What did you call me
What is my name
What is Xiaozhong
The sound of wind and rain... It was like a strong wind rolling up cotton candy-like clouds - also a beautiful and false illusion. A young man stood under the torn sky, behind Yi Wan, in Yi Wan's long shadow.
He was just as pale and thin, wearing the same Zhongnan Foreign Language School uniform but stained with blood, wearing black-framed glasses to hide his features, and holding a poor report card. He tilted his head and looked at Yi Wan, expressionless.
Who are you
Who are you
The name behind the perfect world and perfect life belonging to "Yi Wan" hidden among the flowers.
Clouds gathered, and big drops of rain fell, leaving clear "human shadow"-like water marks on the concrete floor. The young man sat on the ground, looking at Yi Wan in a daze.
“…did I just say anything?” he said.
No.
Are you coming towards me? The pain I represent is far beyond your imagination.
No…
You have more to throw away than you think.
don't want…
Just stand here. Come towards me, okay? Just stay here, okay? Aren't you happy too
Don't go!
He rushed towards the figure behind him, stretching out his arms as if he wanted to stop a white dove with his fingertips, until he heard the sharp sound of a car's brakes and the sound of a body falling to the ground.
…
"I really trouble you to take this child to the hospital. His uncle and I are in the suburbs and will be back soon. It will take an hour..."
Yu Rongshi hung up the phone. He looked at Yi Wan. A handsome young man was sitting opposite him, looking up, receiving an IV drip.
There was another layer of scratches on his pale face. Yu Rongshi looked down at the bandage on his body and said to him with a smile: "Today we are brothers in distress with the same blood."
The boy didn't say anything, just staring blankly at the TV in front of him. The "Riddler"'s demeanor should have been infuriating. Any ordinary person would have been most impatient with such indecisive behavior. But he just aroused Yu Rongshi's desire to protect him.
Yes. Yu Rongshi always felt that he had a bit of chivalry syndrome.
He also turned to look at the TV, wanting to find out what Yi Wan was thinking - it was a bit like tearing cotton, you could only tear off each strand from the outside little by little, instead of tearing it apart from the middle.
A melodramatic TV series is playing on the TV.
TV series about the wrong child. The naive, poor but happy heroine was recognized as her own family at the age of 18 and was asked to leave her adoptive parents. She was put on a gorgeous princess dress, transferred to another school, and asked to have a good relationship with her fiancé. The original "princess" was sent back to a poor environment and became hysterical... The nurse came to check the frequency of the IV drip for Yi Wan and said in surprise: "I didn't expect you guys like to watch this TV series. I thought only little girls like to watch it."
Well, maybe she misunderstood because she saw how focused the two people were on watching TV.
"Okay, luckily you pushed it away in time, so it's just a scratch. Don't do such dangerous things next time." The nurse squatted down and educated Yi Wan as if he was a child.
Yi Wan's demeanor and temperament always make those who have an excessive desire to take care of him treat him like a child.
The nurse left. Yu Rongshi thought the clinic would return to silence. But Yi Wan said, "I'm sorry."
Yi Wan's voice was very soft and would slip away if you didn't listen carefully. Yu Rongshi said "Hmm?" and then he heard Yi Wan repeating the same tone in a proper manner: "I'm sorry."
"Why are you sorry?"
"Today, you saved me twice."
"oh… "
The first time we met, I held an umbrella over his head and sent him home when he was lost.
The second time we met, I saved him twice when he ran towards the train/bus for no apparent reason.
"I was saving you both times we met, as if you were sleepwalking all day long..." Yu Rongshi propped up his chin with his hand, "Is there anything strange about the plot of this TV series?"
"Um?"
"Why huh?"
"Most people, like the nurse just now, would say, 'I didn't expect you to like this TV series so much.'" The child lowered his eyes and said, "Only you would say, 'Is there anything strange about the plot of this TV series?'"
Hmm…
Yu Rongshi originally thought that this was just idle talk. But Yi Wan's eyes stared at him without blinking, dark and bright, as if he was asking some very important question that needed an answer.
This also made him stunned.
“… I don’t know.” He said, “I just think that’s what you think.”
"Oh." Yi Wan looked away again, "I thought it was because you studied psychology."
… This kid is so awkward. He was so frank just now.
"Have you seen my documents?" Yu Rongshi said.
Yi Wan nodded. Yu Rongshi smiled and said, "Studying psychology doesn't mean you're a charlatan... Most of the time, we study brain science, sociology, and process data. I don't have that kind of mind-reading ability."
"Then why...?"
"Because... maybe that's what's written in your eyes. I don't know." Yu Rongshi said, "Maybe sometimes people just suddenly get along with each other?"
Yi Wan asked: "Do you like psychology?"
Yu Rongshi said, "Well, it's OK."
Actually, I don’t particularly like it.
