Wenxi and I had decided from the day we set out that we would never return to that place again in our lives.
"Life has no roots. It floats into the dust on the road, dispersed and driven by the wind. This is very personal." Wen Xi and I laughed. Wandering around the world and herding white clouds was originally a plot in a martial arts novel. Unexpectedly, the two of us were about to live such a life.
We have been to the renovated Bawang's tomb, and also to the Bawang's hometown. Isolated from time and space for thousands of years, we silently prayed to the heroes who were so powerful that they could conquer the world. We listened to the locals tell the folklore of the ancient battle of Julu, and listened to the humming of maybe I asked Wenxi to sing the Chu songs that still had the charm of the Chu style at that time. Wenxi joked that it took Zheng Kai's rough voice to sing the Chu songs. I couldn't help but smile slightly when I thought about my crazy behavior at the school anniversary. Come to think of it, I sang Yu Ji's poems myself, but Zheng Kai always did the dubbing.
I also went to the filming locations where I filmed Farewell My Concubine, the Summer Palace, Mei Lanfang’s former residence, Confucius Temple, and the People’s Theater. I also went to the place where my brother’s soul died forever, the hotel that is still bustling and lively, but I don’t know how many people still remember it. There was blood spattered here back then.
Wenxi and I, especially him, are both literary and artistic. Once my interest in visiting ancient times was satisfied, he took me with him to the filming location of Dream of Red Mansions, visited Cao Yin’s former residence, and even talked to me about some ancient poems with great interest. .
For example: "The water in Peach Blossom Pond is a thousand feet deep, and it is not as deep as Wang Lun's love for me." So we went to Peach Blossom Pond in Jing County, Anhui Province. The water is long and full of deep love through the ages. When you sing it, it always has a different charm. We both looked at each other and smiled.
Another example is: "The wandering clouds convey the sentiments of a child, and the setting sun expresses the affection of an old friend." So Wenxi arranged this poem into a story about Li Bai and a friend, and took me to ancient Chang'an to visit the Bell and Drum Towers there.
There is also: "It is the beautiful scenery in the south of the Yangtze River, and we meet you again when the flowers are falling." So Wenxi implicitly told the story of Tang Xuanzong and Li Guinian, and then arranged the threesome of Du Fu and Li Guinian, and we went Went to Tanzhou, Hunan, and the two of them cosplayed. He played the elderly Du Fu, and I played the depressed Li Guinian, who was unhappy with Xuanzong's misfortune. The two of them laughed and cried after the performance.
Another example is: "The bond between life and death is broad, and I have said it to my son, and I have held my hand and grown old together with my son." So we are standing in the hot land of ancient Bei County, now Tangyin County, Henan Province. He was very enthusiastic and composed a tune for a famous piece in the Book of Songs. He hummed it with me. I sang a few words and then stopped singing. The voice was really soft and hard to listen to. But Wen Xi’s voice, although not as loud and almost rude as Zheng Kai’s or Zhao Yuan’s, was deep and powerful, desolate and loud. .
I held his hand and asked with a smile, does this mean we are holding his son's hand and growing old together
Wenxi smiled lightly and said, "When the day comes when we grow old together, we will hold hands and grow old together."
Yes, he is still like that, regarding a lifetime, he firmly believes that unless two people die at the same time, it will not count as a lifetime. He always asked Hongyan to send the letters between Brother Yunche and Sister Ziping to different places, and he had his own magic way to pick them up. When he read them, sometimes he felt like crying, sometimes he laughed with joy, but he was always sad. , he does not believe in that life.
I know that he had such thoughts about two people before. One was Zhao Yuan, but he married Shu Xiaoman, and the other was Zhang Dong. He thought that he was selfish and never seemed to have loved Zhang Dong. , but gave him endless hope. In Zhang Dong's view, this endless hope may be naked irony and eternal despair. He promised Zhang Dong his whole life, three hundred and sixty years. In the end, he could not fulfill his promise even for a single second.
Wen Xi keeps that recording with him, always reminding himself of how Zhang Dong died in the hands of his uncle Hongxuan. He also often thinks about how Uncle Hongxuan also suffered a tragic death from a bullet in the early morning of the day he killed Zhang Dong. He committed suicide. These two people he may have regarded as his closest relatives passed away overnight, which was a painful blow to him. At that time, Zhao Yuan and Shu Xiaoman were getting married in G City.
After wandering around the country, we went abroad again.
Angkor Wat in Cambodia, thousands of years of flowing water, and the city’s forests have left behind his music and my footprints. The Erawan Buddha in Bangkok, Thailand, leaves behind our sincere or absurd prayers, hoping that no one in the world will remember us. We left behind a garland of vanilla and the ashes of the candle, like Wenxi’s heart.
In the windmill village in the Netherlands, we looked at the sparkling water, the windmills, and the endless lavender gardens. Running among them was like a dream. We listened to the stories of the people living in seclusion in the village, the music played under the moonlight, and even the impromptu singing and dancing of a few people holding hands. There are traces of us being the same people everywhere.
