That room fell silent.
In such silence, I feel that there seems to be a coolness, gradually flowing from the heart to the tendons of the limbs. After an unknown period of time, a boy servant from outside came back, and when he saw me, he respectfully called out: "Young Master."
I suddenly came back to my senses, and accidentally knocked over the bowl. Hearing the noise, the expressions of the two people in the pavilion changed. As soon as I heard the sound of footsteps, I knew it was Xu Changfeng who had come out.
Xu Changfeng's face was calm, and there was not even a little wave in his deep eyes, only when he held his hand, it was so strong that it seemed to crush my wrist bone. He said, "Come here."
Before Xu Yanqing chased him out, he took me away. During this section of the road, I let him pull me forward, my mind was blank, the surrounding scenery became blurred, and only a few shadows remained of the people passing by.
Xu Changfeng brought me back to the house, and as soon as he let me go, I fell down on the chair as if I had lost my support.
Xu Changfeng walked to the desk, even if he didn't say a word, people could feel his upset at this moment. I sat for a long time, and Fang stood up unsteadily.
"Where are you going?" He asked aloud, but didn't look back. I stopped and replied numbly: "Of course, I'm going to the second master."
As soon as he finished speaking, he swung his arm violently, and everything on the case was thrown to the ground. I stared at the mess in a daze, my eyes felt hot, I turned around and wanted to go out. Xu Changfeng came over quickly and pulled me over.
I looked at him.
He looked dazed, his eyes were deeply darkened, and there was a hint of hostility indistinctly. I heard him say, "...how dare you?"
Since I was a child, I have learned to look at my face and be happy, and I have always been submissive, just because I know that as long as I am obedient, I will suffer less. However, now I feel a kind of grievance in my heart that I have never felt before. I raised my head and asked hoarsely, "Isn't this what you want, sir?"
"..." Xu Changfeng remained silent, holding my hand tightly. I sucked in my breath as if I was not breathing well, struggling to get out and leave. But Xu Changfeng held me back, and said in a deep voice, "I really can't control you where you want to go, but now, you are mine, if you dare to step into other men's yards...!"
He squeezed my face hard, I opened my mouth in pain, and he bit it fiercely. Since I entered the door, he treated me like a father and brother, and took pity on me like a husband. He has never been so fierce and ruthless. He is a warrior after all, I was in his arms, and I couldn't make it at all, until there was a shout outside: "Eldest Young Master, Eldest Young Master—"
The voice was so urgent that Xu Changfeng suddenly raised his head from me, and shouted in a low voice: "Get out!"
For the servants of Xu's mansion, among the three young masters, the eldest young master treats others with gentleness. The servant was so frightened that his legs softened immediately, and he knelt down, but he didn't dare to forget the business, and tremblingly said: "Eldest, young master, it's Captain Wang from the Tiqi Battalion asking to see you!"
Xu Changfeng's eyes were piercing, only to see that there seemed to be blue veins protruding from his forehead, and his chest was rising and falling. It took him a long time before he let go of the hand that was holding me. Immediately, I pushed him away hard, walked a few steps, and fought back the tears in my eyes.
After a while, he seemed to calm down and said, "Wait for me to come back."
As soon as he stepped out of the door, I didn't see him again until it got dark.
At night, I changed my clothes and let the servants go out. The maid who waited for the night wondered: "Young Master, it's still early, why don't you wait for Eldest Young Master?"
In the past, no matter how late it was, I would stand by the candlelight and wait for him to come back. But in fact, it's not a good feeling to have been waiting for someone like this. Before, I never felt tired, but tonight I am a little tired, I just want to be alone quietly.
"The young master wants to rest, and the servants have gone out." I went to bed and lay down, and the servants blew out a candle, and then retreated.
Until the third watch, we heard the sound.
"Go back to Eldest Young Master, Young Master has already rested."
Xu Changfeng's voice sounded: "Did he have a good meal today?"
"Yes, but Shaojun's appetite has not been very good these days, and today he only took two bites and didn't move his chopsticks."
After a while, Xu Changfeng walked in. I curled up inside and didn't make a sound. Xu Changfeng pulled back the quilt, and the cold wind blew in, but soon he lay down, blocking the wind and the light.
I lay down quietly with my back to him, as if we had both fallen asleep. After a while, a pair of arms wrapped around her under the quilt. My body froze abruptly, and he knew that I was still awake.
"You're awake, why don't you ask me?" he said.
I said softly: "I asked, will the officials tell Sanxi what they say?"
