Putting down the phone, Chen Xingze was dazed at the intersection.
Mi Sheng asked him, "Do you want to go home?"
Chen Xingze shook his head.
It was too late, Mi Sheng took Chen Xingze, walked two streets, and found a hotel to stay.
Chen Xingze seemed to have lost his soul.
"Cry if you want to." Mi Sheng said.
Chen Xingze still shook his head.
Mi Sheng asked the front desk to bring a box of beer, and said to Chen Xingze, "Drink some? I drink when I'm feeling uncomfortable. When I get drunk, I forget everything. It's a day after a day."
Chen Xingze was not a character who used alcohol to drown his sorrows, but today is an exception. He urgently needs something that can numb him.
Chen Xingze drank bottle after bottle. The wine was cold. He drank it too fast, irritating his stomach, and after a while, he ran to the bathroom and vomited. Mi Sheng patted his back and said, "Slow down, go to bed after vomiting."
Chen Xingze was so drunk that he couldn't tell the difference between you and me. After he vomited, he went back to drink it. He also pushed the wine to Mi Sheng and asked him to drink it together.
"My injuries haven't healed yet." Mi Sheng whispered, "I can't drink now."
Chen Xingze suddenly lost his temper and put the wine on the table. Mi Sheng sighed and whispered, "Okay, okay, I'll drink with you, don't be angry."
Under the influence of alcohol, Mi Sheng's wound started to itch. He didn't dare to touch it, and the itching gradually turned into pain, like being stung, burning hot.
The box of wine was quickly finished, Mi Sheng endured the pain and helped Chen Xingze to lie on the bed. He patted Chen Xingze on the shoulder and coaxed him to sleep. After being quiet for a while, he thought that Chen Xingze had fallen asleep, and he heard a soft sob as soon as he let go.
Mi Sheng was beside him, Chen Xingze closed his eyes, and the tears accumulated in a tear socket at the bridge of his nose.
"Don't cry, aren't you tired of crying for so long?" Mi Sheng asked.
Chen Xingze said softly in a drunken dream: "I have thought about... 10,000 ways to separate, but this is the only one, I have never, never..."
Mi Sheng's slender fingers stroked Chen Xingze's cheek.
Chen Xingze murmured: "Before I was with him, I felt that I could accept anything. He doesn't love me anymore... He regrets it, he likes girls... No matter what, let it be, break up peacefully, anything is fine , but why does it have to be like this…”
Mi Sheng has been struggling for more than ten years, and his heart has long been cold. Only when facing Chen Xingze, did he retain a trace of sensibility.
"Don't cry, no matter how difficult the day is, it will be over."
Chen Xingze was so drunk that he couldn't tell the difference between today and tomorrow. He couldn't recognize Mi Sheng's voice, but he still reacted to the words that got into his ears. He clutched his chest and curled up like a heart attack patient.
"It's so uncomfortable... Am I going to die... "
Mi Sheng's mood is very complicated. Chen Xingze, whose heart aches and wants to live, also knows that the boy's tears have nothing to do with him at all. He got close to Chen Xingze and said, "Then you can gain wisdom by taking a cut. Listen to my words, and don't go the same way in the future. Look at how uncomfortable you are now, regret it."
Chen Xingze didn't seem to have listened to this sentence. He instinctively searched for a way to help himself resist the pain in his mind, and finally murmured: "Book, there is a book..."
Mi Sheng leaned over beside him, "What?"
Chen Xingze recited intermittently: "...It's okay to be alone, as long as...as long as you can love someone from the heart, your life will be saved." He opened his eyes, his eyes were out of focus, and he recited this sentence again, like What to ask for. "This is what Haruki Murakami said. This kind of master should not lie."
Mi Sheng was stunned. Chen Xingze hugged his body, "I don't regret it, it's okay if the result is not good, I don't regret it... I hope Lu Hao doesn't regret it either, I don't want him to regret it..." The voice became shallower, like a deep sleep.
In order to make Chen Xingze fall asleep faster, Mi Sheng turned off the light early, and now only the moonlight shines on him, Mi Sheng looked at the young boy curled up like a chick, silent for a while, showing a complicated expression.
"You can accept that he likes women, but you can't accept that he is sad. How naive do you have to be?"
It seems that in addition to Lu Hao, there was someone named Lin before. He heard Chen Xingze share those things with a stupid face.
He seemed to have unequal feelings for ever.
Mi Sheng counted Chen Xingze's stupidity over and over again in his heart, and then asked himself.
You call him stupid, so do you want him to change
Do you really want him to change
After watching so many tragic scenes all day and still indifferent, Mi Sheng was finally moved.
