Chen Mingsheng felt the weight on his shoulders, and the weight pinched his heart, making him feel unspeakably uncomfortable.
"Did I scare you on the train today?" Chen Mingsheng whispered.
"A little bit." Yang Zhao said, "You are too ruthless."
Chen Mingsheng lowered his head and chuckled, "Really."
"Chen Mingsheng..." Yang Zhao said slowly, "Why are you so familiar with drugs?"
Chen Mingsheng's voice was always low and slow, his words seemed to blend with the night. Yang Zhao had a feeling that maybe if she didn't listen carefully, she wouldn't be sure whether he had spoken or not.
"Before, I had contact with it." He said.
Yang Zhao let go, pulled his shoulders, and stared at him in the dark.
"Chen Mingsheng, have you ever taken drugs?"
"No." Chen Mingsheng replied almost immediately. He held Yang Zhao's hand, and his tone was faster than before. "Yang Zhao, I have never been addicted to drugs."
He looked at Yang Zhao, looked straight at her, and said, "Never."
Yang Zhao's eyes showed an indifferent calmness, and Chen Mingsheng was suddenly a little scared.
"Not addicted, that is to say, you have taken drugs."
"Yang Zhao..."
Yang Zhao said, "What?"
Chen Mingsheng gritted his teeth, finally gave up and nodded.
"Yes, I have touched it." He looked towards the ground, shook his head slowly, and whispered, "I don't want to lie to you, I have indeed touched it."
Yang Zhao couldn't tell what kind of feeling he felt in his heart.
During the days of dating Chen Mingsheng, she had always had a vague intuition that Chen Mingsheng was different from other taxi drivers.
She saw many wounds on his body that day, and she subconsciously thought that Chen Mingsheng might have done something wrong before. But that didn't matter to her feelings for him, and she saw that Chen Mingsheng didn't seem to reveal too much at that time, so she didn't ask.
Until just now when Chen Mingsheng was taking a shower in the bathroom, Yang Zhao didn't try to press him.
But Chen Mingsheng's simple answer made Yang Zhao a little confused.
Confusion about this person, confusion about the future.
Chen Mingsheng held Yang Zhao's hand, and Yang Zhao felt that hand trembling slightly.
He is also patient, Yang Zhao thought. Telling her this, he was afraid himself.
Yang Zhaohui held him, and Chen Mingsheng's hand tightened even more.
"Why do you take drugs..." Yang Zhao said, "For fun."
Chen Mingsheng shook his head and said, "No..."
"Then why do you take drugs?"
"To do something..."
"What's up."
"..."
Speaking of which, Yang Zhao had never seen Chen Mingsheng in such a state. In her impression, it seemed that Chen Mingsheng was always calm and composed.
But now he looks a little anxious, although he tried his best to suppress it, Yang Zhao still could see that he was a little anxious.
"I can't say any more." Chen Mingsheng held Yang Zhao's hand tightly, "I don't want to lie to you, but I really can't say any more."
Yang Zhao said, "Why can't you say it?"
"I don't want to hurt you!" Chen Mingsheng's voice suddenly became louder. He turned his head and looked at Yang Zhao motionlessly. "I do not want to hurt you… "
Yang Zhao was silent again.
Their hands were held together, Yang Zhao said in a low voice, "You know, I always feel that the relationship between me and you is the simplest."
Chen Mingsheng didn't speak.
"Chen Mingsheng, I'll ask you a few questions. If you want to answer, just answer. If you don't want to answer, just keep silent."
"First, why did you expose those two people on the train?"
Chen Mingsheng said in a low voice: "I saw that the man was addicted to drugs. I guessed that he went to the bathroom to take drugs, so I exposed him."
"No." Yang Zhao said flatly, "You hesitated for a long time, and you noticed it at the beginning, but you restrained yourself and didn't care about it. Why did you manage it in the end?"
Chen Mingsheng was silent for a while, then said in a low voice, "... I can't just ignore it."
Can not ignore.
In fact, he was also thinking that if he was left alone and just passed by like this, maybe these things would not happen. Then he and Yang Zhao should be sleeping soundly in a hotel room right now. When he was in the car, he kept telling himself, let him go, sit down, after all, Yang Zhao is also there.
But at the last moment, he saw the man stand up and go into the toilet. He made the decision almost without thinking at all...
"The second question," Yang Zhao said, "why did you lie to the police?"
Chen Mingsheng said, "I don't want to cause trouble."
Yang Zhao said, "Is telling the truth to the police just causing trouble?"
Chen Mingsheng paused, and said in a low voice, "I just want to end it quickly."
