Jiang Hu couldn't feel his hands and feet anymore, as if he was bound by something, he couldn't move at all, and then he saw the child again, which appeared in his dreams again and again during this period of time child.
He was pale, thin, with flaxen hair, blue eyes with drooping corners, and a small snub nose. Just standing in front of him so quietly, Jiang Hu suddenly felt a kind of despair in his heart. Even though he had seen too much death and destruction, he still couldn't be numb to it.
He even felt that he had begun to be lost in the special existence of life.
Then a figure appeared out of the darkness, no face, no expression, just a humanoid, all-black figure, holding a huge hammer aloft.
Jiang Hu's pupils contracted suddenly, and he opened his mouth: "No, don't..." But no half note came out of his throat, he closed his mouth, realizing that another torture had begun.
He heard laughter, and then the huge hammer fell on the child's head very quickly. Jiang Hu didn't close his eyes, and he even felt the warm blood splashing on his face and body. The child's head was like a The ruptured balloon and the skull were all destroyed, but the body was still standing in front of him with blood and flesh.
The sharp cry was like a sharp sword, and he rushed towards Jiang Hu with the momentum to pierce his eardrums. His body fell backwards, and he felt like a puppet tied with countless silk threads , There was a pair of eyes following him like a shadow, controlling him, watching him step by step towards the abyss.
Then he woke up, the room was only faintly lit by the luminous alarm clock on the bedside table, and the surroundings were extremely quiet. He stretched out his legs that had been curled up half the night, and then retracted when they touched the cold under the quilt , reached out to turn on the electric blanket, and lay down for a while, but no sleepiness, so he lifted the quilt and got out of bed.
Because he took the initiative to distract Song Xiaofeng alone that day, Shen Yexi hadn't talked to him for several days, and what worried him most was Song Xiaofeng's gun. It was a real gun, quite dangerous, and it had bullets in it. Song Xiaofeng even opened the safety catch that day. However, several days have passed, and there has been no clue as to where the gun came from.
It was as if Song Xiaofeng had made it up out of thin air. He imagined that someone would hand over such a murder weapon at the right time. Jiang Hu didn't know if it was because of his nervousness, but he just felt that this matter was weird.
He fell asleep thinking about it, but dreamed of the child. Jiang Hu sat on the balcony with a cup of hot water in his hand, and looked at the frozen pond in the community quietly through the window with a blurred vision. Almost every house turned off the lights, and there was no movement except the sound of the wind. No.
He analyzed his psychology just like when he was in school. He knew who that dark shadow was, and he knew who that ugly child represented, but even if he knew, it was still difficult for him to comfort himself according to the consultation process.
The so-called difficulty for a doctor to heal himself is actually like his current state. Every time he calms down and speaks to himself with the attitude of consulting for others, he will hear another voice of opposition.
He felt like he was in a schizophrenic state.
After Shen Yexi fell asleep, he was more likely to be disturbed. He seemed to hear a little movement in a daze. He rubbed his eyes and sat up. He wanted to go out and have a look, and get himself something to drink. He accidentally glanced and found Jiang Hu's The door of the room was open, and the quilts were piled aside, but the person was gone.
Shen Yexi frowned, and walked through the kitchen, just in time to see Jiang Hu sitting on the floor of the balcony, wearing a thin shirt and pajama pants, looking out through the floor-to-ceiling windows, holding a glass of water, with the outside The light came in and hit the water, reflecting his fingertips as if they were transparent.
He didn't wear glasses, his eyes were squinted in a trance, his shoulders were slightly arched, and he looked very thin.
Shen Yexi felt as if his heart had been stabbed. He walked over, softened his voice, and asked softly, "Why don't you sleep in the middle of the night?"
Jiang Hu was very distracted, and was startled by his sudden sound. Shen Yexi noticed that his shoulders tightened, his elbows bent, and he subconsciously made a movement that seemed to be about to attack, and immediately reacted Relax your body, as if the moment just now was your own illusion.
Jiang Hu smiled at him a little embarrassedly: "Did I wake you up? Sorry."
Shen Yexi turned around and went back to the living room, took two pillows, and threw one to him: "It's not too cold to sit on the floor, use some cushions."
Jiang Hu took it obediently. Shen Yexi sat next to him: "Tell me, what are you doing without sleeping in the middle of the night?"
"...Suddenly I couldn't fall asleep." Jiang Hu said lightly. But Shen Yexi understands what this means. Each of them has such an experience. At midnight, they are suddenly awakened by a nightmare with a hideous face, and then they find something to do casually, and they spend a long night without sleep.