Yi Wan stopped talking. The TV drama had progressed to the stage where the heroine slapped her high school classmate who had bullied her before with the uniform of the aristocratic school. Yi Wan said, "Do you think... is she doing well?"
"She's living well?" Yu Rongshi said, "Well... in terms of material things, right? Her family only had 20 square meters before, and she didn't even have time to go to school because she had to work. In terms of material things, she has improved, right?"
"But what if one day the rich family told her that her DNA results were wrong again?"
"Um?"
"That is to say, everything she has now is fake."
Yu Rongshi was stunned for a moment and said, "It's too bad to think like that."
"Um."
"But the wealthy family will conduct a detailed investigation before recognizing the child, so they won't make a mistake, right?"
"Or I mean... She wasn't actually recognized. As a poor girl, that's her true self. She can choose to be a fake rich girl, or she can choose to be herself. So what?"
Yu Rongshi said: "99% of people will choose to continue to be rich girls."
"Yeah... that's right."
The sound seemed to fade.
"However, if a person chooses to be himself, I think he would not choose a 'poor life' just for the sake of it. He must have a stronger heart, and what he pursues is more precious than material life - or in his eyes, it must be something more precious." Yu Rongshi thought for a moment and said.
"What could that be?" Yi Wan asked.
"For example... himself?" Yu Rongshi said, "There is nothing in this world more precious than himself."
It was still raining outside the hospital, and Yi Wan and Yu Rong were silent. After the riddle man finished speaking, Yi Wan quietly leaned his head against the wall and began to daydream again.
Yi Wan was in a daze and Yu Rongshi was looking at him.
He suddenly thought of the thinkers and their wives in the books he often read when he was a child. Under the dim light, the thinker was thinking. His wife sat beside him, holding her chin and looking at him... His wife could also be a soldier, waiting for the prophet to give orders. Just like when a person is alive, he always wants to have a moment to burn himself for a beam of light that is truly worth it, even if it is like a moth flying into a flame and being burned to charcoal in the fire.
Just like the swallow and the Happy Prince. When the swallow liked the reed, he was a fickle and irresponsible prodigal. When he fell in love with the Happy Prince, he was conquered by the true shining, pure and good beauty. He became his subject and had an immortal soul because of his greatness, until his corpse froze stiff and lost its vitality at his feet.
—I became a soul because of him.
I wonder what Yi Wan is thinking
When he saw Yi Wan speak, he realized that he had accidentally said this.
"You always think one minute longer than others. This is what makes you great." Yi Wan said seriously, "Sometimes, if you give each question an extra 30 seconds to think, the results will be different, and the world will be different."
"What about you?" Yu Rongshi joked, "I think you think for more than a minute compared to me... Three minutes? Ten minutes? Or are you thinking all those minutes when you're daydreaming?"
Yi Wan stopped talking.
Yu Rongshi thought he had said something wrong. He said, "But spiritual power is a very powerful force. A strong spiritual power can change everything, Yi Wan."
After a long time, Yi Wan suddenly spoke with a trembling voice.
"Many times, when I think about something... I feel that my 'thinking' is meaningless, because I haven't done anything, and haven't said anything..." He said, "If you only think but don't do anything, it's meaningless. From childhood to adulthood, people have always said that we should integrate knowledge and action, seek truth from facts, and be down-to-earth. We can't waste... talents, we can't waste... We can't just think and not do. I always feel that I'm... weird. I imitate the behavior of ordinary people and express those words, which only makes me look more weird. I also want to be seen, like a clown... I want to imitate the tone of those people's speech, the tone of revealing the truth, like the cadenza of those characters with fierce conflicts, because 'this' seems to be the most appropriate, and everyone will do it. Although in the end... I still did it very badly, like a clown..." (Note: This refers to Chapter 87)
"But you always want to hear what I want to say... It makes me feel that speaking up is meaningful. Every time I talk to you, I see myself in your eyes, and I believe in myself more... It makes me realize that someone will do something because of me... Even though I always doubt and struggle, until the end, I would rather sacrifice everything, including you... I can analyze and feel that you are fake, and in the end it becomes self-persuasion... Because, and I feel..."
You will die for me.
And till now, I also...
He was speechless. He didn't know why he said all these words. He was Yi Wan who lived a happy life. Even if he wasn't Yi Wan who lived a happy life, he should be a silent and gentle Yi Wan, right? And the words behind were unclear because of crying. Yu Rongshi saw his face full of tears under the light. He suddenly felt dizzy and stood up from the chair, a little shaky. In the dizziness, he saw Yi Wan looking at him, and his mouth was saying "thank you".
In a trance, Yu Rongshi looked down and seemed to see a knife stuck in his abdomen, blood pouring out. Yi Wan stood in front of him, expressionless, holding the bloody knife in his hand... But he just wanted to touch his face with his hand, to ask him if the blood splashed on his face was cold, and if he was afraid to walk alone in the future...
