"If I live, I will come back to you. If I die, I will miss you forever."
That day, when she found the fish talisman in the dirty leather bag carried by the Golden Crow Horse, she burst into tears.
She remembered clearly that he once told her that he accidentally lost the broken fish amulet and could not hand it in. She believed it and never thought that he was unwilling to return it and kept it for himself. However, in the end, he returned it to her in such a way.
The words were carved with a knife, each stroke was written with great force, but the handwriting was messy. She didn't know under what circumstances he left her this final farewell message. But she knew that in his imagination, when she saw it, he was no longer alive. Chang Xiang Si was the most honest and passionate confession of love he left for her.
Although she knew he had escaped safely when she saw it, but that night, after coaxing Jiao'er to sleep, she pressed the fish talisman against her heart, and her tears soaked her pillow.
She had a secret that she had never revealed to anyone, not even her father.
When she persuaded Aye to agree to her choosing Pei Jialang as her consort, she said that she was fulfilling her duties as a princess and sharing the worries of the Holy Dynasty and her father. This was certainly her true intention, but she could not deceive herself. While helping Aye, she also secretly had some selfish motives that were unknown to others.
She was attracted to him and was willing to pay the price of misfortune to take the gamble and win a husband.
Such a man from the Pei family was magnificent and extraordinary in strength and martial arts. He was as deep as the sea and as stable as a mountain. He was a lily in a garden and a pine tree on a cliff. How could she not be impressed and moved by him when she met such a gentleman
What she said to him on the wedding night were naturally what she thought, but she also secretly prayed that there would never come a day when her Aye was proved to be the source of all misfortunes and he gave up on her, and she would have to fulfil her promise in the most calm manner and not make it difficult for him.
She was unfortunate, as the curse-like prophecy on her wedding night came true. However, she was so happy the night she received the farewell love letter from him brought to her by Jin Wuzhui. She actually heard his confession, and he was not dead, and would come back alive to meet her.
She once thought that it was impossible for her to be so lucky.
After the news of the end of the battle in Hexi came, maybe the engraved fish symbol gave her unprecedented confidence, or maybe it was the telepathy between lovers, she always felt that he would not return to the capital with the soldiers step by step, he would come back early for her, and her door would be open for him at any time, as long as he stopped hesitating and was willing to take the last step himself, walk to her door and knock on the door. However, her confidence was far from enough. After he became her son-in-law, it seemed that she was the superior one and he was the loyal son-in-law who bowed to her, but the truth was just the opposite. In front of him, she was always the humble one. She was the daughter of her father-in-law, and this identity that could not be changed or abandoned was her debt. Even when she was in the moment of indulgence and lingering, deep in her heart, she was also full of uncertainty.
All the time, she was preparing for him to leave her.