After Jiang Hu came, if anyone was under too much psychological pressure to bear, he would talk to him. This person listened carefully every time, and then spoke in a very calm tone, making people listen to him. He listened and followed him to calm down. An Yining even said that even if Jiang Hu didn't do anything, just sitting by his side would give people a feeling of being healed.
Shen Yexi suddenly thought, everyone is allowed to lose control of their anger, but only this person can't, because he is a doctor. So he could only wake up in the middle of the night because of the nightmare, sit quietly on the ground, and continue to organize his spirit and play his role the next morning.
So lonely, so restrained, yet he had to adopt such a refusal attitude. Even when he was disturbed by someone while licking his wound alone in the middle of the night, he could quickly adjust to a normal state.
Not for any purpose, not even out of mistrust, just out of habit, just... He doesn't seem to believe that anyone can help him, can save him.
Shen Yexi could no longer tell whether she felt distressed or angry.
"I'm sorry." Jiang Hu broke the silence suddenly, and Shen Yexi was taken aback, only to hear him continue, "I shouldn't have made my own decisions that day, did it make it difficult for you?"
Jiang Hu actually realized it after the fact. His performance that day basically completely ignored the unfortunate fact that Shen Yexi was the captain. The boss who is more careful, probably ended up like this. Although he knew that Shen Yexi was not that kind of person, he still felt quite embarrassed.
Especially recently, Shen Yexi has been getting angry for no apparent reason.
Shen Yexi felt that a tendon on his forehead was throbbing and hurting, so he wasn't angry because of this, okay? He sighed deeply, relaxed his body and leaned against the wall, shook his head, wanted to say something, but seemed to be bothered, and smiled a little strangely: "What are you thinking about in your muddy mind... "
Jiang Hu froze for a moment, although he didn't quite understand what Shen Yexi was thinking, but his previous worries seemed unnecessary, so he didn't intend to continue this embarrassing topic, so he smiled and didn't say anything What.
Shen Yexi paused, as if recalling something: "Doctor Jiang, you can't sleep anyway, why don't you work overtime?"
"ah?"
"Didn't Bureau Mo suspect that I had post-traumatic stress disorder at the beginning? Do you want to hear what's going on?"
Jiang Hu thought for a while and said: "I probably heard that before I came, you had a major drug smuggling case. It is said that the team suffered heavy casualties. You stayed in the hospital for more than a month. And lost a colleague. Is this it?"
"You know, who told you?" Shen Yexi raised his eyebrows.
"In the beginning, everyone came to me and told me, except you, the police officer who died in the line of duty was called Fang Jinxing, and even Sister Yang cried once when talking to me. It was difficult to recover from his death for a long time. They said that Officer Fang was your best friend and best partner when he was alive. When they arrived, you were the one holding his body and sitting on the ground But then you didn’t mention the cause of his death, you just said that your memory was blank, so Moju suspected that you were suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder.”
"I don't mention him because I don't want to think about him." Shen Yexi crossed his fingers together, his eyes lowered, as if he was staring at the ground in a daze, "Sometimes you clearly know that some things will turn over, and you don't want to be more relaxed anymore. But it couldn't be done."
The more you want to forget something, the more you can't forget it.
Jiang Hu sat upright, even though he couldn't see clearly, he still tried his best to focus on Shen Yexi's expression, and returned to a professional state, extremely focused: "You can speak slowly."
"Can you understand everything?" Shen Yexi smiled, turned his face halfway, and squinted at him, "Doctor, have you ever had that kind of life hanging by a thread?"
Jiang Hu was taken aback, and thought for a while: "Probably, that's how Uncle An and I met."
"You walked with a stranger, and then you went through a disaster, and later became friends, isn't it very lucky?" Shen Yexi said softly.
Jiang Hu was silent for a while, as if thinking about the appropriate expression: "People can't decide whether they are lucky or unlucky, they can only do their best in the worst situation."
"Then why do some people become strange when they reach a critical moment?"
"Simply put, the external environment affects people, and then people's own characteristics will transform these into different reactions," Jiang Hu said softly, "It's like a black box. Generally speaking, people's own characteristics are not It will change, if you feel that someone is strange to you in a desperate situation, it's just that you haven't fully understood his characteristics through daily interaction."
When he said this, his expression was a little tired for a moment, like sadness, and like looking at someone lightly and mockingly after a long time or a wide space, which made him look unprofessional .
Maybe it's too easy for people to forget the disguise at night, Shen Yexi thought.