How could this illusion occur
"Yi Wan! Yi Wan!" came the loud voice of a middle-aged woman, "What's wrong with you?! Are you possessed by evil spirits? Why don't you look at the road when you walk?!"
Her voice seemed to pierce the illusion. The woman looked at the two people, especially when she saw Yu Rong, she felt a little dumbfounded.
"You..." She unconsciously used a respectful title to address a young man who was twenty years younger than her, "Are you the one who saved Yi Wan?"
…
Yi Wan followed his aunt back home. His aunt locked him in a five-square-meter room and warned him that he would not be allowed to go out next week or the weekend after that.
"Reflect on yourself! You're walking without looking at the road, what a shame..."
The loud voice gradually faded away. Yi Wan tucked himself into the quilt, tilted his head back, and watched the shadow of the clothes swaying above his head.
The moon is bright and the stars are sparse. Tomorrow will be a good day.
The scent of lavender… is the smell of the laundry beads used by my aunt. The postcard folder on the table is the eager anticipation sent back by his parents from abroad. There is also a photo corner on the wall, of him and his parents when he was three years old, him and his aunt’s family when he was seven years old, him and Gu Ruchao’s childhood, his friends at Zhongnan Foreign Language School, No. 1 Middle School, and the Children’s Palace, as well as the awards and posters that can be displayed openly, and the seemingly infinite future.
But he still climbed out of bed at midnight and rummaged through the drawer frantically until he found that thing -
The inexplicable black-framed glasses that were placed on the side of his hand when he woke up on the table.
After returning home, he put the black-framed glasses into the depths of a drawer because of the inexplicable ominous feeling. But now, he found it again, put it on with shaking hands.
Mirror.
The self in the mirror.
Black-framed glasses covered his eyes. Although he looked ordinary, the details of his skin still revealed the pampered boy. He looked at himself in the mirror and said to himself:
"Who are you?"
…
The next morning at seven o'clock, my uncle got up and drove Yi Wan to Zhongnan Foreign Language School. Before he left, my aunt gave him a thermos cup as usual and naggled to him at the door: "It contains Chinese medicine, a folk remedy, good for skin abrasions! Your parents will be back next week, don't let them see it, or they will think I'm abusing you!"
"Go to school and drink more milk! Go to bed early, don't lie in bed all day and think about things! Study hard! Even if you don't study hard, your parents can still get you into a good university abroad... Did you hear me?"
Yi Wan lowered his head and didn't speak for a long time. Auntie poked him with her finger: "Did you hear that? If you did, say something back."
"… You know I often think about things and don't sleep."
My aunt said, "I have raised you for several years, how could I not know this? You can still be distracted while eating, who knows where you got such a personality from."
So I knew.
It turns out that everything about him... is seen by those who love him.
Uncle went downstairs to drive the car first. The parking spaces downstairs are expensive, so in order to save parking fees, uncle always secretly parks the car in the free parking lot of the community next door, pretending to be the owner there... So every time he drives, he has to spend some time to drive the car over, pick up people and set off. Aunt turned around to clean up the table and hit her cousin on the head. She turned around and saw Yi Wan still standing there, and scolded him: "Why don't you leave? The car is downstairs, why are you standing there."
But this time Yi Wan didn't look dazed, but looked at it, with eyes wide open and very serious. He looked at every detail of the house, as if he wanted to memorize every place in his mind... Aunt was puzzled: "How long do you have to look? It's not like you will never see it again."
"Yeah." Yi Wan said.
Uncle's car honked downstairs. The neighbors all stuck their heads out to watch. Auntie started to urge people again. Yi Wan stood at the door and said, "Auntie... and Xiaochen. I'm leaving. I hope you will be healthy and happy."
"What? That sounds so unlucky. Go home early this Friday! There's a holiday sale at Lao Zhou's Hair Salon, so I'll take you there to get a haircut." said my aunt.
… No. Maybe this time, I really can’t go home.
But this time, he was finally able to say a complete goodbye.
Yi Wan stood under the blue sky. At seven o'clock, S City woke up. The vendors were selling breakfast and there was a lot of traffic. The wind blew his long hair, and his uncle rolled down the window to make his final arrangements.
"Your aunt is just a bad-mouthed person, don't take it personally." He said, "Study hard and make our Yi family proud! Your aunt said that to you verbally, and when she talked about you to the neighbors, her expression was so proud, saying that you were raised by her and that's why you are so outstanding."
Yi Wan lowered his head. His uncle thought he was still unhappy, so he took out a crumpled twenty yuan note from his wallet and gave it to him: "This is my private savings for playing mahjong... Don't tell your aunt. Take it to the canteen and buy some Nutri-Express or something. Don't spend it recklessly! Let's go."
After saying this, he drove his Citroen into the morning traffic.
