Chi Jingxi still remembers the day when he stood under the blooming pear tree.
That year, Chaoge experienced a rare cold and blizzard, many people were frostbitten, and Songhai Academy was suspended for this reason.
Later, the spring breeze came back to the earth, bringing revitalization of all things, and the sunshine also gave warmth, and the whole city celebrated.
Mu Yang stayed at home for a long time, and when spring began, he knocked on the door of the Hou Mansion himself, yelling at him to go out for a walk.
Mu Yang said that he heard that there is a pear blossom forest outside Chaoge City, which is in full bloom, and the scenery must be extremely beautiful.
Chi Jingxi thought that it happened that these days were really busy, so he agreed.
The two even went to find Cheng Xin.
At that time, they were still young, and there were almost three of them when they went out, inseparable.
The heavy snow that blocked the road had long since turned into water, washing Chaoge's road clean, and at first glance it was even wider than usual.
When going out, Chi Jingxi specially ordered someone to take his cloak for Mu Yang to wear. Mu Yang is actually very afraid of the cold. Although the young man is physically strong, he was frostbitten once when he was a child, so he left a psychological shadow.
But as I grew older, this psychological shadow gradually faded.
Wrapped in Chi Jingxi's cloak, Mu Yang excitedly told them how beautiful the pear blossoms outside the city were. Many people came here admiringly, and even wrote paintings and poems about the pear blossom forest.
Cheng Xin became interested as soon as he heard it, and suggested, "Why don't we write a poem each after watching it, praising the pear blossom forest."
Mu Yang, who was talking non-stop, shut up immediately, shrank his neck like a turtle, and remained silent.
At this time, he absolutely dare not answer the conversation, because his literary talent is really not good enough, and he will be laughed at every time.
No matter how thick the skin is, it can't stand it.
When they came to the pear blossom forest, they saw plain white eyes just as they got off the carriage.
The color of pear blossoms is like snow, pure and flawless. When the spring breeze blows by, it will slowly flutter, and occasionally some petals will leave the branches and dance in the air.
This kind of soft beauty is mostly what girls like to see, but Mu Yang is extremely happy.
Walking in the pear blossom forest, he used all the praise words in his mind to praise the beauty, which caused many jokes.
Chi Jingxi felt that it was easy to get tired of seeing this kind of beautiful scenery full of flowers, and felt boring after a while, and it was far inferior to the magnificent mountains and rivers.
Mu Yang was tired, so he found a place to sit down and rest.
Chi Jingxi and Cheng Xin also sat down together. The noble prince Xiao Houye in Chaoge City just sat on the ground like this. Fortunately, there was no one in the pear blossom forest, otherwise there would be another chatter.
Mu Yang picked up the petals that fell on the ground, and suddenly said, "Hey, have you thought about what to do in the future?"
Cheng Xin was aroused by his question, and said with a smile, "What is this?"
"In Songhai Academy, the top students will take the imperial examination later, and then become officials in the court." Mu Yang said, "You don't have to take the imperial examination, have you ever thought about what to do after finishing your studies at the academy?" Mu Yang said.
Cheng Xin said, "I didn't expect Yang Er to think about these issues in his head."
Mu Yang pursed his lips, and snorted, "Yesterday my father said that he hoped that I would study hard in Songhai Academy, and then I would be able to pass the examination for a civil servant, and contribute honestly to the country."
He said, "But I don't want to be a civil servant. I think that's too boring."
"Then what do you want to do?" Chi Jingxi asked along.
"I want to go to the rivers and lakes and wander the world." Mu Yang said, "Like a handsome swordsman, he will fight for justice everywhere, punish evil and promote good, and help bring peace to Beijing."
Chi Jingxi and Cheng Xin laughed at the same time.
Mu Yang said unwillingly, "Why are you making fun of me again? I'm serious."
Chi Jingxi thought for a while, and decided to tell him the truth, "A swordsman can't help Shaojing peace. There are so many people in Shaojing, and you are just one of them."
Cheng Xin nodded in agreement.
Mu Yang said, "But the swordsmen in the story books all say that they walk the rivers and lakes to protect the country's peace."
"The one who can really protect the country's peace is not the swordsman, but the general." Chi Jingxi said, "For example, your father."
Cheng Xin also said, "That's right, the power of one person is too small. If you really want to protect the country's peace, you should be like General Mu. It's better not to think about walking in the rivers and lakes."
After hearing this, Mu Yang put on a half-understanding expression, didn't speak for a long time, and then fell asleep leaning against the tree trunk.
Seeing that he hadn't spoken for a long time, Chi Jingxi turned his head and saw him wrapped in a cloak, leaning against a tree trunk and falling into a light sleep.
Cheng Xin gently brushed off the petals that fell on Mu Yang's head and shoulders, and whispered to Chi Jingxi with a smile, "Let him sleep for a while."
Chi Jingxi lowered his head and smiled.
He knew that Mu Yang understood those words.
After a long time, every time Chi Jingxi recalled these words, he always fell into infinite regret and self-blame.
He should have told Mu Yang at that time that civil servants can also bless Shaojing to prosper and assist the emperor in governing the world, and the peace of the world will make Shaojing safe, and it is not necessary to hold a sword in hand to retreat from the enemy.
Unfortunately, it was too late.
The road from Yibei to Chaoge was too far, and Mu Yang's bones could not be transported back, so they had to stay in Yibei.
That place is extremely hot in summer and extremely cold in winter. Mu Yang definitely doesn't like that kind of weather, and he is unwilling to stay there.
Mu Yang was still young, did not marry a wife, and failed to fulfill his dream, so he slept in Yibei forever, and all the faults were attributed to him.