Yang Zhao said, "Then the third question, why didn't you let the reporter take pictures."
Chen Mingsheng said: "I don't want to make public."
Yang Zhao sneered, "Don't leave your name behind when you do good deeds."
Chen Mingsheng lowered his head, he couldn't laugh.
"Your words are full of loopholes," Yang Zhao said.
Chen Mingsheng didn't speak.
Yang Zhao said, "Chen Mingsheng, I'm a little scared today."
Chen Mingsheng's hands froze.
You know about drugs, you know about crime, you don't want to tell the truth to the police, you don't want to have your picture in front of reporters.
And, most importantly—
You don't want to confess to me.
Yang Zhao didn't want to find out whether it was out of distrust or other reasons why he didn't tell him. She just felt that such a Chen Mingsheng gave her a slight sense of alienation and fear.
Chen Mingsheng turned his head, he looked into her eyes, her expression was still as usual, flat. She was honest about how she felt, as she had been that night.
But the honesty that saved him that night would kill him tonight.
Chen Mingsheng's breath was a little uneven. The thing he feared most happened.
He knew what she had perceived and made inferences about those perceptions. He could guess what her judgment was, and he wanted to refute it, but he couldn't speak.
Chen Mingsheng felt that his heart was tightly held together by an invisible big hand, and he couldn't breathe.
He is not reconciled.
Yang Zhao didn't look at his pale face and clenched teeth, and said flatly, "If you don't want to say it, then don't. I'll ask the last question—"
Chen Mingsheng said in a hoarse voice as if waiting for a trial, "Say it."
Yang Zhao said, "Chen Mingsheng, are you a good person or a bad person?"
The moment he heard these words, Chen Mingsheng's hands froze. His mind went blank. It was cold at first, and then burned hot by the memories gushing from the bottom of my heart. The floodgates in his brain were opened and all the memories poured in.
He turned and struggled in the chaotic memory, at a loss.
In the darkness, Yang Zhao held his hand.
Chen Mingsheng suddenly hugged her and hugged her tightly.
Yang Zhao didn't know until today that a hug can make people's soul tremble so much.
"I'm a good person." Chen Mingsheng's voice was deep and hoarse. "Yang Zhao, I am a good person."
His body was trembling, his voice was heavy, painful, and slightly aggrieved.
Yang Zhao raised his hand and hugged him back. She leaned against his cheek and said softly, "Chen Mingsheng, are you crying?"
Of course Chen Mingsheng didn't answer.
They embraced tightly in the dark.
Yang Zhao hugged him, thinking, many people are talking about the complexity of love, but she feels that among all the emotions in this world, love is really the simplest one. It is so easy, so simple.
She was with him for the simplest reason.
But in the days to come, what she experienced from him was far more complicated than love.
"Go to sleep." Yang Zhao said, "Tomorrow I have to get up early to go to Mount Wutai, so I can rest early."
That night, Chen Mingsheng was behind Yang Zhao, hugged her to sleep, and never let go.
Perhaps because he was too tired, Yang Zhao had many strange dreams. At the end of the dream, she heard his voice in the void, and he told her—[Yang Zhao, I am a good person.]
………………………….
In the morning, Yang Zhao changed into sportswear, put on some light makeup, took out a small backpack from the suitcase, filled it with water and food, and the map she had prepared in advance.
Chen Mingsheng didn't say much, he just put on a coat over his black vest, and sat by the bed waiting for her.
He looked at her busy figure in the corner, and felt that everything that happened last night seemed to have never happened. Yang Zhao turned his head and said, "Are you ready?"
Chen Mingsheng nodded.
Yang Zhao said, "Then let's go."
There was no restaurant in the guest house, so they went downstairs with their luggage and had breakfast at a nearby breakfast shop.
There is a soliciting bus at the gate of the train station, 20 yuan per person. When Chen Mingsheng and Yang Zhao got on the bus, there were not enough people. They sat in the back place. Yang Zhao took out a book from his bag and opened it. .
Chen Mingsheng said, "Are you still reading at this time?"
Yang Zhao said, "Otherwise, what are you waiting for?"
Chen Mingsheng said, "What book."
Yang Zhao turned over the book and showed it to him. The title of the book was "Cool World: Mount Wutai". Chen Mingsheng read it and said, "Cool world..."
"Well." Yang Zhao said, "there is an introduction in the book, which is said in the Huayan Sutra-'There is a place in the east named Qingliang Mountain. Since ancient times, all Bodhisattvas have stopped in it. Ten thousand people, including the family members and Bodhisattvas, are always in it and give lectures." She handed the book to Chen Mingsheng and said, "Mount Wutai is the Taoist place of Manjusri Bodhisattva."