Yi Wan held the crumpled bill in his hand and stood at the school gate for a long time—so long that other students passing by were looking at him, and the security guards were also looking at him. One of the security guards said, "Hey, classmate, if you don't hurry up, you will miss the morning self-study class."
Was there someone who said goodbye to his family here
But the scene was more decisive and less warm.
He took out the pair of black-framed glasses from his pocket and put them on in front of the security guards. Through the lenses, he looked at the world outside the school fence - the school gate was empty, without a single person.
Like red ketchup on a tissue, a mockery.
Yi Wan didn't listen to any class in the morning. When the math teacher called on him, she was a little surprised - she didn't get angry with Yi Wan, but called Yi Wan over during the afternoon class meeting and the psychology lecture for the whole grade and asked him: "What's wrong with you today? You are not like this usually."
Yi Wan was slow, so she let him out and warned him: "Don't do this again."
Before leaving, he rubbed Yi Wan's head.
When Yi Wan was leaving the office, his physics teacher called him: "Hey, Yi Wan, why are you wearing glasses? Are you nearsighted?"
Another teacher said: "Kids nowadays are under a lot of pressure and can't take care of anything else for the sake of studying. Look at our Class 3, it's not even a top-notch class, but out of 40 kids, only 10 don't wear glasses..."
The teachers in the office began to discuss how to reduce the burden on students. Yi Wan looked at them and thought it was great.
After walking out of the office, Yi Wan glanced at the corridor again while wearing his glasses.
There is no such person.
There is no small end.
But he had to find his, he had to find his, no matter what he had to leave behind... Many people gathered outside the lecture hall downstairs. Normally, the class meeting was the last class on Monday afternoon, and when the bell rang, all the students would run to the cafeteria to grab food. Now they were gathered here, which was really strange.
When Yi Wan walked over, he saw Tang Xue there too. When Tang Xue turned around, it took her a long time to recognize him: "Yi Wan, why are you wearing such ugly glasses?"
Regarding the huge crowds of people, Tang Xue said, "Don't you know? The school has a new psychology teacher here. He is here to help us relieve exam stress. He is very handsome and has a PhD from a top university. At first, everyone was asking him about his study methods, and then they started asking about his zodiac sign and MBTI, hahaha..."
The head teacher finally came to chase them away. He had a serious expression but a smile in his eyes. He said, "Little boys and girls have a lot of thoughts in their heads all day long." The students ran away laughing. She glanced at Yi Wan and didn't have much impression of him. But Yi Wan looked very well behaved, maybe he was just passing by, so she didn't chase him away.
Tang Xue also left. She said, "If we don't go to Xiaochao, it will be gone—Yi Wan, don't you like eating fish-flavored pork shreds?"
Yi Wan said: "I'll stay a little longer."
Tang Xue didn't care. Yi Wan stood by the pillar outside the door until everyone in the lecture hall left. His feet were a little numb, so he squatted down and rubbed them...
When he lowered his head, he heard: "Yi Wan?"
A familiar voice.
The young man stood in front of him and recognized him at a glance.
Yi Wan looked up and saw the young man bending over to look at him. He was wearing a beige windbreaker and was very gentle. The young man asked, "Why are you wearing glasses? Are you nearsighted?"
Recognized him.
Even with his glasses on, I could still recognize him at a glance.
"What a coincidence. It's actually your school." Yu Rongshi said, "Would you like to have dinner together?"
Then eat it.
The fish-flavored pork shreds were sold out. Yi Wan could only buy a bowl of twice-cooked pork. Yu Rongshi sat opposite him and ordered the same dish as him. The two sat in a corner, and someone was watching them and whispering.
Yi Wan ate very quickly. But he found that Yu Rongshi ate even faster than him. When they went to empty their lunch boxes, Yu Rongshi said, "I guess you don't like the feeling of being watched and talked about by others."
… I can feel it.
Evening self-study officially started at 7 o'clock - although most people would be back in the classroom before 6:30. The two finished dinner at 5:50, and the playground was still full of people. Some were playing ball, some were chatting with friends in circles, and some were long jumping in the sand pit. They stood on the playground and watched for a while, and Yu Rongshi said, "Yi Wan, which row did you stand in during the exercise?"
Yi Wan stretched his arms towards the evening breeze and said, "I have to do three sets of exercises in the morning: youthful vitality, a set of street dance, and a set of Tai Chi..."
He made three hand gestures, his glasses reflecting the setting sun. He did not find "Xiao Zhong".
Yi Wan was silent. He took off his glasses and wanted to go back to class. At this moment, Yu Rongshi said softly, "Yi Wan."
"Um?"
"I'm new to Zongnan Foreign Language School and I'm not familiar with the place. Can you show me around and introduce me?"
So there was another reason to walk.