Xu Changfeng fell silent. I suddenly understood that he may not really trust me completely, or it should be said that people like Xu Changfeng never make friends with anyone easily. A person, from having nothing to the current status, must be careful every step of the way, and it is difficult for anyone to get to the bottom of his heart. I used to think that he still has affection for the Luo family, but now I feel that the affection still exists, but it is not what I thought. Luo Shi would rather become a monk than reconcile, half of it is for her daughter, and the other half is probably because she sees him too clearly, so she simply helps each other, and the two are safe.
Xu Changfeng hugged me from behind, and said in a low voice: "Facing a wife who can almost be your son, but at the same time, must share with other men..." He breathed on my neck, closed his eyes and said in a deep voice, "That kind of Feelings, you won't understand."
He was right, I really couldn't understand. For example, I still can't figure out why once I get married with a man, I can't let them go. Even if you have never seen it before, or you are tired of seeing it twice, just because your body is occupied, there is no room for turning around.
Xu Changfeng turned over, and there was nothing else to say between me and him except this. Anyway, this marriage was not what he wanted, and his thoughts were never on the love of his children, but now it's hard to get over, no matter who it is, there is no way to turn back.
The next day, when I opened my eyes, Xu Changfeng had already left the door. Everything seems to be the same as before, only I know that some things are different.
After I washed, I unfolded the scriptures and finished copying the rest. Later, the Jiang family sent someone to say that Xu Qihe had a fever again last night, and now he is losing his temper, and he wants me to coax him. So I asked someone to make some soup, and before I went out, I left a message to the servants of the big room that I would go to the courtyard of the third room to take a look.
I was passing the yard when someone grabbed my arm and pulled me aside. The servant was startled, but when he saw who was coming, he hurriedly kept silent. Xu Yanqing made a signal on her face, and they retreated to the back.
"Jing Ting..." He called me. Xu Yanqing seemed hesitant to speak, as if she had been struggling for a long time.
I slowly withdrew my arm, lowered my eyes and asked, "What's the matter, Second Lord?"
Xu Yanqing was startled, clenched her fists and said, "I knew it, you must be angry with me."
I just shook my head: "You worry too much, I'm not angry." Then, when she was about to leave, Xu Yanqing grabbed my arm in desperation, and raised her voice: "You are like this, maybe you are not angry with me What?!"
I stop and look back.
"You..." Xu Yanqing seemed to be unable to bear it anymore, and blurted out, "Now, you can see what kind of person Xu Changfeng is! It doesn't matter how nice you are to him, he can't really let you go In my heart, after all, he is just an ordinary person, between him and you, we will never be like you and me—”
I suddenly said: "Second Master, what you said is that the Eldest Young Master is an ordinary person, so it is impossible for him to treat me sincerely." I looked up at him, "If I am also an ordinary person today, you will not and cannot take me to heart ,Is not it?"
Xu Yanqing was blocked by my words, and was unable to answer for a while.
My heart clenched tightly, but I couldn't stop saying: "Do you still remember that you said that I am the wife bought by the daughter of the Xu family. Whether it is for you or the two young masters, I am nothing more than It is a more precious object. I was born in a humble family, and no one looked down on me since I was a child. I never really complained about what you said, because someone pointed at my nose when I was a child. .”
Xu Yanqing grabbed me and said urgently: "—You know very well that the nonsense I said is not sincere."
"So what if it is, so what if it's not?" I asked him, "Second Master, you know better than I do. Is there not a single truth in this?"
These words are useless after all.
The hearts of everyone in the Xu Mansion are like a mirror, and I can understand my own situation. I don't blame anyone. I chose this path myself. I want to survive, so I can't complain about how my life will be in the future. Back then, even if I didn't marry into the Xu family, I would have been sold to another family.
Xu Yanqing looked at me with reddish eyes, and said: "Anyway, no matter what I do, in your eyes, I am uneasy and kind. Everything I do to you is not worth mentioning, and everything I do to you is not worth mentioning. Remember it clearly. Well, well... Whatever you think!" He waved his sleeves angrily, turned around and strode away.
When I reached the other end of the third room, Xu Qihe had already sat up.
"Sanxi." I sat down beside him and held his hand. He has lost weight for a couple of rounds, but his complexion is fine. He seemed very happy to see me, but he looked at me and asked, "...have you ever cried?"
"No," I looked at him tenderly and said, "I made some soup, you can drink it while it's hot."
Xu Qihe's illness is sometimes good and sometimes bad, no matter how many scriptures I copy for him, it is useless.
July in the ninth year of Ningwu was the hottest summer in the past five years.
On this day, a major event happened in the palace—the death of Empress Xiao Chen was overturned, Empress Dowager Xie was placed under house arrest in Taichen Palace, and Imperial Concubine Xie was executed on the spot.