He approached Chen Xingze and asked in a soft voice, "...Little devil, have you ever thought about finding someone of the same kind to be with?"
In this quiet moment of the night, the traveler who had been wandering for a long time was encouraged by the pure white emotions of the young man, and finally confessed his heart.
"If... I mean if, I said I like you, I've liked you for a long time, are you willing to accept it?"
Chen Xingze groaned in his dream, and Mi Sheng's face flushed with nervousness.
"I promise you, if you accept me, I will never mess around again. I will find an ordinary job, and it doesn't matter if I don't earn much. I will serve you well, and I will never let you do this. cry."
He hadn't said such a thing for too long, and the more he spoke, the more excited he became. Mi Sheng leaned over, held Chen Xingze's cheek, and kissed it carefully.
"Okay, kid, okay... please, promise me."
Chen Xingze slept unsteadily. He felt that someone was disturbing his dream, but that person was very gentle, like a velvet quilt, so he couldn't help but reach out to hug and caress.
Those coveted hands were on his back, and Mi Sheng's back shuddered as he walked around at will. There was a blush on his face. The hand ran down his back, all the way to his tailbone. Mi Sheng felt his body heat up. He straddled Chen Xingze, leaned down against the moonlight, and kissed Chen Xingze. "…Kiss me, kid, forget about them, kiss me."
There was a strong smell of alcohol in their kiss, which smoked everything into a dream bubble.
Chen Xingze responded instinctively, Mi Sheng couldn't bear it any longer, he got up, took the silver thread around his lips, and his lips were wet and red. He unbuttoned his shirt, and his thin body was covered in scars. His hand rested lightly on Chen Xingze's shoulder, like a cat lying on the owner's body, gently, slowly, rubbing against each other.
Chen Xingze's breathing became heavier, Mi Sheng's hand was under him, and when he touched the surroundings, Chen Xingze became fully erect, and he hugged Mi Sheng even harder, as if to pray for more.
"Have you ever used it here?" Mi Sheng untied Chen Xingze's belt, put his hands through his underwear, and started to stroke up and down from the soft pouch, with neither light nor heavy. He looked at Chen Xingze with blurred eyes, "It's the first time, please give it to me, I'll make you very comfortable." He said, leaning down, the tip of his nose pressed against Chen Xingze's underwear. He stretched out the tip of his soft tongue and licked it over and over again along the roots.
"Ah..." Chen Xingze moaned again, his voice lower than usual. The hand instinctively downward, trying to relieve the desire, was suppressed by Mi Sheng halfway.
"Leave it to me, you can just lie down."
The underpants were already wet inside and out, Mi Sheng gently brushed it down, looked at Chen Xingze's genitals, and was obsessed with kissing again. There was a smooth touch on his lips, and his sucking made a sticky sound. He took off his pants as he kissed, and his own cock stood up.
There is a smell of lust in the air.
Mi Sheng knelt on Chen Xingze's body, wiped his semen, and stretched it to his back hole. Because of the emptiness, Chen Xingze moved in dissatisfaction. Mi Sheng comforted him and said, "Wait a minute, just wait a minute..." He sped up and stretched three fingers in directly.
The wound that wasn't healed started screaming again, and cold sweat broke out on Mi Sheng's back.
When he felt that pain prevailed, Mi Sheng would use his other hand to stroke the dense bushes under Chen Xingze's crotch. Chen Xingze's face flushed when touched, and he seemed impatient.
"Okay, don't worry, I'll be fine soon."
Mi Sheng supported Chen Xingze's genitals, took a deep breath, and slowly inserted it into his own hole.
"Little devil, you are so big..."
Mi Sheng looked at the ceiling, his mouth slightly open.
"Don't move, it hurts a bit, let me get used to it..."
It's a pity that Chen Xingze couldn't hear him at all. He entered the narrow and warm passage, as if opening a forbidden door, Chen Xingze's waist straightened up.
Just as spiders are born with webs, and as moths always tend to the light, many things, even for the first time, do not need to be taught.
Chen Xingze quickly mastered the trick and found the most comfortable rhythm.
"Ah... ah..." Mi Sheng shouted lewdly from shallow to heavy.
Because it was the first time, the amount Chen Xingze had accumulated was more exaggerated than Mi Sheng thought. The young man's physical strength is not covered, he kept twitching, and Mi Sheng's body kept making the sound of pounding water. Because of the sitting position, the viscous cum quickly flowed out of Mi Sheng's anus, making the folded legs wet and slippery.
Mi Sheng's eyes were messy, and while frantically matching Chen Xingze's frequency, he kept pumping the penis in front of him with his hands. "Hurry up... hurry up... yes, that's right..." he shouted like no one else, the wound on his back was hurting all the time, the pain mixed with pleasure, and the soul seemed to be pulled away from the body under several stimulations.