He continued to walk around the middle school with Yu Rongshi. "Xiao Zhong" seemed to be hidden in every place, in every glass or mirror he would see when he turned around, but when he looked carefully, there was nothing.
That pale, cold figure wearing glasses.
Yi Wan didn't go back to the classroom after most of the evening self-study. Finally, at nine o'clock, he ran out of energy and went to rest in Yu Rongshi's office - Yu Rongshi's psychological counseling room was behind the lecture hall, with warm-colored chairs and sofas, and a warm decoration, and a sand table - Yi Wan was not interested in setting it up.
He just hugged the pillow and sat in a daze on the sofa. Yu Rongshi made tea for him.
"You didn't want to go around the school just now, did you?" Yi Wan said.
Yu Rongshi told the truth: "Because I think you want to visit the school, you are looking for something, right?"
"Alone." Yi Wan said, "I'm looking for Xiao Zhong."
"Xiao Zhong..." Yu Rongshi was stunned for a moment. He put down the teacup and asked softly, "Is Xiao Zhong very important to you?"
"Um."
"What will happen if we find him?"
"Not so good. Maybe worse." Yi Wan said.
"What if we don't find him?"
“Maintain the status quo.”
"It sounds like it's better not to find it than to find it." Yu Rongshi said, "Most people think so, right?"
“…Yes.” Yi Wan said, “But I must find him.”
He didn't say why. Yu Rongshi handed him the cup and said, "Who might he be? When did you know him? Junior high school, elementary school? Oh, I remember you lived in Hailin District, right?"
"… "
"There are two good middle schools in Hailin District. One is No. 5 Middle School and the other is No. 1 Middle School. The junior high school of No. 5 Middle School is better, and the senior high school of No. 1 Middle School is stronger, especially in competitions." Yu Rongshi said, "Comparatively, Zhongnan Foreign Language School is a private school, and it is far away from Hailin District. Why didn't you go to No. 1 Middle School at that time?"
"..." Yi Wan was stunned, "I'm in junior high school, in No. 5 Middle School..."
"Or, go to No. 5 Middle School?" Yu Rongshi said, "This weekend?"
“… No.” Yi Wan answered firmly, “I will go tomorrow.”
Yes, tomorrow, tomorrow.
He walked out of the psychological counseling room, and right in front of the door was a patio - it was very high, and looking up, the sky was cut by the building, cutting out a square.
Somehow, when Yi Wan saw it, he suddenly felt dizzy and wanted to vomit.
That strange premonition came back. Yi Wan put on his glasses and looked down—the boy he was looking for was standing under the patio.
The boy with glasses looked up at him. For a moment, Yi Wan didn't know who was on top and who was on the bottom. He reached out to grab the other person.
The other party did not look back. He walked out in the direction of the school gate.
…
Yi Wan slept in the dormitory for one night. The next morning, his roommates discovered that he had a fever.
"It may be a wound infection." Yi Wan took the sick note from the teacher in the infirmary. The math teacher and head teacher took a look at it, thought about Yi Wan's performance in class yesterday, and accepted this reason.
The math teacher said, "Don't you need to ask your parents to pick you up?"
Yi Wan said: "No, I can just sleep in the dormitory for an afternoon."
When he walked out of the office, he saw Tang Xue again. Tang Xue and a few other girls were standing in the corridor, chattering. Yi Wan didn't say hello to her, but just went downstairs by himself.
When he reached the next floor, he was suddenly stopped by Tang Xue.
"Yi Wan." Tang Xue said, "You're not going to class this afternoon, are you?"
"Yeah." Yi Wan said.
He didn't look back, and heard Tang Xue say again: "You are leaving now, right?"
"… Um."
"You'll be back for class tomorrow morning, right?" she said.
Yi Wan never looked back. Tang Xue said, "By the way, Chen Ke said she wants to invite us to go to the aquarium this weekend. Her cousin will also be there. If you have time, don't forget to go."
"… "
“Don’t forget it!”
Yi Wan walked down the stairs step by step, without looking back. The autumn wind was a bit bleak, and he felt a bit cold. He walked to the school wall and began to study the route to climb the wall.
Until someone came up behind him.
"I knew you would be here," the man said, "Shall I take you out?"
Yi Wan turned around. He blinked and finally said, "... OK."
"This is the first time I've taken students to skip classes." Yu Rongshi let Yi Wan sit in his passenger seat and drove out of the school naturally. "Where are we going?"
"No. 5 Middle School." Yi Wan said.
The car passed by a floating bridge, under which there was a black current. Yi Wan saw the bridge from the car, and somehow he felt vaguely that he had met a person here three times.
No. 5 Middle School is different from private schools like Zhongnan Foreign Language School. The facilities are older and there are more students. The honor roll at the school gate has not been updated yet. Yi Wan squatted down to look and could see the photo of the top scorer in the high school entrance examination. Gu Ruchao was on it, smiling brightly.