If he hadn't said that to protect Shaojing, he needed to go to battle to kill the enemy, if he hadn't been able to firmly drive him back when he came to Yibei, there would be nothing that happened later.
If he hadn't been forced into the mountains by the enemy, Mu Yang and Fu Zixian would not have died in the valley to save him.
Chi Jingxi sometimes wonders if Mu Yang and Fu Zixian hadn't been brought along to bring Mu Yang and Fu Zixian to the chaos in Yibei, would the outcome be different.
Even if he was buried in Yibei, it was better than watching his relatives and loved ones leave one by one, and finally he was left alone, alone.
This taste is really uncomfortable.
After the death of the emperor, the battle for the throne intensified, and the forces of all parties fought bloody battles for the word "power".
Chang'an was infected with the epidemic, and within a few days thousands of people collapsed on their beds. When Chi Jingxi got the news, he almost couldn't stand still.
The plague came so urgently and fiercely that no doctor could find a cure, and everyone who had been in contact with the sick was infected with the plague without exception. Later, the doctors did not dare to go out, but hid at home, and people fled out every day.
In order to prevent the spread of this ferocious plague, Chi Jingxi gritted his teeth and ordered the city to be closed, locking everyone in Chang'an City.
In just a few days after the closure of the city, the formerly prosperous capital has become like a ghost town, with no living people on the streets.
As more and more people died, Chi Jingxi set off from Chaoge and returned to Chang'an resolutely.
The plague is a ruthless god of death. It took the lives of tens of thousands of people in Chang'an, including Chi Jingxi's parents and relatives.
Chi Jingxi knelt in the mourning hall for three days and three nights, and finally fainted because she couldn't bear it, and was carried out by her subordinates.
Since then, he seems to have become tireless and cold-blooded.
There is always a piece of white cloth tied around his wrist, which is dedicated to Mu Yang and Fu Zixian who were buried in Yibei. Under the iron armor, he is always wrapped in white clothes, which is to pay homage to relatives who died of illness. The hair band on the head is always plain white, which is to commemorate the innocent people who died in this battle for the throne.
This battle has lasted for too long, and he didn't have a day to rest. His body seemed to be unconscious, and he didn't feel any pain anymore.
But in so many sleepless nights, whenever he thinks of Mu Yang's smiling face, Cheng Xin's gentleness, Fu Zixian's earnestness, parents' earnest teaching, brother's caring greetings, those things he once had but lost in the blink of an eye, It made him feel pain to the bone.
Chi Jingxi is still scarred, but he knows he can't fall down yet.
Even if he turns his head, the mountains and rivers are already swaying, and the ground is full of bones, he still has to stand upright.
Beneath his flesh, which had been carved with knives and axes, was a body full of iron bones, which were used to support the precarious Shao Jing.
So he changed from the little lord praised by everyone to a traitor who wanted to usurp the throne.
Standing in front of his old friend with a long sword in his hand, he looked like an emotionless evil spirit. Seeing that Cheng Xiao refused to come out to fight, he coldly ordered Chaoge to be set on fire.
Chi Jingxi planned the ending for himself from the beginning, so when Cheng Xiao's sword pierced his heart, he couldn't help but smile.
When she raised her eyes, she saw that Cheng Xiao's eyes were red, and the tears in his eyes were precarious.
Cheng Xiao gritted his teeth and asked, "Why does it have to be like this?"
But Chi Jingxi asked, "Shaojing's Anping is prosperous, can we keep it?"
Cheng Xiao said, "As long as I live, I will swear to protect Shaojing to the death."
Chi Jingxi said, "You swear."
"I, Cheng Xiao, make an oath here."
Hearing this sentence, Chi Jingxi felt that his body had reached its limit, and he half knelt down with his knees bent, "It's so... very good."
Cheng Xiao finally burst into tears, "You don't have to be like this."
Chi Jingxi said, "Kill me, you are the hero of Shaojing, put away the pity you shouldn't have, govern the country diligently, and restore Shaojing to prosperity in the past."
Cheng Xiao said, "You want to die with all your heart, and that's why?"
Chi Jingxi's eyes have always been beautiful, with a deep ink color, and they became a little lax at the moment. He raised his eyes and looked around, and finally stopped his eyes on the sky, and said slowly, "There is no warmth in the world. Days like this, I can't take it anymore."
I vaguely remember that every holiday afternoon in Songhai Academy, the sky was so blue and clear, Mu Yang would always stand at the gate of the Hou Mansion and shout loudly, "Brother Xi, brother Xi!"
Cheng Xin would always stand by the carriage and watch with a smile.
Chi Jingxi recalled that he was also spoiled and raised, but he did not expect to be able to bear such a burden.
He owed too many people, and he couldn't think of a better way than to apologize with death.
Once all the bones are exhausted, Chi Jingxi is willing to be one of these bones, and let Cheng Xiao step on these bones to the throne, as long as he can hold on to this hard-won country that has been calmed down so hard, hold on to this hard-won of tranquility.
The moment he closed his eyes, Chi Jingxi wondered whether there were any gods in this world.
When people encounter suffering, they always pin their hopes on the gods in the sky, hoping that the gods can solve their sufferings.
Chi Jingxi had never prayed to the gods in his life, but when he was dying in this world, he suddenly became devout.
If there are gods in the sky, can you send a fairy down to save his broken life
Because this kind of life is really too bitter.
The author has something to say: [Chi Jingxi's Little Diary]:
Ruixing twenty-four years, the twelfth lunar month thirty:
My daughter-in-law is indeed a fairy.