Chen Xingze first ate the forbidden fruit, and soon after ejaculation, he got an erection again. Mi Sheng was sweating profusely, and his body was pale pink because of the intense sexual intercourse. "What's the matter?" He lay in front of Chen Xingze's erect genitals and gave a trembling kiss. It immediately became harder, and Mi Sheng said softly, "You can."
After three full rounds, Chen Xingze slowly turned off the flame. Mi Sheng seemed to be pulled out of the water, and the wound was soaked with sweat and semen, and the pain was like a needle stick. The room was filled with a lewd smell. Mi Sheng hugged Chen Xingze, and it took a long time for his lust to ebb. He dragged his sore legs to the bathroom to rinse off the towel, then came back to help Chen Xingze wipe his body, moving carefully, treating the boy's body as a treasure.
Chen Xingze was comfortable for a round, and he was already asleep, Mi Sheng stroked the corner of his brow with a tenderness he had never had before.
He said to Chen Xingze jokingly: "How is it, it feels good, isn't my technique good? Do you want to be comfortable like this all the time, just stay with me, it's simple. I won't bully you, I will take good care of you. You. Promise me, if you are willing to love me, I can leave everything else..."
The room was quiet, only Mi Sheng muttered to himself.
The lust is gone, the moon is shining.
After extreme happiness, it becomes extreme loneliness.
Holding the towel tightly in his hand, an indescribable emptiness filled Mi Sheng's heart, and big teardrops flowed out. He attached himself to the sleeping boy's chest, sobbing softly, with a vulnerability he had never felt before.
The author has something to say: Although this story has been processed in the style of a novel, 90% of the events have actually happened. I didn't feel anything when I wrote it, and I felt that it was like that when I was in it, but it seems that many people can't accept it in a novel.
The reality is really not so romantic. Among the three people "Chen Xingze" liked back then, only the last "Mi Sheng" was a real gay. "You Xiaolin" is Chen's first love. She has been in love for eight years and has followed her all the way, but it's a pity that they went from beginning to end.
During "Lu Hao", he turned around for a while, and finally went straight back. When his relatives passed away the year he went abroad, no one believed him at first, but the world was impermanent. The death of "Zhao Shan" scared both children. I don't know if this was the direct reason for their separation, but it was true that from then on, Chen never dared to talk to Lu about his relationship. He could feel that Lu was blaming himself for doing whatever he wanted as a child. At that time, Chen's own life was also very chaotic, the college entrance examination was smashed, and his family also knew his sexual orientation. They have not been in contact for about three or four years, and both have an escapism mentality. It wasn't until much later that Chen could calmly bring this up again, when everything was back on track. He said that the days he used to date were stolen from "Lu Hao"'s life, and that he took advantage of his youth and understanding of nothing, occupying his best years. Regarding Chen and Lu, there is a line in the lesbian movie "Carol" that can probably explain - For a while. And then it changed. It changes. Nobody's fault.
As for Lao Mi, Lao Mi fell in love with Chen from the very beginning, and it could be called a deep love, but at that time Chen could only see You and Lu, and Lao Mi waited for a long time. How should I put it, Chen was too young and too confident, and didn't even think about finding a gay guy to fall in love with. It seems that only being with the straight man he likes can be soul-stirring and worthy of his youth. Second, Lao Mi's family is too messy, and it is an example of a real failure to come out of the closet. Chen was still young, and subconsciously did not want to be exposed to those negative things. Only when he matured a little did he realize the solidarity of the fate of the group. I made a little modification to Lao Mi's career, but the life experience is similar. Chen is 27 or 8 this year, and he is still with Lao Mi, who is older than him (although not as much as ten years old) and is very good at taking care of people. And You was married, and Lu also had a girlfriend, and Lu ordered flowers for Chen on his birthday.
Some things are cruel in themselves, but as long as the core is good, it will always become more and more mellow and thick with time. Chen is a very grateful person. In his mouth, each of the three people is too good to be good, and the author adds fuel to it, it is normal for everyone to like anyone. But just as the poem said, "Most good things are not firm, and the colorful clouds are easy to disperse and the glass is brittle." The feelings in life rarely have a beginning and an end, and most of the endings are calm and unresolved. But sincere feelings have power even if they don't have results, which can be seen from the people they are now.
There is a lot to say, and finally, I am not a god in this story, and I am also a reader. Fortunately, the story is short, and if you like it or don’t like it, it will be over for more than a week. Ordinary things for ordinary people are already a foregone conclusion. There is really no need for everyone to hurt their own peace for the past of others.