That feeling comes again.
"Xiao Zhong" stood behind him, looking at him coldly.
Yu Rongshi led him over the low wall. The security of a public middle school was certainly not as good as that of a private one. They walked around the No. 5 Middle School again and again, avoiding the security guards. Yu Rongshi asked him, "How do you feel?"
“It feels like… everywhere.”
Everywhere, nowhere. Gu Ruchao's photo is on all the expired honor rolls, with a bright smile.
Not finding anything else, Yi Wan and Yu Rongshi climbed over the low wall again. Yi Wan walked along the small street in silence, and Yu Rongshi asked him, "Is there anywhere else you want to go?"
"… have no idea."
They stopped at an abandoned construction site. There were several cement pipes there. Somehow, Yi Wan chose to climb up using both his hands and feet.
When he sat on the cement pipe, he found that Yu Rongshi had climbed up with him and sat next to him. The two of them lay on the cement pipe, looking up at the sky.
Yi Wan said, "I walked for nothing all afternoon."
Yu Rongshi said: "It's a pity that it's daytime and there are no stars."
Yi Wan was stunned again. He looked at Yu Rong suspiciously until the other party looked over and asked, "What's wrong?"
"When I was a child, I often watched the stars here with my friends," said Yi Wan.
"Isn't it normal to think about the stars while lying on the cement pipe?" Yu Rongshi smiled, "How about we just lie here together until the stars come out?"
The evening breeze fluttered Yi Wan's eyelashes. He sat up: "... Not now."
"Why?"
"I still have to look for 'Xiao Zhong'," he said, "otherwise... it will be too late."
Yu Rongshi lay beside him, looking at his lonely silhouette, narrowing his eyes. He whispered, "What would happen if you found that the world you found is not as beautiful as you imagined?"
Yi Wan was silent. But he said, "But I have to go."
"Why?"
"I don't know." Yi Wan said, "I wasted a day... What about you?"
"It's a wonderful feeling to follow you through your life." Yu Rongshi said, "Perhaps I have wanted to walk with you like this for a long time."
He finished, tilted his head back and smiled: "It's weird, isn't it? We've only known each other for a few days."
Yi Wan complained: "I'm only sixteen. You're a pedophile."
Yu Rongshi: “Hahaha…”
He paused and said, "When you say 'not now', do you mean, maybe later?"
"Well, why are you asking this all of a sudden?"
"I want to set a time so I can keep you here... Otherwise, I always feel like you'll drift away." Yu Rongshi looked at the sky and said, "Just like that cloud..."
He reached out to grab the cloud, but only caught a ball of air. He added, "I'm just kidding, if you don't feel well..."
"You are always like this, putting yourself down... because you are afraid of being rejected?" Yi Wan said.
“…” Yu Rongshi said, “I’m just afraid of being rejected by you.”
Yi Wan was silent. After a long while, he said, "Okay."
"Um?"
"Um."
"Really?"
"real."
"When?"
"After I... find 'Xiao Zhong'." Yi Wan was a little at a loss, "Also, when I grow up..."
He suddenly blushed, not knowing why he said the latter part of the sentence. But Yu Rongshi smiled and said, "Okay, let's lie down and look at the stars together."
He stretched out his finger: "Hook?"
Yi Wan stared at him: "Teacher Yu, you look like an elementary school student."
Yu Rongshi smiled brightly, so he finally stretched out his little finger and pulled it with him.
The hook was pulled. The old man's voice came from under the cement pipe: "… What are you doing on the cement pipe?! Only children can climb on it… Xiaowan?"
They were both startled, and looked down to see the gray-haired old man. The old man said, "I'm the gatekeeper of the Children's Palace. It's only been a few years since we last met, and you don't remember me?"
Children's Palace... Yi Wan was stunned and asked him: "I haven't been there for a long time since I was in high school..."
The old man was stunned for a moment, with a puzzled expression: "You, you forgot?"
"What?"
"The Children's Palace was closed a long time ago after that accident."
A dull voice sounded from behind Yi Wan. Yi Wan turned around and saw a boy wearing black-framed glasses who looked exactly like him sitting next to him, looking at him expressionlessly.
"I… "
"When you're ready, come find me." The boy stretched out his hand and made a phone call to his ear, "When you're ready."
"… "
"You still have one thing to deal with, don't you?"
When Yi Wan stretched out his hand, the young man disappeared as silently as he had come. His hand only touched the air.
Just like when Yu Rongshi was behind him, he stretched out his hand and wanted to touch his thin back, but pulled it back.
"Yi Wan?"
"Yi Wan."
"... Let's go somewhere first." Yi Wan said, "I have one more thing to do."
…
Go to Geekbar from the Children's Palace, and Lushan Sanatorium is on the way. Yi Wan kept looking out the window, so when the car passed by Lushan Sanatorium, he saw Chi Jixia at the door.
