how did you know I was here?"
Zhuo Yang put out his cigarette, came over and held my hand, "I just learned about Li Chen's situation. His family is in a mess now. After he was admitted to the hospital, his family was busy with who would inherit the Li family, and no one came."
"These people really have no conscience!" I was indignant. Zhuo Yang rubbed my head and said, "He has known it for a long time. Maybe he is more open-minded than us."
But even though Zhuo Yang said that, I still feel sorry for Li Chen.
Recalling the time he spent at sea, he didn't want to go home even during the Chinese New Year. Was it because he had already understood
Home has never been his warm harbor, but a shackle that binds him.
"He really doesn't have..." Is there no way to treat it? Although cancer is currently incurable medically, there are always specific cases.
"It's late." Zhuo Yang said, his voice a little depressed. I can understand the sadness of my childhood friends slowly leaving my life and going to a world I can never go to.
"Zhuo Yang..." I took the initiative to hold the man's hand, "I suddenly realized that there may be a lot of spiritual hurt and torture in this world, but it is far less than the pain of illness. So... Zhuo Yang, you have to promise me that you will be healthy. You said that we will be together forever... If you can't do it... Then don't..." Don't give Song Yu a kidney...
My hand was squeezed tightly, Zhuo Yang turned his head and smiled at me.
"I've said it before, I've made up my mind. No matter what, I'll have to pay off your debt... And I'll never break my promise to you... Believe me, I won't break my promise, absolutely not."