Chen Mingsheng opened the book, flipped through a few pages, and returned it to Yang Zhao.
Yang Zhao said, "Have you read it?"
Chen Mingsheng: "Look."
"Ten lines at a glance? What do you see?"
Chen Mingsheng said, "Picture."
Yang Zhao said, "You don't seem to like reading very much."
Chen Mingsheng rested with his eyes closed, and said with a light smile, "Yes."
Yang Zhao returned his gaze to the book and said, "Then this time, I will give you a good treatment."
Chen Mingsheng opened a gap and looked at her, "How to cure it?"
"Wutai Mountain is the Manjusri Dojo, and Manjusri Bodhisattva represents wisdom. Didn't you see that many parents of candidates will come to Wutai Mountain to pay respects to their children?"
Chen Mingsheng said: "Then you should say goodbye to your brother."
Yang Zhao said, "I don't need to worship him."
Chen Mingsheng said, "Why."
Yang Zhao looked at the book and said lightly, "He listens to me and doesn't need to worship." She raised her eyes, glanced at Chen Mingsheng, and said flatly, "Only those who are disobedient need to worship."
Chen Mingsheng choked and couldn't speak. Close your eyes again and pretend to sleep. But his hand stretched out, took Yang Zhao's hand, and put it on his left leg.
Yang Zhao said, "How do you tell me to turn a book with one hand?"
Chen Mingsheng said, "I don't know."
Yang Zhao looked at Chen Mingsheng leisurely, Chen Mingsheng turned his head under her solemn gaze, reached out and took the book out of Yang Zhao's hand, and put it in his travel bag.
Yang Zhao: "What are you doing?"
Chen Mingsheng held Yang Zhao's hand, closed his eyes and rested.
Yang Zhao took a deep breath, but did not withdraw his hand. She looked down at Chen Mingsheng's palm, snorted lightly, and said, "Chen Mingsheng, you're getting more and more clumsy."
Chen Mingsheng said in a deep voice, "Really."
Yang Zhao leaned on the back of the bus seat, looked out the window, and smiled faintly.
After a while, Dabala was full of people and ready to go.
The drive took less than two hours, and the bus took them directly to Wutai Mountain Scenic Area. Passengers got off the car in order, and when they got off the car, the unique smell of the mountains and forests hit their faces.
The air is mixed with leaves and Buddha incense, which smells refreshing.
Next to the bus stop, there are many locals who attract guests to hotels. They held up signs and asked passengers who got off the bus one by one.
"Can't you stay in the store?"
"The standard room is three hundred, can't you live in it?"
"It's all in the scenic area, and it's very fast to go up the mountain.
"..."
Yang Zhao and Chen Mingsheng got out of the car, and Chen Mingsheng asked Yang Zhao, "Find a place to live first, and put your luggage down."
"Yeah." Yang Zhao looked into the distance, and could see a tall white pagoda standing between the mountains and forests.
"That's the Great White Pagoda." Yang Zhao said.
Chen Mingsheng lit a cigarette, took a drag, and looked up in the direction Yang Zhao pointed.
"You want to go there? You can go later."
Yang Zhao looked around and said, "Are we looking for a place to live here?"
"Let's go inside." Chen Mingsheng said, "Go and buy the tickets first."
"Um."
Because it is the off-season, there are not many tourists in Wutai Mountain, and there is no scene of queuing up to buy tickets. The wallet was in Yang Zhao's bag. Chen Mingsheng went to buy a ticket. Yang Zhao took out the wallet and said, "How much is it?"
"Counting the sightseeing car inside, two hundred and five."
Yang Zhao nodded, and gave him four hundred and ten yuan. "
Chen Mingsheng was smoking with his head down. Yang Zhao handed him the money, and he subconsciously took it. He was about to turn around to buy a ticket, but saw the money stopped again.
Yang Zhao: "What's wrong?"
Chen Mingsheng put the cigarette in his mouth, and gave back two hundred to Yang Zhao.
Yang Zhao: "Huh?"
Chen Mingsheng walked to the ticket office with his cane, and said, "I don't need to buy a ticket."
Yang Zhao caught a glimpse of the sign above the ticket office from the corner of his eye.
Tickets are free for the elderly over 60 years old, soldiers, disabled people, journalists and other certificates.
Yang Zhao turned his eyes and saw Chen Mingsheng who was buying tickets, his crutches were draped casually, and his right trousers were rolled up high.
Yang Zhao looked away and looked at the white pagoda standing on the mountain.