The boy was wearing a baseball cap and stood blankly at the door. Yi Wan rolled down the car window as he passed by him.
"I was just looking for you." Chi Jixia said, "I just called your uncle and told him that your phone has been repaired. He said that you are boarding at school and can only come to pick up the phone on the weekend."
Yi Wan got out of the car and sat with him on the bench in front of Lushan Sanatorium. Chi Jixia asked him, "Why didn't you go to school today?"
Yi Wan asked him back: "Why are you standing here?"
Both of them were silent.
Dark clouds gathered in the sky again. Chi Jixia sat beside Yi Wan, twisting her fingers like a white spider whose toes were entangled and tripped over herself: "I..."
"Um."
"I won the Best Actor Award, retired from the entertainment industry, and was able to be with my family... But I was very anxious, always very anxious. I felt like, what else should I do?"
"Um."
"Chi Xu and my mother both told me that I just needed to be their child. They would arrange everything for me and protect me. But I think... it shouldn't be like this." Chi Jixia murmured, "For example, I think... there should be someone living here. She is waiting for me to save her. But I checked all the directories, and they all said that there is no such person here."
"Are you unhappy here?" Yi Wan asked him.
"I'm very happy. But I'm not that happy." Chi Jixia said, "I think I have something to do... What is it?"
Yi Wan saw the shadow of a pale boy under the tree. He had light hair and a face similar to Chi Jixia's, looking at them expressionlessly.
That look was enough to make everyone's scalp tingle.
He saw it, and Yu Rongshi saw it too. Yu Rongshi was about to get off the car—the wind was getting stronger and stronger, gradually becoming overwhelming, and dark shadows were looming in the Lushan Sanatorium, attacking them.
"And I feel like there's someone who seems to be unhappy all the time."
"… "
"He is unhappy, even more unhappy than me. It's not my mother, but another person who has been with me for a long time, through the blooming and withering of flowers... He is always there." Chi Jixia said, "I seem to have lost him, but I can't remember who he is."
"… "
"I can't remember him. But I feel that compared to making me happy and the irreversible past, I still have one thing to do. I have something to say, but I have become a mute." Chi Jixia said, "I shouldn't be in this helpless state where I can't do anything... like a bird in a cage..."
"But what if you can't do anything?"
"I don't know." The young boy Chi Jixia said, "I don't know. I just think that even if I was forced to grow up, it's time for me to grow up, right? As long as I grow up, I can at least give it a try. And..., they all need me."
"What if I try and still can't help?"
"No." The young boy Chi Jixia said, "Because... I not only have a very long way to go, but also have a best friend who I will always remember."
Yi Wan saw the young man under the tree with tears streaming down his face.
He seemed to finally realize what he had done wrong, and he stepped back step by step. Just as Yu Rongshi was about to run towards him, he turned around and disappeared into the darkness.
"Then, go where you should go and say everything you want to say." Yi Wan said, "To Chi Xu, to Chi Qiu, and... to Wu Tong. Go and do what you want to do."
"What about you?" Chi Jixia suddenly said, "Yi Wan, what about you?"
Yi Wan knew that Chi Jixia had actually always been very smart.
When did he begin to know the truth, and what was his mood? Why did he "enjoy" the life here and act for so long out of guilt
It's really hard to tell.
And "Wu Tong", did he see it
"I... also want to find someone." Yi Wan said, "I must find him."
Chi Jixia looked at him and finally smiled slowly.
"Yi Wan." He said, "You are my second best friend." Yi Wan: "Oh."
How good does Chi Jixia rank in his opinion... Well, it seems impossible to rank her.
"Before that." Chi Jixia stood up slowly, "I have to buy a hat, a pink one."
"Why?"
"'Digimon', this is the first anime he and I watched together." Chi Jixia said, "It's time for me to grow up. Even if I have to say goodbye to the past world. As long as he sees the hat, he will understand."
"… "
Chi Jixia put his hand on Yi Wan's shoulder. He pressed it again and again, gave Yi Wan the repaired phone, and finally turned and left.
It's time.
It's time... to face their fate.
The sky was full of wind and clouds. Fortunately, there was always a car waiting for him. Yi Wan got in the car and said to Yu Rongshi, "Let's go to the Children's Palace."
Yu Rongshi just turned the steering wheel silently without saying a word.
Raindrops hit the car window, making a clattering sound. Yi Wan sat in the passenger seat with his eyes closed. The entire perfect world and all the sounds were pulling him back.
"Yi Wan, will you come back to class tomorrow?" It was Tang Xue.
"Yi Wan! Come home for dinner on the weekend." It was my aunt.
"Yi Wan, congratulations. You have a bright future." It was the class teacher.
There were also constant text messages from Gu Ruchao, constant text message alerts, and constant phone vibrations.