In the Mexican plateau, green grass reaches to the horizon. We see the same wild animals as us, chasing and playing in the wild, like phoenixes flying.
Alaska, Denali, the Northern Lights, the intertwining of disillusionment and rebirth, suddenly, the world is like a dream.
Finally, I returned to China and came to an unknown small temple in the west. I looked at the prayer flags every day, read the helplessness and sadness of Tsangyang Gyatso, and chased a dream that seemed never to be reached. .”
A song, a broken soul, the dawn of spring, the light years of midsummer, the fall of autumn rain, and the cold spring. Two years, two years of endless separation, but also endless thoughts between the two of us.
When Wenxi accidentally opened Xiaocheng's news and followed Zhao Yuan's Weibo, I heard him cry very sadly.
I
I don’t know if he is crying for Xiaoman’s departure, or for the loss of his mother when his two children were young, or for hurting himself and feeling deeply confused about his fate.
In short, I know that such a comfortable but sad, lonely and warm time will eventually be gone forever.
Wenxi began to send things to the small town to the three children.
Wenxi relaxed a lot. Once when he called Hongyan, he almost forgot to start the IP modification.
I don't know if it was Wanxin's or An'an's idea, or Zhao Yuan's desperate move.
Everyone from that time remembers Wenxi, and everyone from that time gathered together.
Everyone announced that this year's Chinese Valentine's Day.
The wedding ceremony of Zheng Kai and Chen Wanxin, the tenth wedding anniversary of Yun Che and Zhu Ziping, the wedding ceremony of Zhang Anan and Wang Hui. What’s more, the 30th wedding anniversary of Wenxi’s mother, Huang Xiya, and his father, Lin Ziwei.
Especially when he saw the photo of his mother, Wen Xi almost fainted from crying. That was his biological mother whom he had not seen for eleven years. The gentleness, kindness, kindness, and embrace of her face were all... Not letting Wen Xi linger in the past has become an endless desire to give back.
All the coincidences were twisted into a huge invisible force at this moment, calling Wen Xi back.
If you let your heart be as steely as steel, this place has become a river of sorrow that stretches thousands of miles around your fingertips.
I knew he wanted to go back, and I also knew that there was indescribable worry in his eyes when he looked at me.
Naturally, I don't want to stand between Zheng Kai and Wan Xin. They will definitely treat me very well, so much so that I can't repay them. But my existence will only make them recall the holes in their hearts again and again. I don't hope, That's the meaning of my existence.
Naturally, I would not want to go back to my hometown. Under the repeated confusion and urging of my family, I refused to get married.
It seems that I, Gu Xi, should not exist in this world.
A summer rain comes unexpectedly. I lied to Wenxi and said that I was going to town to buy something. Wenxi sat in front of the computer and kept looking at the pictures one after another thoughtfully. They were his life and his memories.
Thinking of the rain when Wen Xi was a child, when the rain fell, even if he was being carried by Zhao Yuan, the world would be hazy.
It was raining heavily all over the world. I stood under the streetlight at the intersection, longing for the streetlight to light up during the day.
Maybe it was not dark enough and the street lights refused to illuminate me.
I raised my head and looked at the lamp cap. It was as quiet as hiding in a corner and secretly laughing at me. It laughed at my male body and female heart. It laughed at my male body and female appearance. But now, I have lost even my appearance.
Ridiculous, a dead thing, I can express many emotions about it.
Squatting under the street lamp, I looked up, not knowing how bright the dark clouds were, but the auspicious light outside.
It's very cold. It must be summer. She seems to be a little match girl.
This man, Wen Xi, was standing next to me. Under the umbrella, there was a warm clear sky. That moment of clear sky shattered my heart.
I have known for a long time that Wenxi can not only hold myself to keep warm, but also keep me warm.
"Actually, even if you don't go back, it's pretty good." Wen Xi said slowly.
I was busy picking up my broken heart and sewing it together bit by bit.
"Wenxi, I won't run away. In addition to the word love, there is a lot of love in this world, right?" I stood up and held him with a smile: "Wenxi, even if I am alone somewhere now, I also learned to keep myself warm. Holding yourself is also very warm, isn’t it? Besides, you will still be there in this world from now on."
Wenxi hugged me tightly.
If I just wander around the world by myself, I think I would, but Wenxi will definitely set out again, always looking for me.
I decided to go back and bury everything in my heart. Everyone has paid so much for me, and it is impossible for me to live for myself in this life. For those smiles, for those who care about me.
"I'm sorry." Wen Xi's voice sounded in his ears, and it seemed like it was coming from the distant sky.
Not because of everything that is about to pass away, but because of what I will get and what I should pay for the change.
At this moment, I understood him. This is the love of a man for a man, not the love of a woman for a man.
One man's letting go is another man's growth.
Originally, I was no longer the child whose mental age was only nine years old.
Wenxi drew a painting for me, and it has been hanging in my private kitchen restaurant in the small town ever since.
The scars on the face of the person in the painting are transformed from the original twisted worm into a beautiful butterfly.
. . .