On this rebellious road that goes against the whole world and people's instinct to pursue warmth, there is only Yi Wan and Yu Rongshi who accompanies him and always drives for him.
"It will take some time..." Yi Wan said suddenly.
"Um?"
"If I don't want to go to the Children's Palace in the end, what will you do?" he said, "What if I give up halfway?"
Yu Rongshi was silent.
“… I will respect your choice.” He said, “But didn’t you notice? From beginning to end, I never interfered with your choice. I just stayed with you and waited for you to follow your heart.”
"… "
"Your heart has brought you here. Yi Wan, that is the superego of mankind, something greater than the id and the self." Yu Rongshi looked at him gently, "Yi Wan, you have always been doing what you want to do, which is great."
Yi Wan said: "Why do you want to help me?"
Yu Rongshi said: "... I don't know why, but you are the kind of person who would want to give everything for you if people see you. Even though I still can't remember what happened between you and Chi Jixia... But even if I can't remember, I always feel that this is what I want to do for you."
The car stopped at the entrance of the Children's Palace. From a distance, Yi Wan saw the dilapidated scene coming towards him.
It was a scene that could not be restored into beauty even in a dream.
The Children's Palace was like a dark forest in the heavy rain... the tattered posters on the wall, the half-open iron door, the black bloodstains on the ground, and "Xiao Zhong" who was bound to stand in a corner.
This is where it all ends.
The windshield wipers made a sound on the glass again and again. Yi Wan sat in the car and did not get out immediately. After seeing the car turned off, he said to Yu Rongshi: "You don't like psychology that much."
"Um?"
"And then you became my teacher..." Yi Wan said.
Yu Rongshi was still stunned. Yi Wan lowered his head and said, "Too cunning... Teacher Yu."
So cunning.
It's like... because I want to "realize my dream" more, that's why it became like this.
"Since your memory hasn't recovered yet... I'll just reward you first."
Yi Wan crossed the distance between the front passenger seat and the front driver's seat and took the initiative to kiss Yu Rongshi. He carefully inserted his tongue into her, pressed his lips against hers, and allowed her to respond to him.
Finally, he stopped and heard the other person say, "Next time you kiss someone, don't cry."
"… "
Only then did he feel his tears falling between the other person's lips and teeth.
Yu Rongshi would never forget this salty kiss.
He got out of the car. Yu Rongshi was waiting for him at the entrance of the Children's Palace. Because this was destined to be a journey that Yi Wan had to walk alone - as soon as he walked in, Yi Wan knew where he should go to find "Xiao Zhong".
A dark head popped out from the top floor of the Children's Palace and looked at him.
There was also a person standing at the end of the bloodstain. It wasn't just anyone, it was Gu Ruchao. Gu Ruchao stood there, swinging the phone in his hand, and said, "I sent so many text messages, why didn't you reply?"
He looked like he was being torn between some kind of "half-sleep, half-wakefulness". One of them was still the young man Gu Ruchao, but the other seemed to have suddenly become a different person.
He must have seen it all.
For example, the kiss between Yi Wan and Yu Rong in the car.
Yi Wan didn't look at him.
He just walked up the stairs, step by step, faster and faster, and finally ran. Gu Ruchao was standing in the square, and it seemed like half of his body was trying to chase him, while the other half was looking up at him.
"Yi Wan! What are you doing upstairs? It's dangerous! Come down quickly!"
"… "
“Yi Wan! Shit… What’s going on… It hurts… Who’s inside me?! Get out!”
"… "
"Yi Wan, don't move! Don't move! Did you fucking hear me?! Don't move!"
"… "
Yi Wan finally stood there.
It was pitch black and raining all around. This was where Gu Ruchao had jumped. The day he came was not very good. There was no light, no blue sky, and no sun.
He was a little shaky, and rubbed his feet down, and some wall dust fell from the sky. He looked down, and besides Gu Ruchao who looked like a madman, there was also "Xiao Zhong" standing there.
Pale face, dull expression, and upward-looking face.
He remembered his name.
"Shen Zhong..." Yi Wan said softly.
"Shen Zhong." Personality and soul seemed to have finally reached unity in Gu Ruchao. The young Gu Ruchao also looked up and looked at him coldly, "You will regret it."
There was no smile on his face, just as there was no "smile" on the napkin.
—No, I can’t.
Yi Wan closed his eyes. He let go of his hand and jumped down from the building. This time he finally experienced the feeling of transcending life, transcending death, and the sound of the wind blowing in his ears.
But he was not afraid. Because his destination, his fate, his pain, his future and his soul were waiting for him under this building. He was pale, cold, scarred and buried. He opened his arms and embraced the falling figure.
Shen Zhong.
The name he had abandoned and buried. He embraced his leaf-like figure and became one with him.
His ordinary path, his painful fate, his clarity, and his persistence.
It is also his reality that he can never give up in any illusion.